Joey Chestnut, one of the best-known personalities in the realm of glutinous eating competitions, was barred from competing in the annual Nathan’s Fourth of July hot dog eating contest on Coney Island because he’s sponsored by a vegan sausage company, CNN reports.

Major League Eating–yes, that the governing body of these gorge-fests–passive-aggressively said in announcing Chestnut’s ban, “We are devastated to learn that Joey Chestnut has chosen to represent a rival brand that sells plant-based hot dogs rather than competing in the 2024 Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest.”

A 16-time winner of the “Mustard Yellow Belt” and currently the top competitor in MLE’s rankings, Chestnut represents plant-based meat product Impossible Brands.  MLE noted Chestnut has competed in other hot-dog-based competitions that did not have a sausage-producing sponsor.  Nathan’s, however, apparently did not want the Impossible brand represented on stage.

A registered Republican Oregon man pleaded guilty Monday to three counts of causing another person to ingest a controlled substance after an incident last August in which he drugged three 12 year-old girls who had been staying over with his daughter for a slumber party, Oregon Live reports.

Michael Meyden, 57, who probably voted for Trump, was “unusually” involved in the girls’ sleepover plans and continually checked in on them throughout the night before giving them “mango smoothies with white chunks in them” that later turned out to be benzodiazepine. The MAGA pedophile’s plans for sick enjoyment were foiled when one of the girls dumped the drink and pretended to be asleep. She then watched as Meyden crept up and touched another one’s nose as if checking if she was knocked out by the date rape drug. That girl then texted her mom, begging her to “please pick me up and say I had a family emergency. I don’t feel safe. I might not respond but please come get me 😭, Please. Please pick up. Please. PLEASE!!” at 1:43 AM that night.

Luckily the mom got the message and called the other parents to the house, finding Meyden insisting that the parents come back in the morning and telling her the girls were still asleep. They ignored him and grabbed the girls, taking the other two to the hospital. One “walked slowly and used the assistance of her mother for balance, her eyelids were heavy,” per the arrest warrant for Meyden, who “tearfully apologized” as he took a deal for just two years Monday. Meyden claimed in court he was simply trying to get the girls to sleep before a full itinerary the next day, something that MAYBE might have flown if the girl who stayed awake hadn’t witnessed Meyden attempting to drag her friend away twice. Now Meyden gets his own really long sleepover with lots of “friends.”

Several Republicans, mostly anonymously, tell NBC News that Hunter Biden’s conviction is a good thing for them politically. Not because at the surface level it’s an embarrassment and a distraction for Joe Biden – it really isn’t and even the most pessimistic of left and/or center voices are going to argue otherwise. And not because swing and/or lower-info voters are going to buy the bullshit story that it was an “op” to make the justice system seem more “legitimate” after Trump’s conviction. They won’t. It’s that it will shut fellow convicted felon former President Trump up with his shrill unending screams of “persecution” and force him to campaign on the actual “issues” instead.

Or at least that’s the hope, according to donor Dan Eberhart, who says “Hunter Biden’s conviction definitely weakens the argument,” and that “the justice system is working,” which would then cause him to shift focus onto the economy. Another unnamed Trump minion, who also wants Trump to let the “weaponized justice system” bullshit go and move on to his alleged “strengths” on crimeflation border invasion-pocalypse, says they think the Hunter conviction “won’t matter a ton, but it undercuts the argument of a two-tiered system of justice. The more that argument exists and is pushed, the worse it is for Trump. It’s too close to ‘threats to democracy’ and drives that issue.”

Another person, described as “Republican strategist who spoke on the condition of anonymity to avoid incurring the wrath of Trump’s campaign” (lol) was even less optimistic. “It, at a minimum, slows the momentum and the clear-cut argument that the Trump campaign previously had about Biden’s weaponization of the justice system,” said the strategist, adding that “It’s less of a bumper-sticker than it was before” and now it’s less believable that Biden can be pulling the DOJ’s strings.

The birth of a white bison calf at Yellowstone has fulfilled a great Lakota prophecy for a time of plenty for all, the AP reports on a real breath of fresh air after all this misery and bullshit.

From the article’s description of the legend, verbatim: “For the Lakota, the birth of a white buffalo calf with a black nose, eyes and hooves is akin to the second coming of Jesus Christ, Looking Horse said. Lakota legend says about 2,000 years ago – when nothing was good, food was running out and bison were disappearing – White Buffalo Calf Woman appeared, presented a bowl pipe and a bundle to a tribal member, taught them how to pray and said that the pipe could be used to bring buffalo to the area for food. As she left, she turned into a white buffalo calf.” The AP then quotes from Chief Arvol Looking Horse, the spiritual leader of the Lakota, Dakota and the Nakota Oyate in South Dakota, and the 19th keeper of the sacred White Buffalo Calf Woman Pipe and Bundle. “And some day when the times are hard again,” he said. “I shall return and stand upon the earth as a white buffalo calf, black nose, black eyes, black hooves.” Exactly like the one spotted in Yellowstone.

Isn’t that great? Now we don’t have to worry. The white buffalo calf’s got it figured out for us and will… Wait… Shit. What if it applies to Lakota people only and the rest of us are still fucked?

No one came away feeling like they truly won when a deer decided to jump through the windshield of a Rhode Island public bus in Warwick on Monday afternoon. Not the six passengers, three of whom required hospitalization from the broken glass, per the Providence Journal. Not the driver, Leocadio Hernandez, despite being lauded by Rhode Island Public Transportation Authority CEO Chris Durand in a statement commending Hernandez’s “exemplary response to this unique situation” and “exceptional alertness and composure under pressure.” Not Durand because now people are going to question why the hell his agency’s buses don’t have shatterproof windows installed.

And certainly not the deer, whose corpse was removed from the bus by state Department of Environmental Management personnel, having expired from its injuries shortly after the collision.

Nobody won this battle. To speak otherwise is to speak of the hubris of both man and deer. Mostly the deer though. What kind of fucking dumbass just jumps into a moving vehicle’s windshield? Lol.

“As I said last week, I am the President, but I am also a Dad. Jill and I love our son, and we are so proud of the man he is today. So many families who have had loved ones battle addiction understand the feeling of pride seeing someone you love come out the other side and be so strong and resilient in recovery. As I also said last week, I will accept the outcome of this case and will continue to respect the judicial process as Hunter considers an appeal. Jill and I will always be there for Hunter and the rest of our family with our love and support. Nothing will ever change that,” says President Joe Biden in a statement reacting to Hunter’s conviction on federal gun charges.

Hunter Biden guilty.

Yawn.

The true crimes of the Biden Crime Family remain untouched.

This is a fake trial trying to make the Justice system appear "balanced."

Don't fall for it.

— Charlie Kirk (@charliekirk11) June 11, 2024

THE PRESIDENT’S SON HAS BEEN CONVICTED IN A VERY UNFAIR TRIAL BROUGHT BY THE BIDEN REGIME! America will never be the same again after this travesty. A crooked, Trump-appointed judge and prosecutor brought this paperwork crime against him! TURN YOUR FLAGS UPSIDE DOWN!

AMERICA IS FINISHED! This, um, fascist political trial was a complete disgrace and uh… Aren’t libs supposed to be just as outraged and furious over what just happened? Somebody get mad here.

Anyway, the jury found Hunter guilty on all three counts, per CBS News’s Scott MacFarlane.

The now-Nate Silver-less FiveThirtyEight (sort-of rebranded as “538”) have launched their 2024 presidential election forecast which, as of this morning, find Joe Biden winning 529 out of every 1000 simulations to convicted felon former President Trump’s 467, plus another four simulation runs in which neither won the Electoral College… which is almost certainly a Trump win.

“This responds to your letter to the Department of Justice (Department), dated April 30, 2024, regarding a state criminal trial brought exclusively by the Manhattan District Attorney (District Attorney). This also responds to questions regarding that prosecution and jury verdict posed to the Attorney General during his appearance before the Committee on the Judiciary (Committee) on June 4, 2024. The Committee has demanded information from the Department because of what you describe as a ‘perception that the Justice Department is’ behind the District Attorney’s so-called ‘politicized prosecution’ and a ‘perception that the Biden Justice Department is politicized and weaponized’ to that end. The Department does not generally make extensive efforts to rebut conspiratorial speculation, including to avoid the risk of lending it credibility.”

“However, consistent with the Attorney General’s commitment to transparency, the Department has taken extraordinary steps to confirm what was already clear: there is no basis for these false claims. The Department has conducted a comprehensive search for email communications since January 20, 2021, through the date of the verdict, between any officials in Department leadership, including all political appointees in those offices, and the District Attorney’s office regarding any investigation or prosecution of the former President. We found none. This is unsurprising. The District Attorney’s office is a separate entity from the Department. The Department does not supervise the work of the District Attorney’s office, does not approve its charging decisions, and does not try its cases.”

“The Department has no control over the District Attorney, just as the District Attorney has no control over the Department. The Committee knows this,” writes Assistant Attorney General Carlos Uriarte in response to spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan’s bullshit conspiracy theory that Biden secretly directed the Manhattan case against the Orange Slob because one former DOJ official was on the DA’s team. Emphasis ours where Uriarte tells Jordan he knows he’s lying.

A woman was killed in a car crash Tuesday morning. https://t.co/Fk2F3ejfqQ

— KMOV (@KMOV) June 11, 2024

Justice Department: “An Orange County man was arrested today on a federal grand jury indictment alleging he repeatedly fired a rifle at an Orange County Sheriff’s Department helicopter after his birthday party acrimoniously ended earlier this year. Justin Derek Jennings, 39, of Laguna Niguel, is charged with one count of attempting to damage, destroy, or disable an aircraft. Jennings was arraigned this afternoon in United States District Court in Santa Ana and pleaded not guilty to the charge against him. A federal magistrate judge ordered him jailed without bond and scheduled an August 5 trial date in this matter. According to court documents and the indictment that a grand jury returned on June 5, Jennings and his family were celebrating his birthday party on March 9.”

“Jennings allegedly had been drinking and became enraged. As his outburst escalated, family members in attendance left the home. After most of his family left, Jennings allegedly removed a rifle from his gun safe and fired an entire magazine worth of ammunition inside the home.”

“The rest of Jennings’ family fled and reported the incident to law enforcement. The Orange County Sheriff’s Department responded with several deputies and a police helicopter that flew in circles around the area. Jennings allegedly then went to the home’s second story and began shooting a rifle upwards in the sky, firing only when the helicopter was visible to him. The shooting continued intermittently for at least 20 minutes, court documents state. After speaking with an Orange County sheriff’s deputy, Jennings exited the residence and surrendered.

A new Marist College statewide survey of Ohioans finds incumbent Dem Senator Sherrod Brown leading bi-curious car dealer Bernie Moreno 50 to 45 percent while convicted felon former President Trump leads President Joe Biden 47 to 41 percent and by a slightly tighter 49 to 43 percent over those who said they’ll definitely vote, a delta consistent with the Trump 54 – Biden 45 result in 2020.

Malawi President Lazarus Chakwera on Tuesday announced that the plane carrying Vice President Saulos Chilima from the country’s capital of Lilongwe to the northern city of Mzuzu has been found in the Chikangawa Forest after disappearing from radar on Monday, the BBC reports.

Look, we’re not trying to ruin anyone’s day here, so let’s just end it at that. Search over. The plane was found in the forest. Malawi’s defense forces got that part of the job done. Plane disappears, plane located, mystery solved, end of story, close curtains. We have to move on to other news…

Alright fine, Jesus Christ… Okay, Malawi needs a new plane and a new vice president. Happy now, you stereotypically fucking sick morbid freak of an American news consumer? You people…

I may have been the first “openly gay Republican” to win and serve in Congress however, I was not alone! LOL 😂 pic.twitter.com/MjUQfVk9pZ

— George Santos (@MrSantosNY) June 10, 2024

Well there you have it folks. If George Santos says it then you can be pretty freaking sure it isn’t true… Wait… What if the closeted gay Republicans confided in Santos knowing that nobody would believe him if and when he “exposed” them? Does that work for an explanation?

Sources on the Republican side of the House Oversight Committee tell CNN that white nationalist Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene all but threatened Chairbilly James Comer when he privately weighed whether she should apologize to Dem committee member Jasmine Crockett after a plainly racist-y comment about Crockett’s eyelashes during the boozy hearing over holding Merrick Garland in contempt for refusing to turn over the audio of Biden’s interview with Robert Hur.

“There’s no fucking way I’m doing that. I won’t apologize. And I’m not leaving. I don’t care what happens in this committee room – I will not leave,” Greene herself recounted to CNN of what she said to Comer whilst one or both of them were likely drunk at the nighttime hearing. Other sources present say Greene also warned Comer that her “people” would not tolerate even the most token efforts to hold her accountable for her evil attention-whoring ways, which, per CNN, was seen “as an indirect threat that the MAGA base would turn on anyone who stands in her way.”

“They are over her, but they still fear her, because she has an incredible audience and fundraising mechanism and could turn that against you,” an anonymous GOP member told CNN about the terroristic psychopath’s relationship with the rest of the House Republican conference, a never-ending hostage crisis made all the worse by Greene’s favored status with Orange Daddy.

A new political action committee set up by the latest Republican Florida Governor who failed on the national stage aims to block efforts to pass ballot initiatives supporting increased freedom to reproductive healthcare and to use cannabis, Politico reports.

The Florida Freedom Fund set up by Ron DeSantis wants to defeat the abortion and cannabis initiatives because Democrats are pushing the issues to drive voters to the polls in November, when the measures will need 60% to pass.  A Fox News poll released last week shows more than two-thirds of voters support the bills.

“As Gov. Ron DeSantis continues to lead our great state, the Florida Freedom Fund will be championing issues and candidates committed to preserving Floridians’ freedom,” said a spokesperson who has now realized she bet her career on a widely-mocked politician. “From up and down ballot races to critical amendments, we’re steadfast in our mission to keep Florida free.”

EXCLUSIVE UNDERCOVER AUDIO:
Martha-Ann Alito Unfurled

"I want a Sacred Heart of Jesus flag because I have to look across the lagoon at the Pride flag for the next month." pic.twitter.com/okNsW7SPlu

— Lauren Windsor (@lawindsor) June 10, 2024

Normally, we’d make the effort to transcribe at least part of this recording made by journalist Lauren Windsor, but you have to hear it to understand the level of contempt Martha Ann Alito, Samuel’s “better half” (God help us).  Windsor spoke with the Alitos and others at the June 3rd Supreme Court Historical Society dinner, after the Alito’s flag controversy hit the media.  (A member of the Society, Windsor bought a ticket to the dinner, but pretended she was sympathetic to the Alitos, who spilled their guts to a woman they just met.). Martha Ann vows revenge for all the people she feels wronged her and Sam.  The utter contempt is clear in her voice, particularly at the end of the recording where she vow to get back at the people flying LGBTQ Pride flags by flying her own ultra-christian flag.  Y’know, just like Jesus would do.