Asked by a AA-ball relief pitcher Greg Kelly on Newsmax if he’ll pursue locking up Hillary Clinton like he promised in 2015 or if really didn’t want to, like he claimed after the election, rapist and perpetual defendant Donald Trump said he really didn’t want to lock up “them and the rest,” as Kelly put it:  “Well, let me tell you, I didn’t want to [lock Clinton up].  I thought it would be a terrible thing, and there were opportunities obviously, good strong control, everything was good, but I did not want to and I thought it would be a terrible thing for our country.  They don’t care.  These people are radical lunatics.  They don’t care, and they have to be very careful with what they’re doing because it comes back to bite.

As the Daily Beast points out, Buckingham Palace has quietly been reviewing the plans for King Charles’s funeral less than two years after he took the crown upon the death of his mother, Queen Elizabeth II, the longest-sitting monarch in the country’s history.  In March, Charles disclosed that he’s fighting an unspecified form of cancer, saying the prognosis is not good, with just two years to go.

Officials circulated memos around government offices regarding Operation Menai Bridge, the code name given to the King’s funeral plans, including notes from Elizabeth’s funeral on what worked and what didn’t.  According to palace insiders and friends of Charles, he’s not faring well.  “Of course he is determined to beat it and they are throwing everything at it. Everyone is staying optimistic, but he is really very unwell. More than they are letting on,” one said.

“I didn’t spend as much time on Arizona as I did let’s say with Georgia, Michigan and Pennsylvania.  I know those better,” Arizona co-defendant Rudy Giuliani asserts, alerting prosecutors in at least two states of a possible new subpoena.  I, ah, I used Christina Bobb to a large extent, and I’m not putting anything off on Christina.  Christina said it happened, it’s probably even more accurate than if I said it happened.”

With Republicans who control a supermajority in the state legislature passing restrictive abortion laws in the last session and the GOP gubernatorial candidate who expressed support for a complete abortion ban, Planned Parenthood announced a $10 million voter registration drive in North Carolina, ABC News reports, the largest such campaign the organization has ever undertaken.

It’s the latest repercussion for the Republican Party which had pursued an anti-choice policy for decades.  Although there is no abortion referendum or proposed amendment on the ballot, Planned Parenthood wants to support Democratic candidates challenging GOP state reps and senators, in addition to the Democratic gubernatorial candidate, Attorney General Josh Stein, in the campaign against Republican Mark Robinson.

Robinson made his name in the state GOP by being steadfast against abortion, saying that it should be completely banned.  Now, though, he’s loosened his stand to accept a six-week abortion ban, with exceptions for the life of the mother.

After telling the valedictorian that her graduation speech was canceled due to safety concern, the University of Southern California has completely scrapped its main graduation ceremony, KTLA in Los Angeles reports. Options such as ceremonies for individual departments and schools will be announced by the end of the month.

The university announced it canceled its May 10th “main stage” ceremony that would have featured the graduation speech of Asna Tabassum, a senior studying Biomedical Engineering and Resistance to Genocide, who had expressed pro-Palestinian opinions.  The announcement comes one day after ninety students were arrested on campus at an anti-Gaza War protest.

“We understand that this is disappointing; however, we are adding many new activities and celebrations to make this commencement academically meaningful, memorable, and uniquely USC, including places to gather with family, friends, faculty, and staff, the celebratory releasing of the doves, and performances by the Trojan Marching Band,” the university said in a statement.

“But again, I say presidential immunity very powerful presidential immunity is imperative or you practically won’t have a country anymore,” the defendant in a trial that has nothing to do with his previous job, Donald Trump, asserts as he waddles out of his trial.  While his effort to give Joe Biden unquestioned authority to jail his political opponent will be unsuccessful, Trump is apparently unaware the country existed for nearly a quarter millennium without anyone needing “presidential immunity.”

Manhattan Judge Juan Merchan on Thursday announced another contempt hearing for fat former President Trump’s most recent violations of his gag order, setting it for Wednesday afternoon, Just Security’s Adam Klasfeld reports, noting that Merchan still hasn’t ruled yet on the first 10 violations in question during the Tuesday morning hearing.

Judge Lewis Kaplan summarily rejected on Thursday adjudicated rapist Donald Trump’s attempt to toss out the $90+ million dollars in various judgments (plus interest) awarded to writer E. Jean Carroll after a jury found that Trump has sexually assaulted the woman in a department store dressing room in the 1990s.  Trump had sought a reduction in the penalty, but the Court wasn’t buying his arguments.

Mr. Trump’s argument is entirely without merit both as a matter of law and as a matter of fact for all of the reasons articulated in Ms. Carroll’s memorandum of law in opposition to his motion.46 Among other things, it ignores the fact that, as the jury and/or the Court concluded, Mr. Trump’s June 21 and 22 statements were false, defamatory, and made with both actual and common law malice. It ignores the fact that those defamatory statements were viewed between at least 85 to 104 million times, whereas there is no evidence at all as to the dissemination of The Cut article to which defendant seeks to assign all of the damages suffered by Ms. Carroll and which was not even alleged to have been defamatory. It ignores as well the fact that the jury was entitled to believe Ms. Carroll’s testimony as to the impact of the June 21 and 22 statements on her. And it ignores the lack of any persuasive legal authority supporting Mr. Trump’s contention.  Indeed, the law is clear that when competing theories and evidence are presented at trial, the issue of causation ultimately is one for the jury, which the Court should not ordinarily disturb.  In short, the argument–which Mr. Trump previously made to the jury, conspicuously without success, and which defies common sense–does not warrant dismissal as a matter of law.”

With a new channel cleared around the wreckage of the Key Bridge, the first commercial ship of the eleven stuck in Baltimore harbor after the span’s destruction was able to exit and head to sea, a significant sign that the shipping traffic will soon resume, the Baltimore Sun reports.

The Balsa 94, a Panamanian-flagged bulk cargo carrier, sailed passed the grounded Dali via a 38-foot deep channel created around the bridge as it set sail for Saint John, Canada.  The channel will allow at least eight of the ten remaining ships, including a car carrier, to depart the harbor; the last two ships, bulk cargo carriers with 50-foot drafts, still sit too deep to transit the channel.

A schedule to release the remaining ships has not been released, but officials believe the eight vessels will be able to depart over the next four days.  Some small inbound vessels, including a bulk cargo carrier and a ship full of aluminum, are expected to enter the harbor in the next few days, the first new shipment into the Baltimore harbor, one of the top ports by tonnage on the East Coast.

Fat former President Trump on Thursday faces legal peril in two courts on Thursday. In New York, a contempt ruling over multiple violations of the gag order imposed by Judge Juan Merchan could come before the testimony by former supermarket tabloid hustler David Pecker continues. In DC, Team Orange’s appellate lawyers will argue before the Supreme Court that he’s immune from prosecution for trying to get the Vice President of the United States killed during a violent insurrection that Trump incited. Listen live to those arguments above, follow live from NYC below.

House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer has been conspicuously absent from meathead propagandist Sean Hannity’s Fox News show for more than a month now after dozens of hits hyping his now-utterly failed impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden, Media Matters reports.

Comer’s last appearance on the March 12, 2024 edition of Hannity comes just two days before the Juul-puffing barker himself most recently mentioned the fleeting remnants of the effort, telling his fans to “forget about the impeachment inquiry side of it, looks like they’re moving now towards the criminal referral side of it.” This after airing no fewer than 325 segments about the “Biden Crime Family” in 2023 alone. It’s not clear why Hannity hasn’t been covering the “criminal referral side” of the “investigation.” Well actually it is pretty clear since we’ve also heard pretty much jack shit on that from the House GOP but it would be fun to see some kind of leaks from either them or Hannity’s staff or both on how that “exit strategy” was also deemed a dead end.

“Real gross domestic product (GDP) increased at an annual rate of 1.6 percent in the first quarter of 2024, according to the ‘advance’ estimate released by the Bureau of Economic Analysis. In the fourth quarter of 2023, real GDP increased 3.4 percent,” says the BEA’s quarterly report, short of an expected 2.5 percent, per Bloomberg. This never would’ve happened if something something.

A New York Times journalist tells Politico that publisher Arthur G Sulzberger is salty that President Joe Biden won’t sit down for an interview with the paper and as such is the driving force behind all the obnoxious, both-sidesy bullshit that has been its brand for the last few years.

“All these Biden people think that the problem is Peter Baker or whatever reporter they’re mad at that day. It’s [Sulzberger]. He’s the one who is pissed [that] Biden hasn’t done any interviews and quietly encourages all the tough reporting on his age,” the unnamed journalist said.

The quote is kind of an understated indictment of the Times’s cuntish entitlement tucked into a lengthy-ish piece about the friction between the administration and the paper. Without getting too much into the weeds of the increasingly unsubtle failures to actually properly balance the coverage, we’ll just steal a line from the brilliant NYT Pitchbot summarizing the culture: “It’s important to write more articles that conservatives would like, even though conservatives don’t read our paper.”

In a Florida man story that includes some of the usual elements such as “alligator’s jaws,” and “human limb,” but not “alcohol, bath salts, and/or methamphetamine-fueled wrestling,” or “doctors were forced to amputate,” WINK reports that Collier County resident Walter Rudder on Friday came across neighbor being Rick Fingeret dragged into a pond by one of the vicious aquatic reptiles and immediately freed the doomed man by running over the animal with his vehicle.

“I was driving back to our house when I saw someone laying on the ground, waving his arm. I drove over and did not realize that an alligator had bitten him on the leg and had his leg in its mouth. We backed the car out, and I drove over the alligator. It got loose, let go of the leg and ran off towards the pond,” Rudder told WINK in an interview. “Then [Rudder’s wife] Paula, she called 911. I got out of the car and I took my shirt off and wrapped it around his wound, which was near his thigh. The second wound was the calf area. He had two big dogs, which were labs, with him. I took a leash off of the one labs and made a tourniquet out of it, and waited for the EMT to arrive. They finally did arrive which was great, and they did a wonderful job, and that’s what took place.”

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission told WBBH they trapped the alligator and relocated it, the omission of any injuries from being run over by a man-made vehicle a statement in and of itself.

Municipal officials in the ancient Italian port city of Venice began charging selfie-stick holders a €5 admission fee on Thursday, finally profiting directly from the sunglasses-wearing, Instagramming invaders for trampling the town’s rich cultural heritage, Sky News reports.

Non selfie-stick-holders are being charged as well. “We need to find a new balance between the tourists and residents,” said the city’s top tourism official, Simone Venturini, adding “We need to safeguard the spaces of the residents, of course, and we need to discourage the arrival of day-trippers on some particular days.” Sky News’s article describes the selfie-stick people as “angry” over being charged a nominal fee to Instagram themselves in and around important sites.

Still silent regarding being named an unindicted co-conspirator in another election fraud case, Donald Trump can’t help but insult those whom he feels are subjugated to the powers endowed to him in his position as the presumed Republican nominee for president.  In this case, King Donald takes his wrath out on Bill Barr, who recently turned tail and said he would “support the Republican ticket,” without actually endorsing Trump.

“Wow! Former A.G. Bill Barr, who let a lot of great people down by not investigating Voter Fraud in our Country, has just Endorsed me for President despite the fact that I called him ‘Weak, Slow Moving, Lethargic, Gutless, and Lazy’ (New York Post!). Based on the fact that I greatly appreciate his wholehearted Endorsement, I am removing the word ‘Lethargic’ from my statement,” The Don rambled before ending with, “Thank you Bill. MAGA2024!”

We can imagine someone propping their phone up to record the historic scene of eleven Arizonans signing fake Electoral College ballots, believing they’re capturing the moment the righteous fight of the wronged Donald Trump was won.  As it turns out, it’s evidence in the conspiracy case brought against them by the State of Arizona Wednesday.

Scandal!  Sex!  Politics!  Money!  It sounds like a story David Pecker would’ve loved to cover while publisher of the National Enquirer–assuming, of course, he wasn’t helping to quash the scandal.  Pecker’s up on the stand again starting Thursday morning, and it’s possible that prosecutors’ questioning will wrap up.  

On top of all that, Trump may face sanctions from the bench for his social media posts mentioning witnesses in the case, a no-no for his gag order.  But before Pecker rises tomorrow, let’s review what we’ve learned so far in the first partial day of testimony.

• Pecker and Michael Cohen worked directly with Trump to create a system to “catch and kill” stories detrimental to Trump.  They discussed it in a conversation in a room together; Cohen can provide corroborating testimony.
• The National Enquirer had never pursued a “catch and kill” relationship with a potential story subject on behalf of a celebrity before Trump.  
  Read More ▶ “A recap before Day 2 of Pecker exposés on stand”

Fox “News” is scrambling.  Their political god is likely to get bench slapped tomorrow by a New York judge and the Arizona Republican Party was disassembled after eighteen people got indicted for trying to overturn the 2020 election, so what does host Jesse Watters present to his viewers:  he has a tic in his eye.

“If anyone has any home remedies… pollens, ointments, tricks–standing upside down and drinking water to get rid of hiccups, that kinda stuff.  Washing your hair to get out peanut butter, that kinda stuff.  Old wives tales.  Text me.”  (Would “ice pick” be gauche?)