You’re not safe in Alvin Bragg’s New York City.

Sadly, he’s spending all of his time attacking President Trump rather than cleaning up his own streets. pic.twitter.com/RXabC5G8vw

— House Judiciary GOP (@JudiciaryGOP) April 15, 2024

Spandex-wearing grapple freak Congressman Jim Jordan’s House Judiciary Committee on Monday posted this lame montage to rip on New York City as a reminder of his own failures to deter and derail Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg from prosecuting his Orange God Emperor.

Working through some evidentiary motions prior to the jury selection process commencing in disgraced former President Trump’s 2016 election interference/Stormy Daniels hush money trial, prosecutors with Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg’s office on Monday informed Judge Juan Merchan they “will be seeking an order to show cause why Defendant should not be held in contempt” for violating the terms of the gag order imposed, MSNBC legal analyst Lisa Rubin reports.

What this is actually going to mean in practice who knows, but they have quite a lot to work with in terms of the fat fuck’s posting about witnesses and others on his failing social network.

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas skipped work on Monday, with NBC News reporting that the 75 year old arch-conservative jurist is missing arguments in Snyder v United States, a question of whether 18 USC § 666 “criminalizes gratuities, ie, payments in recognition of actions the official has already taken or committed to take” and Chiaverini v Napoleon, Ohio, a question of whether “Fourth Amendment malicious prosecution claims are governed by the charge-specific rule, as the Second, Third, and Eleventh circuits hold, or by the ‘any-crime’ rule, as the Sixth Circuit holds.”

Weird how he’d miss the first one, seeing as how he might have some kind of interest in whether it’s okay for certain public officials to accept gifts under certain circumstances. No reason was given for the absence, and NBC notes that in February 2023, the last time one of them was out, Chief Justice John Roberts announced that Justice Neil Gorsuch was feeling “under the weather.”

Maybe Clarence’s RV has a flat and he’s stuck on the side of I-95 somewhere in South Carolina, yelling over the phone at Harlan Crow to call AAA with a different credit card than the first one.

At least one of the cosponsors of credibly suspected statutory rapist Congressman Matt Gaetz’s February resolution declaring “the sense” of “the House of Representatives” is “that former President Donald J Trump did not engage in insurrection or rebellion against the United States, or give aid or comfort to the enemies thereof,” says he was improperly added as backing the resolution and his office tells CBS’s Scott MacFarlane they’re working to remove his name from the list.

It’s not clear why Guam’s non-voting House Delegate James Moylan was added last week, more than two months after Gaetz first introduced it and the second-to-most recent cosponsor had signed on. It also seems kind of moot given that the US Supreme Court has since then un-disqualified the fat fuck from the 2024 ballot and the symbolic resolution was pretty obviously aimed at “supporting” his case against Colorado. So who knows what the hell happened or why a territorial delegate who can only enact such symbolic expressions of support is now but no longer wants to be a “consponsor” of the resolution that probably isn’t going to the floor this year.

Disgraced former President Trump went with the usual L’etat cest moi and characterized the case against him as an “attack on America” – that he was also “very proud” of – as he entered the courtroom on the first day of his trial Monday. Somehow after already sitting down at the defense table, Trump’s Truth Social account posted a rant that appeared to have been written by him, crying about Attorney General Merrick Garland sitting for “a highly inappropriate, unseemly, and unethical Interview with Fake News CNN, corruptly said that he wants to ‘speed up’ the Witch Hunt against me in Washington, DC IF HE WANTED TO RESOLVE THAT HOAX SO QUICKLY, WHY DID GARLAND AND HIS UNDERLINGS WAIT 3 YEARS TO BRING THE SHAM ‘CASE’?” Good question.

Donald’s account also posted a screenshot of some douchebag tweeting “Orthodox Jews to be exclused [sic] from Bragg’s jury pool. The NYC demographic group most strongly supportive of Trump is the orthodox Jewish community. So, no surprise that the very biased judge in Bragg’s case scheduled the trial to include Fridays instead of Wednesdays. Very unusual, but understandable since this switch will necessarily exclude all orthodox Jews from the jury pool.” Problem with that complaint is the Orthodox communities most supportive of the fat fuck are concentrated in Brooklyn… And that it’s April going into May and June when a Hasidic juror would have plenty of time to get home for Shabbat before sundown on a Friday. So yeah that’s all bullshit.

Monthly retail sales data was up 0.7 percent in March vs 0.3 percent expected, Bloomberg reports citing the US Commerce Department and saying it signals a strong quarterly GDP report.

Truth Social parent Trump Media and Technology Group on Monday filed notice with the Securites and Exchange Commission that they’re going to try to issue additional shares of the company.

Well anyone with the most cursory understanding of not just investing but simple economics probably already guessed what happened and the stock is now down 11.51 percent in pre-market trading as of 9:25 AM EDT on Monday morning, per CNBC. Weird how a company founded by a fat autocrat campaigning on fighting inflation is quite literally doing the opposite for the people who bought shares of it. Almost like he’s completely full of shit and is not to be trusted with the economy.

Not sure what complaining about what the judge should or could have done with the indictment against their Orange Allah does to soothe the rage of the people watching this shit. All we can do is pass it along to our audience at National Zero strictly for entertainment purposes.

Sources tell the Associated Press that the FBI have opened a criminal investigation into the container ship collision that destroyed the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore Harbor last month.

The investigation is “focused on the circumstances leading up to it and whether all federal laws were followed, according to a person familiar with the matter,” the AP writes. Meaning that this reporting DOES NOT and SHOULD NOT be taken to mean that they’re pursuing some evidence of terrorism or intentional sabotage in the incident. Negligence and incompetence can be criminal matters too.

Of course even if the MAGA-QAnon freaks manage to read past the headline and accept that part they’ll probably just start claiming a “DEI cartel” is about to be exposed or some shit like that.

“I want my VOICE back. This Crooked Judge has GAGGED me. Unconstitutional! The other side can talk about me, but I am not allowed to talk about them! Rigged Trial!” posted fat former President Trump on Truth Social as he prepared to leave for the courthouse in Lower Manhattan Monday.

“🚨 TUCKER RELEASED A VIDEO FROM BILL CLINTON ON 3PSTEIN 1SLAND… WHY MEDIA HIDE THIS FROM US?! SEE THE FULL VIDEO BEFORE THEY DELETE IT!” says the top reply to Trump’s post, “written” by an account called “Cecilie Jensen” with 0 followers and following 0 other accounts, having joined in January 2024. The profile pic, depicting an emotionless 60-to-70-something caucasian woman, may or may not be AI-generated. Safe bet it is though.

Cops in Bensalem, Pennsylvania have bricked Philadelphia resident Richard Briggs’s $1,000+ LEGO shoplifting spree for good, nailing him on six retail theft charges plus corruption of a minor in three separate shoplifting incidents at the same Target store, the Bucks County Courier Times reports.

Briggs, who was identified through surveillance footage, had twice used a female toddler to help him conceal the boxes of the building toys in a shopping cart as he simply walked out of the store without paying three times starting in December. The third time, on Friday, he had a male toddler with him when he was nabbed trying to walk out with $643 worth of LEGO sets. Cops say Briggs is not the same guy suspected in two other Lego thefts at the Barnes and Noble Bookstore and the same Target in February, who remains at large. Neither of them look like the photo illustration above.

Special Counsel Jack Smith basically told Trump-appointed Judge Aileen Cannon and the rest of Donald Trump’s defense team in the Florida federal documents case that he sees how Trump is playing the judge to get delay after delay.

In a late Sunday filing urging Cannon to deny Team Tangerine’s request for an indefinite postponement in all activities and deadlines relating to the Florida federal case because Trump’s New York criminal election interference case starts Monday, Smith notes that Trump has already had months to comply with the upcoming deadlines, that he’s known about the deadlines for months, and that he has different lawyers working on the two cases.

“Each time the Court sets a new deadline in this case and attempts to keep it moving toward trial, the defendants reflexively ask for an adjournment. That must stop,” Smith asserts.  “The Court should deny defendants’ motions to continue the May 9 expert witness disclosure and CIPA Section 5 notice deadlines.”

From the massive barrage of drones, cruise missiles, and ballistic missiles fired from Iran and Yemen toward Israel, US forces were able to destroy 80 drones and six ballistic missiles in the air, as well as a ballistic missile in its launcher and seven UAVs still on the ground, CNBC reports.  US forces used F-15E Strike Eagles to down dozens of drones, while American-manned Patriot missile systems in Iraq shot down at least one of the missiles.  Two destroyers in the eastern Mediterranean also knocked out between four and six missiles.

Fresh off an appearance in Arizona which highlighted Democrats’ effort to protect reproductive rights versus Republicans’ attempt to bring the country back to 1864, Vice President Kamala Harris will continue to spotlight conservatives’ ongoing war on women.  According to CBS News, Harris will make a stop in Las Vegas on Monday where she’ll announce the Biden-Harris campaign will assist with the effort to collect signatures for a November ballot initiative to enshrine reproductive rights in Nevada.

To qualify for the ballot in Nevada, a referendum must collect more than 102,000 signatures, with at least 25,500 from each of the state’s four Congressional districts.  Nevadans for Reproductive Freedom, the local group leading the effort, has already collected 110,000 signatures statewide, but must now ensure they have enough to reach the district distribution requirement.

While the largest shareholder in terms of both quantity and girth will continue to be Donald Trump until he unloads his stock to pay outstanding judgments, an unfortunately high number of people never learned lessons from the loser’s lengthy list of business busts and bought the stock out of loyalty to the cult leader.

The Washington Post (gift link here) offers a look into the delusion of these so-called “retail buyers,” cultists who have used their savings to buy small lots or individual shares of the DJT stock, which has lost more than half of its value since taking over for the DWAC ticker symbol.  For the most part, institutional investors are staying away from the stock, given the fact that it’s not producing revenue and has not attracted users, two things social media companies need to survive.

Seventy-one year-old John Dean McLain, who owns a tree removal service in Oklahoma, invested his “whole nest egg”–$25,000–in the stock at an average value of $66; it’s now trading at $32, but McLain’s not worried:  “I know good and well it’s in Trump’s hands, and he’s got plans,” he said. “I have no doubt it’s going to explode sometime.”

Pro-Trump House Intelligence Committee Chairman Mike Turner squirmed under pressure from NBC’s Kristen Welker on Sunday as he tried to make the Biden Administration sound weak on Iran, even though the president’s intervention stopped a massive attack on Israel less than 24 hours ago.

New Hampshire Governor Chris Sununu, who obviously actually hates fat former President Trump, flailed more than a little helplessly Sunday when questioned by ABC’s George Stephanopoulos over whether he personally feels comfortable with supporting Donald while he’s on trial for felonies.

“Well, I don’t — I don’t think any American is comfortable with any of this,” Sununu said when Steph told him he’s asking about right and wrong. “But I mean, when it comes to actually looking at each of these trials as they kind of take place, whether it’s this year or next year, as they kind of line up the right now, this is about an election,” continued the shitweasel who campaigned hard for Nikki Haley and mocked Trump for confusing her with Nancy Pelosi… And then flipped to Team Orange.

Wrapping up the interview, Stephanopolous said “Just to sum up, You support Trump for president even if he’s convicted in the classified documents case. You support him for president even though you believe he contributed to an insurrection. You support him for president even though you believe he’s lying about the last election. You support him for president even if he’s convicted in the Manhattan case. I just want to say, the answer to that is yes, correct?”

It’s obvious from the “not just check a box” line that Jesus dork is aware that 18 USC §611 already prohibits non-citizens from voting in federal elections, but some rogue producer at Fox decided to drive it home even further – or was not rogue and assumed that the audience is stupid and wanted to push the text of the existing law as if it were that of Johnson and Trump’s bill.

What’s in the actual text of the Johnson/Trump bill is not public at this point, but it’s hard to see how it would actually work in practice other than requiring every single voter to either re-register using a passport, birth certificate, etc or show up to the polls with one of those on election day. Which would be fucking suicidal to Trump and Republicans who are counting on irresponsible, low-info voters to turn out en masse. If it’s only engaged voters with passports or their birth certificate in a file cabinet whose votes would count then you’d be looking at a coast-to-coast wipeout the likes of which the world has never seen before. Like 65 percent Biden, 35 percent Trump national popular vote, 400+ Electoral College for Biden would not be unrealistic to expect in that scenario.

It’ll be fun to see how many House Republicans realize that and refuse to vote for it, though it’ll probably be zero because they know the Senate will simply ignore it if they send it up.

“Judge Juan Merchan, perhaps the most highly conflicted Judge in New York State history, only gave us a short period of time to read and study hundreds of thousands of pages of documents that DA Alvin Bragg illegally hid, disguised, and held back from us. Of course, and as the Judge knows, we need far more time than that. They could have started this Fake Biden Trial many years ago, not right in the middle of my campaign for President, and time would not be a problem.”

“This is a blatant and unprecedented attack on Crooked Joe Biden’s Political Opponent (who is leading in every poll!), done in close coordination with the White House, that cannot be allowed to go forward!” posted fat former President Trump on Sunday, invigorating those of us who so righteously enjoy watching him suffer the consequences of his bottomless corruption and fuckery.

During the 2022 midterm races, former President and soon-to-be-indicted coup leader Donald Trump had a hard choice to make in the Pennsylvania Senate election:  does he introduce the carpetbagging celebrity doctor turned talkshow host, or does he choose the other political dilettante in the race, a carpetbagging hedge fund manager?  Trump chose the former, and now Democrat John Fetterman is in the Senate.

This time around, Trump endorsed the loser in that race, McCormick, negating all his criticism heaped on in the previous round, which Oz won by less than 1,000 votes in election results no one is screaming about two years later.  Should McCormick win the GOP nomination, he’ll square off against incumbent Democrat Bob Casey.

“I am officially giving my endorsement to David McCormick tonight. He’s a good a man. He wants to run a good ship. He’s a smart guy, who was a very successful guy. He’s given up a lot to do this,” Trump alternately bellowed and mumbled at his rally Saturday night as he read from the teleprompter, CNN reports.  “I’ll tell you what: He’s the nominee of the Republican Party, David McCormick. Go out and vote for him because Casey doesn’t do a damn thing.”  (Fact check:  a Senator since 2007, Casey has been the primary sponsor on eight bills that have become law; that eight more than Republican Judiciary chair Jim Jordan, who has served the same time in the House.). McCormick, for his part, did not appear at Trump’s rally, claiming a previously scheduled family event.