“We’re talking about bears that are on crack, and they’re standing in your living room, growling,” said Republican state representative Jason Shoaf, according to the Palm Beach Post. “When you run into one of these crack bears, you ought to be able to shoot it.”

A law allowing one to shoot a bear–presumably the ursine type found in the forest, not the hairy gay type found in Wilton Manors, although in Florida it may be a future loophole found by a defense lawyer if not well-defined–standing in your home uninvited while obsessively scratching its shoulders and telling you it can fix the tranmission would come after one allowing you to shoot any human who accidentally drives onto your property, whether they’re in your living room, on crack, or a delivery driver at the wrong address.

Florida’s Crack Bears, the far less successful CW spinoff of the smash movie Cocaine Bear, is at no risk of becoming a regular series:  there has never been a recorded fatal attack of a human in Florida by a black bear, the only bear species native to the state… coincidentally.  (We’ll have to get back to you on the record of the Wilton Manors variety.)

Former South Carolina Governor Nikki “Birdbrain” Haley scored her first and maybe only 2024 primary victory Sunday night in the District of Columbia Republican primary, taking 62.86 percent of the vote to fat former President Trump’s 33.22 percent. The primary itself was pretty freaking low turnout as, per the AP, Haley won 1,279 votes to Trump’s 676, with Ron DeSantis in third at 38 votes.

Ryan Binkley got 1 vote, coming in last behind David Stuckenberg, who got 8. We have no idea who David Stuckenberg is but he should be proud he kicked Mike Pence’s ass in this primary.

White supremacists are forming fitness clubs around the nation where they recruit impressionable young men into their racist causes, including using working out to prepare for their expected imminent race war, Business Insider reports.  The groups, known as “active clubs,” are organized using Telegram channels where the members frequently espouse their beliefs against pretty much everything:  homophobic, misogynistic, xenophobic, racist and anti-Semitic.

One of their frequent targets may seem unlikely:  the Obese Orange himself, Donald Trump.  Memes and gifs shared by the clubs’ members mock Trump’s obesity and his claims of physical prowess.  According to people who monitor the groups, they’ve “long since turned on Trump,” seeing him as a puppet of the pro-Israel/pro-Jew controlling class.

They don’t stop at Trump, either; they attack his followers.  On one channel for a Texas-based “active club,” a user posted a clip showing photos of overweight, handicapped and non-white people wearing MAGA gear, calling them “average conservatives.”  It was followed by shots of fit white men exercising and sparring, claiming those were “average nationalists.”

In a remarkable act of functionality, the people in Congress responsible for appropriations presented six bills that will keep six federal agencies funded through the fiscal year, the Washington Post reports.  The bills must now be passed by the House before heading over to the Senate, where their confirmation is assured.

The funding for the Departments of Transportation, Veterans Affairs, Energy, Agriculture, Interior, and Housing and Urban Development, as well as the Environmental Protection Agency and the Food and Drug Administration would continue at 40% less than the last full fiscal year, while there would be cuts to the EPA, FBI and ATF.

A member of Republican House leadership said that while this bill can get passed, the conference is still very split on funding the rest of the government, which hits its financial wall on March 28th, saying the group is “still in the midst of significant negotiations in the second package.”

When the NYT/Sienna poll shows me at 12%, you better believe it is flawed.

Only 5% even know who I am.

— Dean Phillips (@deanbphillips) March 3, 2024

The US Supreme Court on Sunday announced they “may announce opinions” on Monday, which is very unusual for the court, something University of Texas Law Professor Steve Vladeck writes “very likely” indicates they’re going to drop their ruling on the Colorado 14th Amendment case against fat former President Trump – which is extremely likely to end up with him being un-disqualified.

Republican Alaska Senator Dan Sullivan says he’s “110 percent” defending fat former President Trump’s deranged rants because Biden is older and less mentally fit. Sullivan did not offer any actual examples of Biden’s alleged mental unfitness and did qualify it as a “relative” comparison.

“We’re in the middle of an Election. We have Super Tuesday coming up very shortly. According to Justice Department guidelines, they shouldn’t be prosecuting me: ‘Federal prosecutors and agents may never select the timing of any action, including investigative steps, criminal charges, or statements, for the purpose of affecting any election, or for the purpose of giving an advantage or disadvantage to any candidate or political party.’ THIS IS ELECTION INTERFERENCE, AND SHOULD BE STOPPED IN THE COURTS!” posted fat former President Trump on Truth Social, writing literally why the Justice Department guidelines do not apply in his case because “investigative steps, criminal charges, or statements” are not the same as prosecuting a preexisting indictment, a position special counsel Jack Smith and his team on Friday specifically stated in a court hearing.

Just prior to that he also crowed “The Supreme Court will address the historic question of Presidential Immunity. Without Presidential Immunity, the President cannot function, as his Political Opponents will blackmail and extort him with the threat of wrongful prosecution at every turn. I look forward to presenting my case to the Supreme Court,” rubbing it in libs’ faces that his DC trial is delayed another few months because of the Supreme Cunts setting arguments for April 22.

A number of experts including George Conway and former Mueller team prosecutor Andrew Weissman said in podcasts recorded after that order on Wednesday that what looks like a win at first does also put Trump in serious danger of still being on trial on Election Day or convicted days beforehand, which might actually be worse for him than if a guilty verdict had come months earlier, as the MAGA propaganda industrial complex needs time to work to memory hole bad news.

Former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley on Sunday told NBC’s Kristen Welker there’s no need for Congress to codify a right to in-vitro fertilization. In response, former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley told NBC’s Kristen Welker Congress should codify a right to in-vitro fertilization.

Republican Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski tells NBC’s Ali Vitali she’s not voting for disgraced former President Trump in November, something not terribly surprising considering she was one of seven who voted to convict the fat fuck in his second impeachment trial but also still noteworthy considering the capitulations of others such as former Congressman Peter Meijer.

Murkowski has endorsed Nikki Haley, who herself hinted that she’s not bound by the RNC pledge she signed to support the eventual nominee. “The RNC is now not the same RNC,” Haley said, though as usual she weaseled in that she has “serious concerns about Donald Trump. I have even more concerns about Joe Biden,” when asked by NBC’s Kristen Welker if she’d endorse Donald.

Not like we need any further confirmation that Marco Rubio is a complete dipshit but we can go to the tape from just a few weeks ago where he was against the bipartisan border deal:

A 19 year-old Guatemalan migrant farm worker is no longer facing life in a Florida prison after prosecutors dropped a bullshit “aggravated homicide of a police officer” charge brought last year when a St John’s County Sheriff’s deputy dropped dead of a heart attack immediately after a struggle to arrest the kid who had no idea what was going on at the time, ABC News reports.

Sgt Michael Kunovich was shorehorned into a list compiled by Breitbart of “14 Americans, Legal Immigrants Among Those Allegedly Killed by Illegal Aliens in 2023” late last year, even as per ABC News, an autopsy report said Kunovich’s death after beating the shit out of the migrant, Virgilio Aguilar Mendez, “may have been a result of the severe heart disease, a prior heart attack or heart and lung deterioration due to smoking.” It’s not entirely clear however if that was the real reason the charges were dropped, as the court also determined that “based on concerns about the intellectual capacity of Virgilio Aguilar Mendez and the recent ruling finding him to be incompetent,” as he was incapable of understanding the American justice system and doesn’t understand English.

He also doesn’t really understand Spanish either, as he speaks an obscure indigenous Central American language called Mam. Though Aguilar Mendez has been exonerated, he’s still in ICE custody pending deportation proceedings. Breitbart’s earlier reporting on the story says the kid crossed the border in 2022 and was released into the US, which indicates that he’s an asylum claimant and not simply an illegal alien who crawled under the fencing or walked through the desert.

In a scene with a slight possibility of replaying in the US in November, as he sits in a prison cell after his corruption conviction, Pakistan’s opposition leader called on his followers to obstruct any policies or initiatives put forth by the new coalition government of newly-elected Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif, who was re-elected to the position after forming a tenuous coalition government with typical rivals.

Per the Washington Post, Sharif was elected by a 201 to 92 in the Parliament as supporters of former prime minister and current inmate Imran Khan shouted “Thief!” from the floor.  Khan’s Movement for Justice members claim Sharif ordered election workers to slow vote counts and exclude votes from the February 8th election so he could secure the election; as with similar claims by the losing Party here in the United States, no evidence of widespread fraud by Khan or his supporters has been presented.

Even though the election was scheduled for a little more than a week away, Khan was convicted and sentenced on January 30th of selling gifts given to the government of Pakistan when he was Prime Minister for personal profit.  He is also accused of disclosing information from a classified government communication alleging that the United States government sought to damage Khan’s credibility and campaign.  He also claims the US attempted to oust him while he served as prime minister from 2018 to 2022. 

“Today, House Judiciary Committee Chairman Jim Jordan (R-OH) sent a letter to Alphabet, Google’s and YouTube’s parent company, demanding documents and communications related to the creation, training, and deployment of its Gemini AI model, an artificial intelligence chatbot technology. The Committee is investigating how and to what extent the Executive Branch has coerced or colluded with Big Tech and other intermediaries to censor Americans’ speech, and this request falls within the scope of the Committee’s subpoena issued on February 15, 2023.”

“Recent reporting asserts that the Executive Branch, most notably the Biden White House, may have influenced the development of Alphabet’s Gemini AI model. On October 30, 2023, President Biden issued an Executive Order on the ‘Safe, Secure, and Trustworthy Development and Use of Artificial Intelligence,’ which claimed to serve as an overarching guide to how the Biden Administration will approach issues like AI development and deployment. The Executive Order states that its guidelines will purportedly ‘advance equity.’ A report by the Alphabet’s Gemini Team stated that its new AI tool was evaluated by external groups, which were selected based on their alignment with the Biden White House Executive Order and ‘White House Commitments,'” says a House Judiciary Committee press release, and holy shit they’re trying to make Google Gemini a campaign issue, lol.

Donald Trump continues on the campaign trail, stopping in Richmond, Virginia for a rally Saturday afternoon that was like every other Trump rally since 2015:  a fair share of xenophobia and hyperbole, combined with healthy parts of self-glorification and lies.  Instead of subjecting you to hours of the same rhetoric and ear bleeds, we’ve distilled it to the most pertinent 45 seconds.

In The Heartland where conservatives are so scared of the LGBTQ community they’re banning books and passing laws banning millennia-old forms of entertainment, some good old-fashioned American kink made it into an Oklahoma high school fundraiser where students in grades 9 through 12 licked peanut butter off the patrons’ feet in public as part of a philanthropy week, according to the Daily Beast.

And never one to turn away an opportunity to smear a group of people they target, Libs of TikTok founder Chaya Raichik shared the video, claiming it was a stunt put on by transgender people, because it’s never the outwardly straight people who corrupt children, right?

The Republican Caucasians continue to fall in lockstep with the far-right of the GOP, shoving Donald Trump towards the nomination with the fervor of the Traffic Cone Tyrant targeting the Mar-a-Lago omelet station. Per the Washington Post, the Republican caucuses in Missouri and Michigan handing all their respective delegates to Trump, and the Idaho caucus will likely result in Trump getting most, if not all, of their available delegates.

Oh, in case you’re wondering how Michigan is re-allocating delegates after last week’s Michigan primary, the one which spawned the National Zero Housemother:  The Michigan state GOP only allowed voters to allot sixteen delegates, leaving the remaining 39 to go to the hand-picked choice of Party leadership, which went unironically to the guy who said he would dismantle the Swamp.

Trump has bizarre episode of incomprehensible slurring while trying to pronounce Venezuela pic.twitter.com/zkVBthb86C

— Biden-Harris HQ (@BidenHQ) March 2, 2024

A Trump minion tells Politico that all DC-based lobbyists are commanded to vote in the District’s meaningless upcoming primary if they want access to his future Reich. “The Trump campaign is very cognizant of who makes up the GOP primary voters in DC. The worst thing for them would be not showing up. If you don’t bother voting, don’t bother calling,” the minion said.

While it’s impossible to know whom they voted for, it is very simple to find out whether or not a person cast a ballot in an election and the edict has been issued to the lobbyists.

• Yes, the Trump trial schedule got thrown into the shredder, but deep down inside, you always knew the Republicans on the Supreme Court would intervene to make sure things didn’t get resolved speedily. My surprise comes from how bunglingly obvious the conservatives on the bench made their effort to push back the trial.  So now, we just have to beat him at the ballot box, again.
• May Alexei Navalny one day be seen as Russia’s Patrick Henry.  Rest in peace.
• Through all the frustration with the trial schedules, let Donald Trump’s humiliation at having to admit he couldn’t put up the entire amount of the New York civil judgment lighten the load.  For the first time, he had to publicly acknowledge he did not have the wealth he claimed and he tried to lowball the Court.
• I hope the next GOP Senate leader is as zoomorphic as his predecessor.
  Read More ▶ “Random thoughts Friday, Volume CLXII”