Former CIA Director John Brennan, who convicted felon President Trump hates for reasons nobody can even remember anymore it’s been so goddamned long, is under criminal investigation, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports after deducing it from a DOJ request to the House Intel Committee for files on Brennan – that the committee are currently voting on whether to oblige.

Maybe prosecuting Brennan will somehow make gas and groceries cheaper. You never know.

Complete scumbag North Carolina state Senate President Phil Berger on Tuesday conceded his primary defeat to local Sheriff Sam Page, three weeks after having lost by just 23 votes, the Associated Press reports on convicted felon President Trump’s first endorsement L of the year.

Well technically you could say soon-to-be-former-Texas Congressman Tony Gonzales was the first loss since he dropped his reelection bid after coming in second to that Brandon Herrera freak on the same day but polls did close first in North Carolina given the time zone difference. Plus had Gonzales not dropped out he would’ve just (99.99999 percent certainly) lost in the May runoff.

A top lieutenant to DC US Attorney Jeanine “Judge Box-o-Wine” Pirro this month admitted to a judge that there was no evidence of any misconduct on the part of Fed Chairman Jerome Powell, the Washington Post reports in a no shit but they aren’t supposed to actually say that story.

GA Massucco-LaTaif, the recently-named head of the office’s criminal division, told Chief DC District Judge James Boasberg in the sealed March 3rd hearing that prosecutors “do not know at this time” what evidence there is of fraud or criminal misconduct on Powell’s part in the painfully fucking stupid shit about renovations at the Fed headquarters that the chair has had little to nothing to do with since it’s not his goddamned job to worry about that kind of shit. Massucco-LaTaif argued simply that the project was $1.2 billion over budget and that “it doesn’t seem right.”

“There are 1.2 billion reasons for us to look into it,” Massucco-LaTaif, who also had more feels than facts about whether Powell had made false statements in testimony to Congress.

Well maybe they can get to it next year. WFTV reports the Florida legislature’s annual session ended before they could enact a ban on “OH-7,” a synthetic opioid derived from kratom, which itself is some crazy bullshit they sell at sketchy gas stations frequented by MAGAmericans.

Well… There was that time when Andrew Tate was so triggered by a tweet from Greta Thunberg he responded in a video next to a pizza box that provided the evidence Romanian cops needed to track him down and serve that sex-trafficking arrest warrant. You could say that was a bigger self-own if we’re going to start stacking them up pound-for-pound here. This one’s still serious competition.

Filthy alcoholic white nationalist Steve Bannon on Monday got amped again for the possibility the Trump regime could deploy ICE to polling precincts in November, USA Today reports.

During Monday’s edition of his podcast the laundry and showering-averse Bannon asked fellow fascist maniac Mike Davis whether ICE’s deployment to airports could be a “test run” for the midterms, to which Davis said “I think we should have ICE agents at the polling places because if you’re an illegal alien, you can’t vote, right? It’s against the law, it’s a federal crime for you to vote in federal elections. If you’re an American citizen, you should be happy that ICE is there because you’re not going to have illegal aliens canceling out your vote.” That’s a way to smooth out the drop in support from the Latino electorate, just accuse them of being illegals stupid enough to try to vote.

In a statement to the Atlanta Journal Constitution on Tuesday, Delta Airlines announced “Due to the impact on resources from the longstanding government shutdown, Delta will temporarily suspend specialty services to members of Congress flying Delta. Next to safety, Delta’s No 1 priority is taking care of our customers, which has become increasingly difficult in the current environment.”

“Marsha Blackburn already holds 58 percent of the Republican primary vote (34 percent definite, 24 percent probably) – a 51-point lead over John Rose (7 percent), with 30 percent undecided and little room for meaningful movement against her,” says the intro to a Cygnal survey of Tennessee GOP primary voters putting the groomer Congressman deep in the hole against Senator Life Coach Lady.

It’s nearly identical to the 60.6 to 8.1 percent lead a completely different pollster found for Blackburn last month, raising the question of why Rose doesn’t just drop out and find a job at a high school or a summer camp for cheerleaders before he gets embarrassed by a woman much closer to his age.

President Trump is expected to host the brother of one of Jeffrey Epstein’s most notorious accomplices with a lavish state dinner at the White House next month, Punchbowl News reports.

The man, wealthy British celebrity and philanthropist Charles Windsor, has never personally been accused of any wrongdoing in connection to Epstein and has in recent years taken unprecedented public steps to disown his brother, Andrew, but the visit still raises questions given Trump’s own extensively documented history of associating with the now-dead sex trafficker. Mr Windsor, a figure who has achieved cult-like status in Britain, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Belize, Papua-New Guinea, Tristan de Cunha, Gibraltar, the Heard and McDonald Islands, Bermuda, and at least a dozen other states and territories, is also expected to address a joint session of Congress.

'SO DISGUSTING': @LawrenceBJones3 slams the treatment of ICE officers as they are forced to ditch their masks at airport checkpoints. pic.twitter.com/yThrR95Mmj

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) March 24, 2026

What’s wrong, Larry? Why are you calling ICE agents a bunch of cupcakes who can’t handle a little sass from disgruntled air travelers trapped in long security lines caused by Trump?

In an article that’s difficult to read even after you translate it from Hebrew to English, local site IsraeHayom.co.il apparently reports that neckbeard Vice President JD Vance ripped into Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu in a private meeting, demanding that he put a leash on the militant settlers in the West Bank who for years but increasingly in the last few weeks have run rampant in the ghettoized territory, burning down people’s houses and violently attacking them in the streets.

The site observes that “the most amazing part of the angry messages is who is expressing them. Not the Joe Kents – radical Republicans who flirt with neo-Nazis – but rather the greatest Israel lovers in the administration. They are the ones clapping their hands in despair from disappointment.”

Sur-fucking-prise: The New York Times reports the convicted felon President Trump, who constantly bitches about mail-in ballots and has for years, once again voted by mail in a local Florida special election for Palm Beach’s state House seat. “Mail-in voting means mail-in cheating,” Trump said in Memphis on Monday. “I call it mail-in cheating, and we got to do something about it all.”

Red Lobster has been riding high with a company turnaround story, but behind the scenes it’s running out of money https://t.co/SehE1C1myd

— Bloomberg (@business) March 24, 2026

Okay fine, you already guessed. The New York Post reports, verbatim, that Bobby Brainworms wrote in his diary “about cutting off the penis of a road-killed raccoon in 2001, while his ‘kids waited patiently in the car,’ so that he could examine it later,” an episode that somehow got missed amid all the hype about the dead baby bear and the beached whale whose head he chainsawed off.

It’s in a lengthy Sunday piece headlined “How three controversial father figures influenced Robert F Kennedy Jr’s sometimes shocking views – and drug use,” which also mentions that a teenage Bobby spiked everyone’s drinks with a laxative at his brother David’s birthday party, a week after their father was shot dead by Sirhan Sirhan. One of the “father figures” mentioned is Harvard professor Robert Trivers, a friend of Jeffrey Epstein who once told Reuters that “by the time [girls] 14 or 15, they’re like grown women were 60 years ago, so I don’t see these acts as so heinous.”

Trivers, a sociologist, died nine days ago at the age of 83, apparently of natural causes.

“My wife was formerly promiscuous. I was a virgin. She was then radically born-again. Committed to church, evangelized constantly, Puritan books in her bedroom, prayer journals, grief over past sexual sin, etc. We got to know each other well for over a year, dated for four months, engaged for two and a half, and didn’t sin sexually with one another. Our first kiss with each other was at the altar on our wedding day (reaction pic attached!),” says the opener to a lengthy Monday tweet from Christian Entrepreneur Trevor Sheatz, founder of OnTheMount, Inc, a social media consultancy for churches.

No, doesn’t look like the time to begin oversharing online. Maybe in six months or a year is when the old taboos can be tossed out the window and a new age of openness with strangers can begin.

No need for any details, the headline enough carries it and you can check out the CNN article if you really want the specifics about the $1 billion waste in taxpayer money. It’s just that now’s a good a time as any to remind you that convicted felon President Trump in 2024 pledged to lower electricity rates by at least 50 percent by this year if Americans returned him to power and then again for Virginians and New Jerseyans to elect Republican governors. Cry more libtards!!!

In other news about the fully debased and enshittified internet of the 2020s (BY THE WAY DONATE TO NATIONAL ZERO WITH WHATEVER DISPOSABLE INCOME YOU CAN SPARE), enshittified bullet-point-based news site Axios reports that scam betting platform Kalshi is anticipating which way the regulatory wind is blowing and banning politicians and athletes from wagering on the platform.

The Axios article links to a “statement” from Kalshi that returns a 404 not found, lol.

It’s also not clear what the hell this is going to do. Athletes are just going to use cut-outs and it’s hard to see any politician personally betting on it because that’s what stocks are supposed to be for.

Aides and staffers are the self-cut-outs in those situations and they’ll continue to clean up unless and until there’s a toothy legislative package with serious penalties as well as de-anonymization.