Mississippi Congressman Michael Guest’s 20 year-old son, Michael “Patton” Guest, is in trouble after throwing a beer at a cop from the roof of MAGA country star Jason Aldean’s bar in downtown Nashville on Friday night, ScoopNashville.com reports. The article uses the words “plastic cup” and then “glass” twice to describe the receptacle that Guest Jr dropped onto the cop’s foot unprompted but either way he’s charged with assaulting a police officer and underage drinking.

“Waking up to calls from two US congressmen[R] wasn’t how I planned to start my Saturday. No, I can’t help that your teen kid did some dumb shit in Nashville overnight and got a mugshot. Also, no, having MY congressman[R] call me on your behalf won’t help, he’s also an asshole,” tweeted Scoop Nashville editor Jason Steen before posting he posted the article on Monday. Not clear if he was joking or if they were really were leaning on him to “help” by killing the story.

Much of MAGA Twitter is reacting poorly to the rollout of Google’s new Gemini AI chatbot assistant something, but being the principled journalists we are, we couldn’t just take right wing incel podcaster Tim Pool’s word for it when he claims “Gemini has posted tons of lies about me and has accused many others of serious shit like abusing kids” and other rants about its alleged anti-conservative bias. We had to go straight to the source… And holy shit they weren’t lying.

A California federal judge on Monday denied pretrial release to Republican political consultant and Russian disinformation propagator Alex Smirnov, the Washington Post’s Meg Cunliff reports.

“Crooked Joe Biden’s Border INVASION is destroying our country and killing our citizens! The horrible murder of 22-year-old Laken Riley at the University of Georgia should have NEVER happened! The monster who took her life illegally entered our Country in 2022… and then was released AGAIN by Radical Democrats in New York after injuring a CHILD!! When I am your President, we will immediately Seal the Border, Stop the Invasion, and on Day One, we will begin the largest deportation operation of illegal CRIMINALS in American History! May God Bless Laken Riley and her family!!! Our prayers are with you!” writes fat former President Trump on Truth Social, seizing upon the tragic murder of Georgia nursing student Laken Riley for political gain as we expected he would.

On Saturday former Trump 20216 campaign aide AJ Delgado, a now single mom who quit after longtime Trump adviser Jason Miller knocked her up and then tried to serve her a smoothie made out of abortion pills, anticipated this, writing that it “seems *TRUMP* is the one to blame, if anyone is other than, you know, the murderer. You see, on his way out the door in January 2021, one of the last things Trump did was carve out a special category for Venezuelas, same as Cubans.”

“WHY did he do this? Simple. For years, the Right has cast Venezuelans as particularly ‘sympatico’ [because] they are ‘fleeing socialism.’ So there a big demand, esp from R’s in Florida, to allow tons of Venezuelans to come and give them protection [because] they are socialism victims… Can you say it’s the Dems’ fault? Sure. Is it also Trump’s’ fault? Sure. But I think it’s worse for Trump [because] the reason Trump did it was [because] he owed favors to rich Venezuelans in [Florida]. And that is the problem [with] Trump – he goes against his duty, to curry favor/repay favors.”

Continuing the Beijing-esque choreographed shuffling of posts at the commands of the Supreme Leader of the Party, Republican National Committee co-chair Drew McKissick on Monday followed in his failed boss Ronna Not-Romney McDaniels’s footsteps toward failure and rejection by resigning from his post, making way for the Supreme Leader’s inexperienced daughter-in-law Lara Trump to take the spot early next month, the Charleston Post and Courier reports.

McKissick, who also currently serves as the South Carolina state Republican Party chair and supposedly will continue in that post, said in a statement he is “willing to put self aside for the sake of building a team and focusing on winning is a big part of being successful” and pledged “to do anything that I can to work together and make that a reality.” We will update this story if and when Lara Trump hands McKissick a bushido blade and started explaining the history of the sacred ritual that Imperial Japanese military officers would commit to atone for failures of leadership.

We fucked up late last month when we reported that Turkey’s parliament was the final holdout among NATO members to ratify Sweden’s membership to the defense bloc when in fact Hungary was at that point still to approve the bid. It’s a moot point now as the AP reports that Budapest on Monday finally caved against the wishes of Vladdy Daddy’s Killer Kremlin Krew and gave the go-ahead for IKEAstan to become the 32nd NATO member, nearly a year after neighboring Finland, which had began the process simultaneously with Sweden, was accepted.

President Joe Biden will pay a visit to the border city of Brownsville, Texas on Thursday, paralleling a disruption by fat former President Trump somewhere also along the frontier with Mexico the same day, location still to be determined by his campaign, Bloomberg’s Jennifer Jacobs reports.

“Pursuant to CPLR §§ 5511 and 5515, Defendants President Donald J Trump, Donald Trump, Jr, Eric Trump, Allen Weisselberg, Jeffrey McConney, the Donald J Trump Revocable Trust, the Trump Organization, Inc, the Trump Organization LLC, DJT Holdings LLC, DJT Holdings Managing Member, Trump Endeavor 12 LLC, 401 North Wabash Venture LLC, Trump Old Post Office LLC, 40 Wall Street LLC, and Seven Springs LLC (‘Defendants’) hereby appeal to the Appellate Division, First Department, from the Decision and Order After Non-Jury Trial by Hon Arthur F Engoron, JSC, dated February 16, 2024 (NYSCEF Doc No 1688), and duly entered in the above-captioned action by the Clerk of the Supreme Court, County of New York on February 16, 2024, and served by Notice of Entry on February 16, 2024, which found all Defendants liable under the second, third, fourth, fifth, and seventh causes of action and Defendants Allen Weisselberg and Jeffrey McConney liable under the sixth cause of action, directed the Clerk to enter judgment in favor of the Plaintiff in the principal sum of $363,894,816.00, and ordered injunctive relief. This appeal is taken from each and every part of the Order insofar as Defendants are aggrieved,” says the notice of appeal from Team Orange of the nearly half-billion beatdown they took. Note the “President” and “Non-Jury Trial,” lol.

It’s not clear what, if anything, the fat fuck has been able to do so far to secure financing for the appeal or if it was required to be lined up for them to file this notice of the appeal.

Fox Business News morning host Maria Bartiromo wasn’t in a very sugar-coaty mood this morning, breaking the balls of MAGA Congressworms Warren Davidson and Claudia Tenney about their failures to deliver to the base on matters of the border and “election integrity” in this two-fer of clips.

New York Times polling egghead Nate Cohn on Monday took a look at fat former President Trump’s support few primary contests so far versus his polling and is starting to perceive that something may be off, writing that “with Mr Trump faring well in early general election polls against President Biden, even a modest Trump underperformance in the polls is worth some attention.”

After a whole bunch of nerd talk, Cohn gets to the good part of the nerd talk with “Once other explanations are ruled out, then we’re left with the possibility that there’s an unobserved bias in the data. That’s mostly because nonresponse theories usually don’t have any clear evidence on their behalf, which is the case here as well… There is one reason the anti-Trump turnout might have relevance for general election polling: It’s consistent with other data showing Mr Biden with the edge among the most highly engaged voters. This could yield a slight turnout advantage, even in a general election. It may also mean that the current polls of all registered voters slightly underestimate Mr Biden compared with the narrower group of actual voters. This wouldn’t mean the polls today are vastly underestimating Mr Biden, but it could make the difference in a close election.”

OMG WELCOME TO THE #RESISTANCE NATE COHN! HE’S FINALLY MAYBE NOT A TOTAL FUCKING DICK ANYMORE! WE MIGHT EVEN TAKE BACK SOME OF THE SHADE WE THREW AT HIM!

Stressing the importance of staying on the wagon during this election year in which the MAGA circlejerkers would thrill to him tumbling off, professional-ish artist Hunter Biden tells Axios he’s going to do his damndest to avoid fiend intemperance during a stressful period.

“Most importantly, you have to believe that you’re worth the work, or you’ll never be able to get sober. But I often do think of the profound consequences of failure here. Maybe it’s the ultimate test for a recovering addict – I don’t know. I have always been in awe of people who have stayed clean and sober through tragedies and obstacles few people ever face. They are my heroes, my inspiration,” said Hunter, not really naming these people, but whatever. “I have something much bigger than even myself at stake. We are in the middle of a fight for the future of democracy,” he added, hinting that a bad relapse could affect his father’s morale and focus on the task at hand.

“The Very Strict Rules and Regulations of the Department of Injustice STATE CLEARLY that you can’t prosecute a Political Opponent, or anyone, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS/HER CAMPAIGN. Why didn’t they bring these FAKE Charges THREE YEARS AGO? That would have solved all of their problems. (The answer is that they AIMED for the various trials to come up during my campaign for President, 2024!). This includes DOJ subservient ‘subsidiaries’ like local DA and AG Offices. In other words, all of these FAKE POLITICAL PROSECUTIONS (PERSECUTIONS!) OF CROOKED JOE BIDEN’S POLITICAL OPPONENT MUST BE IMMEDIATELY HALTED!” posted fat former President Trump early Monday, getting a head start on an unproductive day of complaining after having slept like, at most, four and half hours going by the timestamps of the prior posts on his Truth Social feed.

The “they AIMED for the various trials to come up during my campaign for President” is especially rich given that he did almost literally everything possible to delay these cases, going all the way to the Supreme Court repeatedly, dragged out the Carroll case for nearly five years, the Trump Organization case for nearly six years, fucking sued the government after the FBI raided Mar-a-Lago and slowed down that investigation for like five months, and is currently blocking the DC coup conspiracy case from going to trial right now, and on and on. So really it’s his fault that he’s facing this shitstorm during an election year. Much of it could’ve been over with already.

“AMERICAN’S FOR NO PROSPERITY HAVE JUST STATED THAT HALEY HAS NO CHANCE TO WIN, AND THEY WILL STOP FUNDING HER CAMPAIGN, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY!” Trump wrote in the next post. Lol at the grocer’s apostrophe in “AMERICAN’S.”

Failed Republican National Committee chairwoman Ronna Not-Romney McDaniel on Monday told the New York Times she will officially step down from her post on March 8th to make way for her successor, douchebag current North Carolina Republican Party Chairman Mike Whatley.

“I have decided to step aside at our spring training on March 8 in Houston to allow our nominee to select a chair of their choosing,” Ronna said in a statement. “The RNC has historically undergone change once we have a nominee, and it has always been my intention to honor that tradition. I remain committed to winning back the White House and electing Republicans up and down the ballot in November,” as if it’s a sign of success that she’s quitting in an election year.

“One key element of Ms McDaniel’s tenure that her allies point to is that, under her leadership, the RNC has not faced criminal charges or the kinds of expansive legal actions that have ensnared Mr Trump and those supporters who helped him try to stay in power after he lost the 2020 election to President Biden,” the Times’s Maggie Haberman literally wrote in the article. It’s technically true but slightly misleading given the possibility that Ronna herself could be looking at trouble for her involvement in pressuring a Detroit-area canvasser in November 2020 to vote against certifying the election and also fucking hilarious this is where the bar’s been set for “leadership” in today’s GOP.

This is what the Regime wants for Americans: normalize the deviant and the punish the traditional. https://t.co/lnRe8lDHTr

— Laura Ingraham (@IngrahamAngle) February 26, 2024

Wonder what an alien would think seeing this and then being told that this lady is a big supporter of a party led by a thrice-divorced degenerate who openly bragged about sexually assaulting women and was determined by a judge to have committed rape in a department store changing room, to say nothing of the other members of the party itself like Jim Jordan, Dennis Hastert, Paul Pressler, Lauren Boebert, Newt Gingrich, Matt Schlapp, Jerry Falwell Jr, Eric Greitens, Tim Ballard, Tom Reed, Vince McMahon, Rudy Giuliani, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Jason Miller, Corey Lewandowski, Brett Kavanaugh, Clarence Thomas, Matt Gaetz, Charles Herbster, and we could keep going.

“The usual suspects are gathering around a ‘readers added context’ that suggests that I was arguing in today’s column that the Bidens are genetically prone to crime in discussing Biden’s great-great-grandfather’s conviction for attempted murder. It takes an utter lack of sense of humor to interpret the reference to natural selection as a literal argument of a genetic preposition toward crime. However, humor like reason are strangers in an age of rage. The column was obviously drawing ironic, not genetic, comparisons to the current allegations. In anticipation of the next spin, I also referred to the ‘scripture’ of the Bidens but I was not suggesting that they are divine or prophets. Moreover, I do not believe that there is a genetic loss of humor. The faux outrage is merely adaptive behavior in this political ecosystem,” tweeted dipshit conservative commentator Jonathan Turley on Sunday after being widely mocked over a column that claimed Joe Biden was – well he already explained it, but obviously he wasn’t joking if it took him more than 24 hours to act like it was a joke.

Fat former President Trump’s grandfather owned a whorehouse in Bennet, British Columbia.

As the government sits on the edge of yet another financial cliff with the funding for a group of federal agencies set to end on Friday, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer slammed Republican House leadership’s inability to manage their members, Politico reports.

In a letter to his Senate colleagues, Schumer said he hoped Speaker of the House Mike Johnson “will step up to once again buck the extremists in his caucus and do the right thing,” adding, “While we had hoped to have legislation ready this weekend that would give ample time for members to review the text, it is clear now that House Republicans need more time to sort themselves out.”  Schumer went on to ask Senators to keep their schedules flexible in case Johnson got things straight in the House.

For his part, Johnson called Schumer’s letter “counterproductive,” claiming that the latest funding bill contained “new Democrat demands that were not previously included in the Senate bills.  At a time of divided government, Senate Democrats are attempting at this late stage to spend on priorities that are farther left than what their chamber agreed upon.”

Democratic California Governor and MAGA-declared shadow Party presidential candidate Gavin Newsom is launching a six-figure ad campaign in at least four states where Republican-led legislatures are considering bills criminalizing traveling out of state to obtain abortion care, the Los Angeles Times reports.

Bills under consideration in Tennessee, Oklahoma, Mississippi and Alabama would criminalize various acts, including for a pregnant patient to travel across state lines to get an abortion, assisting a such a trip, or making a trip to obtain medications to cause an abortion.  Labeling such actions “abortion trafficking,” some include elevated penalties if the pregnant patient is a minor.

“We can’t let Trump Republicans hold women hostage,” Newsom said in a news release announcing the effort, paid for by his PAC, “Campaign for Democracy” which was financed by leftover campaign funds. “These abortion travel bans are a new, sick and twisted attempt by the far right to control women and take away their freedom. We have to fight back.”

The Koch-funded conservative PAC Americans for Prosperity announced it will no longer fund former Republican South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley’s campaign after she finished twenty percentage points behind Donald Trump in the South Carolina primary, warning that a Trump nomination could lead to Democratic Party rule of Congress and the White House after the next election.

“Nikki Haley has shown us again and again that we made the right decision in supporting her candidacy and she continues to have our strong endorsement. She has made it clear that she will continue to fight and we wholeheartedly support her in this effort. But given the challenges in the primary states ahead, we don’t believe any outside group can make a material difference to widen her path to victory,” the group said in an announcement.  “And so while we will continue to endorse her, we will focus our resources where we can make the difference. And that’s the U.S. Senate and House.

“If Donald Trump is at the top of the Republican ticket, the risk of one-party rule by a Democratic Party captured by the Progressive Left is severe and would do irreparable damage to the country. The last 3 election cycles have painted a very clear picture of what we can expect from voters who consistently rejected Donald Trump and his impact on the Republican party brand.”

Jumping on the bandwagon after a decisive primary victory, South Dakota Republican Senator John Thune, the #2 in the GOP Senate conference as the Minority Whip, officially endorsed Donald Trump to be the Republican nominee for president despite facing 91 criminal indictments and more than half a billion dollars in outstanding civil judgments.

Per the Washington Post, Thune gave an exclusive to Fox Digital where he acknowledged in inevitability of Trump’s nomination, saying the South Carolina outcome “[made] clear that Donald Trump will be the Republican nominee for president in this year’s pivotal presidential election.”

“The choice before the American people is crystal clear: It’s Donald Trump or Joe Biden,” Thune said. “I support former president Trump’s campaign to win the presidency, and I intend to do everything I can to see that he has a Republican majority in the Senate working with him.”

“Welcome to Joe Biden’s America, where Big Mac extra value meals will run you $18. Yes, you read that right: The iconic burger-fries-soda combo, once a staple for Americans of every socioeconomic stripe, now costs almost 20 smackers in some spots. ‘I’m lovin’ it’? Not likely at these prices. The hikes sure look like they come thanks to painful and persistent inflation driven by President Biden’s terrible economic policies. Those have driven prices overall about 15% higher since Biden came in, on essentials like food and energy, they’re up closer to 25%” wrote the New York Post editorial board on October 31, 2023, lamenting something something Bidenomics for the increase in cost for an American staple. No further explanation was given, nor was it required for the “vibe” the pro-Trump editors of the shitty Manhattan rag were trying to push upon their perpetually angry readers.

This was at a rest stop, but these McDonald's prices are nuts right??? pic.twitter.com/0qq8Ima3ZA

— Sam Learner (@sam_learner) July 18, 2023

This was the tweet, already more than three months old at that point, that the Post were milking, of course not mentioning that it was at a rest stop on I-95 in Connecticut, where the franchisees happily gouge travelers wary of taking exits into unfamiliar environs. They’re still milking it, with the most recent mention of the $18 Big Mac in another editorial from two weeks ago. “When a night out at McDonald’s is now a luxury for many Americans, its obvious why President Biden is getting slammed in polls over his handling of the economy,” they wrote. Again they failed to cite any specific policy, they just pushed the “vibe” that it’s his fault a rest stop is gouging customers.

The problem for folks who care about American democracy is that this kind of shit is effective. In fact we’ll just say outright this is more than anything else the reason literally everything hangs in the precipice in the November presidential election – that fat former President Trump’s lead in the polls, if it is in fact real and not the product of some over-correction in the weighting, is because of consumer dissatisfaction with prices. Even as inflation abates and gas prices have long drifted back down to normal-ish, much of the anger is baked in with a lot of voters. This bell cannot be unrung.

But other bells can be rung louder.