Incompetent asshole now former US Attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia Lindsey Halligan’s license to practice any kind of law is now under review by the Florida Bar Association, the New York Times reports, citing a notice in the federal register that the Justice Department is seeking to intervene in the proceedings in the Sunshine State. The Times also were made aware of a Bar letter to an outside group demanding they look into Halligan with a letter reading simply “We already have an investigation pending,” and noting Halligan’s numerous reprimands from various judges.

Halligan, an insurance lawyer with no prosecutorial experience whatsoever, was appointed by convicted felon President Trump for the sole purpose of indicting former FBI Director James Comey and New York Attorney General Letitia James, cases that were complete bullshit before they were thrown out in a matter of weeks precisely because of Halligan’s illegitimacy serving in an acting capacity in a US Senate-confirmed position for which Trump didn’t even bother trying to nominate her. Disbarment, if it ever happens, could take years, but Halligan simply having this headache at all is another chilling effect for the cogs in the already pretty rusty Trump legal retribution machine.

A relatively massive 4.9-magnitude earthquake struck northern Louisiana at about 5:30 AM local time Thursday morning, its epicenter about 50 south of Shreveport, USA Today reports.

The national paper for some reason called Republican state Senator Tom Pressly for a quote to have him say that “a 4.9 earthquake isn’t insignificant,” adding that his wife slept through the whole thing because she’s from California. He did not add if she was also loaded up on gin and barbituates until 3:30 AM and that’s why she slept though it because two things can be true at the same time.

“Today, the Office of State Attorney Bill Gladson of the Fifth Judicial Circuit announces the Life sentence of 45-year-old Andrew Paul Johnson. Back in February of this year, Johnson was found guilty of Lewd or Lascivious Molestation of a Victim less than 12 years of age, Lewd or Lascivious Molestation of a Victim 12 years of age or older but less than 16 years of age, two counts of Lewd or Lascivious Exhibition, and Transmission of Material Harmful to a Minor by Electronic Device.”

“In July of 2025, deputies with the Hernando County Sheriff’s Office responded to a residence in Brooksville in reference to a sex offense. When law enforcement arrived on scene, they were informed by the complainant that two juvenile victims stated they were both inappropriately touched by Johnson. Furthermore, the complainant provided deputies with a cell phone found in possession of the first victim, who indicated Johnson had provided the device to talk to them,” says a press release from the Florida Fifth Judicial Circuit DA’s office, that fails to mention that the only reason Johnson, a January 6th Capitol insurrectionist, was in proximity to these victims – at least one of them a male – was because convicted felon President Trump had pardoned him and thus released him from the 1 year federal prison sentence he had been serving since October 2024.

Johnson and fellow rioter Zach Alam are the only two known insurrectionists who had been released from custody on January 20th, 2025 and then went on to commit felonies they would not have been free to had former Vice President Kamala Harris won. That other asshole Jake Lang – who was in jail awaiting trial early last year – has only been hit with misdemeanors for threatening cops and other stupid bullshit. National Zero errored in a January article describing Johnson’s molestation offenses as having been committed after the insurrection but prior to his incarceration. This was incorrect as he unquestionably sexually assaulted the children again after Trump freed him from the clink.

“I am pleased to announce that the Highly Respected United States Senator from the Great State of Oklahoma, Markwayne Mullin, will become the United States Secretary of Homeland Security (DHS), effective March 31, 2026. The current Secretary, Kristi Noem, who has served us well, and has had numerous and spectacular results (especially on the Border!), will be moving to be Special Envoy for The Shield of the Americas, our new Security Initiative in the Western Hemisphere we are announcing on Saturday in Doral, Florida. I thank Kristi for her service at ‘Homeland,'” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday and lol at that fake-ass “exit ramp” job.

The Democrats are about to score a scalp because weak Republicans want someone at DHS that’s merely a seat-filler who won’t carry out mass deportations.

— Nick Sortor (@nicksortor) March 5, 2026

An EXPLOSIVE new report by Axios reveals that the President of the United States may have made a false statement to reporter Barak Ravid when he said “Every day I talk to [Israeli dictator Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu] about the war. I want him to focus on the war and not on the fucking court case. I want the only pressure on Bibi to be the fighting against Iran,” and that five times over the past year President Ike Herzog had told Trump he would issue the pardon to end the “witch hunt” into “Bibi.”

“He told me he would give it to him. But he has held it over Bibi’s head for a year,” Trump said, then commanding Ravid to tell Herzog that Trump is “exposing him. That president better damn well give him the pardon right now – and stop using it as leverage for his own political career.”

Ravid then writes “A senior Israeli official pushed back on Trump’s account, saying Herzog never promised a pardon,” big fucking shocker there. The Israeli-American journalist then points out that a hasty pardon without all the Ts crossed and Is dotted “could be challenged before the Supreme Court on the grounds that it was the product of foreign political coercion rather than a legitimate legal process,” and that all legal proceedings have been but on hold because of the war anyway.

It’s not clear if Ravid tried to explain that to Trump, but let’s just say probably not.

In a separate report about their phone interview, Ravid writes that Trump asserted his power to choose Iran’s next leader, saying “Khamenei’s son is a lightweight. I have to be involved in the appointment, like with Delcy in Venezuela,” and “We want someone that will bring harmony and peace to Iran,” and that the US have to go to war again in five years if it was Khamenei’s son.

“The Ethics Committee has announced an investigation into Congressman Tony Gonzales’s conduct, and we urge them to act expeditiously. Congressman Gonzales has said he will fully cooperate with the investigation. We have encouraged him to address these very serious allegations directly with his constituents and his colleagues. In the meantime, Leadership has asked Congressman Gonzales to withdraw from his race for re-election,” says the clown car of Speaker Mike Johnson, Majority Leader Steve Scalise, Whip Tom Emmer, and Chairwoman Lisa McClain in a Thursday statement.

Amid all the drama over the Texas Senate GOP primary, convicted felon President Trump on Thursday spoke with some Politico reporter and was asked to respond to Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton’s stated refusal to drop out of the runoff after the reality show host chose incumbent John Cornhole Cornyn the winner of the stupid contest for Donald’s affections.

“No, I’m staying in this race. I owe it to the people of Texas,” Paxton had told John Solomon’s stupid show on Wednesday night after Trump posted the command on Truth Social. To which Trump responded on Thursday, “Well, that’s bad for him to say. That is bad for him. So maybe, maybe that leads me to go the other direction,” continuing to tantalize and cock tease the Cornynthians.

Then Pax got crafty:

I hope someone makes this work! https://t.co/EH3STKtHu3

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) March 5, 2026

“Vice President JD Vance (R-Ohio) will sit down with CBS EVENING NEWS anchor Tony [Dorkoupil] to talk about the economy, foreign policy, the state of the Republican Party, and the 2028 race for the White House in a March edition of CBS NEWS THINGS THAT MATTER: A TOWN HALL WITH VICE PRESIDENT JD VANCE. The one-hour special will be broadcast on Saturday, March 14 at 8:00 PM ET/PT on the CBS Television Network and will stream on Paramount+*. It will be presented later on CBSNews.com and CBS News 24/7. The town hall will be recorded before an audience in North Carolina. With so many urgent issues facing Americans and honest debate being more challenging than ever, local residents and people from across the political spectrum are invited to openly ask the Vice President about the things that matter to them,” said a February 13th press release from CBS.

“UPDATE: ‘@CBSNews Things That Matter: A Town Hall with Vice President JD Vance,’ originally scheduled for next week, has been postponed by the vice president due to the war. A new date and more details to come soon,” tweeted CBS PR on Thursday morning. Hey at least they were honest about “due to the war,” since Jaydee sure as shit is not going to want voters’ asking him about it.

Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, an attorney by trade who also used to teach as an adjunct professor at Evangelical Virginia institution Liberty University’s online government courses and was once hired to be the dean of a law school that never actually ended up opening, shared the vast breadth and depth of his interpretation of legal statutes on Thursday with Punchbowl News’s Jake Sherman, telling the veteran Capitol Hill journalist that “marital infidelity is not against the law.”

The sagely insight into the bailiwicks of justiciable criminal conduct came in response to Sherman questioning whether Republican Texas Congressman Tony Gonzales’ should remain in the House of Representatives after admitting on Wednesday to having sexual relations with a subordinate who later tragically committed suicide. It also wasn’t the premise of Sherman’s question since he immediately rephrased, reminding Johnson that it’s against House Ethics rules if it involves a staffer.

“Well of course, yeah. That’s being addressed. There is an investigation at Ethics. The OCC is on it, all those steps have already been taken and apparently were underway… It looks like it’s moving quickly. They announced that right after the election… I’ve always been consistent, whether you’re talking about Republicans or Democrats, we let the processes play out,” Johnson, who once put together a lengthy “opinion” that (indirectly) called for Nancy Pelosi to be charged with a felony for ripping up a copy of convicted felon President Trump’s speech after his lie-filled 2020 State of the Union address. That was back when he was middle-management and the GOP were in the minority, not when he’s the speaker barely holding together a low-single-digit margin on a constant precipice.

Johnson was a bit less decisive on his willingness to answer the question of whether Gonzales had denied the affair to him prior to this week. “I’m not going to get into private conversations. But I’ve told him to be forthright. Apparently now he’s doing that.” So yeah, Gonzales probably did deny it.

Pentagon policy chief Elbridge Colby sits in the hot seat starting at 10 AM.

“The Republicans MUST DO, with PASSION, and at the expense of everything else, THE SAVE AMERICA ACT – And not the watered down version. This is a Country Defining fight for the Soul of our Nation!” posted the Great Leader on Thursday, his demands for “PASSION” only further invigorated by extrinsic developments necessitating control over the conduct of elections.

Also is there even a “watered down version” at all? What the hell is he talking about? Also if that’s true then why not call the one he wants the “blooded version”? That’d be real “PASSION.”

An anonymous oil industry executive tells Politico that, as gasoline prices spike due to convicted felon President Trump’s feckless war on Iran, Regime Chief of Staff Susie Wiles is “looking under every rock for ideas on improving energy prices, especially gas prices” while Energy Secretary Chris Wright and Interior’s Doug Burgum “are getting screamed at to find some good news” and thrashing about “for announcements and messaging to counter the narrative” that fuel prices are rising.

It’s not clear why rising prices is being painted as a “narrative” and not like, you know, the actual reality in which the national average price for a gallon of regular unleaded is up 27 cents in the last week, per AAA, and has spiked by even more in some MAGA states – Iowa’s up 35 cents gallon – and in reddish-purple Georgia at an even higher 39 cent increase. That’s not biased leftist CNN and MS Now propaganda so much as shit that’s actually literally happening to voters in real time.

“The faction of the White House that would care about $80-90 oil was being silenced,” said the oil executive, adding “there were louder voices winning at the moment.” Specifically Marco Rubio and the other hawks, who told Team Let’s-not-do-shit-that-would-increase-gas-prices to pipe down.

🚨 𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐎𝐮𝐭𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐓𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐓𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐬, 𝐍𝐂 𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐦𝐢𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐆𝐎𝐏 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠

Democrats accounted for about 52 percent of all primary ballots cast in Texas.

Link in thread. pic.twitter.com/zpJWwjqiNB

— The Epoch Times (@EpochTimes) March 5, 2026

Convicted felon President Trump has, per Punchbowl News, “quietly asked Hill Republicans if he should fire Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem,” after back-to-back crashouts in front of congressional hearings this week, specifically over the $220 million ad campaign to boost her name recognition that went to a firm owned by Trish McLaughlin’s husband.

Total douchebag Montana Senator Steve Daines officially dropped his reelection bid with the Secretary of State’s office on Wednesday, Punchbowl’s Andrew Desiderio reports.

The cocksucker dropped out minutes before the filing deadline. Minutes before that, Montana US Attorney Kurt Alme filed to run for the seat. Congressman Chuy Garcia pulled the same sandbag.

Scumbag Republican Texas Congressman Tony Gonzales on Wednesday finally admitted to having an affair with his now-deceased aide Regina Aviles prior to her tragic suicide last year.

Utah Congressman Burgess Owens on Wednesday announced he’s hanging up his Ferragamos and calling it a career, making him now the 26th House Republican to make this year in DC his last.