Two The Villages, Florida men in their 60s were arrested on indecent exposure and lascivious charges after they were caught doing you know what in Lake Okahumpka Park on State Road 44 in Wildwood last week, making it clear it’s not okay to hump ya there, Villages-News.com reports, based on a Sumter County Sheriff’s arrest record including the words “before falling on his rump.”

The 6 Jan attack on the Capitol was far more dangerous than most realize

And we have a criminal justice system in place to address it

— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) February 10, 2021

LMAO! Suck it libs! Republican Senator Marco Rubio just OWNED your Marxist butts by disabling replies to this tweet after he endorsed great former President Trump on Sunday! None of your annoying trolling or “fact-checking” can bother him now! Go scream at the sky you wokesters!

National Zero will resume our regular coverage now that we’ve delivered news of a major win for President Trump and Marco Rubio over the fascist left losers and their online harassment campaign.

The Houthi rebels in Yemen hit a US-owned commercial vessel in the Gulf of Aden at the mouth of the Red Sea, a strike that could escalate American military attacks to protect US and other shipping in the region, the Associated Press reports.  A second missile launched at the same time failed and crashed somewhere in Yemen.

The missile struck the Marshall Island-flagged Eagle Gibraltar, a bulk cargo carrier owned by Connecticut-based Eagle Bulk Shipping, on Monday with little damage to the ship and no injuries among the crew.  The ship, which the company said is carrying steel products, is continuing its voyage but was rerouted to avoid the Red Sea.

House Speaker Mike Johnson on Sunday apparently acceded to Fox News propagandist Laura Ingraham’s commands not to come to a deal with Democrats on new border legislation, telling his conference that they need to wait for fat former President Trump to get elected again – and then take office in a year and five days from now – for anything to happen, Punchbowl News reports.

Except even Mitch McConnell says there’s no chance Trump could ever get anything passed. “After congressional Republicans spent years elevating the border crisis, calling it an invasion and rightfully pushing for immediate action, the House Republican position is now basically ‘Let’s wait for Trump’ – even though he may not get elected and definitely couldn’t pass a border bill,” a “frustrated Senate GOP aide” told Punchbowl of the soon-to-be-scuttled border package that would’ve increase the number of available green cards by 50,000 annually, allow work permits for asylum claimants and adult children of H-1B holders, provide public defenders to unaccompanied alien children and mentally impaired migrants, and cap asylum claims at 5,000 per day, per the Washington Examiner.

Remember that Punchbowl is often the Congressional Republicans’ mouthpiece but that works both ways and when shit goes bad for them too they’ll say it. “It also allows President Joe Biden to say that Republicans blocked Congress’ best shot in years to address the broader problems with border security and immigration reform. To be sure, the migrant crisis has been a political liability for Biden, but this move could effectively throw him a lifeline,” they write, passing the Senate GOP’s note to the House GOP to quit fucking around and actually address this “crisis” instead of campaigning on it.

“So interesting to watch anti-Israel protesters violently demonstrating at the While House, getting close to tearing down the fences that protect the President, and NOTHING is even mentioned about it in the LameStream Media, which is merely a subsidiary of the Democrat Party. No arrests, no nothing. Free the J6 Hostages, NOW!!!” writes disgraced former President Trump on Truth Social.

A 41-second clip posted by far right propagandist Andy Ngo shows a two or three dozen pro-Palestinian assholes pushing up against a temporary fence on the outer perimeter of the White House (not the actual fence) and we guess for Trump that’s enough for him to demand that the Capitol rioters all be pardoned en masse. Which he could have done, but didn’t.

“Will Trump Win Iowa By 60 Points? Doubtful. For months, Donald Trump promised the American people a 60-point win in the Iowa caucuses on January 15. Sixty points? The latest Des Moines Register/NBC News poll shows Trump with a lead of less than half his prediction,” writes some lackey for Nimrata “Nikki” Haley’s campaign in a real lemons-to-lemonade press release.

Like we’ve said, we’re going to have a lot of fun with it if and when Trump doesn’t live up to expectations in turnout and/or margin in Iowa. But that’s us. We’re not with the Haley campaign and we sure as shit wouldn’t be crowing about only losing by 30 percent rather than 60 percent.

Icelandic President Guðni Thorlacius Jóhannesson on Sunday warned the masses of a fiery retribution for their hubris, that Abaddon itself would open up and an inferno consume all they hold dear, caring not of their repentance nor prostrations, the Associated Press reports.

“A daunting period of upheaval has begun on the Reykjanes peninsula,” Jóhannesson proclaimed, his thundering a mere whimper amid the deafening roar from beneath. “We don’t yet know how this eruption will unfold, but we must still take those actions that are within our power,” he said.

The furies have already begun consuming the outskirts of the seaside town of Grindavik, several homes set ablaze and melted into the fire’s insatiable hunger for the petty ephemera of man.

Purple Heart recipient, 101 years old, celebrates his birthday at Hooters: 'Just loved it' https://t.co/hNzwYh3Wne

— Fox News (@FoxNews) January 15, 2024

House Majority Whip Steve Scalise told Politico on Sunday that he still plans to move forward with trying to refer Hunter Biden to the Justice Department for criminal contempt on Thursday even after dipshits Jim Jordan and James Comer told Hunter’s lawyer Abbe Lowell they will reissue a subpoena in response to Lowell’s Friday letter pledging cooperation if they get their shit together.

“The Committees welcome Mr Biden’s newfound willingness to testify in a deposition setting under subpoena. Although the Committee’s subpoenas are lawful and remain legally enforceable, as an accommodation to Mr Biden and at your request, we are prepared to issue subpoenas compelling Mr Biden’s appearance at a deposition on a new date,” Comer and Jordan wrote to Lowell.

President Joe Biden’s reelection campaign raised $97 million in the fourth quarter of 2023, likely eclipsing that of fat former President Trump, who hasn’t released numbers yet, and that of Nimrata “Nikki” Haley, whose campaign pulled in $24 million in the same period, Bloomberg reports.

“Our democracy and hard-fought basic rights and freedoms are on the line in 2024, and these numbers prove that the American people know the stakes and are taking action early to help defeat the extreme MAGA Republican agenda again,” said Biden campaign chief Julie Chavez Rodriguez.

The haul relied heavily on small-dollar contributions, with 97 percent valued at less than $200, and averaging at $41.88 each. About 130,000 donors have signed up to give monthly, which is nearly double the number who did so at the same point in the 2020 cycle. It also helps that Biden does not have a real primary nor does he need to piss away millions on criminal defense lawyers.

“That’s a LOT of pizza!” 🤣 pic.twitter.com/IWctktjZ3I

— Jason Miller (@JasonMillerinDC) January 14, 2024

We were to understand that, to Trump fans, being in any way associated with “pizza” is an admission of guilt that one is involved in child sex trafficking and murder, which would make their Orange God Emperor just as bad as Hillary Clinton based on this video alone. We didn’t make these rules.

On a non-sarcastic note, quite a few people are kind of Zaprudering the clip above and intensely focusing on how the fat bastard moves his right leg as a possible sign of health issues, possibly even stroke. It is weird, but so is Trump and in absence of more information we’re not going to go nuts with it, especially as this is not the first time it’s come up in the anti-MAGA media.

Anti-corruption candidate Bernardo Arévalo was sworn in as the president of Guatemala just minutes after midnight on Monday, finally ending months of some very “Stop the Steal”-type bullshit led by Attorney General Consuelo Porras threatened to derail his inauguration, the AP reports.

“It fills me with deep honor to assume this lofty responsibility, showing that our democracy has the necessary strength to resist and that through unity and trust we can change the political panorama in Guatemala,” Arévalo said in his inauguration speech after Porras had since August trying to get him jailed or the results of the election voided. Just getting into office might have been the easy part however, as the congress won’t even recognize Arévalo’s party as legitimate.

A US fighter jet shot down an anti-ship missile fired from Yemen by Houthi rebels on Sunday targeting the USS Laboon, a US Navy destroyer working as part of an international force protecting shipping in the Red Sea, ABC News reports.  It’s the first Houthi strike on vessels in the region since the US and British forces blasted 28 Houthi encampments on Friday, with a strike at a radar facility on Saturday.  President Joe Biden has said he “will not hesitate to direct further measures to protect our people and the free flow of international commerce as necessary.”

“You can be the most worthless Republican in America,” Republican Florida Governor and guy running for third in a two-person race Ron DeSantis declares, “but if you kiss the ring, [Trump will] say you’re wonderful.  You can be the strongest, most dynamic successful Republican and conservative in America, but if you don’t kiss that ring, then he’ll try to trash you.  You deserve a nominee who’s going to put you first, not himself first.”

We know Ron knows all about kissing Trump’s ring; we included his MAGA indoctrination ad from his 2018 gubernatorial election as evidence.  And yes, we agree we deserve a nominee who’s working to put us first:  Vote for Joe Biden.

Because of GOP dysfunction, the House Republican leadership is now proposing a continuing resolution to fund the federal government through Preacher of the House Mike Johnson’s preferred “ladder” approach, meaning some will get funded through March 1st while others will go through March 8th.  The need for the CR is simple:  Republicans cannot govern, and must find a way to pass a bipartisan negotiated funding deal, but they won’t be able to do it in a timely manner because the far right-wing wants to fuck everything up, including again threatening the Speakership.

“Due to continued freezing temperatures, very high demand, and unseasonably low wind, operating reserves are expected to be low during the morning hours of Monday, January 15, prior to the solar ramp up. As a result, ERCOT is asking Texans to conserve electricity use, if safe to do so, Monday, January 15, from 6 am – 10 am. ERCOT is expecting similar conditions on Tuesday, January 16, and will continue to closely monitor conditions and keep the public informed through our communication channels. Tomorrow’s conservation appeal does not indicate ERCOT is experiencing emergency conditions at this time. ERCOT will remain vigilant and communicate further if conditions change because of continued freezing temperatures and very high demand in the morning hours. At this time, if you are experiencing an outage, it is local in nature and not related to overall grid reliability.

“Please check with your local electric provider for more information. Conservation is a widely used industry tool that can help lower demand for a specific period of peak demand time, which is typically during the morning hours in winter. ERCOT is requesting all government agencies (including city and county offices) to implement all programs to reduce energy use at their facilities until at least 10 am tomorrow,” says a press release from the famously unreliable Electric Reliability Council of Texas (ERCOT) warning of more death and misery wrought by their incompetence.

Lucky for Ted Cruz he at least has an alibi for not being in Texas this time around, as the US Senate is in session, requiring him to be in Washington pretending to work for his constituents.

Taking the pulpit on Sunday at the Big Bethel AME Church in Atlanta for a 35-minute speech, Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis denied any wrongdoing without directly addressing or denying the accusations made against her by the Trump camp, the Washington Post (gift link which includes video) reports

One of Trump’s co-conspirators alleged in a court filing that Willis and an outside investigator on the case, Nathan Wade, had an inappropriate affair; the filing offered no evidence of the claim.  Willis suggested racism was at the core of the allegations, including those by Georgia Republican anthropoid Marjorie Taylor Greene.

“They are going to be mad when I call them out on this nonsense,” Willis said. “First thing they say, ‘Oh, she’s going to play the race card.’ But … isn’t it them playing the race card when they think I need someone in some other jurisdiction in some other state to tell me how to do a job I’ve been doing almost 30 years?”

Republican former governor of Maryland Larry Hogan endorsed former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley for the GOP presidential nomination, while Donald Trump was backed by former presidential candidate and governor of one of the Dakotas Doug Burgum, Politico reports.

While Burgum falling in line with the Trump cult isn’t unexpected, the Hogan move is more intriguing.  Hogan’s name was one considered for the nomination of the so-called No Labels Party, and he had resigned from the board of the group earlier this week–a move some speculated set him up to run for the Party’s presidential nomination.

Fat former President Trump will encourage his fans to ignore expected nighttime lows of -12° F and wind chills as low as -45° F during Monday’s Iowa caucuses as he speaks from a hotel in Des Moines at a “tele-rally” rather than the regular MAGA rally he had planned. That one was canceled because it’s -12° F in Des Moines right now with an Accuweather “Real feel” of -42° F.

So yeah, it’s too cold for him to leave his hotel or have his fans show up at an arena, but they absolutely have to head out tomorrow night to go vote for him. It’s really, really important that he completely annihilate Nimrata “Nikki” Haley and Ron DeSanctimonious rather than just win by like 8 or 9 percent. Trump is expected to speak at 1:00 PM EST though his minions are already “warming up” the “crowd” with Jim Jordan saying how in August 2022 that Trump told him that the FBI raiding Mar-a-Lago was the best thing that could’ve happened to the Republican Party and Wisconsin MAGA Congressman Derrick Van Orden – who was first elected in 2022 but was spotted on the Capitol grounds during the January 6th insurrection – saying how Donald “backs the blue.”

Texas National Guard members physically blocked members of the US Border Patrol who wanted to help a family struggling to cross the Rio Grande River on Friday, resulting in the death of a woman and two children believed to be her offspring, the CBS News reports.

Republican Texas Governor and sadist Greg Abbott ordered state Guard to remove federal officials from a park in Eagle Pass where the Border Patrol had created a staging area to process migrants coming across the border.  Border Patrol agents learned that six migrants were in medical distress at the site and tried to gain access, but were blocked.  Calls to local authorities went unanswered.  Later, Mexican authorities recovered the bodies of the woman and two children on their side of the Rio Grande Saturday morning.  The status of the other three individuals is unknown.

“Texas Military Department soldiers stated they would not grant (Border Patrol) access to the migrants – even in the event of an emergency – and that they would send a soldier to investigate the situation,” Democratic Texas Congressman Henry Cuellar said in the statement on social media.  “This is a tragedy, and the state bears responsibility.”