Disgraced former President Trump’s 2024 campaign are readying an all-out war on Robert F Kennedy Jr after internal polling found that Bobby does indeed take away votes from Donald and not Joe Biden like was the plan all along with elevating the anti-vax conspiracy freak, Semafor reports.

“It’s single digits, but it’s enough where it counts to make a difference,” a campaign source tells Semafor about the internal polling which found that RFK Jr dents Trump more than that Cornel West asshole does to Biden. “We’re gonna be dropping napalm after napalm on his head reminding the public of his very liberal views, dating back to 2012,” another Trump minion said.

“He used to be a fun plaything to hurt Biden, now he is something that could hurt the GOP,” a MAGA source said, making it plain that they know they created this monster that is now nearly certain turn on them. Absent from the article is an explanation on why the fuck RFK Jr was invited to CPAC.

The largest manufacturer of “ghost gun” kits and parts has agreed to end sales in California as part of a settlement of a lawsuit brought by the Los Angeles City Attorney, the Washington Post reports.  The deal with the company, Polymer 80, includes $5 million in penalties for various alleged violations.

The LA DA is working to get untraceable guns off the streets as part of the continuing effort to hold criminals accountable for gun violence, but also to hold accountable those companies that make evading the law possible.  Ghost guns are typically untraceable weapons put together by independent parts or as kits that skirt laws regarding the sale and licensing of firearms.  The number of ghost guns seized by law enforcement because they have been used in crimes has risen 700% since 2017.

California had a number of incidents in which the perpetrators used ghost guns, including an assassination attempt on two LA County sheriff’s deputies who were both shot in the head by an assailant using a ghost gun made primarily with Polymer 80 parts; the deputies came to a separate settlement with the company.  Washington, DC recently came to a $4 million settlement with the company for the role its products have played in gun violence.

Former titular Speaker of The House and now just Congressman Kevin McCarthy is considering hanging it up before the end of this term, Politico reports on what should’ve already happened.

“I’m going to spend time with my family… I might have been given a bad break, but I’m still the luckiest man alive,” McCarthy told members after he was removed last week. Sources say the gummy worm of a former leader intends to stay at least as long as it takes to pick a new speaker.

UPDATE 10/6/2023 4:29 PM EDT: CBS News workaholic Scott MacFarlane reports McCarthy denied the reporting saying he’ll finish out his term and even run for reelection too.

“Robert F Kennedy Jr has a unique voice in advocating for the defunding of the weaponized bureaucracy and ensuring the constitutional right of medical freedom. Kennedy joining such an important event is a reflection of the splintering of the left-wing coalition that has gone full woke Marxist to the point that traditional liberals don’t feel welcome anymore. The breakup of the left-wing coalition is occurring while the conservative coalition has hopes of adding more blacks and Hispanics who reject gender insanity, the effects of the terrible economy, and the destruction of their once safer neighborhoods,” said dick-grabbing CPAC chair Matt Schlapp in an announcement Friday.

“The ridiculous story put out today about me talking to a Mar-a-Lago member about US Submarines, is false and ridiculous, other than the fact that I will often state that we make the best Submarines and Military Equipment anywhere in the World – A pretty well known fact! These fake stories are put out by corrupt prosecutors trying to interfere with the Presidential Election of 2024, and based on the polling, where I am 60 points up on Republican Candidates, and 11 points up on Crooked Joe Biden, the people of our Country aren’t buying it. With that being said, I will always promote the Greatness of America – and its Military Equipment. The alternative would be for Allies, and others, to buy from Russia, China, or elsewhere. I like creating jobs in America, which was one of my most successful achievements as President!” writes Inmate P01135809 on Truth Social.

The saga of the Fox News-televised Bret Baier-moderated House GOP Speaker debate (or “candidate forum”) has ended as CNN’s Melanie Zanona now reports that it’s been canceled due to Jim Jordan and Steve Scalise realizing they fucked up with the stupid idea.

Disgraced former President Trump was furious with Matt Gaetz for jokingly entering a Donald to be Speaker of the House last January because Democrats laughed in the chamber after the clerk read “the Honorable Donald J Trump of Florida has received one,” which made him plot to become Speaker himself, ABC News reports in an excerpt of their politics guy Jon Karl’s upcoming book.

“Gaetz eventually realized his stunt was upsetting the former president and switched his vote to GOP Rep Kevin Hern of Oklahoma for the next two rounds of balloting. But during that time, Trump, still stewing, told at least two people the real problem was that Gaetz had not formally nominated him for speaker. If Republicans realized he was a real candidate for speaker, Trump thought, they would have overwhelmingly voted for him,” Karl writes. So Trump then ordered Gaetz to formally nominate him, which then prompted an even bigger meltdown from the twice-impeached loser.

“Once CNN and MSNBC started mocking him, that he had the lowest vote count in history,” a Trump minion told Karl “All of a sudden, he was like, ‘Get me out of [the formal Speaker nomination]!'”

Turns out our earlier report on Fox’s Bret Baier hosting a closed-door debate between House GOP speaker candidates Jim Jordan and Steve Scalise was based on some faulty information, and according to CNN’s Melanie Zanona’s reporting on the Republican caucus’s reaction. The fuckup – if you can believe it – was not actually on us this time as we sourced from Punchbowl News, who printed, emphasis ours: “Fox News’ Bret Baier will host a closed debate and discussion between the GOP candidates for speaker Monday night, according to a source involved with the planning.”

Anyway some rank-and-file members are not happy at all with the plan, with one telling Zanona it’s “insanity” and “people are pissed.” Another said the “circus” would probably not end up happening because of the pushback it’s already getting from the caucus. Congressman Carlos Giminez sounds like he won’t vote for either of them, saying “If both of them thought this was a good idea, then maybe they don’t have a pulse of the conference. I’m having serious problems.”

“WHEREAS, Petitioners Donald J Trump, Donald J Trump, Jr, Eric Trump, Allen Weisselberg, Jeffrey McConney, The Donald J Trump Revocable Trust, The Trump Organization Inc, The Trump Organization LLC, DJT Holdings LLC, DJT Holdings Managing Member, Trump Endeavor 12 LLC, 401 North Wabash Venture LLC, Trump Old Post Office LLC, 40 Wall Street LLC, and Seven Springs LLC (collectively ‘Petitioners’), by and through their undersigned counsel, filed a Joint Article 78 Petition on September 13, 2023; WHEREAS Respondent The Honorable Arthur F Engoron, JSC elected not to appear in the above-captioned proceeding pursuant to CPLR § 7804(i) (NYSCEF Doc No 5); IT IS HEREBY STIPULATED AND AGREED by and between Petitioners and Respondent People of the State of New York by Letitia James, Attorney General of the State of New York, that the above-captioned Article 78 proceeding is discontinued with prejudice pursuant to 22 NYCRR § 1250.2(b)(2)” says a motion to withdraw the special proceeding against New York Judge Arthur Engoron that failed to derail Attorney General Letitia James’s $250 million lawsuit against the Orange Fatass.

Whichever lawyer that forgot to list him as “President Donald J Trump” in the list of petitioners should be fired immediately for not extraneously adding his honorific to a legal document.

US employers, having seen Trump beating Biden by 11 percent in the most recent Washington Post/ABC News poll and far ahead of the competition in the GOP primary, felt confident enough in September to add 336,000 jobs in anticipation of the greatest economy president ever being sworn into office again in 15 months. They also increased wages by 4.2 percent over 3.7 percent inflation just to give your wallet a sweet happy memory of what it was like. Your wallet misses Trump.

The polls numbers are really the only explanation for the phenomenal job growth and only some Soros Antifa fake news queer loser is going to try to tell you otherwise. It’s leftist propaganda and it should be illegal. Business owners know Trump. They love him so much. They’re excited to see him come back and that’s why they’re hiring and raising wages. The enthusiasm is just incredible.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after spinning up some MAGA-friendly economic news for our right wing readers and their sentient wallets. We hope they enjoyed this update.

In a recording of a recent private online meeting with well-heeled conservative donors obtained by NBC News, MAGA Congressmen Matt Gaetz and Matt Rosendale told the attendees their party’s supposedly still ongoing efforts to impeach President Biden are a stupid waste of time.

“I don’t believe that we are endeavoring upon a legitimate impeachment of Joe Biden… They’re trying to engage in a, like, ‘forever war’ of impeachment. And like many of our forever wars, it will drag on forever and end in a bloody draw,” said Gaetz last week, before he put it somewhat more gently with addressing the House during debate on his ultimately successful motion to eject Kevin McCarthy from the speakership. “I just don’t get the sense that it’s for the sake of impeachment. I think it’s for the sake of having another bad thing to say about Joe Biden,” Gaetz continued.

Rosendale likened the impeachment to Hunter Biden’s prosecution, saying both were a “smokescreen” meant to hide or distract from more serious crimes committed by the wayward son and the rest of the Biden family. Separately the Messenger obtained a clip from the same Zoom meeting in which Rosendale told the donors he had “prayed” for a small GOP majority ahead of the 2022 midterms – rather than a red wave to give them a margin of dozens of seats in the House.

Republican groups and donors opposed to disgraced former President Trump are throwing in the towel en masse as the fat bastard continues to steamroll all opposition in the GOP 2024 primary, conceding that his appeal to the hicks in the party’s base is simply unbreakable, Axios reports.

Fox News anchor Bret Baier will moderate a speakership wrestling match between Jim Jordan and Steve Scalise on Monday night, Punchbowl News reports. The debate will not actually be televised and it’s only for Republican House members and staff which… Christ, this is so freaking stupid.

Like how fucking Fox News-brained do you need to be to call one of their guys in to moderate a non-public debate? Now sure, from a distance you can see how it’s obviously beneficial for Baier because it’s an access thing and he can report exclusively on it afterward. Fox would no doubt prefer to have live cameras in the room when this is happening, though this is definitely still worth it for them. As much as we mock Fox News here we do not at all question the call on their end.

The House GOP though… This speaks so much to their mindset, that in a closed forum with only their own side in the audience they still need to act like they’re on TV to the point where they literally bring in a guy who moderates televised debates. It’s easy to imagine that – on top of viewers not actually having a direct say in the outcome – a big part of the reason why this isn’t on TV is because there’s going to be too much inside baseball shit and arcane parliamentary issues that most of the audience would just doze off for. If that’s the case then what makes them think Baier is going to be fluent enough in those topics to ask the right questions? And if they’re just going to feed him the questions then what’s the goddamned point of having him there? This shit is just bizarre.

“The Norwegian Nobel Committee has decided to award the Nobel Peace Prize 2023 to Narges Mohammadi for her fight against the oppression of women in Iran and her fight to promote human rights and freedom for all. This year’s peace prize also recognises the hundreds of thousands of people who, in the preceding year, have demonstrated against Iran’s theocratic regime’s policies of discrimination and oppression targeting women. The motto adopted by the demonstrators – ‘Woman – Life – Freedom’ – suitably expresses the dedication and work of Narges Mohammadi,” says the Nobel Committee in a statement announcing fat former President Trump has been passed over again, even though he’s been nominated repeatedly by right wing politicians across the globe.

You will not be surprised to learn that GOP presidential primary candidate Vivek Ramaswamy’s story about two protestors ramming his campaign’s vehicle in Grinnell, Iowa on Thursday afternoon was just an accident that had nothing to do with the hecklers, with cops telling the Des Moines register in a statement that the driver “stated she was not in the area to protest, she did not know who the vehicle she struck belonged to, she did not intentionally back into the vehicle, and she did not flee the scene of the accident.” Lefty protestors had indeed been hounding Ramaswamy about his anti-Ukraine stance around the same time, but the minor fender-bender was merely a coincidence.

Farther-right primary challengers looking to take down incumbent House GOP members next year now have a potentially serious line of attack: loser former Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s endorsement is now like a scarlet letter among anti-“establishment” MAGA voters, Politico reports.

“Voters don’t want a McCarthy Republican,” Joe Earley, who’s taking on McCarthyite West Virginia Congressman Alex Mooney. “They want a true conservative, and this situation has exposed how poor a job that McCarthy has done and that my opponent has refused to reject his endorsement.”

As his Florida federal trial on stealing national security secrets and storing them in the bathroom at his supper club, Donald Trump has notified the National Archives and Records Administration that alleged co-conspirator Mark Meadows, disgraced propagandist John Solomon, and a half dozen others are no longer his official representatives designated to work with the government historians, Politico reports.

“With this letter, I designate Todd Blanche, Esq. and M. Evan Corcoran, Esq. as my representatives in all respects that pertain to access to the records of my Presidency,” Trump wrote in a letter to NARA. “This letter supersedes all prior correspondence on this topic in that the representatives named herein are not in addition to, but replace, any prior designee.”

It’s rather difficult to understand why Trump continued with the same designated representatives when they clearly did not fulfill their obligations to obstruct any problems with the government, and now Mr. Trump is facing unjust charges because of their carelessness.

“We had a strong Day 4, we’ve had a strong week despite the situation that we’ve been put in, um, y’know, this court which we strongly believe we shouldn’t’ve been in,” lawyer whose fees apparently including highlighting her hair as her client demands Alina Habba says on a second tier conservative talk network.  “We’ve been fighting hard and I gotta tell you, their key witness, y’know, came up, he- he said frankly everything I wanted him to say.  I heard it perfectly and I looked over and– I think we’re doing very well, and it’s not going to go so well for Letitia James because at the end of the day, the Trump Organization did nothing wrong and they’re using a consumer fraud statute inappropriately against a private business.  It’s not supposed to happen and it’s a very scary precedent for New Yorkers, I’ll tell ya that, Greg.”

Habba fails to mention two key points:  the case is being heard as a bench trial, without a jury, because she and her colleagues on Trump’s legal team reportedly did not request one.  Second, Trump has already lost a key part of the case, with the judge having ruled that Trump et al had committed fraud.  The rest of the case is damage control as they attempt to limit the impending judgment against the Trump criminal organization.

Just had a great conversation with President Trump about the Speaker’s race.

He is endorsing Jim Jordan, and I believe Congress should listen to the leader of our party.

I fully support Jim Jordan for Speaker of the House.

— Congressman Troy E. Nehls (@RepTroyNehls) October 6, 2023

It shouldn’t be a question that Trump would simultaneously tease a stint as temporary Speaker, as is being pushed by the likes of Marjie Greene and even Sean Hannity–with Trump even going so far as claiming he’ll make an appearance in DC next week as the candidates for the race hold a closed-door forum for the GOP caucus.  But we knew he didn’t really want the job.  It requires actual work.

UPDATE 10/6/2023 4:25 AM EDT: Donald officially endorsed his spandex-wearing loyalist.