The much-anticipated launch of Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’s 2024 presidential campaign got off to an inauspicious start, in that it got off to no start at all.  The highly-promoted Twitter Spaces that was supposed to host the event shut down after more than 20 minutes of “Preparing to launch…” headlining the screen.  The word harbinger pops to mind.

How long will we have to wait before DeSantis officially joins the race becoming the Judy to Trump’s Punch, the Jerry to Trump’s Tom, the Hal to Trump’s Hotspur?  How long before Twitter’s tech support asks Elon, “Can you make sure it’s plugged in?”  And how long before anybody tries to do anything important on Twitter?  Tune in again when… well… sometime in the future when Ron DeSantis whacks himself in the testicles with a croquet mallet again.

This link works: https://t.co/9PzIJkseYI

— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) May 24, 2023

Showing the clockwork precision needed to govern the most power nation on Earth, Republican Florida Governor and puppet who just wants to be a boy Ron DeSantis launched his 2024 campaign to be everyone’s second choice after Trump gets indicted… at some point in the future given they blew through the announced 6:00 p.m. ET start time for his Twitter announcement, with “Preparing to launch…” the only message on the Twitter Space eight minutes past schedule. In the meantime, his campaign released the above commercial declaring, “Truth must be our foundation,” a statement that was violated various times in the commercial itself.

I’m running for president to lead our Great American Comeback. pic.twitter.com/YmkWkLaVDg

— Ron DeSantis (@RonDeSantis) May 24, 2023

The audio already cut out for 30 or so of the first 60 seconds. It is a shitshow and the host David Sacks is such a complete douche… The audio just cut out again. Listen here, lol.

Such a short video with so little actually happening yet it says to much about the state of Congress in 2023, that this racist, hateful piece of shit is up there presiding over the House in lieu of the cowardly cuck she owns, and thinking that it somehow automatically gives her authority to demand the respect and professionalism she herself does not ever give to the Democrats.

The Arkansas MAGA scumbag who famously put his feet up on now former Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s desk during the Capitol riot was sentenced Wednesday to 54 months in prison, NBC News reports.

Richard “Bigo” Barnett, who also left a note saying “Bigo was here, you bitch” whilst lounging in the chair and later sold autographed photos of the moment, had acted as his own defense attorney during his trial on multiple felony counts including obstruction of an official proceeding.

A San Antonio MAGA incel prominent in Neo-Nazi Nick Fuentes’s “Groyper” movement pleaded guilty last week to making a “threatening communication” to attack an event thrown by the marginally less MAGA Turning Point USA helmed by small face Charlie Kirk, Talking Points Memo reports.

Alejandro Richard Velasquez Gomez, 19, also known as “LatinoZoomer,” had written an Instagram post promising that the opening day of the July 2022 Turning Point USA Student Action Summit in Tampa would be a bloodbath. “Hi LatinoZoomer here. July 22 is the day of retribution the day I will have revenge against all of humanity which all of you will pay for my suffering. [Student Action Summit] will be the turning point of the LatinoZoomer lore,” Gomez wrote. FBI agents arrested him three weeks later and – surprise – they found child pornography on his phone too.

Of course it’s a good thing that Gomez didn’t end up attacking the Turning Point USA summit. It’s just that in a world where there have been bloody attacks on innocent people in malls, in their homes, at school, at bars, in synagogues… Actually just forget we brought any of that up.

CNN reports Republican Florida Governor and mouse-al abuse victim Ron DeSantis finally filed official paperwork with the Federal Election Commission declaring his candidacy for the GOP nomination for president, something that the antisocial, dictatorial DeSantis hopes will make the rest of the country like the cesspool he oversees now.

In super-exciting economics news, Federal Reserve officials were split on if further interest rate hikes would be needed to curb inflation in the United States, according to the minutes of the May meeting released Wednesday and reviewed by Bloomberg.  According to the notes, the majority of Fed officials feel current measures to curb inflation are working, but some want to be more aggressive on the timetable for getting to an ideal 2% inflation rate.

“Several participants noted that if the economy evolved along the lines of their current outlooks, then further policy firming after this meeting may not be necessary,” the minutes of the meeting held May 2nd & 3rd note.  “Some participants commented that, based on their expectations that progress in returning inflation to 2% could continue to be unacceptably slow, additional policy firming would likely be warranted at future meetings.”

The split in opinion comes largely due to data showing the American economy’s unexpected resilience in a post-pandemic world.  Although inflation put pressure on consumers, job creation continued and consumer spending was steady, even if it shows signs of future softness.

The Los Angeles City Council on Tuesday cleared the police department to accept a donation of a “Spot” robo-dog thing from Boston Dynamics to help fight crime and shit, KTLA reports.

The robot, donated by the Los Angeles Police Foundation nonprofit booster group, will be deployed by the LAPD in response to “incidents involving active shooters, assessment of explosives, hostage situations, natural disasters, hazardous materials assessment, barricaded suspects and search and rescue missions,” but won’t actually have any weapons, lethal or otherwise, mounted on it. Yet.

Critics were already complaining that the robo-dog thing would be used to harass people in communities of color. “We know that we’re not going to see robo rover peddling up the streets of [rich neighborhoods] Brentwood or the Palisades,” said Paul Freedman of the LA Community Action Network. “This is going to be deployed in areas where we blow up firework semis.”

It’s not clear what the fuck Freedman was talking about with “blow up firework semis”, but it sure sounded like he enjoys blowing up semi trucks filled with fireworks, which is kind of crime-ish.

A Florida man with an AK-47 assault rifle who police found in the parking lot of the Dolley Madison Preschool in McLean, Virginia on Wednesday morning told them he was heading to the CIA headquarters, about a mile and a half away, WRC NBC-4 in Washington, DC reports.

Upon arriving at the school, 32-year-old Eric Sandow reportedly exited his car without his weapon and knocked on the school door asking to use the restroom, apparently having to relieve himself before his anticipated mass shooting at the CIA’s offices.  School officials denied him entry.  A resident who lives near the school called police on Sandow because he was acting suspiciously.  When police arrived on the scene, Sandow was unarmed and questioned by officers.  He said he intended to “talk” to the people at the CIA.  Police searched his car and found a cache including two weapons, at least five magazines and scores of rounds of ammunition, shown above.

“The liberal leadership of the Texas House has routinely killed conservative legislation including important bills which would help secure our border and protect the integrity of our elections. They have demonstrated nothing but contempt for the traditional values of conservative Texans.”

“It is not surprising that a committee appointed by liberal Speaker Dade Phelan would seek to disenfranchise Texas voters and sabotage my work as Attorney General. The false testimony of highly partisan Democrat lawyers with the goal of manipulating and misleading the public is reprehensible. Every allegation is easily disproved, and I look forward to continuing my fight for conservative Texas values,” says scumbag Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton in a statement.

Picasso-face Ken was responding to hours of hearings which painted him correctly as a degenerate criminal who has no business being in office – something which isn’t mutually exclusive with state House Speaker Dade Phelan being an alcoholic who shows up to work shitfaced. This was something Pax obviously only decided was a problem after his fellow Republicans decided having taxpayers foot the bill for a $3.3 million settlement with former attorney general’s office employees fired for blowing the whistle on Pax was a problem, but whatever. Impeach the sick asshole now.

Democrats cried “collusion” for years. It was all a hoax. pic.twitter.com/4MEuOwdmiv

— GOP (@GOP) May 24, 2023

Something is happening in the ongoing whatever debt ceiling negotiations between something White House and House Republicans whatever, mainstream media reports. Kevin McCarthy and Republicans making demands to cut something probably spending and President Biden whatever says no negotiations or something but then did negotiate. Janet Yellen said something and then McCarthy and Republicans said whatever else negotiations continue fuck. Also 14th Amendment.

On Capitol Hill, there was buzz. Something about new work requirements whatever the fuck these MAGA idiots think they can’t just accomplish in a spending deal whatever. Default whatever. Whole global economy something. Economy. Republicans say spending is out of control but something like they’re all a bunch of dumb hicks who don’t know shit whatever. Debt ceiling negotiations.

Continuing their relentless quest to see how low their ratings can sink, CNN on Wednesday announced they’ll be holding a town hall event with former South Carolina Governor and shitty comedian Nimrata “Nikki” Haley in Iowa, hosted by Jake Tapper on Sunday, June 4th.

“Pursuant to Ariz. R. Civ. P. 7.1, A.R.S. §§ 12-349 and 16-671 to -678, and this Court’s inherent power to impose sanctions for attorney misconduct before the court, the Maricopa County Defendants move for an award of sanctions against Plaintiff-Contestant Kari Lake and her counsel. This Motion is supported by the following Memorandum of Points and Authorities… The Maricopa County Defendants respectfully request that this Court issue sanctions against Lake and her counsel because they ignored this admonition and repeatedly made demonstrably false statements to this Court on remand. These material misstatements of fact brought frivolous arguments and frivolous claims before the Court. This conduct warrants meaningful sanctions,” says a motion filed on Wednesday by Maricopa County seeking punishment for MAGA psychopath Kari Lake and her attorneys for repeatedly wasting their time and money in court with her fake election fraud bullshit.

Former South Carolina Governor Nimrata “Nikki” Haley bombed on Wednesday during a stand-up routine at the “Politics and Eggs” breakfast in New Hampshire, Semafor’s Dave Wiegel reports.

“Everybody know about Dylan Mulvaney? Bud Light? That is a guy, dressed as a girl, making fun of women,” said Haley to zero applause from the audience Wiegel describes as “nonpartisan… a polite crowd of businessmen and nonprofit people, not a GOP base crowd” hosted by St Anselm College.

It’s not clear if Haley followed up with other lines such as “And what’s the deal with this Hunter Biden guy? I can’t tell if he’s cracking under the pressure from the House Republican investigations or if he’s just smoking lots of crack under the pressure!” or “Everyone’s talking about this debt ceiling, when women in Republican politics like me have been dealing with a glass ceiling for so much longer!” and if those lines successfully elicited a warmer reaction from the crowd.

“The Extreme Wind Warning has been extended for the northeastern part of Guam until 10:45 pm. Widespread destructive winds of 115 to 140 mph are moving over Yigo and Andersen AFB, extending southward to Dededo. The safest place to be is in a reinforced concrete structure, in an interior room. According to the National Weather Service Office Guam, the storm’s destructive winds of 105 mph are impacting Guam and will continue late into this evening. Guam can expect peak typhoon force conditions late into the evening before gradually subsiding into tropical storm conditions.”

“As the storm continues through the Rota Channel, just north of Guam, the brunt of the typhoon force winds are impacting the northern villages but the remainder of the island is continuing to receive impact as typhoon force winds extend 45 miles from Mawar’s center. Tropical storm force winds extend outward from the center up to 145 miles. As of 7 pm, Typhoon Mawar was located 13.7 degrees north latitude, 144.9 degrees east longitude, about 15 miles north-northeast of Guam, about 115 miles south-southwest of Saipan. It is moving northwest at 8 mph with maximum sustained winds of 140 mph,” says a Guam Homeland Security Office of Civil Defense bulletin.

Continued the fat bastard in another post: “Ron DeSanctus can’t win the General Election (or get the Nomination) because he VOTED TO OBLITERATE SOCIAL SECURITY, EVEN WANTING TO RAISE THE MINIMUM AGE TO 70 (or more!), VOTED TO BADLY WOUND MEDICARE, AND FOUGHT HARD AND VOTED FOR A 23% ‘TAX ON EVERYTHING’ SALES TAX. He was, and is, a disciple of horrible RINO Paul Ryan, and others too many to mention. Also, he desperately needs a personality transplant and, to the best of my knowledge, they are not medically available yet. A disloyal person!”

If we didn’t know better we would almost think Trump is actually panicking over DeSantis launching his 2024 campaign. The tone is basically the same as that of one of Trump’s meltdowns over getting prosecuted. Why the hell is he freaking out like this when he’s been leading Mickey Maoist in every GOP primary poll by double digits – some of them even like 40, 50 percent – for months now? Is it just an intolerable wound to Trump’s ego that a “disloyal” little scumbag would challenge him?

A New South Wales jack is facin’ a nick for cooking a 95 year-old codger with his stunnaroo after she was tottering towards him in a retirement cribo carryin a meat knifey, the AP reports.

The old sheila was bonkers on account of dementiaree, and Constable Kristian White fried her right good with his stunnaroo, crackin her skull in the fall. Now he’s right fucked, facin’ a hell of a raparoo from the other jackers who gonna cuff him for assault occasioning actual bodily harm and other charges. That decision to zap a codger really boomeranged on Constable White uh?