Hawaiian volcano Kilauea on Monday shot its load [Oh my God that is disgusting, how could a site with a patina of professionalism write something like that? Seriously grow up] of hot, sticky [Good Lord, what is wrong with this person?] lava, the mountain sighed contentedly [A VOLCANO CANNOT “SIGH CONTENTEDLY”! This double-entendre was already too much and now this sick pervert is ignoring logic and common sense!] and went back to sleep, though USGS scientists believe ongoing rumblings signal a stiff [GET THIS FILTH OFF MY SCREEN NOW!] resurgence of the volcano’s primal urge to squirt [National Zero is being reported for this!] more hot, sticky lava on to the fertile [You’ve crossed a line Mister! There’s NO going back!] land on the Big Island’s southwestern regions.

From the USGS Bulletin: “The eruption that began southwest of Kilauea’s summit at approximately 12:30 am HST this morning, June 3, has paused. However, activity in this region remains dynamic and could change quickly. HVO continues to closely monitor Kilauea and will issue additional notices as needed. Visual observations suggest that effusion of lava ceased by approximately 12:30 pm HST today. Lava flows were sluggish between 11–12 pm HST and had ceased moving by approximately 12:30 pm HST. However, areas of incandescence and elevated volcanic gas emissions continue. At approximately 7:45 am HST this morning, a sulfur dioxide emission rate of approximately 15,000 tonnes per day was measured; this emission rate had decreased to 12,000 tonnes per day as of noon and has likely decreased further this afternoon. Volcanic tremor, a signal associated with fluid movement, continues to be recorded on summit seismometers though at a slightly decreased intensity. Earthquake activity decreased greatly in the summit region of Kilauea.”