Shares of iconic forbidden fruit-themed tech company Apple dropped over 2 percent in premarket trading Friday morning after a world-renowned business guru posted “I have long ago informed Tim Cook of Apple that I expect their iPhone’s [sic] that will be sold in the United States of America will be manufactured and built in the US, not India, or anyplace else. If that is not the case, a Tariff of at least 25 percent must be paid by Apple to the US. Thank your for your attention to this matter!”

More seriously this is fucking hilarious because four days ago the Wall Street Journal reported that Apple saw how Walmart and Mattel had incurred the fat bastard’s wrath and wanted to price them in to this year’s new iPhone lineup by pretending that some unspecified new features had justified the increased cost. They were going to that kind of length to maintain profitability while not pissing Trump off. Then this morning he spares them that work and straight up tells Americans that their iPhones are going to cost 25 percent more – AFTER losing his shit at Amazon, Walmart, and Mattel for trying to be more open with consumers about who to blame. Awesome 5D checkmate, Donald.

The fat fuck kept the rampage going with “The European Union, which was formed for the primary purpose of taking advantage of the United States on TRADE, has been very difficult to deal with.”

“Their powerful Trade Barriers, Vat Taxes, ridiculous Corporate Penalties, Non-Monetary Trade Barriers, Monetary Manipulations, unfair and unjustified lawsuits against Americans Companies, and more, have led to a Trade Deficit with the US of more than $250,000,000 a year, a number which is totally unacceptable. Our discussions with them are going nowhere! Therefore, I am recommending a straight 50 percent Tariff on the European Union, starting on June 1, 2025. There is no Tariff if the product is built or manufactured in the United States. Thank you for your attention to this matter!”