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Well we’ve seen enough. Joe Biden’s performance in that debate was horrible and many prominent Democrats are in an absolute panic over it. Van Jones was straight up about to cry on CNN. No doubt at least 12 libs died of heart attacks on their couches while watching because it was so stressful even though let’s be honest Trump fucking sucked too. Still it’s clear that the Dems saying they need to replace Biden as the party’s 2024 nominee are correct, hard as it is to admit.

So here’s who we think should replace Joe Biden at the 2024 DNC: Joe Biden on drugs.

That’s right. Kick Joe Biden to the curb and get a real candidate who has all the policy smarts, charisma, and political IQ of regular Joe Biden and add a shit ton of neurochemical enhancements to make him into Joe Biden on drugs. It’s a win-win for all the people worried about his energy level and mental acuity on display at the CNN debate because those issues will be masked by a cocktail of high-grade amphetamines, selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors, modafinils, and measured doses of cocaine. Joe Biden on drugs will be clearer, more comprehensible, and most importantly possess a sharper wit and fiercer temper than the non-drugged Joe Biden we saw at the debate.

It’s such a simple shuffle for the presidential ticket and it’s shocking that so many political “professionals” on the left aren’t immediately advocating for it. Are they fucking high or something?

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after this important scorching hot take that will no doubt cause an immediate “game changing” stir across the whole American political media universe.

These are dark times for our Nation, as Oakland Mayor Sheng Thao, as Politico reports her beautiful home was under siege, raided, and occupied by a large group of FBI agents on Thursday. Nothing like this has ever happened to a Mayor of Oakland before. After working and cooperating with the relevant Government agencies, this unannounced raid on her house was not necessary or appropriate. It is prosecutorial misconduct, the weaponization of the Justice System, and an attack by Radical Left Democrats who desperately don’t want Thao to run for Mayor in 2026, especially based on recent polls, and who will likewise do anything to stop her continuing to lead the city.

Such an assault could only take place in broken, Third-World Countries. Sadly, America has now become one of those Countries, corrupt at a level not seen before. What is the difference between this and Watergate, where operatives broke into the Democrat National Committee? Here, in reverse, Democrat FBI agents illegally broke into the home of the 51st Mayor of Oakland.

The political persecution of Sheng Thao has been going on for years, with this now fully debunked Oakland A’s moving to Las Vegas scam, the unconstitutional recall hoax, and so much more, it just never ends. It is political targeting at the highest level! Hillary was allowed to delete and acid wash 33,000 E-mails AFTER they were subpoenaed by Congress. Absolutely nothing has happened to hold her accountable. She even took antique furniture, and other items from the White House!

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after recycling material that itself was recycled from an August 8, 2022 Trump statement so we can report a real FBI raid on Oakland Mayor Sheng Thao.

“The Consumer Price Index for All Urban Consumers (CPI-U) was unchanged in May on a seasonally adjusted basis, after rising 0.3 percent in April, the US Bureau of Labor Statistics reported. Over the last 12 months, the all items index increased 3.3 percent before seasonal adjustment. More than offsetting a decline in gasoline, the index for shelter rose in May, up 0.4 percent for the fourth consecutive month. The index for food increased 0.1 percent in May. The food away from home index rose 0.4 percent over the month, while the food at home index was unchanged. The energy index fell 2.0 percent over the month, led by a 3.6-percent decrease in the gasoline index. The index for all items less food and energy rose 0.2 percent in May, after rising 0.3 percent the preceding month. Indexes which increased in May include shelter, medical care, used cars and trucks, and education. The indexes for airline fares, new vehicles, communication, recreation, and apparel were among those that decreased over the month,” says the monthly BLS inflation report for May.

The 0 percent increase is under the 0.1 percent expected, per CNBC and it’s obvious that President Trump’s skyrocketing poll numbers are the reason. The inflation industry knows they’re in big trouble if Trump is reelected as he’s already guaranteed to make it punishable by death to raise prices on the everyday essentials that hardworking American families need. So now they’re trying to pretend they’re on their best behavior but it’s not going to work because he’s already on to the inflationists and future US Attorney General Ken Paxton already has an eye on which ones will die on live television (and streaming via RSBN) first. Contribute $47 to the Trump 2024 campaign now to vote in a poll for the most gruesome and painful execution method. Retribution can be yours, patriot.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after this maybe a little forced continuation of handing credit for current positive economic news to Trump’s largely mediocre poll numbers.

WOW! Fox Newsreels just reported that Crooked Fake-President-lin D Roosevelt ordered Hundreds of Thousands of US troops to land on the beaches at Normandy in France, where German soldiers were occupying the area to maintain peace and order at the request of the highly respected General Philipe Petain. Countless US and German soldiers have already tragically and sadly been killed in combat and Many more are horribly wounded. These once-beautiful Beaches where children used to play have now been covered in blood and guts, it’s Incredible. How many have died and how many more will die due to Loservelt’s failed Foreign Policies that caused this horrible day in history?

Roosevelt’s invasion bloodbath has completely destroyed this beautiful beach.

This never would have happened if Herbert Hoover was still in Office. We had four years of no wars, world peace, and Americans could go to the store and buy whatever they wanted without this economy-destroying “rationing” system. All those sailors who were blown to bits when the Japanese attacked our big, beautiful war boats at Pearl Harbor are probably looking down and crying at what has happened since then, seeing Republicans in Congress not subpoenaing the DeLoservelt Administration for letting them die and just voting to declare this horrible war and this failed country that is fighting it. Hoover would have been so much tougher and stronger and would have negotiated a peace after the Attack so our troops could stay home with their wonderful families.

“Recently, we have seen viral social posts and poorly sourced reports that McDonald’s has raised prices significantly beyond inflationary rates. This is inaccurate. And for a brand that proudly serves nearly 90 percent of the US population every year, we feel a responsibility to make sure the real facts are available. I can tell you it frustrates and worries me, and many of our franchisees, when I hear about an $18 Big Mac meal being sold – even if it was at one location in the US out of more than 13,700. More worrying is when people believe that this is the rule and not the exception, or when folks start to suggest that the prices of a Big Mac have risen 100 percent since 2019.”

“The average price of a Big Mac in the US was $4.39 in 2019. Despite a global pandemic and historic rises in supply chain costs, wages and other inflationary pressures in the years that followed, the average cost is now $5.29. That’s an increase of 21 percent (not 100 percent). Inflationary pressures have affected all sectors of the economy, including ours. Our franchisees (who own and operate more than 95 percent of all restaurants in the US) set menu prices for their restaurants, which account for the increased costs of running their businesses,” says Joe Erlinger, President of McDonald’s USA division, in a statement clearly meant to interfere in the 2024 election by lying about the price of a Big Mac and not holding Joe Biden directly responsible for it.

Erlinger should be placed under immediate investigation by patriotic FBI agents and prosecutors who disagree and believe that Big Macs cost even more than 100 percent more than they did when President Trump was in office, before the wealthy non-Christian globalists who control the media rigged the 2020 election with negative coverage and suppressing the Hunter Biden laptop story.

“Target Corporation announced today it will lower everyday regular prices on approximately 5,000 frequently shopped items across its assortment. The retailer has just reduced prices on about 1,500 items, with thousands more price cuts planned to take effect over the course of the summer.”

“Consumers will enjoy savings on everyday items such as milk, meat, bread, soda, fresh fruit and vegetables, snacks, yogurt, peanut butter, coffee, diapers, paper towels, pet food and more. These price reductions will collectively save consumers millions of dollars this summer,” says a new press release from woke national retailer Target, announcing they’re going to interfere in the 2024 election by lowering prices on items Americans have been overcharged for ever since the 2020 election was stolen by state legislatures who illegally changed their laws to make it easier to vote by mail.

First the transgender swimsuits and Pride rainbow shirts for toddlers and now this blatant attempt to tip the scales in Joe Biden’s favor. Who the fuck do they think they are trying to make everyday necessities more affordable for Americans who have been suffering from the Biden Regime’s war on low prices? These socialist cunts are playing games with the very future of our Republic by taking the edge off a major focus of President Trump’s winning message of blaming Crooked Joe for the rising cost of paper towels and boxes of Betty Crocker Marvel Spider-Man Fruit Snacks 10 count 8 oz pouches. This is illegal election interference and people are seeing right through it.

The US economy added 175,000 jobs in April, falling short of an expected 240,000 expected and the unemployment rate crept up to 3.9 percent in a sign that employers are paying close attention to former President Trump’s newly tightening poll numbers against President Biden and are holding back on new hires since they aren’t so sure the genius businessman will return to office.

Especially those ones last week showing RFK Jr taking more from Trump than from Biden. Those have to be setting off alarm bells inside C-suites all over the country. And the stock market softening too. That’s definitely 100 percent attributable to Biden’s newfound electoral strength.

Trump himself seemed panicked that the slight dip in his numbers had affected the job market, posting “HORRIBLE JOB NUMBERS JUST ANNOUNCED. A BIG MISS FROM FAKE ESTIMATES. THEY SHOULD HAVE ASKED ME TO GIVE THE FORECAST. BIDEN IS DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY!!!”

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after “reporting” the very natural upshot to Donald and his fanboys claiming that all positive economic indicators are thanks to his polling numbers.

This is Joe Biden’s America.

This is Joe Biden’s campus chaos. pic.twitter.com/rh9dntZVIj

— GOP (@GOP) April 30, 2024

The woke college campuses populated by spoiled elitist brats who have no goddamned idea what it’s like to have to get up in the morning and put in a hard day’s work like real Americans do every day have now been overrun by ultra leftist spoiled elitist brats cosplaying as pro-Palestinian anarchists with no idea what it’s like to have to worry about the price of eggs and gas like regular everyday working families outside their insular Ivory Tower world. This is Joe Biden’s America.

That’s right libs. All those politically correct pussy administrators and professors who hid behind moronic buzzwords like “microaggressions” and “pronouns” to disrespect the free speech rights of those who disagree are now being terrorized by the maniacs who disrupt campus life and refuse to respect the authority of the hardworking administrators and professors who run the place.

Joe Biden should do something to protect all of those Jewish students being harassed by the pro-Hamas leftist freaks. Also the Jews who go to Ivy League and other elite colleges are Democrat-voting dumbasses who hate Israel and their religion. But he won’t because he’s weak and doesn’t care about the regular Americans concerned about what’s happening on the campuses of elite colleges filled with woke Marxist students and snobby globalist professors who indoctrinate them.

In conclusion, this never would have happened if Biden had just called in the National Guard to shoot these protestors in the kneecaps. We need peace through strength to protect higher learning.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage now that we’ve conducted this detailed analysis of the official Republican Party response to the ongoing chaos at America’s elite universities.

This terrorist attack in Moscow was a disgrace and Russia has every right to defend itself with overwhelming force. Sadly, American taxpayer dollars probably helped fund these attacks, which many reports are saying came from the Biden Administration. President Trump brought so much peace to the former Soviet Union through his negotiating skills and intelligence, only to see Biden whittle it away at a far more rapid pace than anyone thought possible. Here we go again.

As many as 200 Russian civilians are dead while Biden’s eating ice cream and getting ready to sign a uniparty swamp bill dropped in the middle of the night – none of which contains any money to help defend our important ally Russia from terror attacks like this. The simple fact is this never would have happened if you didn’t have a stolen election through just massive fraud. Why isn’t crooked Trump-hater Judge Engoron and his boss, New York Attorney General Fani Willis, going after Joe Biden for allowing this bloodbath to happen to Moscow? The world is going to hell on his watch.

These terrorist thugs knew they could get away with it because Biden has no guts and is weak. He doesn’t even know where he is most of the time. And a lot of people are saying he secretly paid for this attack on Russia. The Injustice Department and Deranged Jack Smith are interfering in the election by not looking very strongly at Hunter for this horrible massacre. Where’s Hunter?

Joe Biden’s ineptitude, weakness, and incompetence has led to this awful bloodbath in Russia, and it will only get worse. THE HORRIBLE ATTACK, MUCH LIKE THE ATTACK ON GAZA, WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED IF TRUMP WERE PRESIDENT – ZERO CHANCE! MAKE MOSCOW SAFE AGAIN!

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after providing our right wing readers with the talking points they need to win the internet. And yes we plagiarized and mad-libbed much of it.

Alabama has entered a new golden age of election integrity as Governor Kay Ivey on Wednesday protected the right to vote by signing SB1, a measure banning ballot harvesting and making potentially a Class C felony to receive payment for assisting in the distribution, filling out, delivering, and ordering of absentee ballots applications, the Montgomery Advertiser reports.

“Here in Alabama, we are committed to ensuring our elections are free and fair. I commend Secretary of State Wes Allen, as well as members of the Alabama Legislature for making election security a priority, and I am proud to officially sign Senate Bill 1 into law. Under my watch, there will be no funny business in Alabama elections,” said Ivey in a statement lauding her accomplishment.

Hear that libs? You’ve been put on notice. No funny business. That means you can’t interfere in Alabama elections by collecting sealed absentee ballots and delivering them to county clerks or by paying canvassers to make sure voters apply for absentee ballots and send them in any more. Don’t like it? Well how about next election you put in the money and hard work to get a Democratic governor and legislature elected by collecting sealed absentee ballots and delivering them to county clerks or by paying canvassers to make sure voters apply for absentee ballots? Oh wait, LOL!

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after this important update on a stunning victory for election integrity over the forces of funny business. We hope our MAGA readers enjoy the win.

Russian President Vladimir Putin was reelected to an historic fifth term on Sunday, another triumph over the opposition in the world’s geographically largest country and a defeat for western critics who have alleged Putin ordered an illegal invasion of Ukraine in 2022 and incarcerated scandal-tarred liberal activist Alexei Navalny, who mysteriously died in prison last month.

The win further extends a remarkable period of political stability for Russia not seen since 1921 through 1989, when it was governed as a society with guaranteed equality and people’s basic needs were mostly provided for through government subsidies. It was during this time when Putin began his career in politics by working for an important government foreign policy agency and was tasked with helping to prevent a resurgence of Nazi ideology in eastern Germany. From there Putin rose through the ranks and through a combination of what some observers have called “savvy” and “genius” he consolidated his power over the post-Soviet Russian state to become its leader.

Putin’s agenda next term calls for increases in military spending and recruitment, securing the border with Ukraine, and stirring up a sense of patriotism and duty among average Russians.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage now that we’ve objectively reported on President Vladimir Putin’s popularity as reflected by his huge margins in the 2024 election.

While plenty of naysayers among the Democrats and the media were impressed in the immediate aftermath of President Joe Biden’s performance at the State of The Union on Thursday night where he put to rest a lot of the concerns over his age and energy level, new concerns are starting to emerge among critics that he was actually too angry, hyperactive, and partisan during the speech.

Oh fuck you libs. We’re the media, not you. We’re setting the narrative here. No, we’re not telling you who these “critics” are, we’re just telling you the concerns. They’re growing. Because we’re watering them. We spent a shit ton of man-hours watering the “Biden is too old” plant and then he just damn near stomped it to death. Before that it was “Biden is corrupt because House Republicans are investigating him” and that incompetent fucking hillbilly James Comer stomped on it himself.

Are you done? Ahem… The hope among Democrats was that the speech could mark a turning point in a campaign that has seen Trump leading in many head-to-head polls commissioned by major media outlets. But experts in the media were quick to pump the brakes on any comeback given the media narrative of former President Trump leading in many head-to-head polls commissioned by major media outlets. Those polls, media polling experts say, will paint a picture of an electorate shaped by a media narrative that Biden is far less cool, calm, and collected publicly than Trump.

Voters and media experts alike are concer- MAINTAINING BALANCE IN POLITICAL JOURNALISM IS SO MUCH HARDER THAN IT LOOKS, OKAY? YOU LIBS DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT SO SHUT UP! WE’RE JUST GOING TO REMOVE THE COMMENT SECTIONS LIKE THE ATLANTIC, CNN, ABC NEWS, THE HILL, POLITICO, AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER MAJOR SITES DID IF YOU CAN’T AGREE WITH US! JUST TRY US YOU LEFTIST MOTHERFUCKERS!

National Zero will resume our regular coverage now that we’ve voiced what we think a silent (but very real) crisis in the diseased hive mind of the mainstream media sounds like right about now.

The Biden Crime Family will go down as the most corrupt political family in American history.

— Rep. Lauren Boebert (@RepBoebert) February 27, 2024

Oh shut up libs. There’s a difference between what Congresswoman Lauren Boebert was talking about in this tweet and what her son and ex-husband have been arrested for. Taking bribes from Ukrainian and Chinese communist oligarchs is way different from stuff like assault, breaking and entering, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, first degree criminal auto trespass with intent to commit crime, ID theft possession with intent to use, and public indecency. It’s not the same thing libs. Tyler and Jayson Boebert are just regular guys who like to get a little rowdy sometimes. Jayson just showed his penis to underage girls at a bowling alley, which is not even close to sitting on the board of a Ukrainian energy company that was under investigation for corruption. Just shut up libs.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage now that we’ve helped our MAGA readers set the record straight on false comparisons between the Biden Crime Family and the Boeberts.

Much of MAGA Twitter is reacting poorly to the rollout of Google’s new Gemini AI chatbot assistant something, but being the principled journalists we are, we couldn’t just take right wing incel podcaster Tim Pool’s word for it when he claims “Gemini has posted tons of lies about me and has accused many others of serious shit like abusing kids” and other rants about its alleged anti-conservative bias. We had to go straight to the source… And holy shit they weren’t lying.

There’s been a lot of chatter in the media these days about how President Joe Biden is old and how he’s going to be 82 by the time he’s inaugurated if reelected and how his hair is really silvery-white and how he’s old, putting him at a clear disadvantage to his 77 year-old opponent former President Donald Trump in November. It’s time for Democrats, in the one chamber that they do control, to flex their legislative muscles and flip the script by passing a resolution declaring Biden is not old.

It’s such a no-brainer, even a politician should be able to figure it out. Have a Biden ally like Chris Coons draw up a resolution reading simply “Expressing the sense of the United States Senate that President Joseph R Biden Jr is not old and media reports suggesting otherwise are false. Resolved, that it is the sense of the United States Senate that President Joseph R Biden Jr is not old and media reports suggesting otherwise are false.” Just those two sentences would do wonders to turn the tide of public perception of an elderly doddering president vulnerable to defeat.

Even better, the entire mainstream media would be forced to collectively reckon with their repeated failures to put the situation in proper context of that, even if Joe Biden maybe misspeaks more often than other prominent politicians, it doesn’t come close to outweighing his steady leadership and impressive record of legislative accomplishments. The opportunity for Senate Democrats to make a bold move and put the media in the position of reacting is right in front of them, right now.

Throw a wrench in the news cycle. Tell them Biden is not old and then dare them to question it.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage now that we’ve given Senate Dems an awesome plan for how to shape perceptions by sheer legislative will, though we confess we kind of plagiarized it.

LMAO! Scream at the sky leftards! Your hero Alec Baldwin thought he was off the hook for shooting that woman “on accident” but now he’s been indicted AGAIN! It’s like karma for mocking President Trump in those unfunny Saturday Night Live skits! Revenge on your socialist queers is so sweet.

The way you cultists center your entire identities around worshipping some washed-up liberal celebrity degenerate with a fake foreign wife would be sad if it wasn’t so funny to watch you cry out in anguish when the his horrible crimes catch up with him. There’s nothing rigged or politically motivated about this because the law applies to everyone equally no matter how much you whine.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage now that we’ve informed our MAGA readers of a huge victory for their side in their endless war on the Hollywood elite that libs venerate.

The 6 Jan attack on the Capitol was far more dangerous than most realize

And we have a criminal justice system in place to address it

— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) February 10, 2021

LMAO! Suck it libs! Republican Senator Marco Rubio just OWNED your Marxist butts by disabling replies to this tweet after he endorsed great former President Trump on Sunday! None of your annoying trolling or “fact-checking” can bother him now! Go scream at the sky you wokesters!

National Zero will resume our regular coverage now that we’ve delivered news of a major win for President Trump and Marco Rubio over the fascist left losers and their online harassment campaign.

Dueling remarks by likely 2024 rivals President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump this weekend both sought to seize upon differing accounts of the events at the US Capitol on January 6th, 2021, with Biden alleging in a Pennsylvania campaign speech that supporters of the 45th president violently attacked the US Capitol in protest of his apparent defeat in the 2020 election.

Trump for his part denied the accusations, saying that the protestors should be pardoned after having faced prosecution for confronting police officers during the protest. January 6th remains a controversial topic among wide swaths of voters, with Democrats mostly believing it was an attack with the express purpose of disrupting the Electoral College vote, with some of the protestors allegedly seeking to hang then-Vice President Mike Pence. Republican voters meanwhile believe that leftist Antifa infiltrators and FBI agents disguised as Trump supporters perpetrated the attack on the Capitol, underscoring the large gap between competing narratives about the day’s events.

Many political observers see the issue of democracy as being a key theme of the 2024 election and that whoever can gain the most momentum on it will have the advantage among voters who find it important. Former President Trump has been charged with 91 felony counts in four different criminal cases, many of which concern allegations that he harassed a Georgia elections official in a phone call and may have had other involvement in improper attempts overturn the 2020 election, while President Biden faces accusations that he may have secretly directed the prosecutions against Trump as well as efforts to disqualify his rival under the 14th Amendment’s insurrection clause.

All the different accusations surrounding the 2020 election, January 6th, and the efforts to remove Trump from the ballot are sure to swirl around both candidates during a heated election year.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage now that we’ve delivered a balanced, impartial, mainstream take on the current state of American politics for folks on both sides of the aisle.

BOOM! Let’s see you libs spin this one! You keep saying there’s no “evidence” that the ChiComs have been bribing administration officials and NOW THERE’S TAPE! LMAO! Literally the AP reports a swamp creature was filmed COUNTING CASH some ChiCom businessman dumped on the table!

The best part is this scumbag Stanley Kakubo, who quit on Tuesday, tried to say “malicious claims over a business transaction between my private family business and our business partner. In due course, we will provide the accurate context.” LOL! Now Kabuko is under investigation too!

What? Who cares if Kabuko was the finance minister of Zambia? That part’s fake news! Zambia sounds made up anyway, like Wakanda. More like WOKE-kanda! LOL! And so what if Zambia is actually real? This still proves the ChiComs are paying off government officials in other countries which never would’ve happened if Trump was still president. The world has gone to hell since the stollen election. Crooked Joe was probably “on speakerphone” in this “business meeting” too.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after pulling the old bait-and-switch on our MAGA readers. We hope they enjoyed the first two paragraphs and the free comment ideas in the third.

There’s something so goddamned aggravating about this shit Trump was saying to his ball-sucking cultists on Tuesday about the stock market going up because investors think he’s going to win the 2024 election. It was a switch from badmouthing it over the weekend, when he was saying it was just “making rich people richer.” He’ll probably even keep going with this “they think I’m going to win” argument to downplay already extremely solid numbers across so many different metrics continue to surge as expected next year when the Fed starts cutting interest rates again.

Trump, who claimed the stock market would ‘collapse’ if President Biden won, now tries to take credit for the stock market being higher than it’s ever been under President Biden pic.twitter.com/7v8JB5QTHj

— Biden-Harris HQ (@BidenHQ) December 20, 2023

Bad faith bullshit as it is, that’s not what makes it so aggravating. The real problem is he fucking stole our joke from the October 6th National Zero “we’ll resume our regular coverage after this” satire piece titled “US employers add 336,000 jobs after seeing Trump lead in polls,” in which we wrote the job growth came “in anticipation of the greatest economy president ever being sworn into office again in 15 months. They also increased wages by 4.2 percent over 3.7 percent inflation just to give your wallet a sweet happy memory of what it was like. Your wallet misses Trump.”