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“The contrast between the real President and fake President is like night and day…So refreshing to see Trump back in action” says the current top comment on The Gateway Pundit article “President Trump Buys McDonald’s Meals for East Palestine First Responders,” posted Wednesday.

So suppose for a moment that Trump actually paid for what was no doubt a mid-3-figure order with a personal credit or debit card rather than one of his presidential campaign’s (and we may be able to nail that down within the next few months, it would have to be reported to the FEC). The “contrast” with Biden is still that Joe went to a goddamned war zone to support a strategic ally under attack by a foreign adversary while Trump went to a fucking McDonald’s to buy people food after a toxic train wreck that his administration’s rail industry-friendly policies likely contributed to.

And he told the lady at the counter that he knows the menu there better than she does.

Absolute titan of MAGA virility Garret Miller was sentenced Wednesday to 38 months in prison for his participation in the January 6th insurrection at the US Capitol, NBC News reports. Pictured above is the Greek mythological deity as he was upon his arrest in late January 2021.

Officials with the Perry County, Arkansas Sheriff have ruled that the May 2022 death of former Clinton Administration aide Mark Middleton, who was found tied to a tree with an electrical cord around his neck, dead of a gunshot wound, was Arkancide, the Daily Mail reports while noting that Middleton signed Jeffrey Epstein in as a visitor to the White House several times in the 1990s.

The Daily Mail also adds that no gun was recovered at the scene, according to the police report which kinda sounds like something pretty important that wouldn’t just be confined to a shitty British tabloid with dozens of ads on every fucking article. If as they claim they exclusively obtained the sheriff’s department’s report on the death then why was it so hard to pick up the phone and get clarification from the department on why they ruled it a suicide but didn’t recover a gun?

Isn’t that sort of lying by omission or inaction on the Daily Mail’s part? Look at it from the other side: Exposing the “Clinton Crime Syndicate” would be the story of the century and millions of American readers would flock to the Daily Mail if they could somehow implicate the local sheriff in the “coverup.” It’s not clear if the newsroom is being fucking lazy or just wanted to leave it open-ended and not pursue what would likely lead to a not very tantalizing reason the gun wasn’t there.

And in related, less tenuously sourced Epstein news, Law and Crime reported Wednesday executives from Deutsche Bank were at Epstein’s home in New York City in January 2015, talking business while sex-trafficking victims were also there at the same time.

Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith has issued a subpoena to nepotism hires Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner to testify to a grand jury investigating their role in the failed attempt to overturn Donald’s humiliating loss to Joe Biden in the 2020 election, the New York Times reports.

Liberal Milwaukee Judge Janet Protasiewicz and fourth place fellow lefty Judge Everett Mitchell combined to edge out second place MAGA former Justice Dan Kelly and Waukesha Judge Jennifer Dorow 54 percent to 46 percent in total turnout in Tuesday’s Wisconsin state Supreme Court four-way primary, the New York Times reports on a result that should have cheesehead Dems feeling pretty good going into an extremely heated and crucial general election on April 4th.

One thing we should have covered going into this race but missed out on is last week the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reported that Kelly had been paid more than $120,000 to serve as a legal advisor to MAGA “election integrity” scams, including the fake Trump 2020 electors plot in Wisconsin. That should kind of sort of make him an accessory to a federal crime. Probably, right?

School is in session libs. Watch how the 12D chessmaster does it right here below, live from East Palestine, Ohio, as brilliant former President Trump rallies his many fans in the area to blast the Biden Administration for not repealing the Trump Administration’s policies which could be credibly cited as a contributing factor to the weeks-long toxic disaster that has befallen the town.

It’s like Trump and Coco Chow set a trap by withdrawing an Obama-era proposal to require faster brakes on trains carrying hazardous materials, killed off regular safety audits of railroads, squashed a pending rule requiring all freight trains to have at least two crew members, among other deregulatory decisions that Sleepy Joe and Woke Mayor Pete walked right into by not reversing those Trump moves before disaster struck. Now the libs and the media are chasing their socialist tails, acting like this is new while not even mentioning that multiple similar – if maybe smaller in scale – train wrecks that caused spills of hazardous chemicals occurred while Trump was in office.

The results of a new study confirms a team of highly trained physicians and scientists with impressive credentials wasted their time confirming that ivermectin doesn’t work when used in treating COVID-19 infections when they could have been working on something else.

In the abstract of their lengthy and detailed report, the researchers concluded that “In this double-blind, randomized, placebo-controlled platform trial including 1206 US adults with COVID-19 during February 2022 to July 2022, the median time to sustained recovery was 11 days in the ivermectin group and 11 days in the placebo group. In this largely vaccinated (84%) population, the posterior probability that ivermectin reduced symptom duration by more than 1 day was less than 0.1%… These findings do not support the use of ivermectin among outpatients with COVID-19.”

No less than 30 MDs, PhDs, RNs, MHSs, DPPs (whatever a DPP is, sounds fancy), and MPHs contributed to the study and signed the report on a trial that last from February 2022 to July 2022, starting right after another study finding the same result had already been published.

The instructions on how to turn a marketing decision made to appeal to a wider audience into a Fox News “controversy” are by now as clearly defined and written as those to a LEGO playset. Find pieces of “woke,” add “backlash,” then enjoy adventures in your newly-created imaginary world.

Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg will visit the still-burning train wreck in East Palestine, Ohio on Thursday, a day after fat former President Trump holds a campaign rally to blast the Biden Administration for not repealing his lax rail safety policies, Politico reports.

This, of course, comes a week after Trump had thanked the grand jurors for their “patriotism and courage” and claimed “Total exoneration” after the partial release of their final report.

As his state spent millions of dollars fighting lawsuits and he assigned his state government staff tens of thousands of hours of work to argue those cases–some he brought himself to overturn the elections in which Republicans lost–then-Republican Arizona Attorney General Mark Brnovich reportedly hid official records and documents that proved the 2020 election was legitimate and conducted without fraud, the Washington Post reports.

In the thousands of hours of their work, Brnovich’s staff created and presented to him a report showing how virtually all the claims of election fraud and large-scale vote fraud were unfounded–a report that Brnovich never released prior to being voted out of office in the 2022 statewide election won by Democrat Kris Mayes against election denier Abraham Hamadeh.

After unfounded claims were made of bamboo ballots and dead voters, the state’s and other organizations’ various investigations found no support for any of the claims made by election denier Donald Trump.  In September 2020, his office presented him with a report titled “Election Review Summary” that systemically disproved the assertions made by Trump and his legal team, as well as 2022 Republican gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake.

The Biden Administration this week gave more than 900 pages of Department of Health and Human Services files to the GOP-led House Select Subcommittee on the Coronavirus Pandemic as they probe the “Wuhan lab leak” theory of the origins of the deadly virus, CBS News reports.

Which is a good call. While we don’t expect anything to come out of the House GOP’s investigation of the files themselves – they are pretty fucking incompetent, after all – renewed attention to the possibility that COVID-19 was engineered in a ChiCom bioweapons lab and escaped to claim millions of lives and bring the global economy to its knees might shake some other information loose. In the world of paranoid MAGA batshittery, the lab leak theory might be the closest we’ve ever come to something actually somewhat plausible and worth pursuing, and the media were wrong to dismiss it back during the earlier stages of the pandemic. It’s unlikely a “smoking gun” will ever turn up, but you never know. Just a chance that the rest of the world could be demanding the ChiComs be held accountable (as they should be, whether or not it actually came from their lab) makes it worthy.

MAGA-QAnon freak Mesa County, Colorado Clerk Tina Peters – currently awaiting trial on a 13 count indictment for tampering with Dominion Voting Systems equipment – this week announced her candidacy for chair of the Colorado GOP after her failed 2022 Secretary of State primary bid.

Some National Zero readers may not be familiar with Peters as it’s been a while since we covered her, but cover her we did. Extensively, over the last two years. So much so that’s extremely difficult to quickly summarize her batshittery, so we suggest simply checking out the search result for her name here on this site if you need to get caught up. If she prevails, Peters would be the second 2020 election QAnon conspiracy freak who lost a 2022 Secretary of State race to then state GOP chairship after Michigan psychopath Kristina Karamo won last weekend.

Disgraced former President Trump holds a commanding lead in Morning Consult’s 2024 tracking survey of Republican primary voters, taking 50 percent of support in a full field to Napoleonic Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’s 30 percent, with former Vice President Mike Pence and former South Carolina Governor Nimrata “Nikki” Haley tied for a distant third at 6 percent each.

Virginia Governor Glenn Youngkin commands an abysmal 0 percent support in the survey, demonstrating that he should double down on wearing a fleece vest during public appearances.

Formerly fat former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo’s “Champion American Values PAC” reported a $42,000 purchase of “mementos – books” the same day his memoir “Never Give An Inch: Fighting for the America I Love” went on sale in bookstores, according to FEC filings viewed by Forbes.

Now Forbes doesn’t know if it was definitely $42,000 worth of copies of “Never Give An Inch.” It could have been for a few pallets of “Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets” or even “Beautiful Things” by Hunter Biden. They do however report that Pompeo’s probably ghostwritten snore-fest debuted at number 3 on the New York Times’s non-fiction bestseller list with an asterisk added to indicate that retailers reported bulk purchases of the book. “Even the New York Times admits that my new book is a must-read!” Pompeo’s PAC trumpeted in a Facebook ad. The New York Times never actually reviewed the book and thus never characterized it as a “must-read.”

Like with Mike Pence and his PAC’s $91,000 bulk memoir purchase, there’s no proscription against Pompeo personally profiting from the royalties of the book “sales,” as he is not currently an officially declared candidate for any federal office and was not when the purchase was made last month.

Montana Democrat Senator Jon Tester told the AP in statement Wednesday he will run again in 2024, a crucial pickup of a wavering incumbent for Team Blue on a very tough map.

“I know that people in Washington don’t understand what a hard day’s work looks like or the challenges working families are facing in Montana… Montanans need a fighter holding Washington accountable,” Tester said. The seat would’ve been all but lost if Tester had dropped out.

Conservative former Wisconsin state Supreme Court Justice Dan Kelly on Tuesday came in second in the state’s four-way officially non-partisan primary and thus advanced to face first-place liberal Milwaukee Judge Janet Protasiewicz in what’s sure to be an extremely heated general election for an open seat on the state’s highest court on April 4th, Decision Desk HQ projects.

Liberals should be pleased with both the result – as Kelly was defeated in his reelection bid in 2020 and third place Waukesha Judge Jennifer Dorow might have been a more formidable candidate in the general – and the turnout for the two lefties vs the two MAGA assholes. Protasiewicz and fourth place liberal Everett Mitchell (who we mixed up with Kelly partisan-wise in an earlier article, special thanks to The Contentious Otter for correcting us on that one) combined for a total turnout of 485,851 to Kelly and Dorow’s 423,324 combined total with 93% of precincts reporting.

Less good news is the outcome of the Wisconsin State Senate District 8 Republican Special Primary, in which Dems spent over $166,000 to help Trump-endorsed MAGA freak State Assembly Representative Janel Brandtjen win, only to see her get crushed Tuesday by more “moderate” Republican Dan Knodl. A win on April 4th would give the fascist state GOP a supermajority in which they can run rampant and pull all sorts of evil shit, like impeaching Dem Governor Tony Evers.

A resident of Sarah Palin breeding ground Wasilla, David Eastman is a lot of things, and none of them are good:  Republican, Oath Keeper, January 6th participant, representative in the state legislature, defendant in a recently-settled lawsuit to determine his fitness for office, and now, the conservative who says children in need should die.  Seriously.  “Y’know, in the case where child abuse is fatal, it-it, obviously it’s not good for the child but it’s actually a benefit to society because there aren’t needed ser- government services, what not over the course of that child’s life.”

Starbucks will introduce a drink that combines olive oil and coffee, calling it an “Oleato”–Italian for “with oil”–in the company’s 25 Italian locations Wednesday, CNBC reports.  Inspired during a trip to Sicily, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz called the drink “transformational” for the company by both giving Starbucks another trend to capitalize on and to broaden the product offerings at the stores.