Category: Uncategorized

After a nearly three year absence from the pages of National Zero, Montgomery County, Maryland Fire Department press officer Pete Piringer makes his return in another ridiculous story, this one from within his own ranks: A judge last week acquitted Captain Christopher Reilly of malicious destruction of property and disorderly conduct and also tossed the same charges against Firefighter Alan Barnes for their July 17th anti-baseball hate crime against an adjacent diamond, NBC4 reports.

Basically the firemen stationed there got sick of baseballs flying over the fence and inflicting damage on both the company’s equipment and their personal vehicles. Rather than using their axes to enact their revenge, the firemen decided to employ less-lethal methods at their disposal: Turning the firehoses on and just flooding the shit out of the field during a minor league team’s game.

“With the criminal case resolved, our internal administrative process will move forward,” Piringer said in a statement. “Duty status remains unchanged, non public contact, pending that review,” he added, which appears to mean that Barnes and Reilly have been ordered to stay away from the Takoma Thunderbolts. Them two had faced up to three years in prison for the damges they inflicted.

The CEO of Funko Pop, the company that flooded every freaking store in America with these little collectible dolls that depict Batman, Spider-man, Wolverine, Darth Vader, Cthulhu, late painter Bob Ross, Dr Frank N Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and thousands of other cultural icons, warned investors last week that the company’s about a quarter billion in the hole, Kotaku reports on what Joe Biden would have been blamed for had he still been president at this point.

“I want to reiterate the sense of urgency and opportunity around our Make Culture Pop strategy, executing across the intersection of culture, creativity, and commerce,” Josh Simon, who just joined as CEO in September after five years at Netflix, said during the call. “In the short term, I’m looking to maintain the momentum [the chief financial officer] discussed,” Simon continued. It’s not clear if he’d seen the Q3 report – which said straight up that “here is substantial doubt about the Company’s ability to continue as a going concern for the next twelve months” given the $241 million in loans coming due – before he took the job. Simon did hype the upcoming Stranger Things Season 5 Funko lineup to try to lighten the mood for investors troubled by the dire situation for the company.

Oh and these were like actual investors, not dipshits who have garages full of Guardians of the Galaxy Funko Pops still in their boxes they think will appreciate in value someday, eventually.

The fat bastard has already begun complaining about Marjorie Taylor Greene, albeit gently, without any real name-calling or viciousness. It’s still a form of discipline for “catering to the other side.” The president also asserted that “nobody knows what magnets are” and gas would be $2 a gallon soon.

A group of Senate Dems led by socialist Bernie Sanders this week are looking to figure out just how much goddamned electricity that AI server farms are eating up, the Wall Street Journal reports on the libs actually trying to do something about increasing electricity costs.

“The ‘Pay Back’ Numbers being quoted by the Radical Left Lunatics, who would love to see us lose on Tariffs because of how bad it would be for our Country, are much higher than those being stated by our Fake Opposition – Opposition mainly from Foreign Countries that would do anything to be allowed to charge us Tariffs without retribution. The actual Number we would have to pay back in Tariff Revenue and Investments would be in excess of $2 Trillion Dollars, and that, in itself, would be a National Security catastrophe. Those opposed to us in the United States Supreme Court are giving low Numbers so that the Court will think it is easy to get out of this terrible situation that these Anarchists and Thugs have put us into!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday.

Star Wars sequel trilogy actor Oscar Isaac tells GQ he’d be down for acting in future projects but for a small catch: “Right now I’m not so open to working with Disney. But if they can kinda figure it out and, you know, not succumb to fascism, that would be great… if that happens, then yeah, I’d be open to having a conversation about a galaxy far away. Or any number of other things.”

“Did you know Kellogg’s® Froot Loops® has been name-dropped in more than 1,000 hip-hop tracks across generations?” asks a Kellogg’s press release at its open and just gotta stop them there to ask out loud how many of those were not “name-dropping” it as a homophobic slur. A few dozen?

Anywayyy, “To celebrate hip-hop’s creative energy, Froot Loops has teamed up with renowned Chicago-based jeweler Kristopher Kites to hand-craft wearable art inspired by how Froot Loops shows up in the genre with a chance for fans to win. The cereal that encourages fans to follow their nose is now inviting them to follow their ears — with a new campaign that honors lyrical shoutouts in art, fashion and collectible jewelry. The collaboration bridges cereal nostalgia with culture and creativity – honoring the artists and neighborhood voices that have always fueled culture.”

“We’ve been proud to watch Froot Loops grow from breakfast table to cultural staple,’ said [really generic-suburban-looking Caucasian dude] Ryan Versfeld, Brand Marketing Director at WK Kellogg Co. ‘With our Follow Your Ears™ [They fucking trademarked a slight variation of the Froot Loops slogan] campaign we’re spotlighting the brand’s connection to music and community while giving fans a chance to win one-of-a-kind jewelry inspired by Froot Loops’ part in hip-hop history,'” the press release continued as though Froot Loops was Hennsessy or Ecko or Old English malt liquor.

“And if you don’t win, you could always just take some pieces of the cereal, string some yarn through them, and tie them up into a little necklace or bracelet to make your own Froot Loops ‘jewelry.’ And technically that’d actually be more authentic than this collab that’s really just overpriced, branded merchandise,” Versfeld did not add, but should have if he was going to be honest with people.

A grotesque monster who seeks to rule over a restive dominion on Monday refused an opportunity to demonstrate something approximating independence from the bloated slob she worships.

Dem Arizona Congresswoman-Elect Adelita Grijalva will officially be sworn in within days, prior to whenever the House convenes to vote on government funding, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports, of course mentioning that this will finally put the Epstein files discharge petition at 218 signatures.

Since New Jersey Congresswoman and Governor-Elect Mikie Sherrill is has yet to resign, once Grijalva is notched the petition is past the point of no return and the vote cannot be avoided, only delayed. Assuming that every Republican who refused to sign also votes no – unlikely but not impossible – and all members are present, there will be a liminal window after Sherrill resigns in which there would be only 217 yes votes. If Johnson can corral 218 no votes, that would be the time.

Otherwise the petition passes and then let’s just not talk about what Senate Dems would or could try to do with it given certain raw feelings toward that chamber’s blue caucus right now.

“All Air Traffic Controllers must get back to work, NOW!!! Anyone who doesn’t will be substantially ‘docked.’ For those Air Traffic Controllers who who were GREAT PATRIOTS, and didn’t take ANY TIME OFF for the ‘Democrat Shutdown Hoax,’ I will be recommending a BONUS of $10,000 per person for distinguished service to our Country. For those that did nothing but complain, and took time off, even though everyone knew they would be paid, IN FULL, shortly into the future, I am NOT HAPPY WITH YOU. You didn’t step up to help the USA against the FAKE DEMOCRAT ATTACK that was only meant to hurt our Country. You will have a negative mark, at least in my mind, against your record.”

“If you want to leave service in the near future, please do not hesitate to do so, with NO payment or severance of any kind! You will be quickly replaced by true Patriots, who will do a better job on the Brand New State of the Art Equipment, the best in the World, that we are in the process of ordering.”

“The last ‘Administration’ wasted Billions of Dollars trying to fix antiquated ‘junk.’ They had no idea what they were doing! Again, to our great American Patriots, GOD BLESS YOU – I won’t be able to send your money fast enough! To all others, REPORT TO WORK IMMEDIATELY,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday, again writing checks that his flabby ass can’t cash.

Wow, what a great proposal from Virginia MAGA Congressman John McGuire here for Americans to simply eat right and exercise more instead of relying on Obamacare subsidies to pay for their health insurance. This next sentence would normally be some rote sarcasm about how excited voters should be to see McGuire’s proposal to facilitate such lifestyle changes in the form of publicly-funded gym memberships and organic produce deliveries but let’s just skip that beat this time.

A year ago this week there were these lofty dreams and ambitions espoused by the MAGA propaganda-industrial complex of a total reordering of so much of so many aspects of American culture – that entertainment would become more conservative-friendly, that more people would go to church but only the ones where you learn how to hate others, that maybe with just a tiny bit more nudging it’d become socially acceptable for white people to use the n-word again, and so on.

Now it’s 2025 and sure, America is certainly far more of a miserable dystopian shithole than it would’ve been had Kamala Harris won the 2024 election, however it’s not like Sound of Freedom II is ruling the box office either. Sound of Freedom II hasn’t even been produced and likely won’t be.

Still, some sectors have been indeed been almost wholly remade in the image of Caligulan corruption and decadence, few more so than crypto and – as Axios reports – plastic surgery, where the “Mar-a-Lago face” is now all the rage. DC-based practitioners tell the bullet-point factory that, in contrast to past eras in which subtlety was the main ingredient, making the work obvious is a big part of the fun, to hell with all pretenses of modesty – and safety for that matter.

Dr Anita Kulkarni tells Axios she’s had to turn down some business from “patients” that wanted to flaunt the work and did not care that there could be some adverse health effects. Other facial sculptor Troy Pittman says he’s “seeing people who want to look like they had something done.”

Could probably go on for quite a while about how goddamn on-brand this is for the MAGA wealthy.

The US Supreme Court on Monday rejected loathsome former Rowan County, Kentucky clerk Kim Davis’s petition to revisit the landmark 2013 Obergefell decision legalizing gay marriage.

🚨 BREAKING: US strikes 2 more alleged drug-trafficking boats, killing 6 pic.twitter.com/IdegCzDmAg

— Fox News (@FoxNews) November 10, 2025

A judge in Paris on Monday ordered former President Nicholas Sarkozy released from prison just weeks into his five year bid following his September 25th conviction on charges he accepted cash from now-dead Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi his 2007 election campaign, Reuters reports.

Sarkozy, 70, and the brother-in-law of one of the Olsen twins from terrible late 1980s/early 1990s family sitcom Full House, is banned from leaving France and will be under probationary supervision by law enforcement until his appeal trial begins, a date for which has not yet been set.

The San Francisco Bay Area was hit with a swarm of minor earthquakes on Sunday morning, the strongest of which registered at a 3.8 magnitude, the Sacramento Bee reports without any further context on whether this could be some kind of precursor to a larger event.

This is the most disgraceful thing I’ve ever seen.

Commanders fans booed President Trump while he was literally enlisting troops into the United States military.

Pure trash. pic.twitter.com/BZQI6m4LgP

— johnny maga (@_johnnymaga) November 9, 2025

Convicted sex offender Ghislaine Maxwell will formally put a request in with convicted felon President Trump’s regime asking him to commute the remainder of her 20 year prison sentence for her crimes of abusing and trafficking Donald’s friend Jeffrey Epstein’s teenaged victims, CBS News reports, citing documents obtained by House Judiciary Committee Dems.

In a letter to Trump obtained by CBS, ranking Dem Jamie Raskin and his team write “is preparing a ‘Commutation Application’ for your Administration to review, undoubtedly coming to you for your direct consideration. The Warden herself is directly helping Ms Maxwell copy, print, and send documents related to this application,” which means Trump proooobably already knows about this.

Convicted felon President Trump late Sunday issued (preemptive) pardons for six of his accomplices in the failed post-2020 election coup attempt – alcoholic shitbrain Rudy Giuliani, weasel former Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, now-disbarred lawyer John “Pussy” Eastman, and other terrible attorneys Kenneth Chesebro, sex pest Boris Epshteyn, and Sidney “Kraken” Powell, the Daily Beast reports.

It’s not clear why this was necessary, as the five-year statute of limitations on their crimes will have expired within the next two months and there’s no freaking way they’d be prosecuted. Most likely this is simply football-spiking over the crew of utterly feckless fucking scumbags escaping justice.