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Sources tell Fox News that scumbag New York Congresswoman Elise Stefanik’s decision to quit the gubernatorial race and her House reelection bid “was partly due to lack of full support from President Trump,” especially in front of media when she was actually in the room with him last week.

“The biggest piece of this puzzle was Donald Trump and the fact that he passed three times on endorsing her candidacy, including in the Oval Office with the Miracle on Ice Team last week,” said a Republican “close to the situation,” adding “I think [that] played the largest role in this decision.”

“When you start to add these things up, and you see a contested primary, you see an assumed ally in the president who passes on endorsing, and it does not seem that you’re going to have the wind to your back in this cycle. I think [it] all played into this,” the source continued, blaming Trump for this whole shitshow and making it pretty clear that Stefanik feels betrayed by the fat bastard for being unwilling to endorse her and leave dipshit Nassau County Exec Bruce Blakeman behind.

US Navy personnel on Saturday seized a Venezuelan oil tanker that was not under international sanctions and thus operating lawfully but hey who gives a fuck anymore, let’s just do it and be legends, Axios reports on an escalation on top of a prior escalation of grabbing the sanctioned one.

“This is a message to Maduro,” said a Trump Regime source and wow, wonder if they had to workshop that one with ChatGPT before texting it to Axios’s White House guy Marc Caputo.

Remember how much work the Bush Administration actually put in to trying to sell the American public on why Iraq just had to be invaded, like faking all the WMD shit when they didn’t even really have to because a lot of the public still had bloodlust from 9/11 and just wanted to see more men with Middle Eastern last names next to “killed in US strike” in the headlines? And that just because the opposition to it was led by clownish fat bastard Michael Moore did not make it a good idea?

It’s funny because like none of those elements are present here in the current lead-up to a similar conflict with Venezuela. There’s no effort to be convincing, no significant public support for it – and really none outside the MAGA cult who would infect themselves with AIDS if Trump said it was a good idea, and Maduro’s a tyrant but pretty small potatoes compared to Saddam Hussein in terms of cultural infamy and brutality toward his own people. Now it simply feels easier to say “This is fucking stupid, there’s no good reason to do this” when fatass Michael Moore isn’t screaming through a bullhorn for you to agree with him and harder for Republicans to take the old “What are you, a Muslim?” and change it to “Tren de Aragua” to accuse you of treason for not supporting their war.

Lazy, directionless, impotent, also reckless and dangerous at the same time. That’s Trump for you.

Supremely insufferable fucking chode NRCC chair Richard Hudson this week sat down for a Puck News interview and had not the easiest time reconciling his party’s propaganda with the reality of their increasingly grim situation going into the new year, being first confronted with the godawful results of last month’s off-year elections in Virginia, New Jersey, and California, forcing him to admit that convicted felon President Trump is a millstone on the necks of GOP candidates everywhere.

“Turnout on the Democrat side was record levels for an off-year election, and Republican turnout was about what it usually is. Democrats are out of power. They’re motivated. They don’t like Donald Trump, so they’re going to turn out. Our side is happy because our guy won the White House, and they like the policies that are coming,” Hudson said, before sharing his little secret sauce for 2026.

“So they aren’t motivated by fear or anger to show up. I think that’s a lesson for us going into the midterms. Turnout is everything. And if we don’t do more than we would normally do, if we don’t turn out our voters, that’s a real threat for us,” the campaign guru said, pretty plainly hinting at the next caravan, rainbow fentanyl in Halloween candy, violent murder(s) that can be somehow blamed on Joe Biden, or some similar panic will need to be focus grouped to appeal to fear and anger voters.

Unmentioned was the fear that Trump will be impeached for a third time. That’ll be fun campaign messaging to watch, telling a 27 year-old gamer in Pennsylvania – who voted red in 2024 on the implied promise that he’d have his own apartment by now – to get up off the futon in his mom’s basement and turn out for Republicans or else Trump, Pam Bondi, and Todd Blanche will be impeached for failure to comply with their statutory duty to release the Epstein files in their entirety.

Famous Dutch Chad-bro Joran Van Der Sloot, who in 2023 finally confessed to the 2005 Aruba murder of 18 year-old American tourist Natalee Holloway, was found last Saturday hanging from a bedsheet in his cell in a Peruvian prison but still bearing a pulse, the National Enquirer reports.

The failed Epstein-ing – meaning that it’s ambiguous as to whether he or someone else is responsible for the hanging – came 15 years into Van Der Sloot’s effective 35 year bid for the 2010 murder of 21 year-old Stephany Flores Ramírez in a Lima casino hotel room, a second femicide that the shitbag was able to commit – five years to the day after Holloway, eerily – due to the failures of the Dutch colonial justice system to bring charges against him for the Holloway murder. It wasn’t until 2023 that Van Der Sloot was extradited to a US federal court and confessed that he had killed Holloway while pleading guilty to attempted extortion of her family. He was given a 20 year bid but the judge allowed him to serve it concurrently with the 46 year Peruvian stay. It caps out in 2045 as under the Peruvian constitution no inmate can do more than 35 years under any circumstances.

It does not appear that Van Der Sloot will be relieved of that burden before heading back to his cell block as local outlet La Republica reported the 38 year-old men’s rights activist is in stable condition and is expected to recover. The paper also reported that the Epstein-ing came a few days after he had sent word to the Ramirez family about how sorry he was, reviving media attention to the case.

A Santanic cult, all clad in the robes of their pagan lord Santa Claus and his elven minions, raided a supermarket in Montreal, Quebec on Monday, stealing cartloads of groceries for what they said was a redistribution of the goods to the city’s poor, CNN reports. “A handful of businesses are holding our vital needs hostage,” the Santanic cult, Les Soulèvements du Fleuve, said in a social media post following the heist. “They continue to suffocate the population, to siphon (from) them as much money as possible, simply because they can. For us, this is theft and they are the thieves.”

“Many factors influence food inflation, including disruptions in the supply chain, volatility in commodity prices, changes in trade conditions, and retail crime,” Metro supermarket spokeswoman Genevieve Gregoire said. “The prices on store shelves directly reflect the costs of the supply chain.”

Unfortunately, today’s document release by @AGPamBondi and @DAGToddBlanche grossly fails to comply with both the spirit and the letter of the law that @realDonaldTrump signed just 30 days ago. @RepRoKhanna is correct. https://t.co/gZQyQBUT4R

— Thomas Massie (@RepThomasMassie) December 19, 2025

“Elise Stefanik, a fantastic person and Congresswoman from New York State, has just announced she won’t be running for Governor. Elise is a tremendous talent, regardless of what she does. She will have GREAT success, and I am with her all the way!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday, even though she’d be UN Ambassador now if he’d actually been with her all the way.

The Bulwark’s Sarah Longwell, Tim Miller, and Jonathan V Last reacted earlier and hol-lee shit it was BRUTAL the way they spent 15 minutes systematically vivisecting Stef’s person and how this is everything she deserved for being such a piece of shit. It is worth your time the way they compared her to the freaks like Kash Patel and Jeanine Pirro who got their nice jobs, to concluding Stef’s crash out was probably about her appearance more than anything else because Trump is a dirty old man.

US Forces Central Command on Friday announced that “US forces have commenced a large-scale strike against ISIS infrastructure and weapons sites in Syria. This massive strike follows the attack on US and partner forces in Syria on Dec 13,” begging the question of why these targets were still allowed to exist even before that asshole shot those soldiers last weekend.

The documents are live so follow along below as Spartan tries in vain to sort through them.

“While spending precious time with my family this Christmas season, I have made the decision to suspend my campaign for Governor and will not seek re-election to Congress. I did not come to this decision lightly for our family. I am truly humbled and grateful for the historic and overwhelming support from Republicans, Conservatives, Independents, and Democrats all across the state for our campaign to Save New York. However, as we have seen in past elections, while we would have overwhelmingly won this primary, it is not an effective use of our time or your generous resources to spend the first half of next year in an unnecessary and protracted Republican primary, especially in a challenging state like New York.  And while many know me as Congresswoman, my most important title is Mom. I believe that being a parent is life’s greatest gift and greatest responsibility. I have thought deeply about this and I know that as a mother, I will feel profound regret if I don’t further focus on my young son’s safety, growth, and happiness – particularly at his tender age.”

“I am incredibly grateful to the people of New York’s 21st District for entrusting me to represent you in the United States Congress. Thank you to my dedicated staff over the past decade.”

“I am proud of the significant results that we successfully delivered for the hardworking families in our district and across America. It has been a tremendous professional honor to serve as your Congresswoman over the past eleven years. Thank you for your support and encouragement as my family and I look forward to the next meaningful personal and professional chapter. God Bless and Merry Christmas✨” tweeted malevolent razorback Congresswoman Elise Stefanik on Friday.

Merry Christmas indeed, seeing that evil fucking monster fail and crash out of politics.

“Senator Cynthia Lummis (R-WY) today released the following statement announcing that she will not seek re-election to the US Senate in 2026. ‘It’s an incredible honor to represent Wyoming in the US Senate, and throughout my time here, Wyoming has been my one-and-only priority. What a blessing to serve with Senators John Barrasso and Mike Enzi when I was in the US House, and with John and Rep Harriet Hageman while I’ve been in the Senate. We all put Wyoming first, which has cemented our cohesive working relationship. Deciding not to run for re-election does represent a change of heart for me, but in the difficult, exhausting session weeks this fall I’ve come to accept that I do not have six more years in me. I am a devout legislator, but I feel like a sprinter in a marathon. The energy required doesn’t match up,” said Lummis in a statement on Friday.

It need not be said that there’s zero chance of a Dem winning this seat short of the Republican candidate undergoing a sex change operation in early October and even then it’d be like 50/50. The retirement announcement from a Republican during what’s supposed to be a shining era of Pax MAGAmericana however – especially saying she’s simply sick of the daily grind and bullshit – says a lot and nothing good about what it’s like working under the command of the Orange God Emperor.

If last December this site had predicted by now it would be shut down due to new emergency censorship measures, the Insurrection Act would’ve been invoked, there’d be federal troops rounding American citizens up by the thousands and interning them in camps, and Trump’s approval rating would be 65 or 70 percent, then some of you would’ve said that wasn’t pessimistic enough.

Now here we are and MAGA isn’t having any fun at all. Arguably even unhappier than most libs.

The Koala Rescue Brisbane South organization in the eastern Australian city was grateful but kind of not really to a muncipal bus driver who grabbed a koala he spotted clinging to a light pole on his route and drove the marsupial to the rescue outfit’s shelter last weekend.

“The call came on Saturday night from the bus control support officer about a koala on a Brisbane CityGlider. Our hero bus driver had seen a koala dodge traffic on Wiles Street at Camp Hill before it scrambled up a light post on a traffic island. The quick-thinking driver tried to stop the koala from slipping down the metal post. Worried the koala might climb down and run into the path of a car, he used a light jacket to cover its head before moving it onto the bus. We don’t recommend handling koalas unless you’re trained. They have incredibly dangerous claws, can bite – and gripping them around their ribs can cause serious damage,” the koala snobs wrote in a Sunday Facebook post.

What the hell kind of rescue organization would sooner see the animals whose care is their mission fall off a lamppost and get hit by a car for want of being “trained” to do so? Why do they have to wag the fucking finger at this guy for doing the right thing when it’d be a reasonable assumption that he grew up in Australia and knew he was risking getting mauled but did it anyway? Lol. These buttholes even had the goddamned temerity to follow up with “Thanks for your support! If you’d like to contribute to the rescue of endangered koalas in Brisbane South, please consider a donation via the link below – all gifts over $2 are tax-deductible,” when they wouldn’t have even had the free marketing opportunity if not for this bus driver’s heroics that drew worldwide media attention.

“A federal grand jury in Columbia returned a two-count indictment against John Paul Miller, 46, of Myrtle Beach, for cyberstalking and making false statements to federal investigators. The indictment alleges that beginning in November 2022, Miller sent unwanted and harassing communications to his estranged wife until her death on April 27, 2024. The harassing behavior included Miller posting a nude photo of the victim online without her consent, causing tracking devices to be placed on her vehicle, and in one instance, contacting her over 50 times in a single day. The indictment also alleges he interfered with her finances and her daily activities and on one occasion damaged her vehicle tires. Federal investigators interviewed Miller about these allegations and Miller lied in his responses. Miller said he did not damage the victim’s tires, when in fact he purchased a tire deflation device online and sent messages to others regarding the victim’s vehicle. Miller faces a maximum penalty of five years in prison for cyberstalking and two years in prison for his false statements.”

“He also faces a fine of up to $250,000. His arraignment is scheduled for Jan 12, 2026, in federal court in Florence,” says a Justice Department press release on a fucking horror story that even the godawful details above don’t come close to summarizing. But first things first: Miller is definitely not a liberal, but he’s not outwardly MAGA either. He’s got some proximity to the “prosperity gospel” movement and runs an Evangelical church in a deep red county, sure his political footprint is basically non-existent. Really the only data point is that he was pardoned for an assault charge in 2022 by the all-Republican state clemency board, but that’s as close as it gets to MAGAdjacency.

“Donald Trump and the Department of Justice are now violating federal law as they continue covering up the facts and the evidence about Jeffrey Epstein’s decades-long, billion-dollar, international sex trafficking ring. For months, Pam Bondi has denied survivors the transparency and accountability they have demanded and deserve and has defied the Oversight Committee’s subpoena. The Department of Justice is now making clear it intends to defy Congress itself, even as it gives star treatment to Epstein’s convicted co-conspirator, Ghislaine Maxwell. Courts around the country have repeatedly intervened when this Administration has broken the law.”

“We are now examining all legal options in the face of this violation of federal law. The survivors of this nightmare deserve justice, the co-conspirators must be held accountable, and the American people deserve complete transparency from DOJ,” say House Judiciary and Oversight Ranking Dems Jamie Raskin and Robert Garcia in response to Todd Blanche’s bitch-ass slip on Fox News this morning that the Trump Regime needs more time to comply with their actual statutorily mandated duty to release ALL of the Epstein files on this day and date with no exceptions or excuses.

What a judge is actually going to do is anyone’s guess but maybe it’s not out of the question that a court could deputize Raskin, Garcia, and their staffs, giving them a blank check to simply walk in to the Justice Department and take whatever they want to sort out and see if it’s Epstein-related.

Might be too much to hope for on that. Then again it is the law and not just some subpoena.

The top lawyer for the Joint Chiefs of Staff last month advised Joint Chiefs Chairman General Dan Caine on how best to handle an illegal order from war criminals Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth: Submit a retirement request rather than resign or attempt to get fired on purpose, CNN reports, adding that this came right after Caine saw the “double-tap” video of American taxpayer missiles being wasted for the purpose of wasting two helpless men clinging to wreckage after their “drug boat” – which had actually been headed to Suriname – was blasted by Naval combat aircraft.

That option, per counsel Brig General Eric Widmar, would be seen as less “political” than the other options. Being a “request” obviously it can (hopefully) be rejected and serves as a marker to future inquiries as well as prevent some fucking extremist MAGA freak from assuming that role – which is the real reason why nobody should want these guys to walk when they know something is wrong.

It’s horrible that people who may or may not actually be willing drug traffickers are being summarily obliterated in the Carribbean and Pacific. But if there’s ever going to be a reckoning for it then it’s on the brass to record their objections to these relatively low-consequence war crimes while staying on the team to prevent worse shit from happening. The way to prevent a reckoning is for them to quit and be replaced by Nazis who will cancel elections and establish a permanent Trump dictatorship that by 2055 will be ruled by a 400 lbs alcoholic chain-smoking Barron who spends his free time shooting hoops with the laminated corpse of Dennis Rodman and executing military officers with anti-aircraft guns on suspicion of passing intel to the capitalist scum of the California Republic.

So not great. Could end with retirements accepted anyway. Still better than no acts of protest at all.

The Brown University shooter, Claudio Manuel Neves Valente entered the United States through the diversity lottery immigrant visa program (DV1) in 2017 and was granted a green card. This heinous individual should never have been allowed in our country. 

In 2017, President Trump…

— Secretary Kristi Noem (@Sec_Noem) December 19, 2025

“Democrats Approval numbers in Congress are the Worst Ever – Negative 55! Harry Enten,” posted convicted felon President Trump at 12:34 AM on Friday, evidently after seeing CNN polling/election geek Harry Enten go on with his characteristic hyper-emphasis about this week’s Quinnipiac University survey finding that, on the question of “Do you approve or disapprove of the way the Democrats in Congress are handling their job,” Hill Dems are indeed 55 percent underwater at 18 percent approve to 73 percent disapprove while Republicans are at a relatively less though still shitty 35 to 58 approve/disapprove, putting them “only” 23 percent underwater among all respondents.

The problem, and there’s always a problem, with fapping to the lousy Dem approval number is that among their own respective partisans Democrats are at 42 to 48 percent approve/disapprove while Republicans are at 77 to 18 percent approve/disapprove. Among indie voters both are in worse shape but more so Ds at 15 to 76 approve/disapprove vs the GOP’s 26 to 66 approve/disapprove.

Can probably chalk that up to leaners who still identify as independents who, along with their actual officially Democratic compatriots, don’t approve of the party’s Congressional leadership and want to see more out of them. Also note that Dem respondent approval/disapproval of Republicans at 4 to 93 percent is ALMOST identical to the Republican approval of Dems at 4 to 92 percent.

This really is just between elected Democrats and the people that vote for them, which naturally leads to the most important reason why Trump looks so fucking pathetic highlighting the “Dems 55 percent underwater” talking point: Dems lead the generic ballot by 47 to 43 percent (which is almost certainly lowballing their support). More Republican respondents – 5 percent – said they’re voting blue than Dem respondents – 2 percent – will vote red. Among indies Dems lead 46 to 38 percent.