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American frylord Thomas Werner, CEO of McDonald’s fry supplier Lamb Weston, sounded an ominous warning to his underlings during a recent earnings call, CNN reports.

“Many of these promotional meal deals have consumers trading down from a medium fry to a small fry,” the frylord proclaimed, sending a chill down the spines of the vassals within his fry kingdom.

The frylord announced 400 of his wage slaves would be released from their duties and were available to be sold to the barons of chips or other potato products.

Apologies if we’re overdoing the shitposts from convicted felon former President Trump, but the fat bastard lost his shit Tuesday afternoon at ‘Lyin’ Kamala, who is being exposed as a ‘dummy’ every time she does a show, just stated to the degenerates on The View that she would have done nothing different than Crooked Joe Biden, the WORST PRESIDENT IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. The Lamestream Media doesn’t want to pick up the story, the dumb women on the show wish they never asked her the question that led to that Election Defying answer,” and blah blah blah.

Yeah this one might kind of stick. He was supposed to stop calling Harris “dumb,” lol.

Republican North Carolina Congressman Chuck Edwards was forced Tuesday to post on his website a number of fact-checks of the conspiracy theories being spread by his party. Some lowlights:

“Hurricane Helene was NOT geoengineered by the government to seize and access lithium deposits in Chimney Rock. Nobody can control the weather. Charles Konrad, director of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s Southeast Regional Climate Center, has confirmed that no one has the technology or ability to geoengineer a hurricane. Current geoengineering technology can serve as a large-scale intervention to mitigate the negative consequences of naturally occurring weather phenomena, but it cannot be used to create or manipulate hurricanes.” Give them an inch, lol.

“FEMA is NOT stopping trucks or vehicles with donations, confiscating or seizing supplies, or otherwise turning away donations. FEMA does not conduct vehicle stops or handle road closures with armed guards – all road closures are managed by local law enforcement who are prioritizing getting resources to their fellow community members.” What if it feels true though?

“FEMA cannot seize your property or land. Applying for disaster assistance does not grant FEMA or the federal government authority or ownership of your property or land.” Don’t mess with a classic bro. If UFO conspiracy theories are the Beatles and the JFK assassination ones are the Rolling Stones then FEMA takeovers are The Remains. Like deep vinyl collection fandom, not the pop stuff.

“The problem with FoxNews is that every time they put on someone who is positive and touting all of the good things I have done for the Country, they always feel it necessary to follow up with a really negative voice, often people who are storytellers and willing to outright lie. The daytime anchors are no match for these lunatics, and they get away with absolute murder. The net result is NOTHINGNESS, so what’s the purpose in watching?“ posted convicted felon former President Trump on Tuesday, apparently very busy while running to be the leader of the Free World.

In a speech delivered Tuesday, British domestic intelligence agency MI5’s Director General Ken McCallum warned that “Russian state actors turning to proxies for their dirty work, including private intelligence operatives and criminals from both the UK and third countries. Once again, the internet provides the crucial platform connecting these malign actors. While altering MI5’s detection challenge, Russia’s use of proxies further reduces the professionalism of their operations and, absent diplomatic immunity, increases our disruptive options. Alongside pending criminal prosecutions, the UK has taken robust action to constrain Russian aggression. Earlier this year the last remaining Russian military intelligence officer was expelled from the UK, and diplomatic accreditation removed from a number of sites. We’ll keep bearing down.”

The UK’s leading role in supporting Ukraine means we loom large in the fevered imagination of Putin’s regime, and we should expect to see continued acts of aggression here at home. The GRU in particular is on a sustained mission to generate mayhem on British and European streets: we’ve seen arson, sabotage and more. Dangerous actions conducted with increasing recklessness.”

“And having precisely the opposite effect to what the Russian state intends, in driving increased operational coordination with partners across Europe and beyond. This concerted campaign requires a strong and sustained response. We’re working with the police to use the new National Security Act to its fullest extent. And the National Protective Security Authority, part of MI5, already works to strengthen our critical national infrastructure. We want to help others who may be at risk of attack. So I urge businesses and public authorities to think about the risks you face. Seek out the NPSA guidance, which is informed by intelligence, to help you protect your people.”

Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu on Tuesday abruptly canceled Defense Minister Yoav Gallant’s trip to the US, saying he needs to speak with President Biden first, per 12News Israel.

“Bibi” is probably pissed over Biden reportedly saying “That son of a bitch, Bibi Netanyahu, he’s a bad guy. He’s a bad fucking guy!” in Bob Woodward’s book, even though it’s true.

“CNN sent invitations on September 21 to both Vice President Harris and former President Trump’s campaigns to participate in a CNN debate this fall as we believe the American people would benefit from a second debate between the two candidates for President of the United States. With less than 30 days to Election Day, we are placing a deadline for a formal response from both campaigns for this Thursday, October 10 at 12 pm ET to participate,” says CNN in a statement issued Tuesday to try to get one of the two podiums filled for their planned October 23 showdown in Atlanta.

Why do they have to bothsides it? Harris already accepted. The deadline’s on Trump… who just might be considering it but surely doesn’t want to be pushed. And furthermore he should go on The View because it’s a show with unparalleled and unrivaled reach among American female viewers since 1997. Every candidate should go on The View to speak directly to women voters.

Spirit Halloween, the ephemeral retail wraith that haunts the departed vessels empty Sears, Kmart, and other benighted retail stores before vanishing into the aether, will transform into a smaller seasonal chain selling holiday shit called Spirit Christmas, with the first one opening up in Poughkeepsie, New York in just 10 days’ time, the Poughkeepsie Journal reports.

The Poughkeepsie store is just one of 10 opening in 2024 compared to who the hell knows how many Spirit Halloweens usually open every year, but it appears to be sort of a test run to see if they can keep the corporate gypsy thing going into another retail-centric holiday season.

HOLY FUCK! GUYS, VICE PRESIDENT KAMALA HARRIS IS ON THE VIEW! This is like… Whoa, how the fuck are we- Just, this is like the BIGGEST daytime TV media event ever. Like do you feel this moment, right now? It’s THE VIEW. Completely floored. Wow. Amazing show, amazing interview.

Somebody make sure Mediaite and Raw Story are covering this. They better not miss it or they’re going to disappoint so many of their readers. That would be like Axios missing a Glenn Youngkin 2028 “scoop” or National Zero missing a registered Republican Villager getting arrested for exposing himself in a Burger King. Failure simply isn’t an option when it’s your website’s beat.

Responding to damning excerpts from the upcoming book by veteran Washington journalist Bob Woodward, who kind of knows a thing or two about uncovering political corruption, convicted felon former President Trump’s large-headed spokesman Steven Cheung issued a statement Tuesday, saying “None of these made up stories by Bob Woodward are true and are the work of a truly demented and deranged man who suffers from a debilitating case of Trump Derangement Syndrome. Woodward is an angry, little man and is clearly upset because President Trump is successfully suing him because of the unauthorized publishing of recordings he made previously.”

News to us that lawsuit is still going. Cheung kept going with “President Trump gave him absolutely no access for this trash book that either belongs in the bargain bin of the fiction section of a discount bookstore or used as toilet tissue. Woodward is a total sleazebag who has lost it mentally, and he’s slow, lethargic, incompetent and overall a boring person with no personality.”

Okay Steve… And we get why Trump wouldn’t want to give Woodward access because four years ago he got Trump on tape saying literally “Well I think, Bob, really, to be honest with you… I wanted to- I wanted to always play it down. I still like playing it down, because I don’t want to create a panic,” about the COVID-19 virus, which wasn’t a good look back then.

A Tuesday press release from prosecutors in the Southern District of New York announcing the arrest of and “unsealing of a complaint charging former New York City Hall official Mohamed Bahi with witness tampering and destruction of evidence in connection with a federal investigation of unlawful contributions to a particular 2021 mayoral campaign,” reveals that New York City Mayor Eric Adams’s co-conspirators are even dumber and more inept than convicted felon former President Trump’s if we’re going to go pound-for-pound against the shit those morons pulled when they tried to hide the classified documents he stole from the White House before the FBI raid in August 2022.

Seriously, read this: “On or about June 13, 2024, in connection with the Federal Investigation, FBI agents executed a court-authorized search warrant at the Businessman’s home, and also served the Businessman and the Donors with grand jury subpoenas. After being notified by the Businessman that the FBI had executed a search warrant at the Businessman’s home that morning, Bahi met privately with the Businessman. Bahi told the Businessman that he had just spoken with [Adams] and advised the Businessman to lie to federal investigators.” What the actual fuck, lol.

“Bahi then met with the Businessman and the Donors and instructed them to lie to the FBI. On or about June 14, 2024, after having met with [Adams], Bahi told the Businessman that [Adams] believed that the Businessman would not cooperate with law enforcement. On or about July 24, 2024, in connection with the Federal Investigation, FBI agents executed a court-authorized search warrant at Bahi’s home and seized Bahi’s cellphone. In an effort to obstruct the Federal Investigation, upon the FBI’s arrival at Bahi’s home, he deleted from his cellphone the encrypted messaging application Signal, which Bahi had previously used to communicate with Adams.”

We’re so blessed to have federal prosecutors that entertain just as consistently as they win cases.

Republican Arkansas Congressman French Hill wasn’t really playing along with the “FEMA is purposely fucking over MAGA voters in North Carolina” and “FEMA’s budget has been pissed away in Lebanon” narrative, much to the frustration of Fox News idiot Maria Bartiromo as she tried to hype the manufactured outrages Tuesday morning. Guess this is why we’ve never seen French Hill on Fox News before and would hazard that we’re unlikely to see him again anytime soon.

Israeli defense officials on Tuesday said Hashem Safieddine, successor to recently-exploded Hezbollah chief Hassan Nasrallah, has probably been exploded too, Bloomberg reports.

Safieddine “has apparently been eliminated” said Defense Minister Yoav Gallant in an interview with Channel 12, adding that the Iran-backed terrorist militia is having trouble finding guys who haven’t been exploded yet to take command. “There is no one to make decisions,” Gallant said. “It will take another day, another week, another two weeks, and when the smoke and fog clear, they will understand in Iran that they have lost their most valued asset – which is Hezbollah.”

Previewing Bob Woodward’s upcoming book “War,” CNN reports convicted felon former President Trump has spoken with his boss, Russian dictator Vladimir Putin at least seven times since leaving office in 2021, one of the fat bastard’s minions told Woodward, who writes of a scene in which Trump told an aide at Mar-a-Lago to leave the room so he could take a call with Vlad. The veteran journalist writes in 2020 Donald had “secretly sent Putin a bunch of Abbott Point of Care Covid test machines for his personal use,” after which Vlad said “Please don’t tell anybody you sent these.”

“I don’t care. Fine,” Trump said, to which Putin became emphatic, saying “No, no, I don’t want you to tell anybody because people will get mad at you, not me. They don’t care about me,” the former KGB agent continued, probably realizing better than Trump that giving away scarce American medical supplies to a hostile foreign power during a pandemic might not have been the best look.

Lol. When asked about the post-2021 calls, milkshake abortion guy Jason Miller told Woodward “Um, ah, not that, ah, not that I’m aware of. I have not heard that they’re talking, so I’d push back on that.”

Woodward writes Biden DNI Avril Haines “carefully hedged” when asked about post-presidency Trump-Putin calls. “I would not purport to be aware of all contacts with Putin. I wouldn’t purport to speak to what President Trump may or may not have done,” Haines said in her non-denial.

Convicted felon former President Trump on Tuesday managed an impressive THREE different variations of “people are saying” in a single Truth Social shitpost, starting with an assertion about the CBS 60 Minutes interview he was too much of a pussy to sit for himself, writing “The Interview on 60 Minutes with Comrade Kamala Harris is considered by many of those who reviewed it, the WORST Interview they have ever seen. She literally had no idea what she was talking about, and it was an embarrassment to our Country that a Major Party Candidate would be so completely inept.”

For the second unsupported assertion attributed to unnamed parties, Trump the continued with “In addition, her Incompetence on ‘helping’ people through the devastation of Hurricane Helene is being reviewed as, by far, the Worst in American History, even worse than Katrina – If that is possible! I can’t imagine anybody living in North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Florida, or Tennessee, voting for her,” again not naming those who have “reviewed” Harris’s performance and admitting that his imagination is a large driver of this alleged massive surge against her.

“Pollsters are saying that the anti, or negative, Vote in those places, and even places not affected but with people watching what took place, will be heavily against her. This is good news because November 5th is the Most Important Day in the History of our Country, and we cannot bear four more years of Incompetence,” Trump wrote, finally wrapping up his rant and for once sort of specifying who “they” are, as in pollsters. He did not however link to any of these polls and we would be surprised if any have been conducted in the affected areas since the storm. So he’s full of shit.

“House Energy and Commerce Committee Chair Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-WA) led 40 of her Republican colleagues in demanding answers from the Chairwoman of the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) regarding her recent decision to fast-track a media deal allowing the Fund for Policy Reform, a group aligned with Democratic mega-donor George Soros, to buy over 200 radio stations just weeks before the 2024 election. With a party line vote of 3-2, the decision at the Commission level by the Democratic members of the FCC to temporarily waive the required national security review and allow excessive foreign ownership of American radio stations is deeply disturbing,” says a Monday press release from the House Energy and Commerce Committee.

In their letter to the FCC the committee’s Republicans expressed deep butthurt that Rupert Murdoch or the Moonies or Elon Musk didn’t buy up Audacy instead, writing “It is highly concerning that the FCC did not follow regular order for a transaction of this magnitude. Licensees and investors need certainty that the FCC will follow its rules and procedures when approving transactions so that the broadcast industry can have the resources it needs to continue serving the public.”

Having reached a complete saturation point on swing state ads and stuck with an absolute shit ton of cash with nowhere else really to spend it, the FutureForward PAC supporting Vice President Kamala Harris is dumping $20 million on national TV and YouTube ads, in a strategy that Axios describes as “an October hack: Reserve on national cable and just accept that the majority of your viewers aren’t your target audience. Go national to win local.” It’s part of a massive $50 million buy for the Dem in the final four weeks of the apocalyptic contest with convicted felon former President Trump, who was found guilty of 34 felony counts for interfering in the 2016 election by paying a pornstar to keep quiet about a two-minute sexual encounter he had more or less coerced her into a decade earlier. He’s also rumored to have fondled himself in a hotel room in Moscow while watching multiple hookers pee on a bed in a moment that was secretly recorded by Russian intel agents.

Vice President Kamala Harris has for the first time taken the lead in a New York Times/Siena College national survey since entering the race in July, as the Grey Lady and the small Albany-area Catholic school find her up 49 to 46 percent over convicted felon former President Trump in a head-to-head and 47 to 44 percent when the third party scrubs/Russian assets are included.

Times polling egghead Nate Cohn writes that it’s actually a 4 percent lead for Harris, but “these are rounded figures.” The poll also found Harris with a 46 to 44 percent lead on “represents change” and a 49 to 41 percent lead on “cares about people like you” even while 42 percent said Trump’s policies had helped them personally versus just 22 percent who said the same of Biden.

UFC star assisting in Helene rescue efforts says FEMA abandoned North Carolina: 'Still woefully absent' https://t.co/FcO8w0oDqj

— Fox News (@FoxNews) October 8, 2024

Convicted felon former President Trump’s campaign on Monday finally announced they were fulfilling one-half of his vow to visit the “invaded” cities of Aurora, Colorado and Springfield, Ohio, with his campaign setting a Friday afternoon rally at the Gaylord Rockies Resort in the former.

“Aurora, Colorado has become a ‘war zone’ due to the influx of violent Venezuelan prison gang members from Tren de Aragua. With approximately 43,000 migrants flooding the neighboring city of Denver since December 2022, many of these migrants have made their way to Aurora, bringing chaos and fear with them. Local families have been forced to flee their homes as Tren de Aragua members terrorize apartment complexes with guns, theft, and rampant drug activity,” wrote the fat bastard’s campaign in the announcement, coming more than a month after the town’s police chief said there’s no evidence that the gangbangers have taken over entire apartment buildings.