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Hunter Biden will face nine additional felony counts in a superseding indictment that will be released Friday, according to ABC News.  The charges include five counts of failure to file and pay taxes, one count of evasion of assessment, two counts of filing a false or fraudulent tax return, and one count of failure to file and pay taxes.  The charges were reportedly filed in a California federal court and are in addition to gun charges that have already been filed.  While the charges are undoubtedly the results of a political pressure campaign against the President’s son, prosecuting the crimes will be much more difficult given that Hunter Biden has already rectified outstanding tax debts as directed by the prosecution team, including representatives of the Internal Revenue Service.

Apparently, lying about being 215 pounds isn’t enough for the obese orange offender, as Donald Trump commented to two courtroom sketch artists that he needs “to lose some weight” given his depiction, according to Reuters.  Trump then went out to rant to the assembled media that he’s completely innocent, except that he’s already been found liable for the fraud, so this part of the trial is to resolve other issues and determine how much he’ll pay.

The man responsible for killing six people and wounding three others in a shooting spree in Austin on Tuesday attempted to break out of the Travis County jail on Wednesday, a document filed with the court attests, per a report in the Austin Statesman.  Although the exact nature of the attempt is unknown, deputies needed to physically restrain Shane James during his escape attempt.  Police caught James on Tuesday after he wrecked a car in a chase reaching 90 m.p.h. following shooting people, including two police officers, in at least three different locations.

International criminal mastermind/irresponsible crackhead Hunter Biden was hit with a superseding indictment on Thursday, CNN reports. The indictment is sealed so it’s unclear what the crime(s) are.

“‘There is no evidence that President Biden has meddled in any of the Trump prosecutions (persecutions)!’ Maggot Hagerman, The Failing New York Times. Perhaps the most egregious statement of FAKE NEWS I have seen in years. ‘All the News That’s Unfit To Print,'” writes disgraced former President Trump in another meltdown. He’ll still end up calling her constantly anyway.

McDonald’s, a brand known for its consistent food quality and bathroom cleanliness which can both be characterized as generally adequate, will expand its portfolio with a new franchise brand called CosMc’s aimed at the coffee market, CBS News reports.

The brand targets customers currently going to drink-centric stores like Dunkin’ Donuts and Starbucks.  CosMc’s menu will feature drinks, but it will have some McDonald’s staples like the Egg McMuffin available.  Unlike McDonald’s, customers will have greater options to customize their orders instead of just what’s on the McMenu.

Second-term Democratic North Carolina Congresswoman Kathy Manning, representing the state’s Sixth Congressional District which was significantly redrawn in a district map that continues to be under legal challenges, announced she won’t run for reelection with the district drawn as partisanly as it is in the one that must be used in the 2024 election cycle.

“The Republican-led General Assembly passed flagrantly gerrymandered Congressional districts to reduce the North Carolina Congressional delegation from seven Democrats and seven Republicans to four Democrats and ten Republicans,” Manning said in a statement. “Rather than draw Congressional districts that are compact, include communities of interest, and promote the democratic value of allowing voters to decide who they want to represent them – the previously stated goals of the redistricting committee – Republican leaders have put their partisan self-interest above the people they’re elected to serve. It’s the shameful act of leaders who know they can’t win under fair districts.”

While Manning noted that she and others continue to file legal challenges to the highly-gerrymandered map, the timing makes it more difficult for Democratic challenges to have effect before elections.  She also left the door open to running again if the courts somehow strike down the current map.

Former La Habra, California police chief and Capitol rioter Alan Hostetter’s plea for leniency – one in which he said his January 6th conspiracy bullshit about “crisis actors” and “an obvious set-up” by police are “no longer fringe theories” because asshole Vivek Ramaswamy talked about it during his unhinged performance at Wednesday night’s GOP debate – did not work on DC Circuit Judge Royce Lamberth who sentenced Hostetter to 135 months in prison, just slightly shy of the 12 years federal prosecutors had sought in their recommendation, CBS News’s Scott MacFarlane reports.

“The First Amendment doesn’t give anybody the right to obstruct, impede [Congress]… or carry weapons into restricted areas,” Lamberth said after handing down the sentence to the self-represented Capitol rioter who just might’ve saved himself a few years if he hadn’t told the judge that Ashli Babbitt’s death was a “psy-op” and that she’s secretly still alive. Babbitt’s mother was sitting in court too, per MacFarlane. Hostetter probably also could’ve skipped the “really dark forces that set up a matrix” and that the riot was the FBI, CIA, and DHS’s “crowning achievement” parts too.

The wife of one of Michigan’s most vocal Republican state government culture warriors has accused the legislator of a years-long pattern of domestic physical and emotional abuse, the Detroit News reports.  The wife of first-term state legislator Bob Bezotte alleges in her divorce filing that the Army veteran and one-time county sheriff practiced a pattern of “mental, emotional and physical abuse” that lasted “throughout the [50] years of marriage.”

One of the sponsors of a 2022 bill that would ban drag shows in the state because its sponsors claimed, drag queens are morally reprehensible individuals set on destroying the family unit and corrupting children, the alleged wife beater recently hired the husband of the judge hearing his divorce case to be his attorney, a move likely designed to get a woman off the bench for this divorce case as well as a way to further delay the proceedings, in which Bezotte is expected to lose a significant portion of his wealth and future pensions.

Disgraced former President Trump’s lawyers on Thursday notified Judge Tanya Chutkan they are taking their bullshit attempt to dismiss the federal conspiracy charges over his failed post-2020 election coup attempt to the DC Circuit Court of Appeals after Chutkan tossed it last week.

Spoiler alert: They’re not going to prevail on the “merits” of his incredibly stupid “presidential immunity” and “free speech” but if the fat fuck can get a favorable panel then maybe he can get a stay to delay the trial long enough to avoid getting convicted before the 2024 election.

And here’s the motion to Chutkan demanding she stay all proceedings until the appeal is resolved, filed just now: “President Donald J Trump respectfully submits this motion for an order enforcing the automatic stay of all district court proceedings in this case pending the final resolution of his recently filed appeal from the Court’s December 1, 2023 rulings on, inter alia, Presidential immunity and double jeopardy. President Trump’s notice of appeal has deprived this Court of jurisdiction over this case in its entirety pending resolution of the appeal. Therefore, a stay of all further proceedings is mandatory and automatic,” because the fat bastard was impeached and then acquitted by 43 Republican Senators on articles that scarcely resemble the conspiracy indictment.

“After last night’s debate, two things are clear. One, futile exercises like last night’s debate only serve to further divide our Republican Party and two, no one on that stage will be our Republican nominee. Division is the last thing we need – we need to rally behind our candidate for 2024 and we need to do it fast. The Democrats are already making excuses for their candidate, and their excuses are working because they’re speaking with one voice… It’s time to face the Democrats with a united front and rally behind Donald Trump. Trump won all 77 counties in Oklahoma in 2016 and 2020, and we’ll deliver all 77 counties again in 2024 in the primary and then in the general election as our nominee. I look forward to helping him beat Joe Biden and take back the White House,” says MAGA Congressman Kevin Hern in a statement that we trimmed down because it was lame and boring.

It’s only newsworthy because… Well, “newsworthy” is doing a lot of work there even with the additional context: Hern’s endorsement comes just a week after Trump’s enforcers Susan Wiles and Chris LaCivita sent Hern a letter saying, among other angry, hateful shit “You are no better than out-of-control Democrats, Never Trumpers, and enemies of the Make America Great Again movement,” and “We will not allow you or a scam PAC to mislead the American people in order to steal their hard-earned money through dishonest and deceptive tactics usually employed by other scam PACs,” ripping Hern a new asshole for “openly and flagrantly disregard[ing] our clear guidelines” for pasting the “Campaign’s formal ‘Seal of Approval'” on his PAC’s mailers without actually having “earned” it.

Juxtaposing that with the obviously non-reciprocated endorsement is why Hernie earns our seal of a dog so happy for an opportunity to lick his abusive master’s face… And if he’s lucky he might get the chance to have some peanut butter too if master smears it somewhere lower.

“In collaboration with the Guyana Defence Force (GDF), the US Southern Command (USSOUTHCOM) will conduct flight operations within Guyana on December 7. This exercise builds upon routine engagement and operations to enhance security partnership between the United States and Guyana, and to strengthen regional cooperation. In addition to this exercise, USSOUTHCOM will continue its collaboration with the GDF in the areas of disaster preparedness, aerial and maritime security, and countering transnational criminal organizations. The US will continue its commitment as Guyana’s trusted security partner and promoting regional cooperation and interoperability,” says the US Embassy in Guyana in a statement.

Since the statement makes it sound like they’re just flying around in circles in a place different from where they normally fly around in circles, here’s what’s actually happening: The Venezuelan military is amassing troops and tanks on the border with Guyana, possibly preparing to invade, because Venezuela’s a shithole of a failed state led by a deranged socialist dictatorship that claims their citizens approved a referendum measure to claim sovereignty over Guyana’s Essequibo region – a resource-rich swath of terrirtory which makes up 2/3rds of the smaller country.

On Wednesday a helicopter carrying five senior Guyanese military officers went down in the jungle about 30 miles from the border, though Guyanese Army Chief Brigadier General Omar Khan told the AP it was more likely due to bad weather than Venezuelan action. So shit could get real in yet another region of the world and we’re excited to read posts from the foreign policy experts concluding this is Joe Biden’s fault… three years after they used their election security expertise to conclude that a Venezuelan supercomputer hacked into voting machines to put Biden in office.

Republican North Dakota Senator Kevin Cramer’s 42 year-old son Ian is under arrest after a Wednesday night high speed pursuit by North Dakota Highway Patrol units ended with him slamming the Chevy Tahoe he had stolen from his mom into a parked patrol car that then rolled over a Mercer County Sheriff’s deputy who had been standing behind the vehicle, Fargo Inforum reports.

“Earlier this evening, our 42-year-old son Ian was involved in a police chase which resulted in an accident that killed an officer. Ian suffers from serious mental disorders which manifest in severe paranoia and hallucinations. Kris was with Ian when he insisted on going to his brother Ike.”

“Ike died in 2018. Kris took Ian to the Sanford Health emergency room in Bismarck. When she got out of our vehicle, Ian jumped into the driver’s seat and fled. Our daughter was able to track the car through Kris’ cell phone and lead officers to him in Mercer County, ND. We don’t have more details right now but will work with authorities to property inform the public. I will take the first flight I can to be with our family as we grieve what has happened. We grieve especially for the family of the hero who tried to help Ian,” said Cramer in a statement issued shortly after the crash.

Based on the headline it would’ve been easy to imagine that this was some entitled asshole prep school kid high on coke and maybe we might’ve made a joke like “Well at least Ian’s not in as much trouble as Hunter Biden” (actually probably not with the cop getting killed) but this is really just sad for everyone involved. If Cramer’s statement is to be credited – and it’s really hard to see who would want to lie about something like this – this is on a level that transcends political differences. That we can very easily picture what the Breitbart comments would look like if Cramer was a Democrat does not make going there in this timeline right. We all should be better than that.

Up to six surviving American veterans of the 1941 Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor that thrust the United States into World War II are expected to be present at the former naval base in Honolulu on Thursday for memorial ceremonies on the 82nd anniversary, the Associated Press reports.

It’s not clear how many, if any, still-surviving Japanese of the attack will show up to celebrate their victory. On one hand you’ll certainly see a number of surviving American D-Day veterans in France next June when the 80th anniversary of that surprise attack rolls around. But probably not too many Germans. Or even none. The test of whether it’s appropriate to show up and hold a ceremony is “Did you guys actually win the war in the end?” and not what side of the surprise attack you were on.

Christmas-hating former First Lady Melania Trump is urging her fat orange husband to pick former top Fox News propagandist Tucker Carlson as his running mate in the 2024 election, because he would be a “a powerful onstage extension” of Donald and “a Trump-Carlson ticket might encourage her” to hit the campaign trail for some reason, Axios reports in a big new exclusive about the fat bastard’s staffing picks should he return to power. Other people on Team Orange are wary of Tucker since he “can’t be controlled” and could draw more attention than the big fat boss man.

Other picks for the rest of the regime floated in the article are exactly the trolls and scumbags you would expect: Stephen Miller for Attorney General, Jared Kushner or Ric Grenell for Secretary of State, Kash Patel for CIA Director, Johnny McEntee and Jeffrey Clark for some unspecified cabinet positions, Tom Cotton or Lee Zeldin for Secretary of Defense, and Jamie Dimon for Treasury.

After he mocked former Speaker Kevin McCarthy for announcing his totally predictable resignation from the House, Matt Gaetz likely learned that the House Ethics Committee had recently called a witness in its apparently ongoing investigation into his questionable behavior.

According to CNN, the witness received an email saying “The Chairman and Ranking Member have authorized staff to conduct an interview” with the subject.  It’s unclear if the email was sent to the subject or a lawyer representing the individual.  And because it’s Matt Gaetz–who has nearly as many scandals going on as Trump has indictments–the investigation could revolve around his alleged trafficking of an underaged sex worker, showing pornographic photos to House members on the floor of the chamber, making lewd comments to members, boasts about using drugs, allegations that he laundered campaign funds for personal use, and/or a new probe into lobbying violations.

The Pentagon announced a service-wide grounding of all V-22 Osprey tilt-wing aircraft after one of the planes went down last week off the coast of Japan, killing all eight service members of the Air Force Special Operations Command aboard, the Washington Post reports.

Prior to this accident, more than 60 other crew have been killed in various accidents, including testing, involving the troubled V-22.  Since the Osprey became operational in 2007, 33 people have died in operational accidents, with two happening in combat zones.  Across the Pentagon, various services have more than 300 of the aircraft currently in operation.

Queens resident Philip Sean Grillo, who filed his paperwork to challenge then-incumbent Republican Congressman George Santos for the GOP nomination back in May before it was cool, this week was found guilty of repeatedly trespassing in the Capitol during the January 6th Republican-led domestic terrorist attack on Congress, NBC News reports.

Grillo repeated entered and exited the Capitol–he later testified he did not know Congress convened in the building–and paused for many interviews with people around him, at one time saying, “I’m here to stop the steal. It’s our fucking House!”  Into another camera, he shouted, “We fucking did it, you understand? We stormed the Capitol.  We shut it down! We did it!”

No word if the local county GOP leaders, who will determine the nominee for a runoff against a similarly-picked Democratic opponent and forgo the need for primaries, have checked into Grillo’s resume, but according to a DOJ release, he has a number of skills the GOP find helpful:  convictions for obstruction of an official proceeding, a felony, and misdemeanor offenses of entering and remaining in a restricted building or grounds, disorderly and disruptive conduct in a restricted building or grounds, disorderly conduct in a Capitol building, and parading, demonstrating, or picketing in a Capitol building.

Four people who will probably never be President of The United States will make lots of noises with their mouths for the next 90 minutes or so and some of the people watching from the audience will strike their hands together to make noises in approval of the noises on stage.

The five major entertainment broadcast networks–CBS, ABC, NBC, Fox, and The CW–will all simultaneously air memorial cards at the start of their 8 p.m. ET broadcasts in honor of television pioneer Normal Lear, the creator of such landmark shows as All In the Family, The Jeffersons, and One Day at a Time, according to the Hollywood Reporter.  Lear died Tuesday at the age of 101.