Remember President Biden? Seems like a while since we’ve covered anything about Good Old Joe. In fact we can quantify how many occurrences of “Biden” in National Zero headlines that show up since last Thursday: Six. And three of those were about the thefts of his kids’ Ashley and Hunter’s personal property for MAGA political dirt, another one a joke article about him and Pete Buttigieg purposely derailing freight trains, and one about how Trump’s lawyers plan to blame him for Donald getting indicted in Manhattan. Which leaves one about Biden signing the COVID origins bill.

Contrast that with 59 occurrences of “Trump,” seven occurrences of “Orange,” and one “Former Guy,” plus God knows how many other indirect references. So it’s safe to say we’re neglecting our normal, boring, uncontroversial current president while our former president thrashes angrily over increasing legal peril on multiple fronts. Not going to defend that because there’s nothing to defend. Go ahead and call us “biased” like we’re supposed to be ashamed of that. We don’t give a fuck.

Anyhoo, CNN reports President Joe Biden is headed to Ottawa, Canada on Thursday to address Parliament and attend a state dinner with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. They’re going to talk about some important bilateral issues that will get almost zero press coverage if Trump is indicted.

Lawyers for disgraced former President Trump have been telling him that between the strong case the Manhattan District Attorney has on him and the jury pool being unfriendly that he should be prepared to be found guilty and look instead to winning on an appeal, Rolling Stone reports.

Lots of people are saying that the upcoming Friday testimony – and evidence that he’s handing over to the court – of scumbag Trump lawyer Evan Corcoran to the federal grand jury investigating Donald’s theft of classified documents upon leaving the White House following his humiliating defeat in the 2020 election will be very damning to the Orange God Emperor. Lots of smart people.

Sure, some of these smart people also said things about how damning this or that was for Trump during the Mueller investigation in 2017 and 2018 and then other subsequent legal issues for the fat bastard that never really panned out. There’s no question about that. There’s also no question that Mueller never got a judge to rule he had made a “prima facie showing that” Trump “had committed criminal violations” when ordering his lawyer to testify to a grand jury. We’re not lawyers but that sounds very, very extraordinarily bad for Trump, especially considering that he’s no longer president, doesn’t control the Justice Department, and can’t just fire people at will for investigating him.

There’s plenty of speculation in what these smart people are saying. Hints that Corcoran recorded his conversations with Trump while he was defying a subpoena for the return of the classified documents he stole which, coupled with other evidence, amounts to a potential “smoking gun,” with which Jack Smith will swiftly file charges, possibly even within the next few weeks. None of it however makes any guarantees of Trump going away for the rest of his life on these charges or that he’ll go on trial before the 2024 election, so on and so forth. They’re mostly just saying it’s bad and that “vibe” is enough to write this piece remarking on how bad it all sounds in contrast to quite a large number of earlier adverse court rulings against the Orange God Emperor.

The Arizona state Supreme Court on Wednesday threw out six of seven claims by sore loser Kari Lake over the 2022 gubernatorial election, with the seventh one concerning signature verification procedures in Maricopa County kicked back to a lower court for reconsideration, the AP reports.

Well, there goes the Tucker Carlson endorsement.  In one of what will undoubtedly be hundreds of “corrections” he’ll need to make about his statements, Florida Republican Governor and human Weeble Ron DeSantis has backtracked from his acceptance of Russia overrunning eastern Ukraine, saying earlier this week that it was simply a “territorial dispute.”

Politico reports DeSantis strangely told perpetually constipated British host Piers Morgan on his Fox streaming show that Putin is “a gas station with a bunch of nuclear weapons,” and later declared that Putin is “a war criminal.”

“I think [Putin’s] hostile to the United States, but I think the thing that we’ve seen is he doesn’t have the conventional capability to realize his ambitions,” DeSantis said.  “And so, he’s basically a gas station with a bunch of nuclear weapons and one of the things we could be doing better is utilizing our own energy resources in the U.S.”

Ever one to stoke anger and hatred while promoting ignorance and doltishness in schools, Republican Florida Governor and Pillsbury Doughboy stand-in Ron DeSantis intends to expand his homophobic “Don’t Say Gay” law to middle and high schools, NBC News reports, cutting off the argument the law’s advocates claimed that it was only protecting the youngest students.

The law bans teachers and school staff from talking to students about anything having to do with LGBTQ topics, and a move to expand that to older students will have cover any classes in which current state regulations do not require teaching it, such as a sexual education lesson in a health or biology class.  Such a move would remove significant pieces of literature from classrooms as well as lessons about the fight for gay rights or even the Pulse Nightclub massacre, which happened in Florida.

“The case depends on testimony from a convicted felon, a tax cheat, an admitted and notorious liar by the name of Michael Cohen,” Sean Hannity says, helpfully saying he was referring to Cohen and not his secret client for whom he serves as an advisor, Donald Trump, before the clip turns to a 2017 clip of Hannity describing Cohen as a friend.  Cohen, it turns out, was more than just a friend; Cohen was also Hannity’s lawyer on at least one issue, one of the three clients Cohen reported to the court.  (The third, besides Donald Trump, was Elliott Broidy, the disgraced GOP fundraiser who got into a scandal because of his own extramarital affair with a model.)

“When we made our trip to Ukraine, I almost got arrested, I almost got killed, I almost got caught by Soros. … Soros tried to figure out how we were leavin’ the, cut off, cut off, we got a private plane and he was gonna cut off,… we [burp] we were originally on a plane the next morning, and we knew they were gonna cause trouble at the airport, they were gonna cause trouble with our visa, they were gonna cause trouble with this or with that. So we rented a private plane that night, but we didn’t realize he controlled private airports but he found out that we rented a plane, but he couldn’t get there in time.  And literally, a plane is taking off and it’s something right out of [inaudible], and this car–actually she saw ’em–[hostess interrupts with “Yeah!  Yeah!”]–and she says–I thought she was exaggerating–I wish I’d a gotten a picture of the car–and she said [snicker] that’s Soros in the car.”

Our apologies for the poor audio, but Rudy Giuliani claiming that billionaire George Soros tracked him down Giuliani’s party himself on their way to Ukraine at a private airport and literally took a car onto the runway to prevent his trip to Ukraine in 2019 is fucking amazing.  The woman in the clip, incidentally, isn’t the woman Rudy’s talking about in the clip; she’s just a podcast interviewer who apparently heard Giuliani tell the story previously, and give him likely embellished details he said earlier to impress the young lady.  At least he didn’t reach into his pants this time.

A car busted through a temporary barrier and entered a road repair site on the Baltimore Beltway, ramming into the highway crew and killing six workers, the Baltimore Sun reports.  The vehicle then flipped over, trapping the driver, who survived.

Police say the unidentified driver broke through a barrier that cuts off a lane of the four-lane highway after significant signage announcing the lane closing ahead.  He then continued at speed into the construction workers.  Police say a second driver may have been involved.

A spokesperson for the Republican majority on the House Oversight Committee on Wednesday poured about half a bucket of cold water on Congressbro Matt Gaetz’s announcement earlier in the day that he’d gotten a “blessing” from abortion daddy Chairman James Comer to call in discredited Russian propagandist and false Biden sexual assault accuser Tara Reade to come in and give a “transcribed interview” (not actual live testimony where she might have to face Jamie Raskin).

“The Oversight Committee is focused on the Biden family’s business schemes and bank records. Chair Comer is happy to have a conversation with Rep Gaetz about oversight he thinks should be done and what committee that should be done in,” said the committee spokesworm confirming a lukewarm appetite for renewing the scandal that failed despite the GOP’s half-assed efforts in 2020.

Maybe it’s because Reade is a demonstrable perjurer who only escaped prosecution when a California district attorney declined to pursue charges only because Reade’s false assertion that she had a degree in psychology wasn’t something that materially affected the outcome of the domestic abuse trials she had testified in as an expert witness. Maybe it’s because she has publicly sided with the Putin regime over the war in Ukraine. Maybe it’s because the whole scam was such a transparent play to not flip suburban women’s votes from Biden to Trump but take them off the table as Trump’s fans obviously never gave a shit about voting for a guy who bragged about sexual assault (let alone merely accused of it) that didn’t work in 2020 so why even bother trying it again when they have Hunter’s laptop. Could be any of those things that make her a terrible witness.

“Today, I voted against a resolution made in celebration of Ramadan on the House Floor. As a combat veteran, I served beside many local translators who were Muslims and good people. I can also attest that Ramadan was routinely the most violent period during every deployment. Texas and America were founded on Christian principles and my faith as a Christian prevents me from celebrating Ramadan. I want to commend Dan Patrick for choosing not to join the House in this celebration,” says a Wednesday statement from Texas state House member Tony Tinderholt.

MAGAchurch Pastor Lance Wallnau praying in tongues to protect Trump from arrest, as well as from “every witchcraft curse, vex, spell that has been launched against him.” Not that we’re experts or anything, but isn’t the batshit jibberish this guy said basically a magic spell too?

Interest rate higher, CNBC report with big red letters. Economy big challenge from inflation interest rate up 0.25 percent. Big win for interest. Not-interest loses. Go home not-interest. Interest win. CNBC says important. White guy with glasses and white hair decided. More interest for economy.

Uh-oh. Dow dropping. Big oops. Economy angry, sad over interest higher. Economy thinks unfair of bank guy with white hair and glasses to make interest higher. Why he not like economy, shouty people with cocaine problems ask man with white hair and glasses. Shouty people wanted bank guy to not make interest higher. Is important to them. And for economy. Big oops for bank guy. The end.

A three judge panel on the DC Circuit Court of Appeals on Wednesday swiftly rejected an emergency request by disgraced former President Trump to block a lower court ruling ordering his lawyer Evan Corcoran to testify to a grand jury investigating Donald’s theft of classified documents.

UPDATE 3/22/23 4:25 PM EDT: CNN’s Kaitlan Collins reports that Corcoran is scheduled to testify on Friday, leaving time for Trump to try another appeal, but he’s unlikely to do so.

If I were Governor of Florida, I would not allow any Floridian to be hauled before a Soros-backed prosecutor in a blue city over politics. I wouldn’t make an exception to not protect the President of the United States.

Ron DeSantis should be standing in the breach to stop any… pic.twitter.com/jeuzxKCiGB

— Rep. Matt Gaetz (@RepMattGaetz) March 22, 2023

New York State Supreme Court Justice Juan Merchan, who presided over the Trump Organization’s criminal trial and Steve Bannon’s ongoing “We Build the Wall” charges is overseeing the grand jury for Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg’s investigation into the twice-impeached pornstar fucker former president and will get the case if Donald is indicted, Fox News reports.

We’re sure Merchan will do a fine job, but can’t help but feel a little disappointment that his colleague Arthur Engoron, who Trump and his lawyers absolutely despise for refusing to entertain their conspiracy theory bullshit during hearings in the ongoing $250 million lawsuit against Donald’s corrupt business empire from New York Attorney General Leticia James, didn’t get the case instead.

Disney World, a magical kingdom of fantasy and wonder surrounded by a vast malarial swamp filled with killer reptiles and Jew-hating Cuban American right wingers, will play host to the 2023 Out and Equal LGBTQ rights conference this September, an act of open defiance of the Mickey Maoist who uses state power to crush opposition to his deeply homophobic regime, the Miami Herald reports.

Actual product on ProudPatriots.com, a MAGA ecommerce site that was near and dear to our crank filler content-hungry hearts back in an earlier era of National Zero. The “Trumpinator Bobblehead,” which retails for $39.99 plus shipping, has a pretty solid 4.9/5 star rating on Proud Patriots, with one not-confirmed buyer let alone real person named “Frank N” writing “People loved the Trumpinator. Even my liberal associates. They made fun of a Busted Up Bidenator being introduced next. I guess liberals do have a sense of humor after all. Who knew?” Act fast patriots!

The scheduled Wednesday session for the Manhattan grand jury investigating fat former President Trump’s $130,000 hush money payoff to pornstar Stormy Daniels has been called off, delaying the final vote on whether to hand down an indictment, Insider reports while adding that a Thursday session probably won’t end with a vote either, pushing the big day likely to next week.

Well that sure sucks if true, and will most certainly cause the fanboys to erupt with “LMAO! COMMIE ALVIN BRAGG’S CASE IS COLLAPSING! FUCK YEAH! MAGA!” until the indictment happens.

UPDATE 3/22/2023 12:05 PM EDT: The New York Times confirmed Insider’s reporting about Wednesday but their sources left the door open for the grand jury convening Thursday, writing “The grand jury meets on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays and may hear from at least one more witness before being asked to vote, according to people with knowledge of the matter. Because the proceeding is held in secret, it is unclear whether other witnesses could appear as well. It is unclear why the grand jury was not meeting on Wednesday, but the panel is not required to convene all three days each week, and scheduling conflicts and other interruptions are not unusual.”

“Digital World Acquisition Corp, a SPAC, today announced that Eric Swider, a member of DWAC’s Board of Directors (the ‘Board’) since DWAC’s IPO, has been appointed interim Chief Executive Officer, effective immediately. Mr Swider succeeds Patrick Orlando, who was terminated from his positions as CEO and Chairman of the Board after having served for the past 1.5 years.”

“As the Board executes its succession plan, it looks forward to a fully realigned management team to best meet the challenges the Company faces,” says a press release from Digital World Acquisition Corp, the scam company set up to acquire Trump Media and Technology Group. Orlando, reportedly under federal investigation for securities fraud since 2021, will remain on the board probably because forcing him to dump his shares would tank DWAC’s stock price even lower.