Watch President Joe Biden address the US banking markets following the collapses of SVB and Signature Banks as the markets prepare to open after federal takeovers of the two financial institutions.

Trump lawyer Joe Tacopina on Monday told ABC’s Good Morning America that his twice-impeached client has “no plans to participate” this week in the Manhattan grand jury investigating the $130,000 hush money payoff to pornstar Stormy Daniels in the days before the 2016 election.

“We have no plans on participating in that proceeding. Decision that needs to be made still. There’s been no deadline set, so we’ll wait and see,” said Tacopina. An indictment of the Orange God Emperor may come as early as this week as the grand jury are wrapping up the investigation.

In a letter published Sunday, House Oversight Committee ranking member Congressman Jamie Raskin revealed that MAGA Republican Chairman James Comer had quietly issued a subpoena seeking 14 years worth of bank records for three business associates of Hunter Biden, CNN reports,

The main target of the subpoena is John Robinson “Rob” Walker, who along with the others, formed a joint venture with executives of CEFC China Energy, a now-bankrupt Chinese energy company. Bank of America reportedly complied with the subpoena, and other institutions may have as well.

Putin’s army had a bad weekend according to a spokesman for the General Staff of the Armed Forces of Ukraine, which claimed 1,090 Russian troops and mercs had been killed in combat on Saturday, making it the deadliest single day for them so far in the war, the New York Post reports.

Former “Tucker Carlson Tonight” producer Alex Pfeiffer and former Trump White House Deputy Press Secretary/current Fox News Senior Vice President Raj Shah don’t think very highly of the propaganda network’s fanbase, according to November 2020 text messages between the two flagged by the Washington Post in the Dominion Voting Systems discovery.

“Might wanna address this, but this stuff is so fucking insane. Vote rigging to the tune of millions? C’mon,” Shah wrote about the Kraken allegations being aired. “Like negotiating with terrorists, but especially dumb ones. Cousin fucker types not saudi royalty,” Pfieffer replied.

As the US and South Korea prepare for joint military exercises, North Korea reported that it test-fired two cruise missiles from submarines off its coast as a demonstration of its underwater-to-surface weaponry, Politico reports.

North Korean leaders have presented the coming US-South Korea exercises as a prelude to an invasion of the North, so their weapons tests will be used for internal propaganda as a show of Kim Jong-un’s power that scared away the aggressors.

According to North Korea’s official news agency–is there an unofficial North Korea news agency?–the exhibition of “overwhelming powerful forces” to “the U.S. imperialists and the South Korean puppet forces,” which “are getting evermore undisguised in their anti-(North Korea) military maneuvers.”

A combination of federal agencies joined together to announce that all deposits managed by the failed Silicon Valley Bank will be available to customers Monday, adding security to the financial markets before the trading day starts in Japan, Politico reports.

The Federal Reserve, the Treasury Department and the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation released a statement announcing they will guarantee all funds held by the bank, which regulators put up for auction with bids due mid-afternoon Sunday.  Results of the auction were not announced, but the sale would help fortify the $175 billion in customer deposits.  The agencies stated that no taxpayer money would be used to reimburse the accounts.

Earlier on Sunday the fat bastard melted down over the Silicon Valley Bank collapse, screaming “With what is happening to our economy, and with the proposals being made on the LARGEST AND DUMBEST TAX INCREASE IN THE HISTORY OF THE USA, TIMES FIVE, JOE BIDEN WILL GO DOWN AS THE HERBERT HOOVER OF THE MODRRN AGE. WE WILL HAVE A GREAT DEPRESSION FAR BIGGER AND MORE POWERFUL THAN THAT OF 1929. AS PROOF, THE BANKS ARE ALREADY STARTING TO COLLAPSE!!!” You will not be surprised to learn that at least 17 regional banks failed during the Trump Administration and SVB is the first one to go down since Biden’s inauguration.

A massive Red Wave of poisonous microorganisms hit Florida’s southwest Gulf coast this week, killing scores of fish and burning the eyes of human swimmers, the Associated Press reports.

The red tsunami forced the cancelation of the annual Indian Rocks BeachFest, even though it wasn’t scheduled for another month. “Red Tide is currently present on the beach and is forecasted to remain in the area in the weeks to come. It is unfortunate that it had to be canceled but it is the best decision in the interest of public health,” said an announcement from the Indian Rocks Beach HOA.

The announcement did not mention any Trump boat parades being affected, probably because only libtards believe red waves are hazardous. Pinellas County spokesman Tony Fabrizio – not to be confused with the Republican pollster Trump almost fired in 2019 for not forecasting a red wave in 2020 – said workers had to remove over two tons of dead fish that had washed up on the beaches.

House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer seemed pretty vindicated on Sunday, telling Fox News that there are consequences for “ESG investing” which Silicon Valley Bank depositors suffered.

QAnon freak former Mesa County Colorado clerk Tina Peters, who currently faces a 13 count indictment for tampering with Dominion Voting Systems tabulators, lost her race Saturday for Colorado State GOP chair to former state Representative Dave Williams, the asshole who sued the Secretary of State when she refused to list him as “Dave ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ Williams” on the ballot for a US House primary he lost last year, the AP reports. Peters got less than 10 percent of the vote.

Thousands of residents of a Monterey County were under an evacuation order after water breached a levee on the Pajaro River, with state search and rescue and dive teams headed to the area to help if needed, KNTV NBC-13 in San Francisco reports.

The levee breached around midnight Friday night, with more than 8,500 people under either an evacuation order or an evacuation watch.  The breach grew to 100 feet in length by Saturday afternoon, and more than 1,000 have fled their homes.  The town of Pajaro, known for its strawberry farms and populated by hundreds of migrant workers, was expected to completely flood.

Former Trump Administration White House Press Secretary and Communications Director Stephanie Grisham that the Trump staff worked “hand in hand” with Fox hosts and un-acknowledged Trump advisors Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham, among other Fox personalities, to control the message the media giant was covering and thereby influence the national conversation.

Citing the state law that allows anyone to sue someone who assisted a patient obtain an abortion for damages, a Texas man sued three women for one million dollars each for helping his ex-wife obtain medication to abort a pregnancy, ABC News reports.

Marcus Silva sued the three women for wrongful death for aiding his ex-wife under the state law that makes abortion a felony, which went into effect one month after his ex-wife underwent the abortion.  Silva says two of the women shared information about the medication abortion with this then-wife, and the third arranged the delivery.

Silva is being represented by Jonathan Mitchell, a lawyer and anti-choice activist who helped write the Texas law and Republican State Rep. Briscoe Cain, previously known on this site for mocking a public safety warning about natural gas leaking from a train car.  Silva and his lawyers say they will also sue the manufacturer of the medication once that is determined.

Can the fanboys even remember why they want so badly for the COVID-19 virus to have escaped from a lab in Wuhan, China, rather than from an animal in a “wet market” in the same city? We can understand why they might feel “vindicated” by recent conclusions from the FBI and the Department of Energy that they believe – albeit with “low confidence” – that the virus came from a lab, even though they reflexively mistrust the government, especially the FBI, on pretty much everything else.

And why not? Once you get past all their Fauci-“gain of function”-Soros something horseshit about the Wuhan lab, at the core it’s a remarkably (for them) simple application of logical reasoning: It’s probably not a coincidence that a global pandemic originated in a city with an infectious disease laboratory. What the hell else are people supposed to think after learning about the lab?

Jeffrey Epstein’s brother Mark tells Insider that, in an interview with white nationalist liver cirrhosis patient Steve Bannon months before his arrest and subsequent mysterious death in a jail cell in a federal Bureau of Prisons lockup, the pedophile pimp told Bannon he had stopped hanging out with disgraced then-President Trump when he realized Donald was a “crook.”

Mark Epstein claims Jeff had sent him a clip from the spring 2019 interview – part of a documentary project by Bannon which was never aired – in a Dropbox link which is no longer active and thus cannot be verified independently by Insider. Bannon would not respond to a request for comment.

So for those keeping score at home, Epstein was the one to unfriend Trump because he was too much of a scumbag even for an evil sex trafficker (and maybe Epstein felt like he couldn’t trust Donald to keep his mouth shut about the rapey business). And Epstein apparently thought Steve Bannon was going to be the guy who would help “rehabilitate his reputation,” according to Mark.

A Takoma Park, Maryland elementary school librarian who already faced hate crime and vandalism charges after confessing to two June 2022 incidents in which he spray-painted “groomer” on the front doors of area public libraries over their support of LGBT Pride Month has been arrested again on charges of possession of child pornography after admitting he had images on his computer during a search of his residence following the “groomer” incidents, the Washington Post reports.

Charles Sutherland, 31, “made several comments expressing his disdain for the LGBTQ Community and the Prince George’s County Memorial Library System while expressing no remorse for what he did,” according to a law enforcement report on the June 2022 vandalism and in 2021 had written a letter to a local public library system asking “humbly to reconsider celebrating pride month next year. Or at least refrain from making pride displays for small children… because, typically, they are too young to understand vital parts of sexuality, like the sex act, the differences between sexes.”

After the spray-painting incident, cops searched Sutherland’s home and found “numerous diapers, children’s dolls, and a child sized doll,” in his bed despite having no children, nieces, or nephews. “Sutherland also stated he had images consistent with child pornography on a laptop in his residence,” police wrote in the anti-groomer patriot’s charging document. #SaveTheChildren.

The sum of a cult should be greater than the parts/prophets/profits

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) March 11, 2023

A 27 year-old Minnesota man faces a second degree murder charge after he used a shovel and a moose antler to beat a 77 year-old convicted sex offender to death after the man believed the elderly creep had been stalking his toddler daughter, the Associated Press reports.