Republican Maricopa County, Arizona community college board candidate Randy Kaufman ended his campaign Tuesday following his October 4th arrest for public indecency after a cop caught him whacking off in his truck while parked in the lot of a college campus building adjacent to a day care center, KPNX 12 reports. “(Kaufman) appeared to be looking at a cell phone in one hand. I immediately became alarmed as I saw (he) had his pants down mid-thigh…” read the report from the Maricopa County Community College Police officer who responded.

“I fucked up. I’m really stressed,” said the family values party candidate to the cop as Kaufman’s life got considerably worse than whatever the source of his stress was. The matter was referred to the Maricopa County Attorney’s Office for a charging decision. Kaufman could be hit with a felony over the incident due to the proximity to the day care center. “I am sincerely grateful for the supporters and friends I have gathered throughout the campaign,” Kaufman said in a statement to KNPX. “I will never stop fighting to protect the United States Constitution and the values that make America the greatest county in the world,” the true America First MAGA patriot added.

A federal jury in Alexandria, Virginia on Tuesday found Steele Dossier source Igor Danchenko not guilty on all counts he lied to the FBI in interviews during MAGA lawman John Durham’s pointless investigation into how people found out that disgraced former President Trump and his minions had so many connections to Russia’s criminal Putin regime, Politico’s Josh Gerstein reports.

And so ends the Durham Investigation that was supposed to annihilate the Deep State and put Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, John Podesta, James Comey, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Marc Elias, George Soros, and a whole shit ton of other people behind bars, prove they spied on Trump while he was in White House, but in reality went 1-for-3 on convictions of defendants nobody had ever heard of before, the only win being a guilty plea from Kevin Clinesmith, an FBI lawyer who falsified some paperwork that he had fucked up and then lied about it. Clinesmith got no jail time.

At some point in the next few months Durham will issue a final report. It will be met with rave reviews from the fanboys pretending to understand it, whose screams of supreme cosmic vindication over a PDF that they think says “HILLARY SPIED ON TRUMP” will be so loud as to drown out the questions of why the fuck they’re acting like it’s just as good as Hillary being convicted of spying on Trump. But hey, might as well declare moral victory in absence of actual victory.

Special master for the Trump Mar-a-Lago documents case Judge Raymond Dearie was plainly annoyed with the fuckery of Donald’s lawyers on Tuesday, asking them why they were trying to assert both executive privilege and Trump’s personal ownership of a certain document seized by the FBI during the FBI’s raid on the property among other issues, the New York Times reports.

“Unless I’m wrong, and I’ve been wrong before, there’s certainly an incongruity there,” Dearie said of the lawyers who couldn’t simply admit they’re just there to literally waste time.

MAGA white nationalist Nathan Larson, who in 2018 ran as an independent for Virginia’s 10th District on a pro-rape, pro-child porn, pro-“benevolent white supremacy” platform, died last month in California while on trial on charges he kidnapped a 12 year old girl, ABC 30 reports.

The US Attorney’s office in Fresno confirmed to ABC 30 that Larson had died but did not provide any details beyond that they filed for an order of dismissal on October 11th. Larson, who owned a website called “Incelocalypse.today” which we guess used the “today” TLD because the “.com” version had been taken by some other incel, was arrested in December 2020 while traveling with the girl in Colorado. It was his second federal arrest after he was charged with threatening to kill either President Bush or Barack Obama in 2008 while running for Congress as a Libertarian.

George Floyd’s ex-girlfriend and the mother of his daughter has filed a $250 million lawsuit against scumbag Parler owner Kanye West over West’s comments claiming Floyd had died of a fentanyl overdose rather than being murdered by cops, Click2Houston.com reports.

Asked on MSNBC about his former best bud Donald’s recent antisemitic temper tantrum, disgraced former Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on Tuesday said Trump’s Jewish family members make it okay to issue thinly veiled threats to Americans in the Tribe, Haaretz reports.

Trump “has a Jewish son-in-law and his daughter converted to Judaism. His children and grandchildren are raised as Jews. So I don’t think so,” said “Bibi,” who needs a new nickname.

Trying to reverse some of the international damage its former conservative prime minister perpetrated, the government of Australia has announced it will no longer recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and will move all diplomatic functions back to the nation’s existing embassy in Tel Aviv, Politico reports.

In December 2018, former Prime Minister Scott Morrison, the leader of the inaccurately named right-wing Liberal-National Coalition, recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Israel after American trainwreck and guy who tells Jews how they should think Donald Trump announced he was moving the American embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.  Morrison was voted out of office earlier this year.

Trump fulfilled a conservative fantasy that the US recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, a puzzle piece in the evangelical “End Times” delusion that Armageddon was imminent and all good “christians” will be saved while the Jewish people and other non-believers will be wiped out in a cataclysmic battle between good and evil described by a drug addict who wrote the Bible’s book of Revelations, which was written by an unverified author nearly a century after Christ’s birth.  Trump bedecked the new US embassy in Jerusalem with a gaudy plaque that bears an oversized engraving of his name.

Trump attorney John Rowland was spotted Tuesday entering the US Attorney’s office in a DC federal courthouse by Politico’s Kyle Cheney, adding that Assistant US Attorney Tom Windom is also present. According to Empty Wheel’s Marcy Wheeler, Windom is leading the investigation into the failed Trump coup attempt, so it would appear to be not great news for the Donald.

A new campaign ad for Pennsylvania Dem governor candidate Attorney General Josh Shapiro detailing the insane bullshit QAnon fans like his opponent Doug Mastriano believes in contains a minor non-factual inaccuracy: That Q believers think the COVID-19 vaccine “turns people gay.”

This is a largely false description of a falsehood. Now of course maybe a few random QAnon fans have posted an assertion that COVID vaccines turn people gay, but to our knowledge no major figure in the apocalyptic death cult has has made such a claim. They said variously it makes people magnetic, contains “luciferase” and/or mind-control nanobots, and that 5G signals would activate the nanites in the vaccine that would then convert the flesh and bones of the vaccinated into machinery, turning them into vicious robo-zombies kind of like the Husks in the Mass Effect video games. But as far as we know they never really said anything about the vax turning people gay.

CNN on Tuesday previewed clips of Bob Woodward’s upcoming “Trump Tapes,” an audiobook eight hours of interviews with Donald and his minions recorded for Woodward’s White House books.

Rather than detailing the not particularly explosive excerpts provided by CNN, we would just like to remark again on how fucking stupid Trump is for voluntarily speaking on tape to the guy whose dogged reporting of the Watergate scandal did pretty much more than anything else to bring down the previously most corrupt and abusive Republican president. Trump literally just let Woodward walk into the White House and record his ramblings about how he purposely mismanaged the COVID-19 pandemic and misled the American people about the virus. Still amazing to think about it.

In an attempt to sell Americans on giving him a greater working majority in both chambers of Congress, President Joe Biden on Tuesday will deliver a speech at the Democratic National Committee’s headquarters centered on a pledge to codify abortion rights nationally if Dem voters turn out and expand the Senate majority as well as hold onto the House, Politico reports.

Two polls published in as many days have shown Democrat Joy Hofmeister leading incumbent Republican Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt. On Monday, a Fox 25 Oklahoma City/Ascend Action survey found the former Republican turned Dem Hofmeister ahead 49% to 42% while on Tuesday KOCO/Amber Strategies put Hofmeister’s lead at a much tighter 46% to 45%.

We’re not caught up quite yet on why a Dem is in apparent strong position in a deep red state like Oklahoma, but we also don’t know much about Stitt beyond that he fundraised off of a Chick-fil-A sauce shortage by blaming it on “Joe Biden’s radical liberal policies,” he signed a law clearing the way for a state highway to be named in honor of Donald Trump, and also whined impotently over the prospect of the state’s Native tribes establishing abortion clinics on their lands to capitalize on the state’s draconian ban. You know, the usual inane and extremist MAGA bullshit that seems to work out perfectly fine for other Red State Republican governors.

Asked by Punchbowl News if Russia could count on support from Republicans to kill off any further funding of the defense of Ukraine should the GOP take the House majority, Kevin McCarthy appeared to lean toward doing Putin a solid. “I think people are gonna be sitting in a recession and they’re not going to write a blank check to Ukraine. They just won’t do it… It’s not a free blank check. And then there’s the things [the Biden administration] is not doing domestically. Not doing the border and people begin to weigh that. Ukraine is important, but at the same time it can’t be the only thing they do and it can’t be a blank check,” said McCarthy.

Florida man Saad Ibrahim Almadi, 72, has been sentenced to 16 years in prison in his Saudi Arabia since last November, because he wrote some mean things about the regime on his Twitter account – while inside the United States, the Washington Post reports. Almadi arrived in Riyadh last November to visit with friends and family, only to be immediately arrested at the airport and charged with “harboring a terrorist ideology,” “trying to destabilize the kingdom,” “failing to report terrorism,” and supporting and funding terrorism over 14 tweets he posted, one of which referenced the brutal murder of Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi by Prince Bonesaw’s goons.

Almadi’s son Ibrahim says his father has been tortured and imprisoned alongside actual terrorists for his thoughtcrimes. “He had what I would call mild opinions about the government,” Ibrahim told Washington Post columnist Josh Rogin. “They took him from the airport.” Ibrahim says he was told by the State Department to keep quiet as to not aggravate the situation, but as American diplomats’ have gotten nowhere he went ahead and contacted Rogin to speak out. “I told the State Department his hearing was set for October 3 and they should attend. Afterward, over the phone, they said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry we forgot to tell the embassy,'” Ibrahim said. “I feel like they are just careless.” The State Department admitted the fuckup and say they’re working to get Almadi Sr’s status upgraded to “wrongfully detained,” and will press harder to secure his release.

A map detailing where my children's child support went https://t.co/lWMeh1xLt6

— Tasha Adams (@That_Girl_Tasha) October 18, 2022

Tasha Adams, estranged wife of Oath Keepers founder Stewie Rhodes, would probably not be a great choice for his defense should they need a character witness during his trial or at sentencing if convicted. To hammer this point again it’s actually kind of astonishing how many of the right wingers we know to be complete fucking assholes in public are also complete fucking assholes in their personal and family lives. It’s not like Democrats don’t have any scumbags and degenerates among them – take Andrew and Chris Cuomo, Hunter Biden, and Bill Clinton just to name a few – but for every one of them it feels like there are a dozen simply awful human beings on the right.

Where to even start? Terrible husbands and fathers Herschel Walker, Jason Miller, Eric Greitens, Donald Trump, Corey Lewandowski, Elon Musk, Matt Gaetz, terrible wives and moms Marjorie Taylor Greene, Kellyanne Conway, Kristi Noem, and Lauren Boebert, and this is going to take a few hours to list all of them. There’s other news to report but we think you get the idea that there’s a strong correlation between public and private fuckery among the “family values” party.

This week’s Morning Consult tracking poll survey shows the Rainbow fentanyl party ahead of the Traditional families who want safe Halloween candy for their kids party 48% to 45% on the generic congressional ballot. The survey also found a slight improvement for Rainbow fentanyl party President Joe Biden’s approval rating, up to 46% from last week’s 44% finding.

In addition, the colorful opioid pills party held an edge in voter enthusiasm with 63% of rainbow fentanyl respondents saying they were “extremely” or “very” enthusiastic to vote compared to 58% of pro-non-rainbow fentanyl mixed in with trick-or-treat candy voters saying the same.

Fox News executives were “full-on freaked out” about the leak of damning unaired footage from Tucker Carlson’s interview with Kanye West last week and are trying to hunt down the leaker for immediate defenestration, the Daily Beast reports. West, 44, a mentally ill former fake 2020 presidential candidate, said some pretty anti-semitic shit in the interview, which Fox News editors had cut in order to protect his image as only medium insane and anti-semitic.

In a race RealClearPolitics lists as a “toss-up,” New York Governor Kathy Hochul leads MAGA Congressman Lee Zeldin 52% to 41% according to a Siena College polling survey. New York Attorney General Letitia James leads GOP challenger Michael Henry 51% to 40% and Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer leads Joe Pinion 57% to 37%.

Russian dictator Vladimir Putin stepped up his military’s assault on civilian infrastructure in Ukraine on Tuesday, with missile strikes on water and power facilities to wreak havoc on people’s lives as winter sets in being the goal here, Reuters reports. The mayor of Zhytomyr, population 263,000, said attacks had knocked out water and electricity, and two explosions seriously damaged an energy facility in the southeastern city of Dnipro, population nearly 1 million, causing serious damage, according to Zelensky aide Kyrylo Tymoshenko.

James McDivitt, the commander of the Apollo 9 mission which tested the technology that enabled later missions to land on the moon and which took the entire Apollo mission system into space for the first time, died Thursday in Tuscon, Arizona, NBC News reports.  He was 93.

McDivitt’s Apollo 9 mission took both the command and the landing modules into space for the first time.  During the mission, the crew tested using the landing module’s rockets to maneuver the ship, a capability that would become critical to saving the astronauts in Apollo 13.

McDivitt also commanded the Gemini 4 mission, during which Ed White became the first American to perform a space walk.  Although he was offered a seat on a mission to the moon in later Apollo trips, McDivitt chose to stay on Earth and work as the program manager on five other missions.