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— Domino's Pizza UK (@Dominos_UK) September 8, 2022

They even turned their iconic domino logo black in solidarity with the British people as their beloved monarch passes on. Everyone should order Domino’s in gratitude for the beautiful gesture.

Fans of both the British monarchy and Mike Lindell suffered a double tragedy Thursday as local Minnesota news site BringMeTheNews.com reports the Rosedale MyPillow store, the brand’s second-to-last known physical retail location has closed down, leaving only the factory outlet in Shakopee serving MAGA-themed pillow lovers who don’t want to buy stuff over the internet.

From her humble beginnings as a kid who started a nationally publicized letter-writing campaign to get a dish soap brand to change a sexist TV commercial that said “Women across America are switching to blah blah blah soap” to “People across America are switching to blah blah blah soap,” to acting on some USA Network show that nobody watched, to securing an iron grip on the affections of Prince Harry, few Americans around today have so quintessentially embodied our nation’s hustle and can-do spirit quite like the now Duchess of Something, Meghan Markle.

Now’s her chance to take it to the next level, and plant Old Glory in its place over the Union Jack, securing the Crown for America once and for all. First, while the rest of the Royal Family are distracted, Markle needs to steal the Britannia Regnum ring from Elizabeth’s bedside table, and tell Prince Charles that she needs to step out for a minute as she just got a very important email from one of her old co-stars on that USA Network show about recording a commentary track for a new special edition DVD and Blu-Ray box set of the entire series hitting stores this fall.

Next, she’ll need to disguise herself as a cocaine dealer to sneak into Parliament. The cops won’t let her in without the cocaine so she’ll have to pick up a kilo or two on her way to London… AND OH SHIT THE QUEEN IS DEAD. GODDAMMIT THIS TOOK TOO LONG TO WRITE.

Pursuant to incumbent Democrat Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel’s admirable recusal from investigating her complete dickbag opponent Matthew DePerno, the state Prosecuting Attorneys Coordinating Council have named a special prosecutor to investigate DePerno’s involvement in a scheme to steal Dominion Voting Systems equipment from local election offices, the AP reports.

Muskegon County prosecuting attorney DJ Hillson will begin handling the case with just two months to go before DePerno faces the voters who he doesn’t give a fuck about and will tamper with the integrity of their elections chasing bullshit theories they were hacked by Italian satellites or Chinese thermostats to steal the 2020 election from fat former President Trump.

As Donald Trump and his various scandal-embroiled cohorts claim the Justice Department is acting politically in various investigations, a new book by a former US Attorney in the Trump DOJ alleges Trump and his numerous and sundry Attorneys General pushed front-line federal prosecutors to chase wisps of allegations against Trump’s political opponents to aid his political standing, the New York Times reports.

Geoffrey S. Berman, the US Attorney for the influential Southern District of New York from January 2018 to June 2020, writes in his upcoming book “Holding the Line” that Trump wanted SDNY to undertake a criminal investigation into former Senator and Secretary of State John Kerry for his work to keep nuclear weapons out of Iran’s arsenal, a mission Kerry continued on after Trump unilaterally violated the multinational Iran nuclear deal President Barack Obama had negotiated.

In other cases–such as the conviction of former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen and an investigation into the former White House Counsel for Barack Obama–DOJ officials pressured Berman to file court motions to influence the outcome of the 2018 midterm elections.

Alcoholic degenerate white nationalist Steve Bannon faces 15 years in a New York States prison on charges including money laundering in the first and second degrees and conspiracy in the forth degree stemming from the “We Build the Wall” scam the Washington Post reports following Bannon’s Thursday surrender. Bannon is already looking at up to two years in a federal prison for fucking off on a lawfully served subpoena from the House January 6th Select Committee.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump
President Jair Bolsonaro of Brazil,“Tropical Trump” as he is affectionately called, has done a GREAT job for the wonderful people of Brazil. When I was President of the U.S., there was no other country leader who called me more than Jair seeking Tariff & Tax cuts, Trade Renegotiations, Strengthened Drug & Border Policies (to put the “bad guys” in jail!), Military Help, & more. President Bolsonaro loves Brazil beyond all else. He is a wonderful man, and has my Complete & Total Endorsement!!!

3,063 11,215 Sep 08, 2022, 08:53

The Orange God Emperor is 1 for 2 so far in endorsements of foreign autocrats after Hungarian Dictator Viktor Orban cruised to reelection earlier this year following Trump’s enthusiastic message of support. Also on Thursday the Donald threatened to sue Fox News for airing ads by the Lincoln Project in a separate post on his failing platform Truth Social. “The Perverts and Lowlifes of the Lincoln Project are back on, where else, Fox News. I thought they ran away to the asylum after their last catastrophic campaign, with charges made against them that were big time sleaze, and me getting many millions more votes in 2020 than I got in 2016. The Paul Ryun run Fox only has high standards for ‘Trump’ ads, but not for anyone else. The Perverts should not be allowed to ‘false advertise,’ and Fox News should not allow it to happen. See you all in Court!!!” wrote Trump.

By a 6-0 vote made public on Thursday, the Federal Election Commission in July unanimously dismissed a complaint from some right wing asshole in Wisconsin which charged that Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg’s $400 million donation to help local election bureaus operate in 2020 amid the COVID-19 shitshow was somehow nefarious. The fake “Zuckerbucks” conspiracy theory, subject of a shitty documentary screened for an audience at Mar-a-Lago earlier this year.

Setting aside the fact that toxic boomer bullshit propagated on Facebook did more to help elect Republicans in 2016 than Hillary Clinton herself, the complaint speaks a lot to the unremitting hostility right wingers have toward anything and everything that makes it easier for people to vote. Of course they wouldn’t have given a shit about it if Trump had won.

But because Zuck’s money made it easier for underfunded county clerks’ offices to conduct the election smoothly and Trump would almost have certainly came out on top had it been chaotic and irregular, we guess they’re right when they say it helped Joe Biden win. It’s the same mindset that went into Republicans blocking election security bills in early 2020: They knew full well a Russian cyberattack or a MAGA terrorist bombing a polling place or tabulation site was in their interest.

Three-shirted troll Steve Bannon, who has said on his podcast that the American people need to rise up against the oppression of the government, meekly surrendered himself at a Manhattan courthouse Thursday morning to face fraud charges, CNBC reports, although he bloviated all the way into custody.  Bannon faces charges relating to fraud for bilking people out of tens of millions of dollars for a fake “build the wall” campaign to privately fund a border wall on the Southern border, for which he and three accomplices in the scam were arrested by federal authorities in August 2020.

Bannon was granted an eleventh hour pardon against federal charges by disgraced former President Trump before he left office, but not the others. Two of them, Brian Kolfage and Andrew Badolato, pleaded guilty earlier this year and will be sentenced in December, while the fourth, Tim Shea, faces a second trial after his first one ended in a mistrial because one MAGA asshole on the jury refused to convict.  The Manhattan district attorney will charge Bannon under state statutes, which were not covered by the presidential pardon.

Bannon already faces up to two years in jail for his two convictions for contempt of Congress, brought after he refused to comply with subpoenas requesting information and testimony about his involvement and communications relating to the January 6th Republican-led domestic terrorist attack on Congress that Bannon touted in the days prior to the event.

Longtime British monarch Queen Elizabeth has canceled meetings and been instructed by doctors to rest, as her medical team stated they were “concerned for Her Majesty’s health,” USA Today reports.

Prince Harry, his wife Duchess Meghan, and Prince William are all traveling to Balmoral Castle, her Scottish castle about 500 miles north of London to be at their 96-year-old grandmother’s side.  Officials say the Queen is under “medical supervision.”

Newly appointed Prime Minister Liz Truss tweeted, “The whole country will be deeply concerned by the news from Buckingham Palace this lunchtime.  My thoughts — and the thoughts of people across our United Kingdom — are with Her Majesty The Queen and her family at this time.”

Senate Minority Leader Moscow Mitch was asked by Punchbowl News on Wednesday if he thinks National Republican Senate Committee chairman Senator Rick Scott should donate some of his own vast fortune gained from the massive Medicare fraud – reportedly the largest in American history – he pulled in the private sector to plug the hole in their increasingly dire finances.

“Interesting idea,” said Mitch, who has reportedly been pissed at Scott for fucking off to Italy last month (with some believing Mitch himself leaked news of to the media) as well as in general doing a shit job managing the party’s national Senate fundraising strategy. It’s not entirely unheard of since Scott did partially self-fund, in the loosest sense of the term since he’s wealthy as a result of ripping off American taxpayers, his own campaigns for Florida governor and the senate.

When asked on Wednesday if he would cough it up, Scott said “I think everybody has the opportunity to be helpful and I hope they all are helpful.” A Punchbowl reporter asked “So does that mean you’ll do it?” Scott then said “I think everybody should do what they can do to be helpful.”

The federal grand jury investigating the failed Trump coup and the January 6th Capitol riot have expanded their probe into the “Save America PAC” slush fund started by the disgraced former president in November 2020, just days after his humiliating loss to Joe Biden, ABC News reports.

Sources say the interest in the still-ongoing scam operation stemmed from testimony from witnesses questioned about the coup itself. Prosecutors want to know more about Save America’s formation, fundraising, and expenditures since the Republican commissioners on the FEC won’t do shit even when the fucking PAC itself submits paperwork to them listing $60,000 in payments to Melania Trump’s dressmaker as being for “STRATEGY CONSULTING.”

Democrats lead Republicans 48 to 44 on the generic ballot question of the monthly Marist-NPR-PBS Newshour survey, an improvement for the MAGA party over the Dem 48 – GOP 41 found in the August edition. However the slight gain against a static Dem number comes with some other not really great findings for Republicans in terms of issues, as the number of respondents calling inflation their top issue dropped from 37% to 30% while abortion rose from 18% to 22%. President Joe Biden’s approval rating increased to 41% from 38% in August and 36% in July.

“The Supreme Court’s decision on Dobbs this summer has had a major impact on electoral politics heading toward the midterm elections,” said Marist College polling egghead Lee Miringoff. “Not only are Democrats more motivated to vote than Republicans because of the Court’s decision, Democrats remain energized whereas Republican interest has faded since June.”

Disgraced former President Trump’s slush fund, which he spends on God knows what, has on and off over the last year and a half been blamed by Republican insiders for siphoning off small donor contributions for what should’ve been directed to the GOP’s efforts to make gains in Congress this November. However Politico’s review of donor data from WinRed – the GOP’s digital money hole – in their words “partially exonerates” the fat orange bastard, as it shows that 13% of donors who used the platform contributed solely to his scam “Save America PAC” organization.

That said, it’s obviously not nothing that Trump is diverting away from GOP campaigns that are actually on the ballot and it comes amid a larger downturn in Republican small donor recruitment on WinRed, which fell from 956,000 contributors in the second half of 2021 to 913,000 in the first half of 2022. Dems on ActBlue meanwhile went from 2 million to 2.5 million in the same two periods.

“Republicans have known for a long time that we were behind in online fundraising. There was always the assumption that we could catch up. Now we’re learning that it’s too late,” Republican strategist Eric Wilson told Politico. “Guess we’ll just have to do what we always do and rely on amoral billionaires to fund our campaigns,” he did not add, but probably thought in his head.

The US military have granted Ukrainian forces the use of its most advanced artillery shell, the GPS-guided, $100,000 per round M982 Excalibur, according to budget documents reviewed by Bloomberg. The shell, which can hit within seven feet of a satellite pinpointed target from up to 25 miles away, is designed to reduce collateral damage. The military first deployed Excaliburs in Iraq and used it to cancel Al-Qaeda leader Abu Jurah and his buddies there in 2007.

In related news, Secretary of State Tony Blinken on Wednesday paid a surprise visit to Kyiv to announce a new $2 billion military aid package for Ukraine and other European countries.

A new survey by Reuters/Ipsos finds 58% of respondents, including a quarter of Republicans, say the MAGA movement is bad for American democracy, Insider reports. The survey also put Biden’s approval rating at 39%, which is on the low end of his grading of late.

In “Republicans Promoting Fascism, Part II” we find New York Republican gubernatorial nominee Lee Zeldin telling Fox “personality” Laura Ingraham that the United States needs to incarcerate more people.  For the record, the United States imprisons people at a higher rate than any other nation on the planet.  Not just any First World country; any country at all.  And wanting to incarcerate more people isn’t fascistic or dictatorial at all, right?

Nearly two years after Joe Biden beat Republican incumbent Donald Trump by 4.4 percentage points, a new poll shows a rematch would go Biden’s way by a larger margin, Yahoo News reports.

A new Yahoo News/YouGov poll of 1,634 registered voters shows that Biden would take 48% of the vote versus just 42%, even before calculating in the additional Biden votes that would be added at the Soros-sponsored secret election tallying emporium in Liechtenstein.

The lead is more than double Biden enjoyed when the poll was taken in late August, and higher than the four-point average of Biden’s lead since April.

The second Saskatchewan stabbing suspected succumbed to self-inflicted wounds after being taken into custody Wednesday afternoon near Rosthern, about 200 miles north of Regina, CTV News reports.

It’s interesting how the people who protested the loudest about Joe Biden calling out Trump supporters as being “semi-fascist” then go on to show how fascist they actually want to be.  Cue former Trump comms director and 1950s Claymation skeleton Kellyanne Conway’s vow to set government power on a political opponent’s family:

He knows when the Republicans take the House and Jim Jordan gets that gavel, his son Biden, Hunter Biden will be the first investiga– I guarantee you that the country will be for that ’cause that guy flew around on government, taxpayer funded aircraft shaking down gover–, governments and people and other companies.