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RonAnon threatens Americans with a good time

Warning Fox Business Newsidiot Maria Bartiromo and her audience that “Democrats want to turn America into a one party nation. They’ll turn DC and Puerto Rico into states. They’ll nationalize our elections – automatic registration, mail-in balloting. So we need to stop them,” Republican Wisconsin Senator Ron “RonAnon” Johnson on Monday emphasized the importance of killing the Senate filibuster and solidifying MAGA rule before the Ds gain enough control to do exactly that same thing.

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Regime official says Trump getting bored, “wants action” in Strait

A “senior US official” tells Axios that convicted felon President Trump “wants action. He doesn’t want to sit still. He wants pressure. He wants a deal” with Iran to unfuck the Strait of Hormuz situation that he alone inspired them to weaponize through his fecklessness and incompetence.

The source added that the fat idiot’s “Project Freedom” plan to have the US Navy guard traffic from a distance is the “beginning of a process that could lead to a confrontation with the Iranians.”

“It’s either we’re looking at the real contours of an achievable deal soon, or he’s going to bomb the hell out of them,” the source continued on the state of affairs in the Strait.

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Dems add eight seats to House target map

“Today, the DCCC announced eight new top-tier candidates added to its highly competitive ‘Red to Blue’ program for the 2026 cycle. This is the first expansion of the group since the announcement of the first round of ‘Red to Blue’ candidates in February. This latest group of candidates will receive strategic guidance, staff resources, training, and fundraising support to ensure they are in the best possible position to win in November,” says a Monday press release from the DCCC.

“As the American people reject House Republicans’ disastrous, cost-spiking agenda, House Democrats have the momentum to take back the majority. These latest additions to our Red to Blue program represent the strength of our people-first message and the broad appeal of our top-tier candidates,” said DCCC Chair Suzan DelBene. “These candidates will win because they are authentic, independent-minded leaders who are rooted in their communities, demonstrating they have what it takes to win and fight to make life more affordable for hardworking families.”

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“Trump Disappointment Syndrome”

Continue: “…to this day no one has been arrested or held accountable. This was what killed MAGA. I don’t have Trump Derangement Syndrome, I have Trump Disappointment Syndrome.”

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Fat idiot demands Hakeem Jeffries be impeached

“Hakeem Jeffries, a Low IQ individual, said our Supreme Court is ‘illegitimate.’ After saying such a thing, isn’t he subject to Impeachment? I got impeached for A PERFECT PHONE CALL. Where are you Republicans? Why not get it started? They’ll be doing this to me!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday, six years after it was already explained to him that members of Congress are not subject to impeachment and there’s no chance Jeffries will face any consequences anyway. But it’s not like that ever stopped Trump from saying dumb shit before.

“Our fabulous Rudy Giuliani, a True Warrior, and the Best Mayor in the History of New York City, BY FAR, has been hospitalized, and is in critical condition. What a tragedy that he was treated so badly by the Radical Left Lunatics, Democrats ALL – AND HE WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING! They cheated on the Elections, fabricated hundreds of stories, did anything possible to destroy our Nation, and now, look at Rudy. So sad!” the fat bastard later posted, blaming Dems for Rudy’s health.

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Zero dead after incompetent suicide bomber attacks Portland gym

“On Saturday, May 2, 2026, at approximately 2:49 am, employees at the Multnomah Athletic Club (MAC) reported seeing a vehicle driving slowly around the building before entering the premise. The vehicle continued driving further inside and was soon observed engulfed in flames and employees called 911. First responders to include Portland Fire and Rescue and the Portland Police Bureau (PPB) arrived and located a deceased individual inside the vehicle. Out of an abundance of caution, and due to this happening hours after May Day and the location’s proximity to Providence Park, additional public safety resources to include local and federal agencies were activated to ensure there was no ongoing threat to the community,” says a Portland Police Bureau press release.

“Once a thorough sweep of the neighborhood was complete and the area secure, the Metropolitan Explosive Disposal Unit (MEDU), comprised of multiple partner agencies, turned their focus to the vehicle and interior of the building. During that search, investigators located multiple incendiary devices and improvised explosive devices (IEDs). Some of the devices had partially detonated, causing significant damage, while others were found in varying states of activation. Propane tanks were among the materials identified. Specialized robots were used to safely assess, recover, and detonate remaining hazardous devices. Based on the preliminary investigation, detectives believe the driver intentionally entered the building with the intent to deploy explosive devices.”

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Big Oil a big no on Trump commands to “Drill, Baby, Drill”

ExxonMobil and Chevon CFOs Neil Hansen and Eimear Bonner tell the Financial Times they aren’t really all that moved by convicted felon President Trump’s commands to increase domestic oil production during his self-inflicted Hormuz shitshow, with Bonner saying “the crisis has not prompted any change to any of our plans” for developing the Permian Basin in West Texas.

“There’s really no need for us to shift up because we’re already in high gear,” Hansen said. “That doesn’t mean we aren’t looking at the potential to expand that but there are limitations.”

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Orange King Lear hallucinates more spectres

“So ironic that Cryin’ Chuck Schumer and the Democrats are hiring SLEAZEBAGS like Barack Hussein Obama’s Crooked former Attorney General, Eric Holder, and others of that ilk, to look into Voter Integrity, when this same group of Human Garbage RIGGED the 2020 Presidential Election.”

“GET TOUGH REPUBLICANS — THEY’RE COMING, AND THEY’RE COMING FAST! They’re no good for our Country, they almost destroyed it, and we don’t want to let that happen again! These are highly dishonest people who are, in many ways, treasonous, in that they are trying to destabilize the United States of America in what, some would call, a War. Republicans must TERMINATE THE FILIBUSTER, and approve all of the necessary Safeguards we need for Elections to protect the American Public during the upcoming Midterms,” posted the tragic Shakespearean protagonist from his benightage.

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Missouri Domino’s guy hits non-tipping customer with car

An Auxvasse, Missouri Domino’s guy is behind bars and presumably now unemployed as well after a Wednesday night delivery in Fulton turned from merely verbally snapping at the customer for not tipping into running the customer over with his car for not not tipping, KRCG reports

Zachary Nicholos Walton, 36, called the customers “fucking rude” and when they reacted angrily by yelling at him on the drive, shouted “What are you going to do, bicth? Come get me.” It was then, instead of putting the vehicle in reverse and backing out, that Walton instead accelerated forward, sending the victim onto the hood of the car. The man suffered some unspecified injury to his hand as later noted by cops but apparently was otherwise not all that hurt by the vehicular strike.

Police then visited the Domino’s where Walton had fled to. The man was charged with Armed Criminal Action, First-Degree Assault or Attempt, and Leaving Scene of Accident – Physical Injury.

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Oxycontin maker ODs on bankruptcy

New York Attorney General Letitia James’s office on Friday announced that Oxycontin manufacturer Purdue Pharma “has shut down and ceased operations as part of a bankruptcy plan secured by Attorney General James, a bipartisan coalition of 54 other attorneys general, and other stakeholders. A new public benefit corporation, Knoa Pharma, LLC (Knoa Pharma), will begin operating in its place today and will be overseen by independent directors and trustees who have no association with Purdue. Knoa Pharma will be entirely owned by the Knoa Foundation, a newly established nonprofit. All members of the Sackler family, who fueled the opioid crisis through their ownership and operation of Purdue, are barred from selling opioids in the United States and will not have any involvement in the new company. Knoa Pharma will manufacture medications, including opioid products, safely and responsibly to address public health needs. It will be subject to strict oversight by an independent monitor and will be barred from lobbying and advertising its opioid products. After operating expenses, Knoa Pharma’s excess revenue will be dispersed to state, local, and tribal governments and to the Knoa Foundation in support of opioid abatement.”

“Under the Sacklers’ control, Purdue developed, manufactured, and then misleadingly marketed its deadly opioids, destroying lives and communities across the country. This company that put profits over people for decades is now shut down forever. While nothing will ever fully repair the damage done and lives lost to the opioid crisis, ending Purdue’s operations is an important step towards justice,” said James at the tail end of an epidemic estimated to have directly killed, though overdoses, nearly 850,000 Americans. The true toll of premature deaths from secondary health effects, suicide, and collateral damage from crime, neglect of children, traffic accidents from junkies passed out behind the wheel, and all the other social and economic harms inflicted is incalculable.

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Spirit Airlines officially shuts down

“It is with great disappointment that on May 2, 2026, Spirit Airlines started an orderly wind-down of our operations, effective immediately. To our Guests: all flights have been cancelled, and customer service is no longer available. We are proud of the impact of our ultra-low-cost model on the industry over the last 34 years and had hoped to serve our Guests for many years to come,” says an announcement on the website of the ultra-budget carrier, taking 17,000 jobs with it into the abyss.

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More than half of Daily Wire staff laid off

Apparently the far right propaganda business sucks these days when your guy is in charge as MAGA media empire/film studio with a children’s cartoon series (lol) the Daily Wire is teetering on the edge of bankruptcy and laid off as much as 60 percent of its staff on Friday, the Wrap reports.

“Today, The Daily Wire made a difficult decision to restructure the organization, which included layoffs to a number of teams. We are deeply grateful to those impacted. Their contributions were instrumental in building The Daily Wire into what it is today,” a “spokesperson” confirmed in a statement. It’s not clear if that spokesperson was then laid off or if the spokesperson is co-founder Ben Shapiro, who has taken some hits from the rest of the MAGAverse in recent months.

“The cuts were largely concentrated at our Nashville production office. As the company has invested in new formats, locations, and production models, our footprint there has evolved. Over the last year, we have added production staff in DC, the Northeast, and Florida. This step allows us to focus our resources on an ambitious slate of new entertainment projects set to release this year. Additionally, we will continue to invest in our editorial team and investigative journalism where we have already added numerous new reporters across the country and established a DC bureau with a seat in the White House briefing room,” the statement continued, as though the spin was necessary for a private company that doesn’t have shareholders to bullshit with such sweet nothings.

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Orange Allah anoints McConnell successor

“Proven Political Winner Andy Barr is running for the United States Senate in the Great Commonwealth of Kentucky, a place I love and WON BIG, six times, including Primaries, in 2016, 2020, and 2024!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday and you know the rest of his stupid song and dance by now, showering the white nationalist Andy Barr with his golden glory.

Trump also pushed the other guy out of the race by giving him a patronage ambassadorship.

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