Minutes after Dems on the committee announced a bid to hold disgraced and rejected former Attorney General Pam Bondi in contempt for failing to testify, Punchbowl’s Max Cohen reports that chairhick James Comer’s staff say it’s “unnecessary” and Bondi’s coming in on May 29th.

A source tells the Atlantic that convicted felon President Trump’s self-image is starting to catch up with some of us in the non-MAGA electorate and meida’s perception of him as a false messiah, Antichrist, and so on with the tropes whose tiredness doesn’t make them any less true.

“He’s been talking recently about how he is the most powerful person to ever live. He wants to be remembered as the one who did things that other people couldn’t do, because of his sheer power and force of will,” said the source in one of the most believable insider quotes ever printed.

Another source goes on to describe Trump as being liberated from giving a fuck about how Republicans do in the midterms, indirectly quoted saying Donald’s “not particularly worried whether he loses the House, and that he cares only slightly about holding the Senate,” as a Dem majority in the upper chamber means “a six-month impeachment trial versus three hours.”

No, both sides aren't equally responsible for political violence. The media loves sharing graphs and "data" showing the Right is more violent than the Left, but the organizations producing that data are cooking the books so they can smear the Right with the Left's crimes. pic.twitter.com/nqidqSOcTu

— Batya Ungar-Sargon (@bungarsargon) April 29, 2026

Dangerous domestic terrorist James Comey is expected to be permitted to self-surrender – again, for the second time in under a year because this is the second time in under a year he’s been indicted on a bullshit charge – when he shows up in court Monday for threatening to kill the President of the United States because he posted a pic of seashells that said “8647,” CNN reports.

An Indiana Dem running for the state senate is facing charges of possession of cocaine and a misdemeanor count of resisting law enforcement after residents of a Fishers neighborhood reported him behaving erratically while going door-to-door canvassing at 8PM on Sunday, Fox News reports.

Cops responded and found 38 year-old Andrew Dezelan, who is running in the May 5 Democratic primary for Senate District 31, sitting in his car looking all twitchy. The misdemeanor is from the brief struggle that ensued. It’s not clear if this helps or hurts Dezelan’s bid .

What an interesting way to try to get an adversarial nation to take a nearly 80 year-old man seriously: Waking up at 4:05 AM and posting AI slop of something that not only will never happen, is actually the opposite of what happened in real life when he had the opportunity to join the military and see combat against the North Vietnamese Army and Vietcong that tens of thousands of American men his age died fighting in a bloody, awful conflict that last almost a decade.

A day after his wife’s sentence was bumped up from 20 months to four years, disgraced former South Korean President Yoon Suk Yeol got it rubbed in his face a little bit more on Wednesday as court tacked seven years onto his life sentence for the relatively minor crimes of resisting arrest and some procedural bypass before he stupidly declared martial law in 2024, the AP reports.

What about this one Mike?? pic.twitter.com/7ceYygBOzz

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) April 28, 2026

Funny story about that Obama-branded MetroCard: They all would have had to have been printed while George W Bush was still president. And the federal government didn’t print them, the WMATA did. And without going on a long tangent about how the WMATA is a multi-state authority and all that shit, let’s just remark this being the official White House response to mockery from a citizen.

ICE agent Jonathan Ross apparently has recovered from being “run over” by a half-ton SUV less than four months ago and is back on the job in another state, PunchUp reports. Maybe some libs can use Palantir facial recognition software to identify him the next time he’s caught on camera in broad daylight shooting a US citizen in the face three times, wherever he’s stationed now.

“On or about May 15, 2025, in the Eastern District of North Carolina, the defendant, JAMES BRIEN COMEY JR, did knowingly and willfully make a threat to take the life of, and to inflict bodily harm upon, the President of the United States, in that he publicly posted a photograph on the internet social media site Instagram which depicted seashells arranged in a pattern making out ’86 47′, which a reasonable recipient who is familiar with the circumstances would interpret as a serious expression of an intent to do harm to the President of the United States,” says the indictment against the ex-FBI chief for the stupid seashells post on count one. Count two is “interstate commerce” something.

Todd Blanche and pals will step up to the podium at 4:30…

In these fraught political times it’s important to paste 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 as many times as will reasonably fit the format.

Furthermore, 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 and 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647, and 8647 too.

In conclusion 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 and 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 and fuck you Todd Blanche. James Comey’s a self-important dick and you make us real Americans defend him like a persecuted martyr again and again and again because your fat fuck boss can’t just let it go. So 8647.

“The Chancellor of Germany, Friedrich Merz, thinks it’s OK for Iran to have a Nuclear Weapon. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about! If Iran had a Nuclear Weapon, the whole World would be held hostage. I am doing something with Iran, right now, that other Nations, or Presidents, should have done long ago. No wonder Germany is doing so poorly, both Economically, and otherwise!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday, a day and a half after Merz’s comments soberly summarizing how badly Trump fucked up with Iran rather than anything pro-Iranian nuclear program.

Pussy-ass bitch Secretary of State Marco Rubio’s team are planning to issue a “limited run” of 25,000 US passports featuring the visage of the Holy Orange God Emperor, the Bulwark reports under a headline that’s a little more alarmist as it says “EXCLUSIVE: State Dept Finalizing Plan to Put Trump Picture on US Passports,” but then further down specifies that it’s a limited run rather than a full “permanent” redesign of all US passports. So still cultish, Maoist kind of shit, just apparently optional, like a vanity plate. Or maybe 25,000 passport holders are just going to be unlucky enough to have applied or renewed at the wrong time. If not then what happens when they don’t sell out?

So many questions. One not as vexing is what will happen to the few that do choose the Trump passport, since they might as well be wearing a t-shirt saying “I have 15 grams of heroin crammed into my rectum.” Cavity searches, lengthy interrogations, and getting turned around immediately will be the punishment for the lucky ones, charges of espionage and God knows what else for the rest.

“The Bulwark reached out to both the State Department and the White House this morning with a request for comment. A State Department spokesperson asked us for deadline extension as they were ‘looking into’ the inquiry. We gave them an additional two hours. In that time, Fox News published an ‘exclusive’ on the new passport design. A White House spokesperson then sent us an email response confirming the new design ‘on background’ with a link to the Fox News story,” the outlet wrote in one of the most believable stories ever told in the history of print media.

Jesus effing Christ. Fox News’s Bill Melugin reports that the mysterious second indictment of former FBI Director James Comey is indeed over terroristic threats or some shit because of the seashells.

Florida Republican Congressman Dan Webster, who survived successive primary challenges from MAGA maniacs Laura Loomer and Anthony Sabatini in 2022 and 2024, respectively, announced his retirement on Tuesday just a day after heels-wearing Gov Ron DeSantis announced his redistricting plan to kill half of the Sunshine State’s eight Dem-held seats by diluting the other 24’s MAGA-ness.

That timing – Punchbowl’s Ally Mutnick posted that Webster had publicly warned that DeSantis’s redistricting bid could backfire – is noteworthy, as is convicted felon President Trump’s Friday afternoon stop in the Villages where there will be no doubt like a dozen supplicants there BEGGING him for a 25 seconds of face time to get on his radar for an endorsement in the primary… before a few months from he ultimately picks the one who can afford to get in the door at Mar-a-Lago.

Webster becomes the, uh, maybe the 28th (?) House Republican to ditch DC of their own volition this cycle as opposed to either dying or losing a Senate primary. Probably not going to be a lot more.

Congressman Ro Khanna on Tuesday told Meidas Touch’s Scott MacFarlane that the UK Ambassador had told Khanna that King Charles, whose brother is deservedly in deep shit for his partying with dead sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, could end up touching that specific live wire during his address to Congress this afternoon. Might be something to listen for in the monarch’s speech.