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“Firm pledge” about as soft as you know what

“‘Senator’ Mike Rounds of the Great State of South Dakota just went woke on the Fraudulent Presidential Election of 2020. He made a statement this weekend on ABC Fake News, that despite massive evidence to the contrary, including much of it pouring in from Wisconsin, Georgia, Arizona, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and other states, he found the election to be ok – just fine. Is he crazy or just stupid? The numbers are conclusive, and the fraudulent and irregular votes are massive. The only reason he did this is because he got my endorsement and easily won his state in 2020, so now he thinks he has time, and those are the only ones, the weak, who will break away. Even though his election will not be coming up for 5 years, I will never endorse this jerk again. It’s RINOs like this that are allowing the Democrats to destroy our Nation… I hereby firmly pledge that he will never receive my Endorsement again!wrote then-former President Donald Trump in one of his blog posts on January 10, 2022, emphasis added on the parts that he was most emphatic about after Rounds had committed the heinous thoughtcrime of determining that the 2020 election was not rigged.

“Senator Mike Rounds is an incredibly strong advocate for the wonderful people of South Dakota, a State I love, and WON BIG, in 2016, 2020, and 2024! An America First Patriot, Mike is fighting tirelessly to Advance the Great Values of the Mount Rushmore State, Champion our Farmers and Ranchers, Strengthen the Economy, Cut Taxes and Regulations, Promote MADE IN THE USA, Ensure American Energy DOMINANCE, Keep our Border SECURE, Support our Brave Military, Veterans, and Law Enforcement, and Protect our always under siege Second Amendment. Mike Rounds has my Complete and Total Endorsement for Re-Election. Election Day is Tuesday, June 2nd. GET OUT AND VOTE FOR MIKE — HE WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN!” wrote convicted felon President Trump in one of his Truth Social posts on June 1, 2026. His sole primary challenger, Justin McNeal, does not seem all that MAGA. Might even just be a literal RINO. Website doesn’t mention DEI once.

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Orange Pharaoh appoints Fannie Man as Acting DNI

For those who thought Tulsi Gabbard sucked as Director of National Intelligence and that convicted felon President Trump could not have picked someone more unqualified for the job, well does he have some awesome news for you: “I am appointing the Director of the Federal Housing Finance Agency, and Chairman of Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac, William J Pulte, to serve as Acting Director of National Intelligence. William has deep experience managing the most sensitive matters in America, the safety and soundness of the Markets, and over 10 Trillion Dollars at Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac, a substantial increase from where it was just 12 months ago. During this period, he will remain Director of the Federal Housing Finance Agency, and Chairman of Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac.”

“Congratulations to Director Pulte!” Trump then concluded in the Truth Social post affirming support for the man who nearly got the shit beaten out of him by Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, sold Trump on both the batshit stupid 50-year mortgage and the post an AI slop depicting himself as Jesus ideas. That’s the guy who’s going to lead the nation’s most important intelligence agencies while also continuing to handle the job of running its federal home financing infrastructure.

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Minnesota GOP holds moment of silence for Derek Chauvin

Delegates to the Minnesota state Republican Party’s weekend convention observed a “moment of silence” for convicted murderer Derek Chauvin – that in reality lasted only about 10 seconds but was approved in an overwhelming voice vote – with the vast majority of the 2,000 delegates present having affirmed their mourning for the still-living federal inmate, the Minnesota Reformer reports.

“I apologize because I know you asked me not to do this. I’d like to suspend the rules for a moment of reflection for Derek Chauvin,” said delegate Christopher Rocco to the gathering. Rocco, who told the Reformer he prefers to be called just Rocco or “Mr Rocco,” added that he called for Chauvin to be pardoned and/or granted a retrial for the murder of George Floyd over a fake $20 bill, even though Chauvin pleaded guilty at the federal level and is scheduled to be released circa 2038 after the completion of his concurrent double state/federal sentence of 21 years. For Chauvin to be released early would require Republican candidates for governor and attorney general to defeat Dem Senator Amy Klobuchar and incumbent AG Keith Ellison, respectively, in this November’s election, for those candidates to appoint pro-Chauvin members to the state clemency review and pardon boards, for those appointees to accept an application from Chauvin, and THEN for convicted felon President Trump to pardon and/or commute Chauvin’s federal sentence. A fed pardon alone just sends Chauvin being sent back to Minnesota to serve roughly the same amount of remaining time.

Chauvin was transferred to a federal prison in Texas after being stabbed 22 times by another inmate in November 2023. Worth asking how his carceral living situation is currently given the widely-reported creature comforts afforded to another politically-favored current federal inmate in Texas.

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Yes, everything will work out in the end for the White House staff

Sure, the GOP might get their asses kicked in November and then get a Dem elected in 2028, but everything will work out in the end for most of the White House staff personally, as they’ll be able to get jobs with conservative PACs and with GOP members of Congress, maybe even run for Congress themselves from safe red districts where they’ll have job security for the rest of their lives. They’ll be upwardly mobile – as will the Trump family with all their crypto and AI investments and all that shit.

It really will all work out in the end for those who live and work in the White House. It always does.

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Iranian official says return to war “inevitable”

Semi-official Iranian news agency Mehr on Tuesday reported that Mohammad Jafar Asadi, the deputy head of Iran’s military command had declared that “The US demands our total surrender, and the Iranian nation will never surrender. Without surrender, war is inevitable,” per CBS News.

So yeah, “peace” talks are going great. “I really don’t care. I couldn’t care less,” convicted felon President Trump told CNBC on Monday after the Iranians broke off, with Trump adding that the minutiae of the talks had “started to get very boring” before the already shit situation got worse.

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Iowa MAGA Congresswoman admits war a “political liability”

Endangering her bid to replace feckless loser Senator Joni Ernst, Iowa Congresswoman Ashley Hinson committed a thoughtcrime and admitted on audio obtained by Politico that the Iran war would become a “political liability” if it dragged on for much longer. “I’m deferring to the president on the negotiations because he has the team doing it,” said Hinson to an unknown person during a meet-and-greet with voters. “I do hope we can get this done by the next couple of weeks.”

“If it drags on beyond that, it’s a political liability for us too, because we’ve lost Iowa soldiers. I’ve been to four funerals since December, it’s awful,” said Hinson, more worried about the liability.

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“You’re fucking crazy”

Angry with his best bud’s continued indiscriminate violence against the Lebanese people who just happen to live near Hezbollah targets and how that’s getting in the way of the “peace process” with Iran, Axios reports convicted felon President Trump screamed “You’re fucking crazy” at Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu on Monday after Tehran broke off the already not-so great peace talks.

“You’re fucking crazy. You’d be in prison if it weren’t for me. I’m saving your ass. Everybody hates you now. Everybody hates Israel because of this,” Trump said to his closest pal, per sources.

Prior to Axios printing the report, Trump apparently tried to out get in front, posting “I had a conversation with Bibi Netanyahu, asking him not to go into a major raid of Beirut, Lebanon. He turned his Troops around. Thank you Bibi! I also had a conversation with Representatives of the Leaders of Hezbollah, and they agreed to stop shooting at Israel, and its soldiers. Likewise, Israel agreed to stop shooting at them. Let’s see how long that lasts — Hopefully it will be for ETERNITY!”

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Regime to pull plug on $1.776 billion “weaponization” slush fund

Following a meeting with Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson on Monday, convicted felon Presiden Trump’s Reich is “expected” to announce shortly that they’re backing down from the $1.776 billion “anti-weaponization” slush fund, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports, specifying that they’re going to comply with a Virginia federal judge’s order from last week bricking the initiative.

The about-face will be aimed at restarting another reconciliation effort in Congress, which fell apart last week over the fund. No matter what, Sherman writes that it’s likely that the Senate GOP will still include language blocking the Reich from trying this sort of shit again anytime soon.

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Trump claims Netanyahu to stop ruining his shitty “peace talks”

Evidently letting one of his minions write the social media missives, convicted felon President Trump on Monday tried to unfuck that which he has irretrievably fucked, posting “I had a very productive call with Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu, of Israel, and there will be no Troops going to Beirut, and any Troops that are on their way, have already been turned back. Likewise, through highly placed Representatives, I had a very good call with Hezbollah, and they agreed that all shooting will stop, that Israel will not attack them, and they will not attack Israel.” Trump then added “Talks are continuing, at a rapid pace, with the Islamic Republic of Iran,” and nothing in the way of specifics.

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“We have to put America first, and if you don’t love this country, get out”: MAGA Congresswoman on opposition to Trump’s Iran war

South Carolina Congresswoman Sheri Biggs is, um, not what most would call an intellectual heavyweight or even a featherweight given he astonishment at how “complex” Iran is. But what she lacks in terms of elucidation and tenacity she makes up for in absolutism in terms of intolerance for political opposition. At least she makes it a plea rather than a command for all non-Trump-loyalists to “get out,” rather than dreaming up summary executions and internment camps.

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K$H’s girlfriend sues MS Now over use of anonymous sources

“This defamation lawsuit is about MS Now (formerly, MSNBC) using sham ‘anonymous’ sources to push knowingly or recklessly false allegations that Alexis Wilkins, through her relationship with FBI Director Kash Patel, abused FBI resources. Defendants are, of course, free to comment on the leadership of the FBI and its allocation of resources, whether positively or negatively. They are not, however, entitled to lie about it. Defendants falsely asserted that Ms Wilkins demanded, and Director Patel ordered, that federal agents assigned to her security detail – which did not even exist at the time – escort an intoxicated friend home after a ‘night of partying.’ They falsely portrayed Ms Wilkins as being intoxicated even knowing that she does not drink. Defendants presumed they could get away with this fiction by citing to ‘anonymous sources,’ disingenuously claiming ‘nonpublic’ and ‘inside’ knowledge. This was hogwash and they knew it. Journalists cannot avoid accountability by hiding behind fabricated ‘anonymous’ sources. This lawsuit seeks to bring accountability for Defendants’ egregious lies,” says the intro to “country singer” Alexis Wilkins’s federal lawsuit against MS Now and its reporters for exposing the waste, fraud, and abuse of Bureau resources.

It’s not clear why Wilkins didn’t just have her boyfriend order a raid on MS Now headquarters.

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Iran pulls the plug on peace talks

The ayatollah’s goons have at least temporarily interrupted feckless weenies Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff’s ambitions to develop luxury housing in Tehran as CNN reports from Iranian state media that peace talks are on ice due to ongoing Israeli strikes against Iranian proxies in Lebanon.

“Given the continuation of the Israeli regime’s attacks in Lebanon, and considering that Lebanon had been one of the preconditions for a ceasefire – which has now been violated on all fronts, including Lebanon – the Iranian negotiating team is suspending ‘talks and exchanges of texts through mediators,'” sais a report from semi-official news agency Tasnim, adding the new objective is “a complete closure of the Strait of Hormuz and the activation of other fronts,” including the Red Sea.

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Orange Shitbag celebrates his bricking of functional government

“The New York Times wrote a story today entitled, ‘Trump Administration Sees Striking Exodus of Legal Talent,’ as though that’s a bad thing, when actually, it’s very good. The people that are leaving are Radical Left Deep State Lunatics, who are destroying our Country, and Weaponizing Government. Many of them didn’t leave, but were fired! The Failing New York Times writes this, but makes it sound like it’s a terrible thing when actually, it’s just the opposite. We want people that will, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, not people that are trying to destroy our Country, that were put in by Obama and Biden and, in many cases, they shouldn’t have been representing the U.S.A. in the first place. Let them go on to ‘bigger, better, and brighter’ things in the future – I fully support that, and wish them all well!” posted the fat bastard on Sunday afternoon.

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MAGA Land worked by blatant right wing media payola once again

“Ask any white liberal voter anywhere about their political priorities. They will tell you abortion, trans rights, migrant rights, and tax the billionaires. It’s never about education, filth, crime, economic growth, or more efficient government. They just don’t care about these things. That’s why it is so difficult to appeal these people” – Top comment on the Saturday Breitbart piece “Exclusive – Maine Gubernatorial Candidate Jonathan Bush: Voters Are ‘Sick to Death of the Current Governor'”

Good Lord that is the most generic MAGAbrainGPT load of shit that could’ve been pasted into any thread, no matter what the article said. Also lol at the “tax the billionaires” part, like that doesn’t poll well as a generalized statement universally or in the MAGAverse, who are supposed to be opposed to the plutocratic elites of the Republican Party like the Romneys, the Kochs, the Cheneys, etc.

And, of course, the Bushes. Now you miiiiight not have immediately registered it when it said “Jonathan Bush” in the headline given that, while not on the level of Smith or Goldberg or Lopez, it’s also far from the most distinctive or unique of surnames. There’s Heisman Trophy winner and later NFL star running back Reggie Bush, semi-popular TV actress Sophia Bush, former Dem Missouri Congresswoman Cori Bush, and famed 20th century physicist Vannevar Bush, just to name a few of the legitimately famous people with the nom-de-shrub with no close or meaningful relation – or any at all – to the 41st and 43rd presidents. However if you don’t click through then Maine should at least stick out given the Bush family’s long-established summer vacation base in Kennebunkport.

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Crazy Nancy copes with Trump non-endorsement fairly poorly

“South Carolina ain’t falling for it,” Mace wrote after the cutoff, a day after the Orange God Emperor endorsed “Pam” and further destroyed Nancy’s hopes of becoming governor.

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Needy attention whore appoints himself as replacement act

“I understand Artists are getting ‘the yips’ having to do with their performance on Wednesday, so I am thinking about bringing the Number One Attraction anywhere in the World, the man who gets much larger audiences than Elvis in his prime, and he does so without a guitar, the man who loves our Country more than anyone else, and the man who some say is the Greatest President in History (THE GOAT!), DONALD J TRUMP, to take the place of these highly paid, Third Rate ‘Artists,’ and give a major speech, rallying the Country forward like I have done ever since being President! Two years ago, the United States was DEAD. Now we have the ‘HOTTEST’ Country anywhere in the World. I don’t want so-called ‘Artists’ that get paid far too much money, who aren’t happy. I only want to be surrounded by Happy People, Smart People, Successful People, and People that know how to WIN.”

“So, by copy of this TRUTH, I am ordering my Representatives to look at the feasibility of doing an AMERICA IS BACK Rally on Wednesday, Washington, DC, same time, same location. Only Great Patriots invited – It will be a Wild and Beautiful Celebration of America!” posted the YMCA’s number one fan on Saturday after the mass exodus of acts from the billing of the stupid America250 show.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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Wait for the punchline

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