Middle East think tanker Jason Brodsky and other sources are reporting that Syrian state TV propagandist Safaa Al-Ahmed was “martyred” in a Monday night Israeli airstrike on a vehicle in Damascus. Amid the chatter some of the more reactionary accounts are saying that this was a targeted assassination while others – that do not appear necessarily to be Israel apologists – are saying that’s preposterous and the actual target had to be someone Al-Ahmed was accompanying.

Or to be less euphemistic, Al-Ahmed was probably fucking some Syrian or maybe Iranian government official and picked the wrong night to shack up. It’s like if a Fox News lady was in a car with a Republican Congressman when it was hit by a Venezuelan airstrike. And yeah obviously the part about the “Venezuelan airstrike” isn’t realistic but you get the rest of the scenario.

On the eve of his 100th birthday, former President Jimmy Carter will be celebrated for his centennial birthday on Tuesday with the broadcast of a benefit concert that raised $1.3 million for his charity–a legitimate one, unlike that of a certain different former president–as well as the unveiling of thirty new homes for needy families, Politico reports.

The oldest former president in history, Carter and his wife Rosalynn, who died last year, served with Habitat for Humanity, and the group will open thirty newly-built homes in St. Paul, Minnesota to celebrate Carter’s birthday.

“I think he has probably done more personally in his post-presidency than anyone else because he’s not out there looking for attention,” Cassandra Newby-Alexander, professor of Virginia Black history and culture at Norfolk State University, said. “He’s looking to change things. He’s not out there trying to make money for himself. He’s out there trying to live the life of a Christian– a true Christian, one who cares about the poor and the homeless and the children.”

Also what the fuck is with one of his own minions, Kellyanne, interviewing him? How does that even actually qualify as an “interview” when it’s just a conversation between a woman and her boss?

Letcher County, Kentucky Sheriff Mickey Stines, who has served the people since 2018, announced his retirement on Monday, NBC News reports. Stines will move forward and focus on other pursuits, like defending himself from first degree murder charges for shooting Judge Kevin Mullins dead at the county courthouse earlier this month. His defense attorney stressed that the retirement did not equate to an admission of guilt and that his client remains innocent until pleading guilty.

Legendary Major League Scumbag Pete Rose died of something at age 83 on Monday, decades after he was declared dead to baseball over some sort of gambling scam, TMZ reports.

Asked by a reporter Monday what he thinks about convicted felon former President Trump’s bullshit lies about not doing anything to help the response to Hurricane Helene, President Biden said the fat fuck is “lying and the governor told him he was lying. I’ve spoken to the governor… I don’t know why he does this and the reason I get so angry about it, I don’t care about what he says about me, but I care what he communicates to the people that are in need. He implies that we’re not doing everything possible. We are. I assume you heard the Republican Governor of Georgia talk about that. He was on the phone with me more than once. So that’s simply not true. And it’s irresponsible.”

Very refreshing to see a leader trying to get elected simply by doing what’s necessary and not making shit up about her opponent purposely playing politics. He’s doing that on his own – and also has a history of it back during his failed administration, like with that forest-raking bullshit.

Wasau, Wisconsin’s clerk tells the Associated Press that the new ballot drop box outside city hall is bolted to the ground so fucking asshole right wing Mayor Doug Diny can’t put a handtruck under it and hide it in his office again like he did earlier this month, even though that’s the clerk’s call.

The old drop box was locked and Diny didn’t have a key. Even if he had, that didn’t matter since it was empty when he’d hidden it on September 22nd, just three days after ballots had begun being mailed out in the state. Still the district attorney asked the DOJ to investigate the son of a bitch.

“This year, the homicide and violent crime rates have continued their rapid decline from their peaks during the last administration. According to new preliminary data submitted to the FBI, in the first half of this year, the homicide rate continued to fall at record speed, declining by 22.7 percent, while the violent crime rate fell by 10.3 percent to its lowest level since 1969. These record decreases follow the historic declines in crime in 2023, including the largest-ever decrease in the homicide rate. Communities across our country are safer now than when I took office.”

“Under the previous administration, we saw the biggest increase in murder rates on record. Vice President Harris and I moved swiftly to turn it around. We passed the American Rescue Plan – despite every Republican in Congress voting against it – which has helped deliver over $15 billion in public safety funding that enabled over 1,000 state, city, and county governments to avoid cuts to police budgets, invest in community violence interventions, and keep communities safe. And we have taken more action to get illegal guns off of our streets and out of dangerous hands than any Administration, including by signing into law the most significant gun violence prevention legislation in nearly 30 years which has expanded background checks and cracked down on gun traffickers.”

“Last year, I established the first-ever White House Office of Gun Violence Prevention, overseen by Vice President Harris, to accelerate this work. Even among these historic declines, we can and must do more. That’s why, just this past week, Vice President Harris and I announced additional actions to combat machinegun conversion devices, improve school-based active shooter drills, and take other steps to reduce gun crime and save lives. I’ll continue to urge Congress pass my plan to fund 100,000 additional police officers, invest in community violence intervention programs, and make commonsense gun safety reforms, including banning assault weapons” – White House statement.

Convicted felon former President Trump was too chickenshit to handle an “MSDNC” reporter who was asking him to reconcile his claims that Republican Georgia Brian Governor Brian Kemp was not getting any help from the federal government a day after Kemp publicly thanked Biden or explain where he was getting it from that Democratic North Carolina Governor Roy Cooper was purposely holding back on responding to Republican areas of that state. Pussy-ass bitch.

Fulton County, Georgia Superior Court Judge Robert McBurney – a name some might recognize from the litigation over the grand jury investigation into fat former President Trump and his co-conspirators for their post-2020 election coup attempt in the state before it passed to Judge Scott McAfee – on Monday ruled in favor of the Sistersong Women of Color Reproductive Justice Collective et al and found the state’s six-week abortion ban, enacted in 2022, to be unconstitutional.

Of course the state’s going to appeal this and of course the state Supreme Court is (probably) going to rule in Governor Brian Kemp’s favor in the end but the ruling probably comes at an inopportune time for Republicans, especially considering the ban is exactly what killed Amber Thurman in 2022.

A 61 year-old Farmington Hills, Michigan man faces charges of felony ethnic intimidation and misdemeanor assault/battery after a confrontation last week with a Black female US Postal Service carrier over mailers from Vice President Kamala Harris’s campaign, the Detroit Free Press reports.

The man, Russel Valleau, screamed at the carrier, telling her he “did not want that ‘Black bitch’ in his mailbox,” before repeating the same insult directed at the carrier and threatening her. She then pepper sprayed the likely Breitbart commenter in the face. Police responded and took Valleau into custody. “In this highly charged political moment, everyone has a right to their political opinion and vote,” Oakland County Prosecutor Karen McDonald said Friday. “Whatever our political beliefs, no one should be assaulted or threatened because of their race, or for doing their job.”

Valleau faces up to 27 months in prison and $5,500 in fines for defending white America.

Convicted felon former President Trump is on the ground at a furniture store called “Chez What” in Valdosta, Georgia where he’s going to politically capitalize on at least 119 Americans killed by Hurricane Helene across several states, with neighboring North Carolina hit particularly hard.

“The Justice Department announced today that it will monitor compliance with federal voting rights laws in the State of Alaska, for the Oct 1 Regional Education Attendance Area elections. The department will monitor in the Bethel Dillingham and Kusilvak Census Areas, as well as the Northwest Arctic and North Slope Boroughs. The Justice Department will assign federal observers to monitor the election in the Dillingham and Kusilvak Census Areas to observe compliance with the Voting Rights Act. A federal court previously issued an order to resolve claims under Section 203 of the Voting Rights Act regarding the rights of Yup’ik-speaking voters,” says a DOJ press release.

“The order authorizes federal observers to monitor election day activities in these census areas. The department is also sending its staff to monitor compliance in Bethel Census Area, Northwest Arctic Borough and North Slope Borough, Alaska. The department regularly deploys its staff to monitor for compliance with federal civil rights laws in elections in communities across the country. In addition, the department also deploys federal observers from the Office of Personnel Management, when authorized by federal court order,” the statement continued and it sure kind of sounds like they’re stretching the monitoring muscles before E-Day by deploying to rural Alaska for some local races.

Republican Springfield, Ohio businessman Jamie McGregor, owner of McGregor Sheet Metal, tells the New York Times he’s had to buy his 14 year-old daughter a Glock over death threats he got for publicly praising his roughly 33 Haitian migrant employees as hard, dependable workers this month.

“They come to work every day. They don’t cause drama. They’re on time,” McGregor told the Times in an interview earlier this month. Then on PBS News Hour the next week, he noted that they were drug-free. “I wish I had 30 more.” Now his wife Cameron says “We’re being hunted like animals.”

Recently Cameron worried that Jamie had been exposed to anthrax in the mail after coming home feeling not so well. Jamie said it was probably just accumulated stress. “I can’t imagine living my whole life like this,” Cameron said. “You know. It’s got to stop – hopefully after the election.”

I was just briefed by @FEMA_Deanne Criswell on the latest developments about the ongoing impacts of Hurricane Helene. We also discussed our Administration's continued actions to support emergency response and recovery.
 
I also spoke with @NC_Governor Cooper about the ongoing… pic.twitter.com/nlZPB0h3mO

— Vice President Kamala Harris (@VP) September 30, 2024

“Another FAKE and STAGED photo from someone who has no clue what she is doing. You have to plug the cord into the phone for it to work! Biden and Harris abandoned Americans in Afghanistan. They sacrificed Americans to an Open Border, and now, they have left Americans to drown in North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Alabama, and elsewhere in the South. Under this Administration, Americans always come last, because we have ‘leaders’ who have no idea how to lead!” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Monday with a screenshot of the above tweet.

Trump’s management of hurricanes included throwing paper towels at Puerto Ricans, asking military leaders if they could be nuked to be stopped before hitting the United States, and – more relevant to the accusation of fakery above – Sharpie-ing a map of a hurricane’s path to make it look like Alabama was potentially in a storm’s path because he didn’t want to be wrong about something.

And then there’s the time he scribbled on a blank sheet of paper in a “FAKE and STAGED photo” of him recuperating from the COVID-19 infection he caught about four years ago exactly. Not to mention the “praying” and the plane full of cute little animals he’s saving from the Haitians and…

“I will be doing a personal PLAY BY PLAY of the Debate tomorrow between the Brilliant JD Vance and the Highly Inarticulate ‘Tampon’ Tim Walz,” the fat bastard also posted. Trump better talk to his IT guys first and make sure that Truth Social’s going to hold up for this one.

Congress’s top four – Senator Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, House Speaker Mike Johnson, and their respective Minority Leader counterparts Mitch McConnell and Hakeem Jeffries – were asked by Punchbowl News how they see November playing out for the teams, and what their strengths and weaknesses are. All of the the strengths were anodyne – McConnell says its the map, Schumer and Johnson say their candidates are solid, Jeffries says it’s House GOP dysfunction – and three of the weaknesses were predictable – McConnell says “candidate quality,” Jeffries and Schumer say the GOP’s lies distorting the Biden Administration’s and Congressional Dems’ record of accomplishment.

Johnson also cited “lies” as a weakness for his side but didn’t sound quite as, uh, reality-based as the two Democratic leaders. “I would say the level of misinformation that’s out there. I feel like the entire establishment media, mainstream media, obviously, is against us and our candidates. Kamala Harris gets an in-kind donation on prime time on almost every channel, every single night. And they’re constantly criticizing our nominee for president and elevating her and so that has an effect on people who are not fully informed,” Johnson said, as if there isn’t one person in particular who could maybe be to blame for the media portraying him as a criminally insane fascist sociopath.

“Really, I think Kamala Harris has run a campaign based on a fantasy. And if this election is about record and not rhetoric, if it’s policy not personality, there’s no way that our side can lose,” Johnson continued. “Kamala Harris never answered the first question she was asked in the debate: ‘Are you better off now than you were four years ago.’ She can’t answer that because everybody knows the answer.” This is as if Trump didn’t scream about Haitians eating dogs and cats in the debate.

Vice President Kamala Harris’s donors are footing the bill for security cameras installed around the home of Republican former Willistown Township Supervisor Robert “Farmer Bob” Lange, a two-time Trump voter who starred in a recent ad in which he and wife Kristina endorsed the veep, which of course invited death threats from angry MAGA terrorists, Philly-area site Savvy Mainline reports.

It gets better: The Langes are now being accused of being paid actors and Dem donors by right wing Twitter users who “did their own research” and came up with a different Robert Lange and Kristina Chadwick (Mrs Lange’s maiden name), living in different towns in Pennsylvania as the “evidence.” Why that still led to threatening voicemails and one-star reviews for their strawberry farm – not where the actual Dem donors live – is peak MAGA. As for the “actors” part, the Langes a few years ago were involved in producing, Hayride to Hell, a low-budget horror film starring Kane Hodder, who played Jason in four of the original Friday the 13th movies, and Bill Moseley, who was in one of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre films. The Langes had “very small, non-speaking roles as monsters,” in the low-budget slasher made to promote their farm’s autumnal offerings.

“It’s really sad how the truth is not being told. If you try to refute it, they deny it. I just wish someone with common sense from that organization could do a little bit of homework and some accurate fact checking and say: Robert Lange is a lifelong Republican. He’s a Willistown Township Supervisor. He’s a full-time farmer. Chester County awarded me its ‘farmer of the year’ award. They gave me the ‘distinguished service to agriculture’ award. I’m a family farmer who made a movie to save the farm that’s been in my family since 1896,” said Bob, plainly sick of this horseshit.

Joe Biden was at the beach.

Kamala Harris was at a fundraiser.

North Carolina, Georgia, South Carolina, Florida, and Tennessee were abandoned.

— House Judiciary GOP 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 (@JudiciaryGOP) September 30, 2024

In news very related to this tweet (definitely written by spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan), President Biden on Monday said he may have to call Congress back in to session to pass a disaster recovery supplemental, because Mike Johnson left it out of the continuing resolution.

Convicted felon former President Trump claimed he wanted to go to North Carolina, tweeting “We are now heading to Valdosta, Georgia, in order to pay my respects and bring lots of relief material, including fuel, equipment, water, and other things, to the State… I was also going to stop into North Carolina, which has really been hit hard. I have a lot of supplies ready for them, but access and communication is now restricted, and we want to make sure that Local Emergency Management is able to focus on helping the people most affected, and not being concerned with me. I’ll be there shortly, but don’t like the reports that I’m getting about the Federal Government, and the Democrat Governor of the State, going out of their way to not help people in Republican areas. MAGA!”

Naturally Fat Hitler didn’t specify what “reports” that he’s been getting about North Carolina Democratic Governor Roy Cooper purposely trying to fuck over redder areas of the state.

Convicted felon former President Trump on Monday threw a tantrum on Truth Social over his Saturday Wisconsin rally being moved indoors due to a shortage of Secret Service manpower during the United Nations General Assembly, posting “Kamala and Sleepy Joe are going out of their way to make it difficult for me to Campaign. We had one of the biggest crowds I’ve ever seen on Saturday, in Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin, where a terrible migrant crime was recently committed, and we ended up having to use a 750 seat theater, having to send away more than 50,000 people. They were unable to give us Secret Service protection commensurate with the crowd, because they had to protect the President of Iran, who is doing everything possible to kill me, at the United Nations event. We complained ‘like hell,’ but there was nothing we could do.” So he’s admitting weakness.

“I only hope all of those people that were turned away will blame the Creeps from the Harris-Biden Administration, namely, the Opposing Party, that did this to them. IT WAS A DISGRACE! The 750 people had a great time, but I’m going to make it back up to those in Wisconsin that were forced by Harris to waste their time. We will get back up to Wisconsin very soon, and we’ll get to a venue that can handle all of them, probably an outside area. If it weren’t for politics, they would have had no problem supplying us with Secret Service Security,” Trump continued in the meltdown.