“The Ethics Committee has announced an investigation into Congressman Tony Gonzales’s conduct, and we urge them to act expeditiously. Congressman Gonzales has said he will fully cooperate with the investigation. We have encouraged him to address these very serious allegations directly with his constituents and his colleagues. In the meantime, Leadership has asked Congressman Gonzales to withdraw from his race for re-election,” says the clown car of Speaker Mike Johnson, Majority Leader Steve Scalise, Whip Tom Emmer, and Chairwoman Lisa McClain in a Thursday statement.

Amid all the drama over the Texas Senate GOP primary, convicted felon President Trump on Thursday spoke with some Politico reporter and was asked to respond to Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton’s stated refusal to drop out of the runoff after the reality show host chose incumbent John Cornhole Cornyn the winner of the stupid contest for Donald’s affections.

“No, I’m staying in this race. I owe it to the people of Texas,” Paxton had told John Solomon’s stupid show on Wednesday night after Trump posted the command on Truth Social. To which Trump responded on Thursday, “Well, that’s bad for him to say. That is bad for him. So maybe, maybe that leads me to go the other direction,” continuing to tantalize and cock tease the Cornynthians.

Then Pax got crafty:

I hope someone makes this work! https://t.co/EH3STKtHu3

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) March 5, 2026

“Vice President JD Vance (R-Ohio) will sit down with CBS EVENING NEWS anchor Tony [Dorkoupil] to talk about the economy, foreign policy, the state of the Republican Party, and the 2028 race for the White House in a March edition of CBS NEWS THINGS THAT MATTER: A TOWN HALL WITH VICE PRESIDENT JD VANCE. The one-hour special will be broadcast on Saturday, March 14 at 8:00 PM ET/PT on the CBS Television Network and will stream on Paramount+*. It will be presented later on CBSNews.com and CBS News 24/7. The town hall will be recorded before an audience in North Carolina. With so many urgent issues facing Americans and honest debate being more challenging than ever, local residents and people from across the political spectrum are invited to openly ask the Vice President about the things that matter to them,” said a February 13th press release from CBS.

“UPDATE: ‘@CBSNews Things That Matter: A Town Hall with Vice President JD Vance,’ originally scheduled for next week, has been postponed by the vice president due to the war. A new date and more details to come soon,” tweeted CBS PR on Thursday morning. Hey at least they were honest about “due to the war,” since Jaydee sure as shit is not going to want voters’ asking him about it.

Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, an attorney by trade who also used to teach as an adjunct professor at Evangelical Virginia institution Liberty University’s online government courses and was once hired to be the dean of a law school that never actually ended up opening, shared the vast breadth and depth of his interpretation of legal statutes on Thursday with Punchbowl News’s Jake Sherman, telling the veteran Capitol Hill journalist that “marital infidelity is not against the law.”

The sagely insight into the bailiwicks of justiciable criminal conduct came in response to Sherman questioning whether Republican Texas Congressman Tony Gonzales’ should remain in the House of Representatives after admitting on Wednesday to having sexual relations with a subordinate who later tragically committed suicide. It also wasn’t the premise of Sherman’s question since he immediately rephrased, reminding Johnson that it’s against House Ethics rules if it involves a staffer.

“Well of course, yeah. That’s being addressed. There is an investigation at Ethics. The OCC is on it, all those steps have already been taken and apparently were underway… It looks like it’s moving quickly. They announced that right after the election… I’ve always been consistent, whether you’re talking about Republicans or Democrats, we let the processes play out,” Johnson, who once put together a lengthy “opinion” that (indirectly) called for Nancy Pelosi to be charged with a felony for ripping up a copy of convicted felon President Trump’s speech after his lie-filled 2020 State of the Union address. That was back when he was middle-management and the GOP were in the minority, not when he’s the speaker barely holding together a low-single-digit margin on a constant precipice.

Johnson was a bit less decisive on his willingness to answer the question of whether Gonzales had denied the affair to him prior to this week. “I’m not going to get into private conversations. But I’ve told him to be forthright. Apparently now he’s doing that.” So yeah, Gonzales probably did deny it.

Pentagon policy chief Elbridge Colby sits in the hot seat starting at 10 AM.

“The Republicans MUST DO, with PASSION, and at the expense of everything else, THE SAVE AMERICA ACT – And not the watered down version. This is a Country Defining fight for the Soul of our Nation!” posted the Great Leader on Thursday, his demands for “PASSION” only further invigorated by extrinsic developments necessitating control over the conduct of elections.

Also is there even a “watered down version” at all? What the hell is he talking about? Also if that’s true then why not call the one he wants the “blooded version”? That’d be real “PASSION.”

An anonymous oil industry executive tells Politico that, as gasoline prices spike due to convicted felon President Trump’s feckless war on Iran, Regime Chief of Staff Susie Wiles is “looking under every rock for ideas on improving energy prices, especially gas prices” while Energy Secretary Chris Wright and Interior’s Doug Burgum “are getting screamed at to find some good news” and thrashing about “for announcements and messaging to counter the narrative” that fuel prices are rising.

It’s not clear why rising prices is being painted as a “narrative” and not like, you know, the actual reality in which the national average price for a gallon of regular unleaded is up 27 cents in the last week, per AAA, and has spiked by even more in some MAGA states – Iowa’s up 35 cents gallon – and in reddish-purple Georgia at an even higher 39 cent increase. That’s not biased leftist CNN and MS Now propaganda so much as shit that’s actually literally happening to voters in real time.

“The faction of the White House that would care about $80-90 oil was being silenced,” said the oil executive, adding “there were louder voices winning at the moment.” Specifically Marco Rubio and the other hawks, who told Team Let’s-not-do-shit-that-would-increase-gas-prices to pipe down.

🚨 𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐎𝐮𝐭𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐓𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐓𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐬, 𝐍𝐂 𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐦𝐢𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐆𝐎𝐏 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠

Democrats accounted for about 52 percent of all primary ballots cast in Texas.

Link in thread. pic.twitter.com/zpJWwjqiNB

— The Epoch Times (@EpochTimes) March 5, 2026

Convicted felon President Trump has, per Punchbowl News, “quietly asked Hill Republicans if he should fire Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem,” after back-to-back crashouts in front of congressional hearings this week, specifically over the $220 million ad campaign to boost her name recognition that went to a firm owned by Trish McLaughlin’s husband.

Total douchebag Montana Senator Steve Daines officially dropped his reelection bid with the Secretary of State’s office on Wednesday, Punchbowl’s Andrew Desiderio reports.

The cocksucker dropped out minutes before the filing deadline. Minutes before that, Montana US Attorney Kurt Alme filed to run for the seat. Congressman Chuy Garcia pulled the same sandbag.

Scumbag Republican Texas Congressman Tony Gonzales on Wednesday finally admitted to having an affair with his now-deceased aide Regina Aviles prior to her tragic suicide last year.

Utah Congressman Burgess Owens on Wednesday announced he’s hanging up his Ferragamos and calling it a career, making him now the 26th House Republican to make this year in DC his last.

Source inside the Trump Regime’s Department of Justice tell the New York Times that federal prosecutors have concluded they can’t actually put together a criminal case that a grand jury would vote to indict former President Joe Biden and his aides for using the “autopen” to sign pardons and other documents as convicted felon President Trump had commanded them to do.

They tried but, well, the Times puts it solidly with the “failure to build a criminal case against Mr Biden and his aides is the latest example of its increasing inability to follow through on Mr Trump’s demands and bring indictments against those he wants to be criminally targeted.”

The upshot of course being that the fat fuck looks weak and impotent to his fans again.

“Delcy Rodríguez, who is the President of Venezuela, is doing a great job, and working with US Representatives very well. The Oil is beginning to flow, and the professionalism and dedication between both Countries is a very nice thing to see!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday. Maria Corina Machado should have no regrets. It was worth a shot – and her medal.

With the help of five Republican votes, Dems on the House Oversight Committee on Wednesday voted to subpoena dipshit Attorney General Pam Bondi to testifying about her unwillingness to hold anyone connected to Jeffrey Epstein accountable, CBS’s Scott MacFarlane reports on yet another headache for the Trump regime a fucking year after they tried to make this all go away.

Thomthing ith very wrong with the way Trump ith thpeaking thith afternoon.

Asked by a radio station whether there was any truth to Krazy Karoline’s assertion that Spain had “agreed to cooperate with the US military” on the Iran, Foreign Minister Jose Albares on Wednesday said “I can refute [that Nazi maniac]. The position of the Spanish government regarding the war in the Middle East, the bombing of Iran and the use of our bases has not changed one iota,” per the AP.

Convicted felon President Trump’s minions tell CNN they’re getting really antsy over this whole not-really-well-thought-out-in-advance war in Iran thing, with one sharing the internal strategy of “Let’s just hope something doesn’t go really wrong… Because if that happens, it’s going to be a problem.”

“It’s a political risk, no ands, ifs or buts,” the anonymous “Trump adviser” also said, fretting what’ll happen if the conflict stretches on for weeks, with CNN writing that Team Orange is pressing their dear leader to “accelerate his timeline and declare victory as soon as he credibly can.”

L-o-fucking-L at the “credibly” part. Iran could fire 1,000 missiles in a single volley, leveling every skyscraper in Dubai, killing tens of thousands, and Trump would still declare victory by saying he never really liked Dubai that much anyway. He doesn’t give a shit. Not that it wouldn’t be interesting to know what exactly these sources – if they really qualified it with “credibly” – meant by it (Also that hypothetical’s “could” is about how Trump would react and not to speak to any capability on Iran’s part. They may not have 1,000 such missiles left and who knows if they actually want to level Dubai).

“It’s very much about managing expectations,” said a GOP official on the matter of the poorly set expectations of swift victory and installation of an at least friendly-enough regime change of three days ago now being at a lower bar of mere “stability,” with the official adding that’s still “a pretty daunting task.” Another Trump adviser said “What’s going to matter to normal people is where we are three to four months from now. And as always, it’s the same: Is the price of electricity going down, are the price of groceries going down?” as though the Trump Regime wasn’t launching a directionless war that has already killed six troops to compensate for other shortcomings.

And yes, the whole Trump presidency is compensating for his small penis. You’re very astute, reader.

“The Republican Primary Race for the United States Senate in the Great State of Texas, a State I LOVE and won 3 times in Record Numbers (the HIGHEST vote ever recorded, by far!!!), cannot, for the good of the Party, and our Country, itself, be allowed to go on any longer. IT MUST STOP NOW! We have an easy to beat, Radical Left Opponent, and we have to TOTALLY FOCUS on putting him away, quickly and decisively! Both John and Ken ran great races, but not good enough.”

“Now, this one, must be PERFECT! My Endorsements within the Republican Party have been virtually insurmountable! It is such an honor to realize and say that almost everyone I Endorse WINS, and wins by a lot, especially in Texas! I will be making my Endorsement soon, and will be asking the candidate that I don’t Endorse to immediately DROP OUT OF THE RACE! Is that fair? We must win in November!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday afternoon.

Once a two-bit huckster, always a two-bit huckster who can’t stop with the gimmicks and bullshit.