You wouldn’t want your children near this man. You wouldn’t want to be near this man. Even if he said things you agree with, you would be nauseated by his very presence. He’s a danger to himself.

“China is very happy that I am permanently opening the Strait of Hormuz. I am doing it for them, also – And the World. This situation will never happen again. They have agreed not to send weapons to Iran. President Xi will give me a big, fat, hug when I get there in a few weeks. We are working together smartly, and very well! Doesn’t that beat fighting??? BUT REMEMBER, we are very good at fighting, if we have to – far better than anyone else!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, eagerly anticipating close physical contact with the chief rival to the United States.

“A physician is behind bars in Walton County after a Grand Jury indictment connected to the operating room death of an Alabama man. The Office of the State Attorney for the First Judicial Circuit announced that a Walton County Grand Jury has returned an indictment charging Dr Thomas Shaknovsky with second-degree manslaughter in the August 2024 death of a 70‑year‑old man from Muscle Shoals, Alabama,” says a Monday press release from the Walton County Sheriff’s Office.

“The indictment follows an extensive investigation conducted by the WSCO in coordination with the Office of the State Attorney 1st Judicial Circuit and additional state and medical authorities. On August 21, 2024, during what was scheduled to be a laparoscopic splenectomy, Shaknovsky removed the victim’s liver instead of his spleen, resulting in catastrophic blood loss and the patient’s death on the operating table. The Grand Jury found probable cause to charge that the actions taken in the operating room constituted criminal conduct under Florida law,” the press release continued.

The last part’s a nice touch, as if to say “Hey you know everything else about our state is a never-ending national embarrassment but a doctor incapable of remembering Anatomy 101 from his freshman year of college and couldn’t be bothered to dust off a fucking textbook to simply triple check that he had the right organ before going ahead and removing the wrong one is still a criminal under our statutes. We can say that about ourselves and proudly so before we elect a complete assclown felon from the Bronx like Byron Donalds to govern us for the next eight years.”

NEW: President Trump tells Maria Bartiromo that Americans can expect to see relief at the gas pump once the Iran conflict comes to an end, likely before the midterm elections in November. pic.twitter.com/a12NSKvtge

— Fox News (@FoxNews) April 15, 2026

Yes, Fox fans, you can forget that other Trump-Bartiromo interview from three days ago when he literally said gas prices “could be the same or maybe a little bit higher” by the November midterms.

This is actually the definitive, ultra hi-def version of his answer. Delete the previous one from your memory. It no longer happened. This is your final, most essential command.

Braden “Clavicular” Peters, the MAGA-adjacent “looksmaxxer” influencer whose take on Vice President JD Vance’s skull shape as being fatal to his presidential ambitions rocked the right wing political world several months ago, was hospitalized in Miami on Tuesday night after seemingly collapsing under the influence of an unspecified substance during a livestream, CBS News reports.

Other than a confirmation from the Miami Fire Department that they indeed responded to a call at Peters’s residence there were no further details about the nature of the incident made public. Peters had previously admitted to using meth to stay thin and also famously inadvertently chemically sterilized himself through abuse of other substances to maintain his appearance and physical shape.

A group of House Democrats led by Arizona lib Yassamin Ansari will on Wednesday file five articles of impeachment against binge-drinking date rapist Pete Hegseth for “Unauthorized war against Iran and reckless endangerment of United States service members,” “Violations of the Law of Armed Conflict and targeting of civilians,” “Negligence and Reckless handling of sensitive military information,” “Obstruction of Congressional Oversight,” and “Conduct bringing disrepute upon the United States and its armed forces,” Axios reports on a preview of the next Congress.

Photo courtesy of the AJC’s Greg Bluestein because man it was freaking, um… Guess you could compare it to the Melania movie in attendance on like a per capita basis where if you mash all the aggregate capacity of this arena together to an equivalent number of theaters screening that piece of shit on the Friday evening of the day it premiered then yeah. It’d probably even out. This is how many people took advantage of free tickets to see the vice president speak… But not Erika Kirk, because she canceled due to “security threats,” presumably from Candace Owens fans.

All those pyrotechnics going to waste. Hopefully they’ll be donated to a local church or something.

Prosecutors with alcoholic DC US Attorney Jeanine “Judge Box-o-Wine” Pirro’s office showed up unannounced at the Federal Reserve headquarters on Tuesday because they just can’t let this stupid renovation project shit go, the Wall Street Journal reports, adding that it was a construction workers who told the lawyers they couldn’t let them in without pre-clearance and that was it.

Jesus Christ these fucking people… Seriously. What the hell were construction workers ever going to tell them? These are adults who work in the most important law enforcement office and they think this Nick Shirley bullshit is going to work somehow because it’s apparently all they have left after the grand jury system obviously didn’t work out for them. Actually typed that sentence… Goddamn.

But even if they were allowed in, did they think a construction worker making $37/hour is going to tell them ANYTHING that was somehow going to help them work backward from the criminal conspiracy they think fucking Jerome Powell is… What the fuck would Powell have personally done anyway? They think he’s embezzling plywood and selling it for 40 cents on the dollar in Maryland?

Goddamn it… Shit. One a funny side note, following the lame tresspass attempt the Fed’s general counsel wrote to Pirro reminding her she was already ordered to fuck off by Judge James Boasberg last month but should she “wish to challenge that finding, the courts provide an avenue for you; it is not appropriate for you to try to circumvent it. I ask that you commit not to seek to communicate with my client outside the presence of counsel.” That lawyer is none other than Robert K Hur, the former federal prosecutor who served as Biden documents clusterfuck special counsel.

The now-40 year-old woman whose toddler-hood adventure inspired the smash-hit Beau Bridges and Patty Duke made-for-TV-movie Everybody’s Baby: The Rescue of Jessica McClure found herself at least temporarily confined within a hard concrete structure in Midland, Texas again this week and this time it was kind of her fault rather than her idiot aunt’s. KMID reports that McClure, now McClure-Morales, was arrested Saturday night following a reported domestic disturbance at her home and was subsequently charged with assault causing bodily injury involving family violence.

Further details were unavailable, like if she threatened to throw her husband and/or kids down a well so they can fucking see how it feels to be trapped in one of those things for 58 fucking hours.

The full police report on the arrest will not be released until some time next week. Until then and once again, recommended reading for those who haven’t clicked the last two or three times National Zero recommended it: The New York Times’s 1995 feature on Robert O’Donnell, the firefighter who was the one to free McClure from the well but then spiraled into depression in the aftermath and subsequently committed suicide. Rob’s tragic end is not funny, the rest of the story is fucking hilarious. The part about there being two separate factions of rescuers – the McClure Rescue Association and the Jessica McClure Rescuers’ Association – formed to fight each other over the royalties from the TV movie when it eventually got made, is the most Simpsons-esque thing in real life ever and arguably even funnier than the “Timmy O’Toole” episode obviously inspired by Jessica.

“More than 10,000 US Sailors, Marines, and Airmen along with over a dozen warships and dozens of aircraft are executing the mission to blockade ships entering and departing Iranian ports. During the first 24 hours, no ships made it past the US blockade and 6 merchant vessels complied with direction from US forces to turn around to re-enter an Iranian port on the Gulf of Oman.”

“The blockade is being enforced impartially against vessels of all nations entering or departing Iranian ports and coastal areas, including all Iranian ports on the Arabian Gulf and Gulf of Oman. US forces are supporting freedom of navigation for vessels transiting the Strait of Hormuz to and from non-Iranian ports,” tweeted US Central Command on Tuesday afternoon.

Is she really a DoorDash driver? Sure. Was it just a photo op as opposed to a real delivery? Well there’s no other way that a woman who previously testified at a Nevada state legislature hearing to promote the “No tax on tips” policy who later moved to Arkansas is going to end up making a “delivery” at the White House. Did she get paid? Convicted felon President Trump supposedly tipped her $100 and if that’s all she made for the photo op then, well, that’s pretty fucking sad.

Sadder than this already is, that – as mentioned here – the woman is still having to work to support her husband while he suffers from cancer and the Trump regime and the shitty, rapacious company they partnered with for the propaganda exercise, flew here there to work as an unpaid prop.

The president who once advocated for injecting disinfectants into people’s lungs to cure COVID and then hired Robert F Kennedy Jr to run the nation’s public health policy has some interesting ideas when it comes to the cancer prevention qualities of Diet Coke, the New York Post reports.

“Then comes the diet soda pops, which your dad argues that diet soda is good for him because it kills grass when it’s poured on grass, so therefore, it must kill cancer cells inside the body,” an allegedly licensed physician, Dr Mehmet Oz, told Donald Trump Jr of Don Sr’s beliefs.

Now if something kills grass then it shouldn’t actually ki- You know what? Forget it.

First those Iranian thugs increased your gas prices, now they’re coming for your housing too! In a story headlined “The war in Iran hits home as housing rebound stalls,” Politico reports that the Ayatollah and his evil minions raised mortgage rates by half a percent and made the dream of home ownership more expensive for regular Americans! Will Tehran stop at nothing to act on its hatred of you and the president’s pro-family, pro-Christian, pro-freedom, pro-Law and Order agenda?

When you really think about it though, if you don’t find a house that sold for $400,000 in 2003 and sign a 30 year fixed 6.4 percent rate mortgage to buy it for $950,000 even though the school district is shittier than it was two decades ago, then you’re letting the Iranians win, really. Everyone’s gotta pitch in and if that means moving in and then on the first day getting repeatedly asked by your neighbor’s 26 year-old convicted sex offender live-in son if he can inspect your gutters as part of a free consultation for the new business he’s starting then goddamn it you better let him borrow your ladder so he can climb on the roof in sweatpants and Crocs. American national security is at stake here, you can’t be whining about only finding out he was a sex offender after you noticed that he started going outside wearing a Hot Wheels-branded hoodie after he definitely saw your son’s parking garage set in the moving boxes. Iran getting a nuclear weapon is so much more of a threat to him than some 6’3 225 lbs unemployed pederast whose parents insist is just misunderstood.

Whose side are you on? America and Israel’s or Iran’s? Sign the fucking note, you Marxist.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage after this very important call for all patriotic Americans to make the necessary sacrifices to protect our housing supply from Iranian attacks.

The Acting Attorney General of the United States on Tuesday told Fox News that he totally understands why the First Lady is so upset over the rumors linking her to the most notorious sex criminal in American history, likely because he’s seen the unreleased material she’s trying to get out in front of and there’s only so much document shredding he can do from inside the DOJ.

“As filmmakers, documentarians, and professionals across the movie and television industry, we write to express our unequivocal opposition to the proposed Paramount-Warner Bros Discovery merger. This transaction would further consolidate an already concentrated media landscape, reducing competition at a moment when our industries – and the audiences we serve – can least afford it. The result will be fewer opportunities for creators, fewer jobs across the production ecosystem, higher costs, and less choice for audiences in the United States and around the world.”

“Alarmingly, this merger would reduce the number of major US film studios to just four. Our industry is already under severe strain, in large part due to prior waves of consolidation. We have witnessed a steep decline in the number of films produced and released, alongside a narrowing of the kinds of stories that are financed and distributed. Increasingly, a small number of powerful entities determine what gets made – and on what terms – leaving creators and independent businesses with fewer viable paths to sustain their work,” says an open letter signed by a shit ton of A-listers opposing MAGA oligarch Larry Ellison and his scumbag son’s Saudi-financed takeover of Warner Bros.

Kinda hilariously, and pragmatically, the letter ends with “Fortunately, someone is doing something about all this. California Attorney General Rob Bonta and his colleagues in other states are reportedly scrutinizing the merger and considering legal action to block it. We are grateful for their leadership, and stand ready to support all efforts to preserve competition, protect jobs, and ensure a vibrant future for our industry, for American culture, and for our single most significant export.”

It’s like even they know just stating opposition in principle doesn’t really do shit when you’re up against the evil empire, so a reminder that there’s more going on does ground the whole thing.

Seeing as how they never got around to codifying their rebrand of the “Big Beautiful” piece of shit whose name is so politically toxic they retroactively started referring to it as the “Working Families Tax Cut,” the House GOP this week will put to the floor a non-binding resolution reading “Whereas, on July 4, 2025, the President signed Public Law 119–21, commonly known as the ‘Working Families Tax Cuts’; Whereas the Working Families Tax Cuts prevented a $2,600,000,000,000 tax hike on taxpayers making less than $400,000 per year; Whereas, for the 2025 tax year, the Working Families Tax Cuts helped deliver an estimated $222,000,000,000 in tax refunds, putting money directly back into Americans’ wallets; Whereas, for the 2026 tax year, the Working Families Tax Cuts are anticipated to deliver an average tax cut of $3,750, helping make America affordable again,” and blah blah blah. Whether it passes is probably going to come down to attendance, lol.

We were told two years ago that “your pocketbook” matters more than democracy, the rule of law, defending Ukraine against Russia – which is and will always be a greater threat to national security than Iran ever was – and just basic moral integrity. But now higher gas prices are the sacrifice necessary to defeat an enemy that will, in all likelihood, not actually be defeated whenever and however American military assets disengage with Tehran. And gas probably won’t be cheaper then.

“After withstanding higher trade barriers and elevated uncertainty last year, global activity now faces a major test from the outbreak of war in the Middle East. Assuming that the conflict remains limited in duration and scope, global growth is projected to slow to 3.1 percent in 2026 and 3.2 percent in 2027. Global headline inflation is projected to rise modestly in 2026 before resuming its decline in 2027. Slowdown in growth and increase in inflation are expected to be particularly pronounced in emerging market and developing economies. Downside risks dominate the outlook.”

“A longer or broader conflict, worsening geopolitical fragmentation, a reassessment of expectations surrounding artificial‑intelligence‑driven productivity, or renewed trade tensions could significantly weaken growth and destabilize financial markets. Elevated public debt and eroding institutional credibility further heighten vulnerabilities. At the same time, activity could be lifted if productivity gains from AI materialize more rapidly or trade tensions ease on a sustained basis,” says the International Monetary Funds’s 2026 “World Economic Outlook” report.

“Kamala Harris really should’ve gone on Joe Rogan’s podcast,” the report did not say, but implied.

Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni on Tuesday said she’s picked a side in a growing war between two American leaders, and has gone with the one currently wielding power from a tiny enclave in her capital, USA Today reports. “I find President Trump’s words towards the Holy Father unacceptable. The Pope is the head of the Catholic Church, and it is right and normal for him to call for peace and to condemn every form of war,” Meloni said in a statement. And Trump thought she was cool.