You already guessed what the headline means. The New York Post reports that the fat fuck thinks he’s going to rename the Strait of Hormuz the Strait of America – or the Strait of Trump.

“We are taking the Strait back. It’s guaranteed, and they will never blackmail us on that strait. You can take it to the bank,” one minion told the Post and was apparently actually serious. “He does believe that if we’re going to guard it, if we’re going to take care of it, if we’re going to police it, if we’re going to ensure free safety through it that, why should we call it that Hormuz?”

A Minnesota federal judge on Friday tossed the Trump regime’s lawsuit against Minnesota over the state’s laws regarding in-state tuition for undocumented students, Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports.

Friendly reminder to the “skeptics” in the National Zero audience: You could have it so much worse than being asked to merely entertain the idea that extrasolar intelligences older and thus more advanced than ours developed superluminal travel and have established on our planet a presence of unknown scope to surreptitiously observe us from their craft as a means of scientific research.

You really could. You could have someone who aspires to be the next President of the United States telling a barely-closeted podcaster that, during the very small handful of plausible encounters with the occupants of these crafts documented over history, the witnesses were actually seeing demons, as in supernatural religious/Biblical entities, that assume the appearance of space aliens to fulfill whatever the fuck crazy bullshit he and these other Christian “dominionist” freaks believe.

Plus if you had to choose you damn well know which one you’d rather be right: The guy whose fringe beliefs are grounded in science and fairly simplistic anthropomorphic projections, not the one whose fringe beliefs come from the fucking Left Behind books and other pop eschatological trash.

President Trump is delivering on his promise to restore the American dream as stocks are now more affordable for so many! The Dow Jones Industrial Average on Friday dropped 793.47 points to 45,166, the Nasdaq down 459 points to 20,948, and the S&P 500 by 108 points to 6,368, per CNBC.

Convicted felon President Trump on Friday signed the order to ensure TSA agents get paid, Fox News reports. Meanwhile on Capitol Hill the House GOP’s incompetence seems very, very much ready to actually extend the DHS shutdown because Republican members want changes – which will void the bill the Senate passed overnight and require a re-vote in the other chamber.

The Senate will be in recess for the next two weeks. House Republicans know this.

“With continued pressures in the global economic landscape, we’ve made the decision to increase the prices of PS5, PS5 Pro, and PlayStation Portal remote player globally. We know that price changes impact our community, and after careful evaluation, we found this was a necessary step to ensure we continue delivering innovative, high-quality gaming experiences to players worldwide.”

“The updated recommended retail prices for PS5 consoles are effective starting April 2, 2026 as follows. For all other territories, please check with your local retailer or direct.playstation.com where it is available,” says a Sony Playstation blog post now announcing a special price of $649.99 for a standard PS5, $599.99 for the one without the disc drive, and $899.99 for a PS5 Pro with enhanced graphics and more storage space, effective April 2. Last year Sony jacked up the prices of each model by $50 each while sole competitor Microsoft’s Xbox models – top tier Series X is already at the $649 price point and the lower-performance, disc-less Series S model sits at $399.

All those spikes came after “Liberation Day” last year. The Xbox Series S launched at $299, Series X and PS5 standard at $499, and the PS5 digital at $399 in November 2020 in the weeks after convicted felon President Trump suffered his defeat to Joe Biden. The PS5 Pro debuted at $699 two days after former Vice President Kamala Harris suffered hers to Trump. Now in under two years, solely attributable to the “Golden Age,” both brands’ main models cost $150 more than at launch.

“The [Minnesota Democratic Paty] has been drunk at the wheel in protecting taxpayer dollars from systemic fraud. There are over $1 Billion dollars worth of reasons Minnesotans are ready to chart a new path,” said Republican Minnesota State Representative Elliot Engen in a September 2025 tweet.

“On March 27, 2026, at approximately 1:51 am, the White Bear Lake Police Department conducted a traffic stop near the intersection of 4th Street and Otter Lake Road in White Bear Lake for observed traffic violations, including speeding, expired registration, and an inoperable headlight. The driver, a 27 year-od male identified as Minnesota State Representative Elliot Engen, was arrested for suspicion of driving while impaired. Engen was transported to the White Bear Lake Police Department, where a breath test indicated a blood alcohol concentration of 0.13. He was subsequently booked into the Ramsey County Adult Detention Center on a charge of fourth-degree DWI and later released from custody. The case has been forwarded to the city’s prosecuting attorney for processing. There is no additional information to be released at this time,” said the White Bear Lake PD in a March 2026 tweet after Engen was arrested for being drunk at the wheel.

The dipshit’s trying to run for State Auditor too, according to the Minnesota Reformer, lol.

Jackass FBI Director K$H Patel’s old personal emails from circa 2011 to 2012 were stolen and posted by an Iranian-linked hacker group this week, CNN reports while kind of correctly downplaying Tehran’s boast that they breached “impenetrable” FBI systems with their mad coding skillz.

“This isn’t an FBI compromise – it’s someone’s personal junk drawer,” said cybersecurity researcher Ron Fabela, remarking on the utterly boring content like Patel looking for an apartment.

The Senate has given Democrats exactly what they want — a funding package that allows them to forever defund ICE and CBP through perpetual shutdown stunts. https://t.co/D3NJOPADUJ

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) March 27, 2026

A Las Vegas-area family earlier this month filed a 29-page civil complaint against billionaire Trump donor Miriam Adelson’s namesake Jewish K-12 school alleging that their six year-old daughter was sexually molested by an 11 year-old girl in the restroom on the campus during summer day camp hours last July – and the school’s staff did a downright terrible job handling it, 8 News Now reports.

The specifics of the abuse itself aren’t so disturbing as to absolutely preclude being reprinted here on that basis alone so much as they are mildly disturbing and simply saying what’s already been said above is enough to understand it. At issue in the lawsuit is that the parents learned from the girl herself rather than the school – who admitted that it had happened but downplayed the severity, as the “the summer camp director dismissed their inquiries, providing only vague assurances that the situation was ‘handled,'” even though the parents observed that the girl had been traumatized.

The Las Vegas TV station reported the lawsuit on Tuesday – as did, interestingly enough, the Adelson-owned Review-Journal who disclosed said ownership in their coverage. As you’ve already guessed however, there is zero coverage whatsoever on any right wing media site of the Adelson School getting sued for downplaying sexual predation of a minor by another minor. It requires essentially zero imagination to picture how the MAGA propaganda-industrial complex would’ve reacted if this were at a New York City public school where Zohran Mamdani’s campaign manager’s sister-in-law is the principal or at an Islamic day school in Texas that Ken Paxton is trying to shut down or at the Maryland daycare center run by the wife of Capitol Police Captain Mike Byrd.

So many “critics” would be “asking new questions” about where the school was getting the money to hire heavily armed security guards to patrol the perimeter to prevent some Fox News-brained divorced dad from blasting the administrators with a sawed-off shotgun. Instead the $23,000/year K-8 and more than $32,000/year for grades 9-12 school can more or less just keep on keeping on.

“Consumer sentiment fell back 6 percent this month to its lowest level since December 2025. Declines were seen across age and political party. Consumers with middle and higher incomes and stock wealth, buffeted by both escalating gas prices and volatile financial markets in the wake of the Iran conflict, exhibited particularly large drops in sentiment. Overall, the short-run economic outlook plunged 14 percent, and year-ahead expected personal finances sank 10 percent, while declines in long-run expectations were more subdued. These patterns suggest that, at this time, consumers may not expect recent negative developments to persist far into the future. These views are subject to change, however, if the Iran conflict becomes protracted or if higher energy prices pass through to overall inflation. Interviews for this release were collected between February 17 and March 23, with about two-thirds completed after the start of the US military conflict in Iran,” says the final March 2026 report on the University of Michigan’s Surveys of Consumers department.

The special House Ethics Committee tribunal that on Thursday heard the violation accusations against Dem Florida Congresswoman Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick on Friday announced they had found her guilty on all charges and will refer possible sanctions to the full chamber, Punchbowl’s John Bresnahan reports, adding that “expulsion is a real possibility,” for the corrupt maniac.

Losing her job would be the least of Cherfilus-McCormick’s problems since a conviction in the federal case against her for flagrant COVID relief fraud would put the 46 year-old behind bars until she’s 99 if found guilty on all counts and sentenced to the absolute max consecutively.

US military officials can confirm to Reuters that only about a third of the missiles in Iran’s arsenal/production line have been destroyed after four weeks of American bombardment.

NEW: @AGPamBondi confirms the DOJ has secured declassified House transcripts regarding former CIA Director John Brennan.

"No one in this country is above the law." pic.twitter.com/7sg4vRXC6w

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) March 27, 2026

Nice touch there, Pam. Love the “no one is above the law” slipped into the much large falsehood that your department is actually confident that its effort to put John Brennan behind bars will be successful and that you’re not just jerking them around as usual. Lucky for you at least none of the Fox couch idiots bring up the dismantling the “terrorist networks that funded the firebombings of Tesla dealerships” and the “Obamagate” reruns from last summer, let alone ask you why you’re going after Brennan when you haven’t made any progress on those “investigations.”

House Transportation Committee chair Missouri Congressman Sam Graves on Friday told the Wall Street Journal he’s pulled his reelection filing paperwork and finding a real job. In total this Congress there are 29 House Republicans who have either (A) already resigned, (B) running for governor or attorney general back home, or (C) dropped their reelection campaign. Another 10 are running for Senate but once again you can leave them out as they still seek to remain in Congress.

Also bearing repeating: Graves isn’t quitting because he’s worried about losing reelection. In all likelihood he’s quitting because he’s pretty sure Republicans will be in the minority next year and it just won’t be fun anymore. He’s been in his seat since 2000 and twice he had to serve under four years of a Nancy Pelosi speakership that he no doubt hated nearly every fucking minute of it. Toss in what Marjorie Taylor Greene said about not wanting to have to defend Trump during another impeachment inquiry that will be a much stronger case than the already strong Ukraine quid pro quo and January 6th articles and yeah, he’ll be much happier lobbying for Oxycontin or Big Tobacco.

🚨🚨🚨 JUST IN: NBC NEWS ANNOUNCED ON FRIDAY THAT SAVANNAH GUTHRIE WILL RETURN TO HER MORNING SHOW ON APRIL 6 EVEN THOUGH HER MOM’S STILL KIDNAPPED AND KASH PATEL HASN’T TWEETED ABOUT IT IN A WHILE 🚨🚨🚨 This is MASSIVE media news that completely changes the national morning show broadcast landscape. An explosive BOMBSHELL, even.

And yeah, once again no disrespect intended for Savannah having to deal with this shit and even more so her poor mother who was the victim of an absolutely depraved piece of shit who would kidnap an 84 year-old woman. It’s worth a fairly large portion of the media coverage it got.

Yet there’s still plenty to be said about certain other actors in the drama, mainly Fox News and – in particular – another “media”-centric site that shall not be named, who will treat the development as though fucking space aliens landed in Times Square. Plus our fucking moron FBI Director who got bored and went to Milan after his men failed to crack the case. None of these entities acquitted themselves very well over these last two months of absolutely godawful suffering for Savannah and her family and it’s worth at least eight red sirens to denote their utterly worthless excesses.

An anonymous Trump minion tells MS Now that the demented senior citizen-in-chief “is getting a little bored with Iran. Not that he regrets it or something – he’s just bored and wants to move on.”

Yes. A White House official just told a national cable news network that the President of the United States of America is like a 17 year-old boy who spent $70 to download Call of Duty: Black Ops 7 to his Xbox, a $400 gaming chair, another $350 on a halfway decent camera and audio equipment, plus $50 on “skins,” started streaming himself playing the game on Twitch, got his ass kicked in every match to the derision of a peak of 13 concurrent viewers, and is getting bored with the grind of trying to make it in that world so now he’s just going to not play Call of Duty anymore.

The official also said Trump’s claims that the US has already won are “mostly hyperbole. It’s part just wanting to declare victory and move on.” A former official still in contact with current White House staff adds that Trump “has learned he can tell the American people his feeling, and — with enough time — the American people will accept his lie,” but cautioned that the fat bastard fantasy world of simply “telling us the war is won isn’t good enough. We need to see it; we need to feel it.”

As for the hope that someone in the White House might finally actually tell the fat fucking toddler that he made a mistake, the sourcel just reiterated what everyone already knows: “So many people are afraid of being on the outs that they are just drinking the Kool-Aid and going along with it.”