Notorious piece of shit and woman abuser Corey Lewandowski, who we forget how many times he’s been fired by convicted felon former President Trump (definitely at least twice), had been telling friends last weekend he was coming back to the team once again and would be layered over current 2024 campaign co-managers Susie Wiles and Chris LaCivita, Puck’s Tara Palmeri reports.

At least part of Lewandowski claim is true as Palmeri tweeted the news with a link to Politico reporting on Thursday that Kristi Noem’s sidepiece had indeed been added to Team Orange’s roster.

“As we head into the home stretch of this election, we are continuing to add to our impressive campaign team,” Trump co-campaign managers Susie Wiles and Chris LaCivita said in a statement to Politico that has all the feel of being dictated at gunpoint. “Corey Lewandowski, Taylor Budowich, Alex Pfeiffer, Alex Bruesewitz, and Tim Murtaugh are all veterans of prior Trump campaigns [all of them complete fucking assholes too] and their unmatched experience will help President Trump prosecute the case against Kamala Harris and Tim Walz, the most radical ticket in American history.”

Two French fighter jets had a little fender-bender Wednesday in the skies over the Vosges region near the town of Colombey-les-Belles, the AP reports citing a Defense Ministry statement about a training exercise mishap that shows there’s a bit of a learning curve to flying these dang things.

And that they’re not really forgiving of little futz-ups as two of the pilots in one of the fighter jets – a trainee and an instructor – were killed while the man flying solo in the other ejected safely.

“The Court should adjourn any sentencing in this case, though one should not be necessary because dismissal and vacatur of the jury’s verdicts are required based on Presidential immunity, until after the 2024 Presidential election… Notwithstanding the Court’s ruling on the disputed recusal issue, the requested adjournment would prospectively mitigate the asserted conflicts and appearances of impropriety, which are also the subject of an ongoing congressional inquiry.”

“In yesterday’s ruling. the Court did not address the significance of the 2019 conversations with Your Honor’s daughter criticizing President Trump’s use of Twitter, with the new fact being that existing Tweets from President Trump at the time of that conversation are squarely at issue in the pending Presidential immunity motion. Moreover, since the most recent recusal motion, as Kamala Harris did previously. Tim Walz wrongly referred to this case in a public speech as the Democrat Party’s nominee for Vice President. In the same timeframe, Michael Nellis, a business partner of Your Honor’s daughter at Authentic Campaigns (and Authentic’s founder), posted on social media about, inter alia, making maximum donations to the Harris campaign and using his clout with that campaign to get Walz to ‘talk on our White Dudes for Harris call last week.’ Sentencing is currently scheduled to occur after the commencement of early voting in the Presidential election.”

“By adjourning the sentencing until after that election which is of paramount importance to the entire Nation, including tens of millions of people who do not share the views of Authentic, its executives, and its clients-the Court would reduce, even if eliminate, issues regarding the integrity of any future proceedings,” whined Trump lawyer Todd Blanche in a letter to Manhattan Judge Juan Merchan this week and yeah, dragging Merchan’s daughter into it will work.

Georgia MAGA Congressman Rich McCormick on Thursday momentarily broke character and expressed bewilderment and motivated reasoning over the Cook Political Report’s poll result finding Vice President Kamala Harris tied with his Orange Lord and Savior in the Peach State.

In a lengthy tweet, roadkill collector Robert F Kennedy Jr on Thursday confirmed his offer to drop out of his doomed, pointless third party presidential bid and endorse Vice President Kamala Harris had been categorically rejected, writing that her “Democratic Party would be unrecognizable to my father and uncle and I cannot reconcile it with my values. The Democratic Party of RFK and JFK was the party of civil liberties and free speech. VP Harris‘s is the party of censorship, lockdowns, and medical coercion,” and blah blah blah before finishing with “I have no plans to endorse Kamala Harris for President. I do have a plan to defeat her.” Sure you do, Brainworms.

Ukrainian military officials on Thursday announced they’ve responded to the growing demands from their staff for new administrative space to handle day-to-day operations near the front lines of battle and set up shop in a new office in the Kursk Oblast of Russia, Reuters reports.

It’s not clear if the “office” is merely a hastily constructed bunked made out of sandbags and a tented roof or if the Ukrainian troops have requisitioned the workspaces of a vodka distillery or radish distribution concern. Also unspecified is which of the 82 towns and villages currently occupied the office is located and if it’s closer to the border or 35 kilometers inside Russia.

One thing that’s certain is Kyiv is focused on making their troops accessible to the Russians living under Ukrainian occupation. “We are moving forward in Kursk region. A military commandant’s office has been created which must ensure order and also all the needs of the local population,” Colonel General Oleksandr Syrskyi told President Volodymyr Zelenskiy in a video statement.

pic.twitter.com/CaH0yXMO0k

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 15, 2024

A new Franklin and Marshall college survey of Pennsylvania voters finds Vice President Kamala Harris leading convicted felon former President Trump 46 to 43 percent in a six-candidate field while incumbent Dem Senator Bob Casey leads hedge fund d-bag David McCormick 48 to 36 percent.

No, we don’t need to talk about the headline. It’s perfectly fine. Everything’s fine here. Nobody’s chemically imbalanced or anything like that. We appreciate the concern, but we’re good.

Wow. Several Republican members of Congress tell NOTUS that they’re starting to get worried about convicted felon former President Trump’s ability to focus on the issues of the economy and immigration rather than ramble about complete bullshit and pointless personal attacks.

“He’s rattled and needs to get on message,” a House Republican said NOTUS. “Life’s too hard for too many, the border was left open, and everyone is paying too much for too little,” the member continued, identifying what the party campaigns on rather than what it actually plans to fix.

“If he displayed self-discipline and impulse control, he’d win,” another said. “The issues favor us. He’s been unable to focus on the issues and is behind. This is his race to lose, and he’s shooting himself in the foot. There’s some Trump fatigue too, and if he’d focus on issues and get off the personality attacks, he’d connect more with voters.” Again we’re just going to put it out that these guys wouldn’t give a fuck about “issues” if Harris was as flawed as Hillary Clinton.

A third member got “real” while remaining anonymous. “Let’s be real: He lost in 2020. He has a solid base but has done nothing, or worse, alienated anyone from coming back to him. It’s like the sixth or seventh season of a show that was once funny but now panders to his base. If he continues down this road, and Harris stays her course and the economy starts to show signs of improvement, he will be a two-time loser,” the member said, getting “real” that a good economy is bad for them politically.

MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! 🇺🇸

— GOP (@GOP) August 15, 2024

A new national survey by Emerson College Polling finds Vice President Kamala Harris leading convicted felon former President Trump 50 to 46 percent among likely voters in a head-to-head and 48 to 44 percent when Robert F Kennedy Jr and the other roadkill are added to the field.

Harris is +1 on net favorability while Trump is 10 percent underwater. Minnesota Gov Tim Walz is even at 39 favorable to unfavorable with more room to grow on voters than eyeliner-wearing occasional cross-dresser JD Vance, who’s also at 39 percent favorable but 49 percent unfavorable.

And yeah, you know where we stand on Emerson, who consistently underrated Democrats in every race since the 2020 election, typically by about 4 to 6 points. We don’t want to entertain an 8 to 10 percent popular vote win for Harris. We’re not a MAGA blog and refuse to indulge in such fantasy.

Despite a surge of MAGA internet demands to fire top Trump Campaign reichsgauleiters Susie Wiles and Chris LaCivita – irrespective of whether any of this shitshow is actually their fault because how can anyone tell when the candidate is constantly saying stupid shit – the two remain in the Orange God Emperor’s good graces for now amid the constant turmoil and fear, the Guardian reports.

Much of the growing dissent inside the campaign stemmed from an August 2 meeting Trump held with ghoulish longtime whisperer Kellyanne Conway and shitty country artist daughter-in-law Lara Trump in which they advised him to try to stick to policy-based attacks on Harris and yeah the Guardian actually had to print this shit, lol. Not a knock on them, it’s good reporting but fucking seriously that’s what happened. “The meeting raised hackles internally when Trump later relayed what Conway had said, which was interpreted by senior advisers as an incursion into their territory and an attempt to pitch herself to run the campaign,” Trump beat guy Hugo Lowell writes.

“Conway told Trump at their meeting, which came days after the NABJ conference, that he should stick to policy differences and not engage in personal attacks. Several campaign officials chafed at Conway’s advice when they learned of it, one of the people said, saying they had advised the same thing and saw her as stepping on their turf,” the article concludes. Holy freaking shit… What…?

What the actual fuck, lol. Kellyanne was stepping on their toes because she gave the same advice that the campaign staff did and he ignored it from them and then ignored it from Kellyanne?

Deep. https://t.co/GWNwVk62Ai

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) August 15, 2024

OH NO! BREITBART trashed Chuck Todd! We have to react angrily in immediate defense of this venerable institution of American journalism we so treasure! Quickly libs, man the rhetorical ramparts to rescue brave Sir Chuck from the dastardly assault by these ghoulish saracens! Make them pay for this insult to our crusading champion of clever, insightful takes and honest reportage! Lol.

Incumbent House Dems representing California and candidates challenging sitting Republicans in swingy Golden State districts tell Punchbowl they’re feeling pretty damn good about their chances in November with native daughter former Attorney General and Senator, now-Vice President Kamala Harris at the top of the ballot in November, with Congressman Mike Levin saying he’s “seen a dramatic increase in energy, enthusiasm, support in my district. Especially among the millennials and the Gen Zers. California Democrats are thrilled to have a California Democrat on the ticket.”

A Dem consultant in the state says Republicans are “going to try and tie people to Kamala. That’s not as scary of a proposition in California, where folks are already familiar with her, There’s just a comfortability factor there across the board.” Derek Tran, the Dem running to replace incumbent CA-45 Republican Michelle Steele, says he’s opened up a second campaign office to capitalize on the enthusiasm for Harris. Dem former federal prosecutor Will Rollins, now in his second bid to unseat 41st District Republican Ken Calvert after a 52 to 48 percent loss in 2022, said “It’s a great parallel to have a fellow prosecutor at the top of the ticket. That contrast against a convicted felon, and frankly my own opponent… is something that energizes people in our community.”

Japanese officials on Thursday ended the state of “megaquake advisory” announced last week for the archipelago nation’s southern two-thirds following a 7.1 magnitude event that seismologists warned could have portended a large megathrust quake was imminent, Reuters reports.

The first ever advisory had prompted local governments to review evacuation plans as an event on the scale of the 9.1 magnitude 2011 Tōhoku quake could have sent a raging tsunami into cities including Tokyo, Yokohama, and Osaka, killing tens or even hundreds of thousands. Officials with railway lines along the Pacific coast had ordered trains slowed down during the advisory.

It’s not clear why the advisory had a six-day period it or what information the government had used to determine that the immediate threat of a megathrust quake along the coast had subsided.

A GOP operative tells Rolling Stone that, while convicted felon former President Trump’s internal polling in Ohio and Florida doesn’t indicate any danger in those states directly, the numbers spell trouble in others. “They’re looking worse than they should,” said the operative “Donald Trump is not losing Florida or Ohio, but that isn’t what’s concerning… It’s a trend of softening support.”

“It’s going to be a close race,” said true cultist Trump pollster John McLaughlin. “We haven’t even hit Labor Day, and Trump and Harris haven’t even debated, so there’s a long way to go. We’re up against a tougher team with Harris compared to Biden, and we’ve got to run on the record and the policies that created that lead over Biden. We have to make that case. With 75 percent of all voters telling us the country is on the wrong track in our latest survey… we have a lot of advantages.”

“The fun is just beginning,” he added. There’s a non-zero chance that the anonymously quoted operative and McLaughlin are the same person and the take simply shifted when he was named.

As he caused in so many Americans, Donald Trump may be suffering from undiagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder because he’s repeatedly watching video of the Pennsylvania assassination attempt, members of his staff fear according to Vanity Fair.  “He’s been watching that seven-second clip of how close he was to getting shot right in the head—over and over and over again,” a staffer reported.

Democratic New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy will name a former aide to the seat being vacated by convicted Democratic Senator Bob Menendez, filling a spot in a closely divided Senate, Politico reports.  George Helmy, a former Murphy aide who also served as a Senate aide to Cory Booker, will take over the seat through the end of the term in January, when the winner of the November election between Democrat Andy Kim and Republican Curtis Bashaw will be seated.

Hundreds of thousands of people remain without power on Puerto Rico and more than 25,000 on the Virgin Islands are in the dark after Ernesto, then a tropical storm, hit the islands, CBS News reports.  President Biden signed an emergency declaration for the impacted areas.

Now jacked up as it travels over warm ocean waters, Ernesto will head north toward Bermuda, parallel to the East Coast and is not expected to have much impact on the mainland unless Trump takes out his Magic Sharpie.

James Donald David Bowman Hamel Vance takes a lot of words to avoid answering directly whether he’ll show up for the October 1st Vice Presidential debate against Democratic Vice Presidential nominee and man who’s taken the nation by storm Tim Walz.  “Look, Laura, we wanna actually look at the debates, look at the moderators, talk about the rules a little bit,” Senator Guyliner responds without saying yes or no.  “CBS reached out to us about this literally three hours ago.  I was landing from a rally and a press conference in Michigan.  I strongly suspect, Laura, to be there on October the first, but we’re not going to do one of these fake debates, Laura, where they don’t actually have an audience there, where they don’t actually set the parameters in the right way where we can have a good exchange of ideas.  In other words, we’re not going to run into, walk into a fake news media garbage debate.  We’re gonna do a real debate and if CBS agrees to it, certainly, we’ll do it.”