A 39 year-old Green Bay, Wisconsin man whose Facebook posts – such as “174,238 recorded deaths worldwide yesterday and all the democrats are upset about 1 Minnesota woman that died” from January 9th, 2026 – indicate he is MAGA, has decided to roll the dice at trial over a March 30, 2025 incident in which he was observed possibly masturbating through the pockets of his swim trunks in front of children playing at the Tundra Lodge’s resorts indoor water park, WFRV reports.

A Wednesday court appearance, initially scheduled to be a plea hearing for Robert Latimer, instead became a status conference, pushing back the next court date to September 28th, almost fully a year and a half after the incident in which Latimer claimed he was merely trying to unbunch the pockets of his trunks whilst visiting the water park alone and making the children uncomfortable.

Latimer faces up to 25 years in prison if convicted on all counts and sentenced to the max.

“When is ‘enough, enough’ for our Republican Senators. There comes a time when you must do what should have been done a long time ago, and something which the Lunatic Democrats will do on day one, if they ever get the chance. TERMINATE THE FILIBUSTER, and get our airports, and everything else, moving again. Also, add the complete, all five items, SAVE AMERICA ACT items. Go for the Gold!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday morning, one of several unhinged rants.

“The Iranian negotiators are very different and ‘strange.’ They are ‘begging’ us to make a deal, which they should be doing since they have been militarily obliterated, with zero chance of a comeback, and yet they publicly state that they are only ‘looking at our proposal.’ WRONG!!! They better get serious soon, before it is too late, because once that happens, there is NO TURNING BACK, and it won’t be pretty!” the fat bastard also wrote on his personal social media network.

Federal Housing Finance Aegency chief Bill “Fannie Man” Pulte on Wednesday tried again to get New York State Attorney General Letitia James prosecuted, this time with two separate criminal referrals – one to the US Attorney for Northern District of Illinois and the other to the Southern District of Florida – both of them even fucking lamer than the last failed attempt at “mortgage fraud” as the new one is “home insurance fraud,” CNN reports on some sweaty desperation.

“Mortgage applications decreased 10.5 percent from one week earlier, according to data from the Mortgage Bankers Association’s (MBA) Weekly Mortgage Applications Survey for the week ending March 20, 2026. The Market Composite Index, a measure of mortgage loan application volume, decreased 10.5 percent on a seasonally adjusted basis from one week earlier. On an unadjusted basis, the Index decreased 10 percent compared with the previous week. The Refinance Index decreased 15 percent from the previous week and was 52 percent higher than the same week one year ago. The seasonally adjusted Purchase Index decreased 5 percent from one week earlier.”

“The unadjusted Purchase Index decreased 5 percent compared with the previous week and was 5 percent higher than the same week one year ago. ‘The threat of higher-for-longer oil prices continued to keep Treasury yields elevated, and mortgage rates finished last week higher. The 30-year fixed rate rose to 6.43 percent, more than 30 basis points higher than at the end of February and at its highest level since October 2025,’ said Joel Kan, MBA’s Vice President and Deputy Chief Economist,” says a press release from the Mortgage Bankers Association on more #MAGA #winning.

Kristi Noem held a meeting with His Excellency President Irfaan Ali and Guyanese government officials to reaffirm the enduring U.S.-Guyana partnership. Their discussions focused on joint efforts to disrupt cartel and transnational criminal activity, strengthen border security,… pic.twitter.com/jywwSKSuNQ

— U.S. Embassy Guyana (@EmbassyGuyana) March 25, 2026

Yeah. This is as real as a pretty mainstream paper, the South China Morning Post, a Hong Kong-based English daily founded in 1903, says it is. Apparently the seven dogs, a German Shepherd, two Labradors, two Golden Retrievers, a Pekingese, and their leader, a Corgi, whom live with three neighboring owners in Jilin province were stolen by dog meat butchers, jumped off the back of the truck, and made the 10 mile-ish journey back home. Suppose it was bound to happen in real life sooner or later, but goddamn that truck detail, lol. Disney’s lawyers must be just feeling some sort of reflexive urge that they cannot satisfy because there’s nowhere to send the cease and desist.

Multiple independent sources confirmed this through photos and video. There’s even a clip of the German Shepherd limping – apparently sprained a paw when jumping off the truck – and the Corgi taking the lead in stopping the group and having them form a protective circle around the Shep on the side of a road, with the little Pekingese skittering around to find the right spot in the crowd.

The dogs were found by local volunteers and reunited with their owners last Thursday.

Drug-addicted billionaire Elon Musk’s offer to pay TSA workers at airports has been turned down by the White House, CBS News reports, citing sources that think there could be legal issues because of Musk’s contracts with the government (??) and because they think the shutdown will end soon, lol.

Convicted felon President Trump’s DOJ has reached an undisclosed settlement amount with traitor former General Mike Flynn in his wrongful prosecution lawsuit, Bloomberg reports.

Neckbeard Vice President JD Vance’s previously reported political rescue mission for Hungarian dictator Viktor Orban’s dire electoral outlook is set for April 7th and 8th, according to a State Department cable obtained by Politico that does not directly mention the April 12th election.

The cable touts the “close relationship between President Trump and PM Orban has transformed the prior administration’s confrontational bilateral relationship into what both countries hail as a new ‘golden era’ – a respectful, results-driven partnership focused on deepening defense, commercial, and energy ties,” and that the visit “sends a clear signal of US commitment, underscoring our shared values and ensuring that Hungary remains not as a crossroads for great-power competition, but as a democratic linchpin firmly allied with the United States, and working for the renewal of our civilizational alliance across Europe.” Man they are really overdoing it on the Tucker bullshit.

While you wait for the emissary of the Orange Satan to emerge from her lair, enjoy this batshittery from the Bulbous Baal himself: “I am so proud of our ICE Patriots! They were unfairly maligned by the Lunatic Democrats for years, and now, at the Airports, in addition to what they are supposed to be doing, they are helping people with bags, even picking up and cleaning areas. They are so proud to be there! The fact is, they shouldn’t have to do this, but they are rehabbing a fake image given to them by Radical Left Democrat politicians. The Public is loving ICE, so the Democrats, unwittingly, did us a favor – They are Great American Patriots, they just happen to have much larger, and harder, muscles than most – which is what they’re supposed to have. Thank you to ICE for the GREAT job you are doing. America very much appreciates it!” emphasis on the hard muscles part.

You were all on the edge of your seats for centuries over what the fuck exactly happened to the skeleton of Charles de Batz de Castelmore d’Artagnan – aka the Fourth Musketeer – and now the BBC reports that researchers are oh so tantalizingly close to nailing down that the bones under the altar of St Peter and Paul Church in Maastricht are indeed D’Artagnan’s. The French adventurer is believed to have been killed during the 1673 siege of the city, possibly by some lowly peasant piker.

“I’m a scientist, but my expectations are high,” Wim Dijkman told local public broadcaster Omroep Limburg about the discovery, adding that it’s just a matter of DNA testing confirming his priors. “I’ve already been researching d’Artagnan’s grave for 28 years. This could be the highlight of my career.”

“Blame the Democrats for the Airport’s mess. They want our Country to do badly. They want our Country to fail. They broke the already signed Bill because they want to take care of Criminals who enter our Country illegally, rather than American citizens. Thank you to our great ICE Patriots for helping. It makes a big difference. I may call up the National Guard for more help,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, attempting to disclaim a previous position on the matter.

One that he literally put in writing on Monday night, posting “I don’t think we should make any deal with the Crazy, Country Destroying, Radical Left Democrats unless, and until, they Vote with Republicans to pass ‘THE SAVE AMERICA ACT.’ It is far more important than anything else we are doing in the Senate…” and then on camera in the Oval Office on Tuesday.

Fox News reporter Chad Pergram disobeyed his directives and did not unquestioningly accept Speaker Mike Johnson’s version of events with respect to whether convicted felon President Trump is on board with a plan to unfuck DHS and TSA, with Johnson trying to make it seem like it’s a “reportedly” kind of thing and Pergram reminding Johnson that no, Trump said it live on TV Tuesday.

Convicted felon President Trump and his top tech-world sack-licker David Sacks have named Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg, Oracle Larry Ellison, and Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang to a tech council to weigh in on AI and other issues like how to loot taxpayer money, the Wall Street Journal reports.

Iran’s semi-official FARS News Agency on Wednesday announced, per CNBC, that the regime “does not accept a ceasefire,” and “basically, it is not logical to enter into such a process with those who violate the agreement,” further calling into question whether it was a good idea for convicted felon President Trump to start this war when he has no “exit ramp” that will let him act like he won.

In a follow-up that completely tracks with their story from last year that Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard had sought to turn the daily presidential briefing into a Fox News-like broadcast – literally hiring a Fox producer to edit it and newsman Bret Baier to anchor it – so convicted felon President Trump would actually pay attention to nationally important shit, NBC News reports that US military officials compile a reel of what one source describes as “stuff blowing up” to serve as the daily presidential briefing on the progress of his directionless war in Iran.

The problem, and there’s always a problem, is that the explosion compilation widens the delta between how the fat fucking idiot thinks the war is going and the reality of it, and drives his frustrations with how the media is covering it because reality. Asked to comment on that part, White House propagandist Karoline Leavitt said “Trust in the mainstream media is at an all-time low and their overwhelming negative and biased coverage of Operation Fury, which has been a massive success, proves why the president is rightfully frustrated. The media spends more time using fake anonymous sources to sow chaos than focus on the successes and victories of our great US military against the Iranian regime,” but leaving out the part about how the regime hasn’t been “changed.”