Dem Congressman Dean Phillips will end his primary bid against Joe Biden on Wednesday after coming in third behind “Uncomitted” in his home state primary, Bloomberg’s Jennifer Jacobs reports.

Were Americans better off when their president was tweeting “With approximately 100,000 CoronaVirus cases worldwide, and 3,280 deaths, the United States, because of quick action on closing our borders, has, as of now, only 129 cases (40 Americans brought in) and 11 deaths. We are working very hard to keep these numbers as low as possible”? The GOP was better off politically, sure, but no. Americans by and large were not better off in that situation.

“It takes a lot of courage to run for President – that’s especially true in today’s Republican Party, where so few dare to speak the truth about Donald Trump. Nikki Haley was willing to speak the truth about Trump: about the chaos that always follows him, about his inability to see right from wrong, about his cowering before Vladimir Putin. Donald Trump made it clear he doesn’t want Nikki Haley’s supporters. I want to be clear: There is a place for them in my campaign. I know there is a lot we won’t agree on. But on the fundamental issues of preserving American democracy, on standing up for the rule of law, on treating each other with decency and dignity and respect, on preserving NATO and standing up to America’s adversaries, I hope and believe we can find common ground.”

“We all know this is no ordinary election. And the stakes for America couldn’t be higher. I know that Democrats and Republicans and Independents disagree on many issues and hold strong convictions. That’s a good thing. That’s what America stands for. But I also know this: what unites Democrats and Republicans and Independents is a love for America,” says President Biden in a statement.

Bro what

— johnny maga (@_johnnymaga) March 6, 2024

We’ll see how true Ketamine Brain stays to this “clarity” in response to the New York Times reporting that he had met with Trump and expressed interest in supporting him which notably does not rule out any other sort of “in-kind contributions” he could otherwise make, but for the moment the tweet is not being received well by the drooling keks who worship him and the Orange God Emperor.

“Nikki Haley got TROUNCED last night, in record setting fashion, despite the fact that Democrats, for reasons unknown, are allowed to vote in Vermont, and various other Republican Primaries. Much of her money came from Radical Left Democrats, as did many of her voters, almost 50%, according to the polls. At this point, I hope she stays in the ‘race’ and fights it out until the end! I’d like to thank my family, friends, and the Great Republican Party for helping me to produce, by far, the most successful Super Tuesday in HISTORY, and would further like to invite all of the Haley supporters to join the greatest movement in the history of our Nation. BIDEN IS THE ENEMY, HE IS DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!” posted fat former President Trump on Truth Social Wednesday right as his last rival took the podium to announce the end of her campaign.

Which is a bit of a switch from his January 24th post that said, among other bullshit, “When I ran for Office and won, I noticed that the losing Candidate’s ‘Donors’ would immediately come to me, and want to ‘help out.’ This is standard in Politics, but no longer with me. Anybody that makes a ‘Contribution’ to Birdbrain, from this moment forth, will be permanently barred from the MAGA camp. We don’t want them, and will not accept them, because we Put America First, and ALWAYS WILL!”

Americans who love putting a big fat wiener in their mouths are going to have to watch out for the woke ones now as Oscar Meyer on Wednesday announced new “NotHotDogs and NotSausages, the first ever plant-based Oscar Mayer offerings and the first plant-based meat innovation from the joint venture between The Kraft Heinz Company (‘Kraft Heinz’) and TheNotCompany, Inc (‘NotCo’).”

“With its mission to create mouthwatering plant-based foods for all, The Kraft Heinz Not Company’s Oscar Mayer NotHotDogs and NotSausages offer the savory and smoky experience that brand fans have known and loved for more than 140 years. The United States plant-based market is projected to skyrocket from $8.3 billion in 2023 to $19 billion by 2030. However, plant-based hot dogs and dinner sausage links remain underdeveloped and under-consumed within the broader plant-based meat category, largely due to disappointment in existing offerings’ taste and texture.”

“With Oscar Mayer NotHotDogs and NotSausages – available in Bratwurst and Italian sausage flavors – The Kraft Heinz Not Company aims to deliver on these needs and consumers’ evolving preference in the plant-based space,” the woke wieners continued in their press release.

Also “NotDogs” was right freaking there. Why the hell does it need an extra syllable?

It’s incredibly stupid of Haley to refuse to endorse Trump.  Again, the notion that she represents millions of voters who will do what she says is foolish.

— Laura Ingraham (@IngrahamAngle) March 6, 2024

Actually, I’m glad she’s not endorsing Trump. Now he won’t feel compelled to give her anything. https://t.co/UKMQ8924DM

— Laura Ingraham (@IngrahamAngle) March 6, 2024

Looks like Liz Cheney will have competition on the Hate Trump speaking circuit.

— Laura Ingraham (@IngrahamAngle) March 6, 2024

Mississippi Republican National Committee member Henry Barbour tells Politico that the resolution he was floating to other members to adopt an anti-paying for fat former President Trump’s self-inflicted legal clusterfucks is “dead” as he could only get eight of the 10 minimum delegation members to cosponsor it for a floor vote at this weekend’s committee meeting.

New House Freedom Caucasians chairman Bob Good on Tuesday told other Republicans he wants to force a government shutdown in September in order to prevent Democrats from achieving any policy wins before or after the election, Punchbowl News reports on a very interesting strategy.

So do we boycott doritos or not https://t.co/0OiCUkwhNz

— Tim Pool (@Timcast) March 6, 2024

Former Harris County, Texas GOP chair Jared Woodfill, an absolute fucking scumbag who we’ve unaffectionately dubbed the Ghislaine Maxwell of his state party for his aiding and abetting the pederasty of his law partner, former judge and Southern Baptist Convention VP Paul Pressler, was absolutely crushed in his challenge against incumbent Texas state House District 138 Representative Lacey Hull by a 61.5 to 38.5 percent margin on Tuesday, the Texas Tribune reports.

Woodfill was one of dozens of primary challengers recruited by Picasso-faced Attorney General Ken Paxton to punish the Republicans who voted overwhelmingly to impeach him last year, but among the few who failed to prevail or at least force a runoff, per the Tribune. State House Speaker Dade Phelan came in second behind far right challenger David Covey but both were under 50 percent thanks to a third candidate, so Phelan’s fate will be decided on May 28th. Woodfill had the audacity to claim he was running for state House Speaker before his primary, lol.

Former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley will announce the end of her campaign at a 10 AM EST press conference, CNN reports, adding that she will not endorse fat former President Trump but instead urge him to “earn” the support of her fans. We were off by five months.

Politics is our passion and we’re determined to slog through the really shitty, boring parts of it that nonetheless manage to get a lot of media coverage, come hell or high water. Follow live here.

Yes, we know the results are pretty much set in stone across the country, but we’ll put the called races here to memorialize them as they’re called for the two major candidates.

• 7:31 p.m. ET:  North Carolina Republican Primary called for Trump by NBC News.  Also, North Carolina Democratic Primary called for Biden.
• 7:12 p.m. ET:  Virginia Republican Primary called for Trump.  NBC News added their concurring call at 7:20 p.m.
• 7:04 p.m. ET:  Virginia Democratic Primary called for Biden.
• 7:00 p.m. ET:  Vermont Democratic Primary called for Biden.  NBC News follows up with concurrence at 7:32 p.m.
• 6:10 p.m. ET:  Iowa Democratic Primary called for Biden.

The Bronx resident beaten and restrained by the Guardian Angels on the streets of New York City while their leader was being interviewed about rampant crime live on Sean Hannity’s Fox show will sue the New York vigilante group and seek to file criminal charges, the New York Daily News reports.

“Our guys have just taken down one of the migrant guys on the corner of 42nd and Seventh where all of this has taken place,” said Curtis Sliwa gleefully as his followers jumped on Marco Pina, 22.  “They’ve taken over!  Let’s just say we gave him a little pain compliance.  His mother back in Venezuela felt the vibrations. He’s sucking concrete.”  Sliwa claimed Pina was a shoplifter, but never presented any evidence to back the claim and Pina was never charged.

Pina has lived in the Bronx since his family migrated to the United States when he was two years old.  He met with the District Attorney’s office on Tuesday to discuss potential criminal charges for the February 8th attack.

House Republicans have yet to actually send the articles of impeachment against DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas because the assclowns want assurances that there will actually be a trial held, as one source tells CNN’s Annie Grayer “we don’t want to give them a reason to dismiss it outright” while both chambers and parties are in the middle of negotiating government spending.

🚨 #BREAKING: @Jim_Jordan, @RepJamesComer, and @RepAndyBiggsAZ Launch Inquiry into Treatment of Hunter Biden Business Partner by Biden's Bureau of Prisons pic.twitter.com/u2nx1GBKfA

— House Judiciary GOP (@JudiciaryGOP) March 5, 2024

Now look, we may be a little biased given our political leanings and that of our audience here but it’s kind of hard to look at a tweet like this and think that the House Republicans are conducting effective oversight of the Biden Administration. Like the truck payment thing and the Russian agent thing and the cocaine thing and a whole bunch of other things never really panned out which is okay because Democrats had their fair share of dead ends too over the years. Yeah, they impeached Trump twice and got him hit with 91 felony counts and soaked him for like probably within spitting distance of a billion dollars of personal and campaign funds when you put all the legal fees and judgments together over the years. That definitely counts for a lot when you think about it.

But they never found the pee tape, so that’s one pretty big L for them. It’s a lot like what the House GOP is going through now, except it’s just a lot of Ls. Lots and lots of them. So many that at this point it’s like “Alright guys, how about you just sit down and shut the fuck up because we’re starting to feel embarrassed for you when you act like an asshole who defrauded Native American tribes is somehow a political prisoner – who we will add was first sent to that prison during the Trump Administration and could’ve been pardoned as a ‘Biden Crime Family whistleblower’ in the final stretch of that campaign. Your own fans are beyond fed up with your utter impotence.”

Spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan’s lame “Weaponization” select subcommittee will hold a hearing Thursday on its investigation into the House January 6th Select Committee’s investigation into January 6th, CBS’s Scott MacFarlane reports, adding that former DC Metro Police Officer Mike Fanone will serve as the Democrats’ “rebuttal witness.” Should be a friggin blast.

It’s Super Tuesday and super-plus-two-seding indictment day for everyone’s second favorite Senator from New Jersey, Bob Menendez! This time – meaning the fourth indictment in the current case against him in less than six months – Menendez is charged with using his office to benefit the government of Qatar and we’ve lost track of how many felonies this is now.

A message for Arizonans from Senator Kyrsten Sinema pic.twitter.com/1XWFSWgGdh

— Kyrsten Sinema (@SenatorSinema) March 5, 2024