Sources within the Secret Service tell CNN they’ve concluded their investigation into Cocainegate and, as they warned given the traffic at the location within the White House, have been unable to identify the suspect who dropped a baggie of Colombian snow in the West Wing.

MAGA Congressman Tim Burchett also confirmed the same to CNN Capitol Hill reporter Manu Raju as he left the House Oversight committee’s briefing with Secret Service officials. “That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” said Burchett, plainly disappointed they didn’t tell him it was definitely Hunter or Joe Biden who was walking around with the nose candy.

The AP followed up and reports Secret Service investigators were unable to obtain any fingerprints or DNA from the bag. Not to go all “Blue Anon” here but that detail makes it all too easy to imagine that someone with an agenda might’ve made sure that there was nothing traceable on the bag when dropping it in a conspicuous place in the Biden White House. Some low-level fifth columnist with business there but otherwise personally in league with some James O’Keefe types who knows that a lack of conclusion keeps the story hanging in the air for the MAGA media complex.

Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s top lieutenant on the Trump regime’s post-2020 election coup attempt investigation, federal prosecutor Thomas Windom, is present at the DC Courthouse again on Thursday, Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports, while cheekily adding “UPDATE: [Windom] just returned from the cafeteria with a Vitamin Water. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?”

Cheney didn’t mention the grand jury or any recognizable witnesses, tracking with NBC reporter Ryan Reilly’s Tuesday vigil in which he specifically wrote “The grand jury has left for the day, as has Windom. No notable witnesses were spotted in the courthouse.” Which may or may not be an indicator that the grand jurors are voting on indictments this week. Fingers crossed.

Former Trump White House aide and now-infamous House January 6th Select Committee witness Cassidy Hutchinson has signed a deal with Simon and Schuster to publish her insider account of all the batshittery she saw firsthand before, during, and after the insurrection, the AP reports.

The book that should’ve been titled The Devil Threw Ketchup: My Years in The Trump White House but actually called simply Enough will hit bookstores on September 26. “With ‘Enough,’ [Hutchinson] provides a riveting account of her extraordinary experiences as an idealistic young woman thrust into the middle of a national crisis. She risked everything to tell the truth about some of the most powerful people in Washington and some of the most consequential events in recent American history,” said Simon and Schuster in a press release announcing the book.

Weasley Fox News media analyst Joe Concha on Thursday seethed with obvious frustration at his God, fat former President Trump, for not making his job writing a lame op-ed titled “Not Debating is a Bad-Look Strategy for Trump and Biden” at The Messenger easier by committing to debating against his Republican 2024 primary opponents and allowing Concha to focus his impotent rage solely on incumbent President Joe Biden for not wanting to waste his time on stage with demented “Democrat” dead-enders Robert F Kennedy Jr and Marianne Williamson.

“President Joe Biden and Donald Trump, the former president, finally have something in common after all. At least for the moment, neither seems interested in debating his challengers,” Concha wrote, plainly annoyed that he has to disingenuously both-sides the situation instead of just continuing to gin up the fake outrage against Biden. The only record we can find of Concha addressing the reverse situation, in which Trump refused to debate his doomed 2020 Republican primary opponents, former Massachusetts Governor Bill Weld, former Pennsylvania Congressmen Joe Walsh, and former South Carolina Governor/Congressman Mark Sanford is a 2019 straight news article on The Hill titled “Business Insider to host GOP debate with Trump challengers.”

“Trump on Monday indicated he would not debate the Republicans who have announced bids to challenge him for the 2020 GOP nomination, pointing to their low polling figures and dismissing their bids as ‘a publicity stunt,'” Concha blithely reported without any comment whatsoever at the time.

Evidently having memory-holed that – and the time Trump backed out of the second 2020 debate against Joe Biden – 2023 Joe Concha writes that “it’s hard to envision a scenario in which Trump willingly would pass up an opportunity to pulverize his opponents.” Concha then finally hits his stride with “Things are no better on the Democratic side,” and that Biden’s refusal to debate is “the stuff of banana republics” and blah blah blah. In conclusion, Joe Concha is a dick.

Good morning.
I am looking forward to the briefing this morning from Secret Service about the cocaine found in the White House.
Has anyone taken a drug test?

— Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 (@RepMTG) July 13, 2023

(Putting my Ed Anger hat on…) I don’t know what’s going on with this country when the Big Three broadcast networks only get 21 of the hundreds of Emmy nominations.  This is obviously another sign of American decline.  But of course, that doesn’t include Fox’s tally of… three nominations.

When did these cable stations and (what do you call them?) urination services, knocking off good old over-the-air stations like WNZ where you could get the baseball scores and weather in a half hour.  Speaking of sports, a dozen and a half went to those fake football shows, Lasso and Wrexham.  There was only one–ONE!–nomination for a real football show broadcast… and it was for the dang halftime show, not even the game.

Too many shows with words like “queer” or “drag” got noms, and I won’t even get into how many shows about sex–the right way or otherwise–are nominated.  That woman who dared to put her lips on James Madison’s crystal flute got one.  And the only show about good old exotic dancing to get a nomination was about male strippers!  What is wrong with the U.S. of A?

In a blog posted Wednesday, Preston Paddon, a one-time lobbyist for Fox Corp and one of the first executives brought on to Fox News, stated he and two of his colleagues who helped Fox promote the network in its early years said the trio now regret growing the network’s reach.

Paddon; Ken Solomon, the network’s former distribution executive; and former Fox Corp counsel Bill Reyner helped build the Fox entertainment network, but “[w]e never envisioned, and would not knowingly have enabled, the disinformation machine that, in our opinion, Fox has become.”

The trio fought off an FCC investigation about a potential violation of the Communications Act of 1934 that barred foreign ownership of US broadcast stations and they helped strike down laws that barred a single company from owning multiple media outlets in the same market, allowing Rupert Murdoch to build his empire.

The “Bad News Babes” media team defeated the less-imaginatively named “Members of Congress” 15 to 9 in Wednesday night’s 2023 Congressional Women’s Softball game, a charity event to raise money for the Young Survival Coalition breast cancer awareness organization.

The game started ugly when Fox News host Laura Ingraham attempted to plunk Senator Dianne Feinstein on the very first pitch, leading Feinsten to charge the mound and savagely tear Ingraham down to the ground. The two tussled as both benches cleared, with an absolute melee erupting inside the diamond. CNN’s Dana Bash lived up to her name, throwing furious haymakers at Congresswomen Harriet Hagerman and Rashida Tlaib at the edge of the brawl, which lasted four minutes. Relative peace remained until Feinstein came up in the order again the top of the third…

Yeah we made all that up because we couldn’t find a recap of the game. The score was real. None of the names we mentioned actually played. The Congress team were mostly House members and mostly Dems, the only Senators being Kirsten Gillibrand and team captain Shelly Moore Capito.

Praising Donald Trump for his apish behavior during a previous NATO summit when Trump embarrassingly shoved the president of Montenegro out of the way so he could be front and center in a group of world leaders, the next prime time Fox host to be fired for misogyny, Jesse Watters, characterizes President Dark Brandon’s presence at the NATO summit in Lithuania: “Biden doesn’t do that.  He looks like a freshman on the first day of school.”  And Donny looks like the oafish bully, if we want to continue the school metaphor.

Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.”  Joe’s got a big stick.  Trump?  Well, he’s got a …

The estate of Antifa terrorist Mike Reinoehl, gunned down in September 2020 by US marshals in a parking lot south of Seattle just days after he had canceled MAGA terrorist Aaron “Jay” Danielson during a melee in Downtown Portland, filed a federal lawsuit against various agencies involved in the pursuit and death of Reinoehl, alleging it was effectively a targeted hit and marshals had no plans to take the 48 year-old leftist hooligan alive, Oregon Public Broadcasting reports.

The whole thing was shady as hell. Of course law enforcement are going to be locked and loaded when they close in on an armed suspect wanted for murder and will be quick to blast him, which is why when the news of Reinoehl’s death first broke nobody questioned it. But then the next week the Washington Post reported a witness claimed Reinoehl wasn’t obviously armed and made no motion to pull out a gun as claimed by one deputy US marshal – contradicted by another deputy marshal who said Reinoehl had actually pulled out the gun and pointed it at them. The next month disgraced then-President Trump bragged at a rally that Reinoehl had been summarily executed on his orders which, uh, definitely raises some questions about whether this was on the level.

“We sent in the US Marshals, took 15 minutes and it was over,” Trump told his fans in North Carolina. “They knew who he was, they didn’t want to arrest him, and 15 minutes, that ended.”

A Michigan judge on Wednesday ruled that the crew of “Stop the Steal” dipshits who were found to be in possession of a Dominion Voting Systems ballot tabulator last year were violating the law when they ascertained it for their “forensic examination” Mike Lindell fantasy bullshit without authorization from a court or the Secretary of State’s office, the Detroit News reports.

Special prosecutor DJ Hilson sought the ruling ahead of expected charges against failed 2022 Republican Attorney General candidate Matt DePerno, racist Barry County Sheriff Dar Leaf, former state House Representative Daire Rendon, and their other co-conspirators ahead of their expected indictment for possessing the machine, delivered to them by parties unknown from a town within Rendon’s district. One of the potential defendants had claimed in a letter to Hilson that Michigan law “allows any person to have possession of voting tabulating machines if the possession was obtained by consent.” DePerno had told the Detroit News the same in an interview.

So while this headline and lede might’ve elicited a “no shit, of course they shouldn’t have a stolen tabulator in their possession,” the upshot is now Hilson doesn’t have to prove it was actually stolen and/or try to prosecute the theft itself. Which makes his job of making the case in front of a jury and ultimately putting these MAGA assholes behind bars a hell of a lot easier.

🚨BREAKING 🚨

IRS Whistleblower Gary Shapley and Whistleblower X will testify at our committee next week.

These whistleblowers have provided information about how @TheJusticeDept refused to follow evidence that implicated Joe Biden, tipped off Hunter Biden’s attorneys, allowed…

— Oversight Committee (@GOPoversight) July 12, 2023

🚨 BREAKING 🚨 The identity of the mysterious WHISTLEBLOWER X will be unveiled to the public at a MEGA MAGA House Oversight Committee hearing next week! It’s gonna blow the roof off the Rayburn House Office Building and make all previous hearings about political supervillain HUNTER BIDEN look like a House Agriculture Subcommittee on Commodity Markets, Digital Assets, and Rural Development or House Appropriations Subcommittee on Departments of Transportation, and Housing and Urban Development, and Related Agencies snoozefest! The libs are terrified, you can tell by their lame “snark” websites and commenters’ nervous laughter and mockery. They don’t know what WHISTLEBLOWER X! Just wait until the hearing gets rocking. They’re SO screwed!

“According to recent investigative reporting, individuals who may have had business interests or other interests before the Supreme Court have been able to gain personal and private access to Justices during occasions where Justices have accepted gifts of lodging and travel. Moreover, these are not the only methods those with business before Court have used to gain personal and private access to Justices. Last year, the New York Times reported about access that donors to the Supreme Court Historical Society (‘Society’) have to Justices. We therefore write to request information regarding the ways in which theSociety provides such access to its donors,” write Senate Judiciary Dems Dick Durbin and Sheldon Whitehouse to the Supreme Court Historical Society’s President Chilton Davis Varner demanding info on her exclusive little club’s activities.

Apparently not afraid of being “exposed” at discovery, non-CIA agent Ray Epps on Wednesday filed a defamation lawsuit in Delaware against Fox News after hours of programming falsely claiming he was responsible for “entrapping” fellow Trump fans on January 6th, Bloomberg reports.

“Just as Fox had focused on voting machine companies when falsely claiming a rigged election, Fox knew it needed a scapegoat for January 6th that would help absolve itself and would appeal to its viewers,” Epps’s lawyer Michael Teter wrote in the complaint. “It settled on Ray Epps and began promoting the lie that Epps was a federal agent who incited the attack on the Capitol.”

House Oversight Dems Jamie Raskin and Dan Goldman on Tuesday wrote a letter to idiot Chairman James Comer trollishly expressing their concern that the MAGA dipshit unwittingly was doing the Chinese Communist Party’s bidding by buying into recently indicted far right activist and international fugitive scumbag Dr Gal Luft’s claims about Hunter Biden’s business pursuits.

“Despite previous public reporting about Mr Luft’s evasion of the serious criminal charges unsealed yesterday, Senator Ron Johnson demanded that Mr Luft be granted immunity from prosecution in order to help Republicans attack President Biden, asserting that ‘he’s literally fleeing for his life right now. He’s on the run. He’s an important witness. He needs to be granted immunity to be able to testify and tell his story.’ It appears as if Mr Luft sought ‘whistleblower’ status from you in an effort to defend himself from criminal prosecution while a fugitive from justice. Worse yet, this latest episode also raises concerns that Mr Luft may be manipulating your investigation not only for his own self-interest but perhaps also in furtherance of the CCP’s efforts to undermine U.S. security interests and the President of the United States. These recent revelations naturally raise broader concerns about the credibility and motivations of other purported whistleblowers that Congressional Republicans have relied on to support unfounded and baseless allegations,” Raskin and Goldman wrote to Comer.

“In order to protect the Congress’s institutional credibility and to reassure the American people that the CCP is not using Republicans’ investigations as a vehicle to undermine the United States government, we urge you to immediately initiate an investigation into whether the Committee may have been unwittingly duped by Mr Luft in furtherance of the CCP’s interests, as well as any potentially false statements made by Mr Luft to Members of Congress or congressional staff. In addition, we request that you immediately provide Committee Democrats with all materials and information provided by Mr Luft to the Committee,” the two concluded in their whipping.

“A man who would suspend the Constitution can’t be trusted. Anyone who will put their egos over people is not fit to lead” – Michigan MAGA Congressman John James on December 6, 2022, days after disgraced former President Trump posted “A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution,” in demanding to be reinstated to the presidency after that stupid “Twitter files” bullshit.

“Biden’s policies have been particularly detrimental to Michigan’s middle-class. Under President Trump on the other hand, inflation was at 2%, the American family was strengthened through the child tax credit and other pro-family policies, and our communities were more secure. In 2024, we need to give hope to Americans who feel like their government is failing them” – Michigan MAGA Congressman John James on July 11, 2023, endorsing disgraced former President Trump for 2024.

Asked to explain what 2022 John James got wrong, 2023 John James told Detroit News reporter Riley Beggin that “it’s the fact that we are six months worse off under the Biden administration,” and changing his mind now gives him “the most time to focus on pragmatic policy rather than the politics,” whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. Selling out and abandoning stated commitments to principle can be tough on some people. It’s stressful and hard to think straight.

Spotted in the audience sitting in the audience behind FBI Director Chris Wray in the Wednesday House Judiciary Committee hearing is Republican operative Ivan Raiklin who CNN described last year as a former US Army soldier and Mike Flynn acolyte who on December 22, 2020 tweeted a memo titled “Operation Pence Card,” the plan to push then-Vice President Mike Pence to unilaterally block the certification of the 2020 election which Trump retweeted the next day.

Raiklin apparently thinks he’s there to arrest Wray and has repeatedly tweeted at Jim Jordan begging to be “deputized” to help apprehend the FBI Director. Here’s hoping the bald weirdo makes a scene and screams at Jordan for not attempting to handcuff Wray and hold him hostage.

The Georgia State Election Board on Tuesday filed a lawsuit against MAGA douchebags Catherine Engelbrecht and Gregg Phillips of “True the Vote” over their refusal to comply with a subpoena for any evidence whatsoever that would back up the batshit stupid 2020 election “ballot trafficking” conspiracy theory to rig it for Joe Biden presented in “2000 Mules,” their lame 2022 “documentary” produced with Dinesh D’Souza, the Atlanta Journal Constitution reports.

Engelbrecht, Phillips, and D’Souza’s movie used one surveillance clip of a ballot drop box and cell phone tracking data from the Atlanta area from the five weeks prior to the 2020 election that Phillips spent $2 million to acquire from brokers to support a really stupid and convoluted story that the “mules” were paid $10 to “traffic” ballots to drop boxes in violation of state law. They never alleged any tampering of the votes themselves, just that they should somehow have been disqualified because someone else dropped them off. The one “mule” D’Souza “caught” on camera was found by the Georgia Bureau of Investigation to have been lawfully dropping off ballots for his family members and is currently suing the three jerkoffs for defamation on a federal court.

Now the Board wants its crack at Engelbrecht and Phillips too (but to D’Souza for whatever reason), suing because the MAGA freaks are impeding their mandate to investigate any and all allegations of voter and election fraud in the Peach State. Funny that how the people who made a “movie” that was supposed to get authorities to act to take down a horrific atrocity against democracy suddenly don’t want to help out when said authorities ask them for more information.

Stephen A Smith expresses no sympathy for Larry Nassar after stabbing: 'Death is too good for him' https://t.co/9zl92rJqXF

— Fox News (@FoxNews) July 12, 2023

Weird how Fox News, by the very act of picking this story up, implicitly criticizes a perfectly normal reaction to Larry Nassar getting stabbed in prison when their own sister publication the New York Post notoriously mocked former Subway spokesman and similarly sick sexual abuser Jared Fogle facing violence at the hands of other inmates with the headline “ENJOY A FOOTLONG IN JAIL.”

Now it’s likely, maybe even probable, that it wasn’t really their intent to “rebuke” Smith – a guy who’s otherwise an obnoxious self-cocksucker – and sometimes it takes another set of eyes to anticipate that this kind of tedious filler content, making a story out of this assclown’s anodyne comments, might be perceived by some non-regular Fox audience members to be exactly what we characterized it as being in the headline. As if having “no sympathy” for a prolific child sexual abuser getting stabbed is indicative of a character flaw in an almost universally disliked sportscaster.