A lawsuit filed by Republican former Apex, North Carolina city councilman Scott Riley Lassiter accuses GOP state House Speaker Tim Moore of using “his position as Speaker of the House of Representatives to initiate contact and develop” a sexual relationship with Lassiter’s wife Jamie, a state court system bureaucrat, in exchange for career connections, WSOC reports.

The complaint states that Jamie, the executive director of the North Carolina Conference of Clerks of Superior Court had confessed to Scott the three year affair after he had trailed her when she said she was going to the movies with a friend, telling him that “she had engaged in sexual activity with Defendant Tim Moore (including group sex with other individuals seeking Tim Moore’s political favor), and that she feared ending the relationship with [Moore] would result in losing her job.”

When Scott Lassiter later confronted Moore at a Biscuitville (lol) location, per the complaint Moore “asked if there was anything he could do for Plaintiff, implying that he could use the power he held as Speaker in some way to benefit Plaintiff.” The complaint also alleges one of Moore’s minions snuck onto Lassiter’s property and installed a surveillance camera. For her part, Jamie Lassiter isn’t on board with the complaint, telling WRAL “The claims are not only false but impossible as we’ve been separated with a signed separation document for years,” and that “Our marriage was a nightmare, and since I left him it has gotten worse. We are reaching the end of our divorce process and this is how he’s lashing out.” So could be true, could be Stockholm Syndrome.

Moore himself is divorced, so the allegations, while damning and not at all unrealistic because the asshole is a Republican, aren’t going to have any immediate impact unless and until they’re corroborated by others parties. Can’t really wreck a home that’s already wrecking itself.

You should be working today. Not taking today off for a CRT-inspired federal holiday that competes with July 4th.

— Charlie Kirk (@charliekirk11) June 19, 2023

“If Juneteenth was really about emancipation, why not… September 22, 1862 when Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation? Or January 1, 1863 the Proclamation took effect? Or December 18th, 1865 with the ratification of the 13th Amendment? Because it’s not about emancipation, which was one of America’s great moral achievements. It’s about creating a summertime, race-based competitor two weeks before July 4th, which should be the most unifying civic holiday on the calendar,” wrote Kirk in a later tweet, badmouthing the commemoration that his Lord and Savior Donald Trump made “very famous” and promised to make into a federal holiday, a pledge later fulfilled by Joe Biden after its unanimous passage in the Senate and 415 – 14 passage in the House.

A deep-sea submersible carrying well-heeled revelers on a $250,000 tour of the infamous Titanic shipwreck off of Newfoundland has gone missing, operator OceanGate Expeditions says in a statement via the BBC. “Our entire focus is on the crew members in the submersible and their families,” OceanGate said in a statement, adding they’re receiving “extensive assistance” from “several government agencies and deep sea companies” in efforts to establish contact with the sub.

OceanGate’s website has crashed and they aren’t exactly live-tweeting the search. The sub seats five but it’s not clear yet if it was full and if “crew members” strictly means employees or if that includes paying customers. The US Coast Guard out of Boston is also reportedly assisting with the search but further details were unavailable, like if there was a distress call or the vessel was overdue for return from the eight hour roundtrip dive to the undersea monument to man’s hubris.

Pray they will be rescued if they can be. Pray they’ve already had a quick and merciful death if they can’t. Yeah, there’s the obvious full circle feeling that maybe one-percenters in 2023 were kind of asking for it when they paid $250,000 to gawk at the watery gravesite of the one-percenters (and impoverished Irish immigrants) of 1912. But nobody deserves what could be an absolutely terrifying last few hours of oxygen trapped in a tiny vessel two miles below the surface of the ocean.

The fat bastard obviously didn’t read the actual Quinnipiac University survey release finding Biden leading Trump 48 to 44 percent, which says it “included 700 Republican and Republican leaning voters with a margin of error of +/- 3.7 percentage points and 722 Democrats and Democratic leaning voters with a margin of error of +/- 3.7 percentage points,” meaning that out of 1,929 respondents, the sample was 37.4 percent Dem or Dem-leaning and 36.28 percent Republican or Republican-leaning. We need not dig in further to conclude that saying the survey “under samples Republicans by 10 points” and thus “instead of being down 4 points, I am up 6 points” is complete bullshit. That’s even before we get into weighting within the sample where the pollsters take the raw finding and try to calibrate it for non-response and other variables we feel comfortable saying Trump knows less than we do about such methodologies, which is pretty much jack shit.

A not-very-surprising but still shocking new account in the Washington Post details how the Justice Department and the FBI’s “wariness about appearing partisan, institutional caution, and clashes over how much evidence was sufficient to investigate the actions of Trump and those around him all contributed” to the long delay in opening a criminal investigation into the Orange God Emperor and his minions for their post-2020 election coup attempt, a probe which didn’t really begin until April 2022 when the FBI began looking into the fake Trump 2020 electors scam.

The story is friggin sprawling and difficult to summarize other than to say that the pressure over public reporting of what happened behind the scenes and evidence uncovered by the House January 6th Select Committee investigation was in large part what broke the logjam and spurred the Justice Department to finally start moving against key players in the attempted coup, one that really picked up speed after Jack Smith was appointed to pursue Trump himself.

Yeah, people are going to be pretty frustrated over this, especially the part where DOJ leaders shot down the acting DC US Attorney’s February 2021 push to investigate Roger Stone’s meetings with the Oath Keepers leading up to the riot at the Willard Hotel and another prosecutor’s November 2021 effort to subpoena for info about Steve Bannon’s “war room” at the same place.

The year-plus delay was extremely costly as earlier action absolutely could’ve meant Trump would be on trial, maybe even convicted, by this point instead of unlikely to face a federal jury before the 2024 election. On the other hand, there are far too many known and unknown unknowns to clearly paint the present juncture as solely the result of Justice Department and FBI reluctance in what was a deeply vast and complex plot against American democracy. Evidence develops, people change their minds, the QAnon Shamans and Captain Moronis at the bottom of the pyramid and then the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers in the middle needed to be dealt with too. Most importantly we’re almost certainly talking about the late rather than the never. Be annoyed, but don’t go full black pill.

South Florida federal Magistrate Judge Bruce Reinhart on Monday issued a protective order against the public disclosure of any discovery materials, including the non-classified information, provided to fat former President Trump’s defense team in the 37-count case against him for stealing top secret files from the White House following his humiliating defeat to Joe Biden in the 2020 election.

“All non-classified discovery produced by the United States to the Defendants in preparation for, or in connection with, any stage of this case (collectively, ‘the Discovery Materials’) are subject to this protective order (‘the Order’) and may be used by the Defendants and Defense Counsel (defined as counsel of record in this case) solely in connection with the defense of this case, and for no other purpose, and in connection with no other proceeding, without further order of this Court,” ruled Reinhart, who also stipulated that the Orange Defendant may only review it “under the direct supervision of defense counsel,” and he “shall not retain copies of Discovery Material.”

Reinhart issued the order in response to a motion from Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s team but, unlike with a similarly successful move by Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg’s office, it does not appear Trump’s team had tried to oppose it. Maybe they decided just to leave it alone this time after their squeals of “an unprecedented and extraordinarily broad muzzle on a leading contender for the presidency” were laughed out of court in New York. Or they’re just disorganized as shit seeing as how two of them fucked off literally the day after Trump was indicted and are reportedly still looking for more lawyers to work the case. Who knows?

Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu on Sunday announced his regime would renew its push to remove the independence of the country’s judicial system after having backed off months ago amid massive protests that President Isaac Herzog warned could’ve led to “civil war,” Axios reports.

“We will start this week to take practical steps to fix the judicial system… in a responsible and measured manner… according to the mandate we got from the voters,” said “Bibi,” threatening again to destroy the country simply to save his own ass from criminal charges. Sounds familiar, right?

And so it begins.

They’re listening to every word. https://t.co/4bKsB1Vjr9

— Lauren Boebert (@laurenboebert) June 18, 2023

A GED can get you places in life, like Congress.  It doesn’t guarantee, however, that you’ll actually understand everything around you.  Case in point, Lauren Boebert (again).  The bastard 36-year-old grandma by her delinquent 18-year-old son, posted a link to a Breitbart article about a unique Amazon customer service fuck-up, but Boebs decided to spread a conspiracy theory about omnipresent surveillance constantly monitoring your behavior.  Not only was that not the case, what Boebert complains about is actually the hero of the case.

The incident begins when an Amazon deliver driver mishears an automated statement from a “smart” doorbell as a racial slur, with the system recording the incident and reports it.  Citing an investigation into the driver’s report, Amazon shuts down the customer’s Prime service, which included the Alexa smart network in the man’s home. This and the ensuing crap with the homeowner having to deal with Amazon for a week to straighten out the issue leaves the man so frustrated he writes a lengthy blog post about it. But Boebert’s take on it is ominous:  “They’re listening to every word.”  Of course, “they” weren’t.

Sketch artist responds after critics rebuff him for portraying Trump as 'too young,' 'good looking' https://t.co/Frxiik8GbJ

— Fox News (@FoxNews) June 18, 2023

A group of national security experts assert Donald Trump did not have the legal authority to declassify a document related to a nuclear weapons program found at Mar-a-Lago, a potential twist to the 37-count indictment Trump faces in Florida, Reuters reports.

Trump is accused of holding 31 classified documents illegally and blocking efforts by the federal government to retrieve the documents.  In the listing of classified material connected to these charges and listed as Document 19 on the inventory is a document described as “Undated document concerning nuclear weaponry of the United States.”  However, under the Atomic Energy Act, information about the US nuclear weapons force can only be declassified through an approval process involving the Departments of Energy and Defense; the President’s power to declassify is not universal relating to nuclear weapons.

Sliding it in at the end of the first half-hour, Howard Kurtz does the Fox version of media criticism on the biggest media story of the week:  a self-described “news” network airing a chyron labeling the sitting President of the United States a “wannabe dictator” for 27-seconds.  The 18-second clip constitutes the entirety of how a so-called media reporter on MediaBuzz addressed the story about his own network on his own network.

Though some are saying that Jack Smith is getting ready to move on fat former President Trump again soon over the post-2020 election coup attempt, we haven’t yet had that one “Yeah, it’s coming” report on grand jury activity winding down like we did from the New York Times in March before the Manhattan charges and the Wall Street Journal in late May.

But you know, sometimes the defendant telegraphs the behind-the-scenes trouble himself, squealing with rage and trying to make it sound like he was merely “questioning” his loss rather than attempting to launch a full on coup d’etat after his humiliating defeat to Joe Biden.

While FBI Director Wray continues to protect Joe Biden from his crimes, more bank records are on the way!

We’re expecting to see tens of millions of dollars that went directly to the Biden Family for their influence peddling schemes. pic.twitter.com/kzJGygOeOq

— Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 (@RepMTG) June 18, 2023

Oh noes! MORE BANK RECORDS! Crooked Joe must be shaking in his secretly ChiCom-made shoes now now, right? The walls are definitely closing in! He’s so freaking screwed! MAGA!

The one thing MAGA media and political universe want the most right now but absolutely under almost every imaginable circumstance cannot openly appear to want is for President Biden to simply pardon fat former President Trump and make the whole 37-count federal indictment thing go away.

To be seen begging for it is the polar opposite of the always winning, always owning the libs, always hardcore badass, always America First fuck your feelings ethos of MAGA. But they still have to try to just sort of quietly, gently nudge Crooked Joe to have mercy on the fat pig snared in a trap of his own making. So they have this guy Chip Muir write a plea and have The Hill run it with their usual “THE VIEWS EXPRESSED BY CONTRIBUTORS ARE THEIR OWN AND NOT THE VIEW OF THE HILL.”

What they don’t do in the piece is add Muir’s background to the bottom in italics, something we don’t think was some editorial change because on Saturday they ran “Just how rational is Russia?” by Rutgers political science Professor Alex Motyl. They probably left it out on purpose, as a quick Google search reveals Muir is a former Trump Admin lawyer and a Federalist Society gauleiter.

And man this op-ed is just so goddamned hilarious: “Sixth, in the Art of the Deal, Trump discussed the antitrust suit his USFL brought against the NFL and specifically mentioned how important it was that the NFL, on a daily basis, gave interviews to win in the court of public opinion. President Trump will use every day, in the run up to trial and at trial, to rail against the corruption of Biden and his DOJ and FBI. By offering a pardon, and not providing Trump with the spotlight of a trial, President Biden would take away Trump’s ability to demonstrate how unfairly, without precedent, he has been treated,” Muir actually fucking wrote. Please do not deprive yourself of the pleasure of reading it.

Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro on Saturday told reporters the overpass on Interstate 95 collapsed by a fiery wreck last Sunday will be reopened within two weeks, the AP reports.

We believe him, but seriously? “Two weeks”? Come on man. That timeframe is so freaking jinxed. Shapiro cannot tell voters something will be done in “two weeks” anymore. Even if he literally thinks it will take 14 days maximum he should just say “early next month” or whatever.

Republican presidential candidate Ron DeSantis’s smarm offensive to win the GOP nomination is getting off to a less than stellar start, with the Florida Governor dragging his wife and kids to a fashion show runway-style appearance at a glamourous… Nevada roadeo.  The dozens of people in attendance appeared to be, well, breathing and little else.

Three New Hampshire men face federal stalking charges for their campaign to intimidate two journalists with New Hampshire Public Radio, including throwing bricks through home windows and spraypainting threats on their property, the public radio station reported.

Tucker Cockerline, 32, of Salem, Michael Waselchuck, 35, of Seabrook, and Keenan Saniatan, 36, of Nashua, were captured on security camera approaching the door of one of the reporters, Lauren Chooljian, who lives in suburban Boston.  Another video shows the person throwing a rock through the window of the home.  Later, Chooljian returned home to find, “JUST THE BEGINNING” spray-painted in red on her house.  Similar attacks happened at Chooljian’s parent’s home and at her editor Dan Barrick’s home.

The brain trust of Cockerline, Waselchuck and Saniatan, the last of whom is not yet in custody, were apparently upset about an investigation Chooljian did about sexual misconduct by the founder of an addiction treatment center that received a series of no-bid contracts from the state.  Eric Spofford, a recovering addict who founded Granite Recovery Centers, denies any connection to the vandals and any wrongdoing in general.  (If this were a Law & Order episode, it would turn out that the four were in a support group together, and Spofford helped the three out, so they owed him a favor.)

“WHEREAS, Texas Attorney General Warren Kenneth Paxton, Jr was impeached by the Texas House of Representatives on May 27, 2023, after a report was issued by the House Committee on General Investigating (GIC), which contained 20 articles of impeachment. The GIC submission, which consisted solely of a transcript of the GIC hearing, was considered by the House for approximately 48 hours before the impeachment vote was called and taken; and WHEREAS, no testimony was taken in the House, and Attorney General Paxton was not allowed to speak to the House or to offer any rebuttal evidence or testimony despite his offer to do so, which was refused; and WHEREAS, the impeachment occurred under illegal circumstances,” says the opener to the Texas state GOP’s resolution condemning Picasso-faced scumbag Attorney General Ken Paxton’s impeachment.

Ah, the tried and true “This thing I don’t like is illegal or unconstitutional even when neither statue law or the Constitution really apply to the situation,” a MAGA classic not seen since Paxton himself sued earlier this year to have a court overturn the $1.7 trillion federal spending bill after Biden had already signed it, claiming that since much of the US House voted by proxy there wasn’t a real quorum for it to have passed. Or last year when groomer Congressman John Rose calling the House January 6th Select Committee “unconstitutional.” And so did Elise Stefanik and Matt Gaetz. And of course Trump himself. And a whole shit ton of others, all of whom went out their way to ignore that courts did actually entertain questions of the committee’s legitimacy… and affirmed it.

The Dark Lord of Democracy will command his thrall from the AFL-CIO headquarters in Philadelphia on Saturday, breathing his fiery, ice cream-fueled rage and anger at the enemies of freedom.