Categories
Uncategorized

We have to admit Xenomorphs do have some admirable qualities


There’s been a lot of chatter lately about how Conservative intellectuals’ (and pseudo-intellectuals’) contempt for America the way it is now is kind of turning into contempt for America altogether. From Tucker Carlson’s smash hit weeklong stand in autocrat Viktor Orban’s Hungary, to American Greatness dickweed Chris Roach’s recent column gushing over the 20th century fascism-lite Salazar regime in Portugal, to all sorts of other evidence hyperbole like “MAGA Reich” isn’t so hyperbolic anymore, it’s clear these dudes are starting to warm up to the idea that Democracy is incompatible with a secure White Christian hegemony over American politics and culture.

And we totally understand. Losing is hard. Like a kid who throws his Xbox controller at the dog just because he got pwned in Fortnite by some 27 year old incel who plays 15 hours a day or a crowd of angry “patriots” who savagely beat and even maim dozens of cops in a desperate attempt to stop an election from being certified, there’s a human tendency to act out in response to defeat and want to change the system. Every day since November 2020 and January 2021 these guys have been hurting emotionally over the loss of a GOP White House and Senate, and admitting they’d be happier in an autocracy is their way of coping. If that conclusion is wrong, then we welcome anyone to us what they think we’re supposed to take away a sentence like “To survive, we need to be committed to acquiring and using power in the service of a counterrevolution.”

At this point it’s more than safe to say fanboys like Kurt Schlichter, Michael Anton, Sohrab Ahmari, and their ilk aren’t being merely provocative anymore with this “fascism is cool man” talk.

You know what’s even cooler though? Xenomorphs.

A race of eusocial parasitoid killing machines from deep space is so much fucking cooler than the daydreams of edgelord man-boys fondling themselves through the fly of their MAGA pajama bottoms. Flight 93 Election? Please. Try the LV-426 election, bro. Your fantasies of total Christianist domination over American politics and culture’s got nothing on the infinity times more badass fictional Weyland-Yutani corporation’s ruthless and violently destructive quest to capture a living Xenomorph specimen for use in the company’s nefarious bioweapons division.

“There would be more voters if we made it easier to vote, and there would be more doctors if we didn’t require a license to practice medicine. The fact that we believe unqualified doctors to be a public menace but act as though unqualified voters were just stars in the splendid constellation of democracy indicates how little real esteem we actually have for the vote, in spite of our public pieties” and I’m so a-scared of the consequences of unchecked majoritarian governance because I can’t admit to myself that the policies I support aren’t popular.

Pfffft… You people voting is scary? Try this:

That’s 450 lbs of pure death crashing through the window of a hapless Coloradan. He had no chance. You think Sebastian Gorka would put up a fight against that fucking thing? Sure, maybe he could bore a Xenomorph to death with a 20 minute monologue on how Critical Race Theory threatens the very foundations of American public school education. More likely is that Gorka’s face would be ripped off within three seconds of going toe-to-toe with a Xeno.

The bottom line is that, in terms of sheer badassery, there’s just no contest between the policy designs of proto-authoritarians with a thin veneer of intellectual esteem and the Xenomorphs. Dinesh D’Souza and his buddies should just give up now. Game over man, game over.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

Picasso no longer available for adoption in Muscatine, Iowa

15 minutes ago

Los Angeles ICE raid sweeps up 12 out of 120 targeted

2 hours ago

Coast Guard urges Great Lakes-area residents to be careful on ice

5 hours ago

Wyoming Republican suddenly in favor of “preferred pronouns”

5 hours ago

Judge denies AP bid for injunction on White House access

6 hours ago

Denny’s to begin surcharging for eggs

7 hours ago

WATCH LIVE: Macron stuck next to demented old piss fetishist

8 hours ago

“Non-responses are not considered a resignation”

8 hours ago

Florida Quebecois-American Trump fan motelier annoyed by consequences, says countrymen ghosting him “way overreacting”

9 hours ago

Russian tourist poses for pic while hanging out of train in Sri Lanka

10 hours ago

How long until Republicans start shrieking “insurrection” again?

11 hours ago

Wall Street already tired of Trump’s bullshit and volatility

13 hours ago

House GOP looking to impose work requirements on SNAP

15 hours ago

Fox News reject fails upward to Deputy FBI Director

1 day ago

Orange Fuhrer freaking out over Michael Wolff book, again

1 day ago

Frederich Merz on track to become next German chancellor

1 day ago

Cleanup on Aisle MAGA

1 day ago

Regime to deport unaccompanied undocumented minors to protect them from sex trafficking and other exploitation: memo

2 days ago

Jeffries not ready to lift a finger to help House GOP fund government

2 days ago

Fox News excited Idaho maniac could face firing squad

2 days ago

Pope Francis in “critical condition”

2 days ago

WATCH LIVE: CPAC shitshow, Day 3

3 days ago

“ELON IS DOING A GREAT JOB, BUT”

3 days ago

Missouri Republican intros bill creating pregnancy registry

3 days ago

Movie Night Friday: Everest

3 days ago

Massachusetts teenagers rescued from waist-deep snow

3 days ago

Nice “gotcha” there, you fucking idiot

3 days ago

Acting ICE director sacked

3 days ago

Dow Jones sinks below January 20th level

3 days ago

“This is a deeply personal matter that is being unfairly exploited for political purposes”: Cory Mills’s not-wife after alleged assault

3 days ago

Report: Trump to join Putin for World War II victory parade

3 days ago

Capitol Police arrest Enrique Tarrio

3 days ago

Patriotic Red Stater chooses to celebrate Second Amendment

3 days ago

Judge appoints special counsel to fight Adams dismissal

3 days ago

“Eggs, I’m hearing so much about eggs”

3 days ago

MAGA Congressman Cory Mills under investigation for assault

3 days ago

Ronny Jackson evidently a Paramount+ subscriber

3 days ago

WATCH LIVE: MAGA cosplay fan-con, Day 2

4 days ago

Florida man and alligator both win fight

4 days ago

Orange Asshole lets James Carville get to him

4 days ago

Shoving Jim Acosta out the door sees real results for CNN

4 days ago

Conscientious Amtrak passenger keeps undershirt and briefs on

4 days ago

Hong Kong Democrats no longer in disarray

4 days ago

Fox News reports tiny red dots of liberty cropping up in Blue State

4 days ago

“He had been a supporter of President Trump prior to the layoff”

4 days ago

Canada 3 – USA 2 in Four Nations Face-off Final

4 days ago

Constituents boo Georgia MAGA Congressman defending DOGE

4 days ago

Orange Empire to vanquish Haitian refugees

4 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Orange American hosts Black History Month show

4 days ago

Venezuelan refugees sue Trump regime over status removal

4 days ago

x
x
x
x
x
x