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“Overturned strawberry truck causes jam on two highways” writes UPI headline editor who thinks he’s just so fucking clever and witty

“Traffic on a pair of California highways turned into a jam when a truck loaded with strawberries overturned, dropping barrels of the fruit into the road. The California Highway Patrol said the overturned truck, carrying about 40,000 pounds of fruit, blocked the northbound connector ramps to Highway 101 and Interstate 880 in San Jose on Wednesday morning and was leaning over a guardrail. The ramps were closed as crews worked to lift the truck upright and remove the fallen barrels of strawberries,” wrote some prick who works for UPI wire service, emphasis ours, to show everyone just how goddamned clever and witty he is with reporting these sort of things.

Oooh look at you Mr Whimsy, taking dry news and making it a little more lighthearted and fun for the whole family. Bet you really felt good about yourself with that “jam” line, didn’t you? Must’ve had that idea for a while, waiting for the perfect moment to break it out when a produce truck or maybe a freight train car or cargo ship or whatever spilled a shit ton of berries following an accident.

Right? Well riddle us this: If you’re so snappy and quick-witted then why didn’t you also write that it was a “berry messy commute for local drivers”? Ouch, right? You’ll probably regret that one for a while. Maybe the rest of your life, right up until you die and they berry you in the ground! LOL!

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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