Dr Trump provides update after using sheet rock knife on patient

"THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!" posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday morning.

Yeah, he seriously fucking wrote that. In all caps, preserved for effect in the copypasta here.

State Department situationally flexible on free speech

Former Mets pitcher among 44 killed in Dominican club collapse

WATCH LIVE: Filthy man hypes filthy fuel

Krazy Karoline confirms 104 percent tariff on Chinese imports

Bondi flees reporter to escape hole in circular logic

“Whatever”

CREW sues over Trump regime’s takedown of spending database

Stephen A Smith caught masturbating in front of audience

“DOGE AI” appears to have gotten some tweaks

Wisconsin Trump voter Brad Bartell bails wife out of ICE lockup

ChiComs say they’re ready to “fight to the end”

Orange Warlord does little end zone dance over fascism win

Senator Grandma says it’s Fat Donald’s economy now

Baby ducklings rescued from Vancouver, Washington highway

Hedge fund douchebag says US probably in a recession already

Netanyahu still at White House

The version of you in the other timeline is so fucking lucky

White House cancels Trump-Netanyahu press conference

Your “no shit” story of the day from the friendly folks at Axios

Meth-head guns stolen 2007 Hyundai Elantra’s engine to 100 mph

WATCH LIVE: Legendary baseball organization self-debases

Fat fucking idiot ups the ante with another 50 percent on China

Team Orange petitions Supreme Court on Abrego Garcia case

Regime rapidly responds to apparent false alarm

Stocks rebound as Trump considers 90-day pause, except China

S&P 500 enters bear territory

Breitbart reports “THE GREAT RESHORING” underway as “Major garment producer Bangladesh says US buyers halting orders”

Ketamine Brain getting into Friedman and the “Panican Party”

Jamie Dimon then and now

Doug Burgum a bitchy, abusive diva

“Not acknowledging my warning”

Orange Hitler dreams of sending US citizens to Bukele’s dungeon

Fat Nero insists he’ll be vindicated “some day”

Dow futures a precurse ofth greate doome fore merchantes

MAGA Land celebrates (or non-celebrates) “Liberation Day”

Team Orange’s “everything thing will be fine” blitz didn’t go so fine

Three USAID workers DOGEd while on the ground in Myanmar

“Well, I mean that – come on Jake… Whatever. Listen…”

At least 16 dead in storms across South and Midwest

Justice Department lawyer placed on leave for admitting to judge Trump Reich violated lawful court order in deporting Abrego Garcia

WSJ shades DJT

Message from the Fuhrerbunker on the 7th hole

Orange Caesar purposely avoided press on Friday

Not Movie Night Friday: A history of ancient Japan

Federal prosecutors seek 87 months in the joint for George Santos

North Korea mode activated

Regime abruptly halts deliveries to Nevada food banks

“ONLY THE WEAK WILL FAIL!”

“DOGE AI” now “fact checking” the Babylon Bee on Twitter

Judge orders Trump regime to get Abrego Garcia back