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Random Headlines Wednesday, Volume Zero

There's an absolute shit ton of news to get caught up on this morning, requiring a consolidation better than that lame and unserious rundown from Monday. Alright ramblers, let's get ramblin':

Fat former President Trump is planning to return to Twitter following Elon Musk's reinstatement of his account and is working on ideas for his big first new tweet in two years, NBC News reports.

The batshit House GOP plan to abolish the IRS and replace income tax with a national sales tax was reportedly a condition of the Freedom Caucasians' support for Kevin McCarthy's speakership, a plan so bad even Conservative anti-tax nerd Grover Norquist said "This is a political gift to Biden and the Democrats. I think that this is the first significant problem created for the Republican Party by the 20 people who thought that there was no downside to the approach they took."

The Manhattan DA is looking seriously at prosecuting fat former President Trump over the 2016 Stormy Daniels hush money payment, the New York Times reports. The statute of limitations has been tolled due to COVID and continues to toll every minute Trump is not in the state of New York, so prosecutors can take their time building the case, according to the Daily Beast's Joe Pagliery.

Ronna Not-Romney claims she has the votes to secure her fourth term as RNC chair over MAGA lawyer Harmeet Dhillon and allegedly former crackhead Mike Lindell. So confident is Ronna that she's skipping a debate with Lindell and Dhillon, a choice you will not be surprised to learn came just months after Ronna criticized now-Arizona Gov Katie Hobbs for refusing to debate Kari Lake.

On a very related note, the RNC is in talks with networks about a 2024 primary debate schedule for this summer, even asking CNN if they want to host one of the guaranteed shitshows.

The Chicago Department of Sanitation announced 50 finalists for its snowplow naming contest, the six highest vote-getters will be dedicated with names such as "Sleet Home Chicago," "Sears Plower," "Chicago Style Plowza," and "Mrs. O'Leary's Plow." That last one has to win.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

Orange Hitler dreams of sending US citizens to Bukele’s dungeon

5 hours ago

Fat Nero insists he’ll be vindicated “some day”

6 hours ago

Dow futures a precurse ofth greate doome fore merchantes

6 hours ago

MAGA Land celebrates (or non-celebrates) “Liberation Day”

12 hours ago

Team Orange’s “everything thing will be fine” blitz didn’t go so fine

14 hours ago

Three USAID workers DOGEd while on the ground in Myanmar

15 hours ago

“Well, I mean that – come on Jake… Whatever. Listen…”

16 hours ago

At least 16 dead in storms across South and Midwest

17 hours ago

Justice Department lawyer placed on leave for admitting to judge Trump Reich violated lawful court order in deporting Abrego Garcia

1 day ago

WSJ shades DJT

2 days ago

Message from the Fuhrerbunker on the 7th hole

2 days ago

Orange Caesar purposely avoided press on Friday

2 days ago

Not Movie Night Friday: A history of ancient Japan

2 days ago

Federal prosecutors seek 87 months in the joint for George Santos

2 days ago

North Korea mode activated

2 days ago

Regime abruptly halts deliveries to Nevada food banks

2 days ago

“ONLY THE WEAK WILL FAIL!”

2 days ago

“DOGE AI” now “fact checking” the Babylon Bee on Twitter

2 days ago

Judge orders Trump regime to get Abrego Garcia back

2 days ago

FEMA director subjected to polygraph test

2 days ago

Judge denies bail to Trump pardonee after assault on young child

2 days ago

The “DEMS IN DISARRAY” under “trending” is just sheer brilliance

3 days ago

Nintendo delays Switch 2 pre-order availability open due to tariffs

3 days ago

Jerome Powell says “lol, no” on rate cut

3 days ago

Caucasian males in suits have diverse theories and opinions

3 days ago

Pro-Hooters Villager wrongly nervous over chain’s bankruptcy

3 days ago

Wall Street tech egghead warns industry being set back a decade

3 days ago

Wizard guy in CNBC article’s top photo for second time this week

3 days ago

Russell Brand charged with rape, multiple sexual assaults

3 days ago

Seven-times bankrupt con artist says this is a unique opportunity

3 days ago

MAGA North Dakota mayor resigns after texting jerkoff video

3 days ago

Loomer happily owns NSA director’s firing

3 days ago

Former Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms to run for gov

3 days ago

AOC 55 – Schumer 36 in 2028 New York Dem Senate primary: poll

3 days ago

Fox News reports Xi Regime launching unprovoked attack on US

3 days ago

Chicoms intro 34 percent tariff on US products

3 days ago

Orange Hitler freaks out over Le Pen ban

3 days ago

South Korean court removes Yoon from office

3 days ago

Jaydee says market selloff “could be worse”

3 days ago

Michigan MAGA weirdo caught stalking AG and her wife again

3 days ago

Indian cops arrest US tourist for leaving Coke can for Sentinelese

3 days ago

Rafael and RonAnon already starting to go soft

3 days ago

Toy seller warns his business facing a “fatal blow” from tariffs

3 days ago

Dow Jones closes down 1,679 points Thursday

3 days ago

Fat fucking idiot still on this “surgery” thing

3 days ago

Not clear if man pointing gun at Cybertruck was political

3 days ago

Weed-lovers to take hit in stupid trade war

3 days ago

Fox News calls on Trump to address major crisis in US auto industry

3 days ago

Well it was kind of a tough week, so…

3 days ago

Half of ICE arrests touted by Trump were already in prison

3 days ago

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