FiveThirtyEight launches new anxiety machine for libs

The now-Nate Silver-less FiveThirtyEight (sort-of rebranded as “538”) have launched their 2024 presidential election forecast which, as of this morning, find Joe Biden winning 529 out of every 1000 simulations to convicted felon former President Trump’s 467, plus another four simulation runs in which neither won the Electoral College… which is almost certainly a Trump win.

Orange Hitler moves to further punish thoughtcrimes

Natural-born US citizen jailed on false immigration hold

Rubio says US will “move on” no Ukraine ceasefire in next few days

Orange Caesar “not happy” that Zelensky let Ukraine get invaded

Some 39 year-old weirdo dating Cher, 78

“DOGE AI” continues down dark path of “RINO”-esque iconoclasm

Old Man Trump screams at bank manager

“Serious constitutional concerns”

Fat Donald ordered Israel to back off planned strike on Iran

Trump admits he pardoned Antifa infiltrators

Sign of life detected on distant exoplanet

Orange Satan rages over TPS injunction

Homeless guy wins $1 million lotto scratch-off

Ant traffickers arrested in Kenya

WATCH LIVE: Krazy Karoline Klassic

Big fat fucking baby ready to burn it all if Harvard won’t submit

This probably got even more stupid… Probably

Reich FEMA denies Washington State funds for storm recovery

Grampa was up late last night

Pennsylvania MAGA terrorist also a domestic abuser

WATCH LIVE: Dictator bro-fest

“Cemeteries are filled with tombstones from Americans who were killed by Joe Biden” claims bald, histrionic cunt on national TV

Cooper 46 – Tillis 44 in North Carolina 2026 Senate race: poll

President Trump apparently claiming to be prescient

Fox News reports Steven A Smith not a threat to GOP in 2028

White collar defense lawyers facing lean times

Stephen A Smith has “no choice but to” ughhhnnn… Oh my God…

Nutlick claims tech tariff exemptions temporary

Republican voters now say it’s Trump’s economy: CBS News poll

“For our Country’s sake, and for your kids, Vote Trump for PEACE!”

Team Orange exempts computers and phones from China tariffs

Reich “reviewing” Smirnov case

Regime declares 6,000 protected status holders “dead”

Consumer sentiment at second-lowest level since 1952

Chicoms raise tariffs on US imports to 125 percent

Modelo brewer says MAGA immigration crackdown hurting sales

Orange Satan whines over confirmations holdup

Well they didn’t actually mean all illegal immigrants

Trans Army pilot sues MAGA influencer over false Flight 5342 post

WATCH LIVE: Trump’s supplicants try to spin his stupidity

Ketamine Brain rage quits gaming stream over heckling

Flight from New York City to Milan, Italy turns around after four hours after passenger freaks out over goddamned inflight meal

WATCH LIVE: Fat bastard’s stupid NASCAR event

Treasury Suckretary not willing to comment on Trump capitulation

Wisconsin post-mortem poll quantifies Musk’s suckery

Apple and Orange

Chicoms bump retaliatory tariff up to 84 percent

State Department situationally flexible on free speech

Former Mets pitcher among 44 killed in Dominican club collapse

WATCH LIVE: Filthy man hypes filthy fuel