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NASA still not saying what the hell happened with astronauts

“NASA’s SpaceX Crew-11 mission safely splashed down early Thursday morning in the Pacific Ocean off the coast of San Diego, concluding a more than five-month mission aboard the International Space Station. NASA astronauts Zena Cardman and Mike Fincke, JAXA (Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency) astronaut Kimiya Yui, and Roscosmos cosmonaut Oleg Platonov returned to Earth at 12:41 am PST. Teams aboard SpaceX recovery vessels retrieved the spacecraft and its crew shortly after landing. Crew-11 returned home about a month earlier than planned because of a medical concern teams are monitoring with one of the crew members, who remains stable.”

“Due to medical privacy, it is not appropriate for NASA to share more details about the crew member. Prior to return, NASA previously coordinated for all four crew members to be transported to a local hospital for additional evaluation, taking advantage of medical resources on Earth to provide the best care possible,” says a NASA press release and since when did HIPAA apply to astronauts?

At least just say it was something normal and don’t leave room to speculate it was like a horrific alien virus or weird cosmic energy wave that gave the astronaut super powers or some shit.

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Crew of armed robbers takes high stakes card game in Manhattan

A highly organized and professional armed robbery crew barged into a high stakes card game in Manhattan on Wednesday night, making off with over $100,000 worth of prized loot in under three minutes, leaving the high rollers and their host utterly stunned by the brazen heist, WABC reports.

The Poke Court, a sophisticated parlor opened in the Meatpacking District in November to serve the city’s elite Pokemon card players, was a mess of glass from shattered display cases after the brazen rogues absconded with its most coveted and valuable depictions of Japanese cartoon fighting animals that players pit against each other in imaginary battles, a most inauspicious first “community night” for the venue. At least 40 of Gotham’s top Pokemon sharps witnessed the crime.

“That’s been the recommendation of the police and of other shops in the area to get an armed guard or like a doorman,” proprietor Courtney Chin told WABC, adding she hopes insurance will cover the losses. She did not say if the merchandise was actually insured or if this was more of like an aspirational hope that the typical policies held by commercial retail business will cover it.

The NYPD are asking for the public’s assistance in identifying the thieves. They gotta catch em all.

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“When you think of it, we shouldn’t even have an election”

During the brief but wide-ranging interview with Reuters from which other portions were picked up here earlier, convicted felon President Trump on Thursday told reporters with the outlet that he doesn’t exactly have high hopes for the Republican Party in the November elections, saying “It’s some deep psychological thing, but when you win the presidency, you don’t win the midterms.”

The fat bastard then, per Reuters, “boasted that he had accomplished so much” that “when you think of it, we shouldn’t even have an election,” his addled mind germinating the seed of canceling the midterms because of whatever the fuck he thinks he actually accomplished domestically.

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Multiple shot at Atlanta warming shelter

A warming center – basically a homeless shelter with a lot of space heaters – in Atlanta was the scene of a mass shooting on Thursday, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports and the details are extremely limited at this point as a 911 call was placed just before 10 AM this morning.

Not that it would be good if this was simply some vagrant asshole pulling a gun and shooting several others he did not like, but it’s still preferable to the place being targeted by someone not sheltering there and did not know anyone inside except that it’s a temporary shelter for homeless people, most of them likely Black given the area’s demographics. That would be far more unwelcome news.

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“Stop proposing this populist shit”

Asked to comment on convicted felon President Trump’s extremely stupid and pretty much already-aborted “call” to cap credit card rates at 10 percent – which he pledged to do on the 2024 campaign trail without even the slightest nod to the practicality or feasibility of such a policy – an anonymous House Republican felt brave enough to tell Trump, via NOTUS, to “stop proposing this populist shit.”

“If you shut the ability down to make money off the interest rates to protect against the default, then they’re gonna say, ‘well, we can’t have as much access to credit for all these people,'” the “senior GOP member” continued. “Access to credit is a huge deal, especially for people living paycheck to paycheck. It’s going to be a disaster for the economy because you’ll see consumer spending drop.”

A member of the House Financial Services committee said they “can’t figure out what the legal authority would be or how it would be implemented. Classic example of administration shooting from the hip,” all of this as if Trump hadn’t pledged this during the 2024 campaign, no doubt appealing to many voters with credit card debt who believed stupidly that Trump could actually follow through.

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Federal prosecutors charge 20 in NCAA basketball rigging scam

In an article woefully light on specifics but with potentially major implications, NBC News reports that 20 suspects have been indicted on rigging NCAA college basketball games in America and pro league games in China. Other than that the reporting is sourced from federal court filings unsealed Thursday in Philadelphia, no further details were included, but it would seem likely that the kind of douchebags who say “bracketology” with a straight face might be among the defendants.

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MAGA Congressman struggles to explain regime’s ICE narrative

Florida MAGA Congressman Mike Haridopolos didn’t do such a great job selling the narrative that ICE is terrorizing people in Minneapolis because some undocumented immigrants committed petty crimes and were released back into the community. It does not make any sense, especially when the deployment was supposed to be a Somali fraud crackdown or whatever the fuck it was.

Haridopolos then tried the “paid protestors” line. Probably why you’ve never heard of him before.

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Fat Hitler threatens to impose Insurrection Act on Minnesota

“If the corrupt politicians of Minnesota don’t obey the law and stop the professional agitators and insurrectionists from attacking the Patriots of ICE, who are only trying to do their job, I will institute the INSURRECTION ACT, which many Presidents have done before me, and quickly put an end to the travesty that is taking place in that once great State,” posted the Orange Fuhrer on Thursday.

Why threaten it and not just do it, you fat fuck. Show your ballsucking cultists you mean business and are as tought as you always pretended to be. You are a living god to them, so act like it.

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Republican mayor’s pants-less city hall sex romp subject of lawsuit

A former North Carolina municipal IT staffer is suing the mayor and the town of Mooresville, accusing them of retaliating against him for alerted his superiors to late night security cam footage of His Honor entering the unoccupied city hall with an unknown woman in October 2024 and then later walking through its corridors naked from the waist down, People Magazine reports.

In the federal complaint filed in the Western District of North Carolina, Jeffrey Noble asserts he never did anything to share or publicize the footage of Mayor Chris Carney’s carnality, but he couldn’t simply unsee the conduct “inconsistent with Town ethics and security policies” either, so he reported the misconduct to his supervisor. Instead of reporting it to a district attorney or a state ethics bureau, Mooresville officials then locked down access to the footage and Carney took a leave of absence for a few weeks last year. Noble was then accused of leaking the footage to the media, suspended, and subsequently fired in what we calls an act of unlawful retaliation.

People’s article does not mention that Carney’s a Republican and, in fairness, the position is officially non-partisan. However, even if his 2024 reelection campaign website didn’t give it away with the very obvious “PROMISES MADE, PROMISES KEPT” tagline there’s that Ballotpedia lists him as having ran for and served in the North Carolina state Senate as a Republican from 2011 to 2013. And then there’s the “North Carolina should take a conservative, moral stand on social issues. As for my family and me, we use the Bible as our moral compass. If I don’t like a law, I don’t go out and break it. I follow it while I work to change it. It’s really that simple, and I expect the same from others, especially government officials and employees. I am a pro-life Christian, Conservative and have fought, and will continue to fight, to protect families and our shared conservative values,” song and dance in the “campaign themes” section of his failed 2016 state Senate comeback bid.

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Donald insecure about Shah Jr

In an impromptu exclusive Oval Office interview, convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday told Reuters that the Iranian opposition “crown prince” Reza Pahlavi “seems very nice,” but “I don’t know how he’d play within his own country and we really aren’t up to that point yet… I don’t know whether or not his country would accept his leadership, and certainly if they would, that would be fine with me,” likely meaning Pahlavi has yet to sufficiently praise the Orange Ayatollah.

The interview came the same day that the fat bastard just randomly claimed that Tehran regime backed off plans to mass execute thousands of protestors arrested during the current upheaval.

Pressed on an array of other topics, like Congressional Republicans in a mini-uproar over his regime’s very ill-advised fake criminal probe of Fed Chair Jerome Powell, Trump said simply “I don’t care. There’s nothing to say. They should be loyal,” and “I don’t ​care what he says,” of Jamie Dimon.

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“You can’t quit, I’m firing you!” Bondi claims she told Minnesota prosecutors who definitely quit in disgust with her malevolence

Holy fuck these people are such mental children who can never simply be told no, I won’t open a criminal investigation into a woman who just watched her wife get shot in the face three times. There always has to be some spin where they’re on top, they’re always winning.

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Racist grandpa wants more death and suffering because the Blacks

“Does anybody believe that in Minneapolis, these are the Food Stamp Businesses? There’s no Food, there’s no cleanliness, there’s no service, there’s no nothing, except FRAUD. They get sent Millions of Dollars of Taxpayer Money, and laugh at how STUPID the Americans are, but not anymore. These people should be sent back to Somalia, or any other Country from where they came. California, Illinois, New York, and so many other places are equally as bad. It’s all a giant Democrat SCAM, with protection from the Fake News Media but, it will end, as we, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, complete with some pics of some random bodegas.

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ICE recruitment vetting AI fuckup almost too stupid to believe

This is how fucking stupid and incompetent the Trump Regime is with what’s supposed to be their most important domestic policy issue: NBC News reports that there are two tiers to the recruiting pipeline, the first being those with current law enforcement experience who can go through a four-week online course to become ICE agents. Of course nobody doubts they’re the dregs of police and sheriff’s departments, many of them probably facing discipline or firing and need a new job, so on and so forth, but if in 2022 you’d heard the Biden Administration was doing the same thing for the DEA or ATF then you probably wouldn’t bat an eye. Four weeks orientation for current cops transitioning to street-level roles in federal law enforcement agencies is fine in a complete vacuum.

ICE in 2026 isn’t a vacuum, but follow along. The other pipeline tier is the eight weeks in-person for completely fresh recruits who have no prior experience working in law enforcement, like the pro-Antifa Slate reporter who got herself hired this week just to prove how bad the vetting is and as billed in the headline here’s another data point for that: The AI ICE has been using to filter and separate the two pipelines read shit like “compliance officer” and statements like “I wish to become an ICE officer” and took that to mean that they have law enforcement experience, putting them instead in the online course that they can probably half listen to the videos while playing Xbox.

Yes, they’re already out in the field, cracking heads and collecting a paycheck. “They now have to bring them back to the [Federal Law Enforcement Training Center],” a source told NBC.

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Ohio woman’s french fry mishap destroys Sunoco station canopy

The headline could’ve read “Five dead after car plows into Ohio gas station,” but thankfully an unidentified 56 year-old woman only destroyed the canopy over the pumps, according to WHIO.

The Cincinnati-area woman said she’d been eating french fries behind the wheel on Sunday when she began choking on one due to a “dry spot” in her throat, causing her to momentarily black out and lose control of her Buick, which then proceeded to hit the pylon of the canopy over the pumps in the Sunoco station on South Street in Wilmington. The canopy then partially scraped another vehicle but no one was injured. The woman was cited for failure to control the vehicle.

The establishment that sold her the excessively dry fries was not identified in the reporting.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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