Category: Uncategorized

Boloid impacts are bad. Movies about them are bad too. This movie’s kind of bad. But Robert Duvall’s a good astronaut. And Morgan Freeman’s an okay president… He got blamed for it.

A new survey of GOP primary voters by pollster “JL Partners” finds Vice President Couchfucker ahead of Marco Rubio and the other assclowns by 46 to 7 single digits, New York Post reports.

“Moody’s Ratings (Moody’s) has downgraded the Government of United States of America’s (US) long-term issuer and senior unsecured ratings to Aa1 from Aaa and changed the outlook to stable from negative. This one-notch downgrade on our 21-notch rating scale reflects the increase over more than a decade in government debt and interest payment ratios to levels that are significantly higher than similarly rated sovereigns. Successive US administrations and Congress have failed to agree on measures to reverse the trend of large annual fiscal deficits and growing interest costs. We do not believe that material multi-year reductions in mandatory spending and deficits will result from current fiscal proposals under consideration. Over the next decade, we expect larger deficits as entitlement spending rises while revenue remains broadly flat. In turn, persistent, large fiscal deficits will drive the government’s debt and interest burden higher. The US’ fiscal performance is likely to deteriorate relative to its own past and compared to other highly-rated sovereigns.”

“The stable outlook reflects balanced risks at Aa1. The US retains exceptional credit strengths such as the size, resilience and dynamism of its economy and the role of the US dollar as global reserve currency. In addition, while recent months have been characterized by a degree of policy uncertainty, we expect that the US will continue its long history of very effective monetary policy led by an independent Federal Reserve. The stable outlook also takes into account institutional features, including the constitutional separation of powers among the three branches of government that contributes to policy effectiveness over time and is relatively insensitive to events over a short period. While these institutional arrangements can be tested at times, we expect them to remain strong and resilient,” said Moody’s Ratings in an after-market close press release.

“THE SUPREME COURT WON’T ALLOW US TO GET CRIMINALS OUT OF OUR COUNTRY!” POSTED PRESIDENT TRUMP FROM PHONE ON TRUTH SOCIAL APP! VERY MAD PRESIDENT! SUPREME COURT FUCK! RULING SO WRONG! JUSTICES HATE AMERICA! SHIT! NOT SAFE FOR US! SO MAD!

NOT BELIEVABLE! WHO THINK THIS RULING IS GOOD? NOT THE PRESIDENT! GO AWAY SCOTUS!

Yeah, Tom Homan seems really confident and secure in his position as all-powerful”Border Czar” even though he still seems to spend an awful lot of time complaining about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who he said he was going to prosecute about three months ago and yet still she walks free.

The US Supreme Court on Friday extended an April order blocking convicted felon President Trump from deporting Venezuelan migrants to the El Salvadoran dungeon, Bloomberg reports.

There were two dissents, not named in the article, but take a wild fucking guess who they were.

The Government Accountability Office on Friday informed staff to not speak or interact with any of the DOGE incels currently eyeing their building and they have kind of a strong leg to stand on with this given that the agency reports to Congress and is not in any way under the jurisdiction of the Executive Branch and anyone sent by Ketamine Brain would be trespassing, NOTUS reports.

“GAO was contacted by representatives of the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), who sought to assign a team to GAO. Today, we sent a letter to the acting administrator of DOGE stating that GAO is a legislative branch agency that conducts work for the Congress. As such, we are not subject to DOGE or executive orders,” said the email sent by leadership. Maybe Elon should go complain to Mike Johnson and John Thune, see if they can pass legislation to abolish GAO.

A jailbreak at New Orleans lockup meant 11 inmates were out on the town to have a blast of a weekend chilling out in the Big Easy while cops and FBI agents (losers) were stuck at work trying to find them and kill their buzz, CBS News reports on the action comedy hit of the summer.

“A search for the individuals is currently underway, OPSO is working with local and state law enforcement agencies on the search to return them to custody,” said the Orleans Parish Sheriff’s Office in a statement. “We’re gonna get those punks back and have them scrubbing the toilets with toothbrushes before they can shake it up with some sexy ladies on the floor of Saint Lizard’s on Bourbon Street. And DEFINITELY before one of them can win the $5,000 dance competition prize and bail himself out!” the statement did not add. The inmates are considered armed and dangerous.

House spending bill just failed in committee 16-21 pic.twitter.com/CceaWvcngT

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) May 16, 2025

As you might have noticed if you were still watching the Budget Committee’s markup, the “Big Beautiful Bill” is in serious trouble as it failed by three votes (four, technically because one of the yeses switched to “no” in a procedural maneuver), leaving one of the top propaganda outlets plainly pretty fucking pissed and blaming the one guy sort of but not really responsible for it.

Members in reality are far more pissed at incompetent Texan dipshit Budget Committee chair Jodey Arrington for having called the vote without allowing more time for negotiation with the far right holdouts, per Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman. It’s not clear if the moron thought he could call their bluff and pressure them into voting yes or what the hell happened, but other Republicans are saying it was a tactical error. Whether or not this was realistic is not clear but there will not be another vote before next week. Again, still a ways to go, but the GOP defeated themselves this round.

Scattered reports from online shoppers to the Washington Post indicate that carriers like UPS and DHL are now shaking down recipients for tariff fees on shit they already ordered from overseas-based retailers. One of them, an Austin-based programmer Ben Dominguez-Benner said he ordered a $183 cord-organizing system from CRDBAG, a Swedish company, only for UPS to send him an email on May 2 saying he owed them $137.42 for “Government Charges” on the items.

Dominguez-Benner paid up, but wasn’t happy about it. Thanks Trump, you fat fucking maniac.

“Engineers at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Southern California have revived a set of thrusters aboard the Voyager 1 spacecraft that had been considered inoperable since 2004. Fixing the thrusters required creativity and risk, but the team wants to have them available as a backup to a set of active thrusters whose fuel tubes are experiencing a buildup of residue that could cause them to stop working as early as this fall. In addition, the mission needed to ensure the availability of the long-dormant thrusters before May 4, when the Earth-bound antenna that sends commands to Voyager 1 and its twin Voyager 2 went offline for months of upgrades,” says NASA in a Thursday press release that oddly did not credit the brilliance and vision of President Trump and Elon Musk for the impressive technical feat as are widely understood to be required by current practices.

The probe, launched during the Carter Administration, is the most distant known man-made object from Earth at 164 AU (the distance between the Earth and the Sun) or 15.6 billion miles, more than three times Pluto’s max orbital aphelion of 49 AU, and yet it still friggin keeps sending data back.

MAGA influencer Batya Ungar-Sargon, a Fox News and CNN regular who emerged from obscurity over the last few months to become a reliable presence on Mediaite and other TV clip-centric outlets for her hyperbolic meltdowns, but has yet to stain the pages of National Zero, was up early this morning to rage at Walmart’s corporate leadership for announcing they’re raising prices due to convicted felon President Trump’s stupid trade war. Coached along by Fox and Friends host Brian Kilmeade, about 90 percent of Ungar-Sargon’s rant was basically plagiarizing 2000s-era liberal agitprop about the retail behemoth’s “greed” and massive profits but the fucking idiot accidentally slipped in a “Support the president! Support the agenda!” prompting Kilmeade to interrupt to remind the supposed “ex-liberal” MAGA media shitbrain to stay on script, asking “Do you see politics in this?” to which Ungar-Sargon corrected herself saying “No! I just, I just see rampant greed.”

Nice save there, Batshit-ya. Wouldn’t want anyone thinking that you’re that fucking myopic and solipsistic that your opposition to a store where you do not and never will shop at raising prices is solely based on it being a political liability for your Orange God Emperor and his party rather than an unnecessary tax on their working class customer base, one that Walmart should just shut up and eat because their shareholders are comfortable enough and don’t need any more profits.

With expectations for a major breakthrough low ahead of Friday’s meeting between Ukrainian and Russian diplomats in Turkey aimed at ending the now-three-year war started by dictator Vladimir Putin – who didn’t show up – you could accurately say they were met as AFP reports the meeting concluded after just 90 minutes and there’s a pretty slim chance of them resuming.

A Ukrainian source said the Russians derailed everything by making unrealistic territorial demands that Kyiv cede regions currently under occupation, areas which Ukraine is demanding be returned so you can kind of see how things might not have worked out at the meeting.

“Consumer sentiment was essentially unchanged this month, inching down a scant 1.4 index points following four consecutive months of steep declines. Sentiment is now down almost 30 percent since January 2025. Slight increases in sentiment this month for independents were offset by a 7 percent decline among Republicans. While most index components were little changed, current assessments of personal finances sank nearly 10 percent on the basis of weakening incomes. Tariffs were spontaneously mentioned by nearly three-quarters of consumers, up from almost 60 percent in April, uncertainty over trade policy continues to dominate consumers’ thinking about the economy.”

“Note that interviews for this release were conducted between April 22 and May 13, closing two days after the announcement of a pause on some tariffs on imports from China. Many survey measures showed some signs of improvement following the temporary reduction of China tariffs, but these initial upticks were too small to alter the overall picture – consumers continue to express somber views about the economy. The initial reaction so far echoes the very minor increase in sentiment after the April 9 partial pause, despite which sentiment continued its downward trend.”

“Year-ahead inflation expectations surged from 6.5 percent last month to 7.3 percent this month. This month’s rise was seen among Democrats and Republicans alike. Long-run inflation expectations lifted from 4.4 percent in April to 4.6 percent in May, reflecting a particularly large monthly jump among Republicans. The final release for May will reveal the extent to which the May 12 pause on some China tariffs leads consumers to update their expectations,” says the University of Michigan Survey of Consumers in a statement, finding that even GOP voters are starting to feel “somber.”

"This administration is doing such great things": @KidRock responds to Bruce Springsteen's anti-Trump rant on stage pic.twitter.com/lfF7Fyom5J

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) May 16, 2025

Kid Rock seemed cool with losing money after his shitty “Honky Tonk” bar and restaurant in downtown Nashville shuttered over the weekend when all the kitchen staff ghosted due to the fear of ongoing ICE raids in the city, preferring instead to bitch to Fox and Friends on Friday about Bruce Springsteen’s recent anti-MAGA rhetoric as if Bruce being an outspoken liberal is anything new.

The International Criminal Court on Friday announced that Chief Prosecutor Karim Khan will be on leave while an investigation into accusations of sexual assault against a former female aide is conducted, the Wall Street Journal reports on what will no doubt do wonders for Israeli and Russia propaganda operations as their respective dictators Benjamin Netanyahu and Vladimir Putin face arrest warrants for crimes against humanity authored by Khan himself.

“Has anyone noticed that, since I said ‘I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT,’ she’s no longer ‘HOT?'” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday, apparently believing that the conclusion of Swift’s 21-month worldwide tour that sold out all 149 shows in 51 cities across five continents – grossing as much as $2 billion – and what’s probably her taking a break to work on a new album means she’s no longer “HOT” since he posted his hatred of her for endorsing Kamala Harris in the 2024 election.

Well you can’t prove he didn’t make a dent in her popularity, so the post checks out.

“THE SUPREME COURT IS BEING PLAYED BY THE RADICAL LEFT LOSERS, WHO HAVE NO SUPPORT, THE PUBLIC HATES THEM, AND THEIR ONLY HOPE IS THE INTIMIDATION OF THE COURT, ITSELF. WE CAN’T LET THAT HAPPEN TO OUR COUNTRY!” the fat bastard later screamed in a subsequent post. Yeah nobody else thinks Thursday’s arguments went that well for his batshit insane attempt to abrogate the 14th Amendment did either so at least he recognizes it.

Friday’s a big day for the MAGA GOP’s “Big Beautiful Bill” – and that’s actually the official name now, as the current draft literally says “This Act may be cited as the ‘One Big Beautiful Bill Act,'” and whether it can get out of the House Budget Committee is a serious question.

What’s interesting here is that the page for the committee says “This hearing will not be webcast” and the above stream is billed as a “press conference” on its YouTube description, yet moron Chairbilly Jodey Arrington just gaveled in for what’ll probably be a long day.

The leader of Portugal’s far right Chega Party was seen grabbing his chest and trying to undo his tie before collapsing into the arms of his minions who carried him away during an outdoor rally on Thursday, the second time in a week the asshole had publicly suffered from severe medical distress in full public view just before Sunday’s big national Assembly elections, Reuters reports.

“Everything is well with his heart,” said Chega lawmaker Marta Silva of her party’s dear leader, 42 year-old Andre Ventura, with Silva insisting it was some kind of “esaphogeal spasm” caused by acid reflux. Even if that’s true, it appears that sudden doubts over Ventura’s health would simply make a bad situation for his nationalist anti-immigrant party worse, as polling finds they’re in third at 18 percent support. Per Reuters, Chega’s stuck in the same spot they were last year as the party’s once-serious momentum has stalled due to a series of scandals involving senior members.

Sucks for Portuguese white nationalists, getting stuck with a leader who can’t handle the stress and pressure that comes with every election season. They should come up with some conspiracy theories about poisoning and directed energy weapons to cope with the impending disaster.

Donors to the US’s sestercentennial celebration committee, “America250” will be given special VIP access to convicted felon President Trump’s $45 million+ birthday celebration military parade in DC next month, as well as other major military events, the Wall Street Journal reports on more shitty slush funding from the “most transparent administration in American history” or whatever the line is.