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Bondi faces House GOP deadline of Friday to release Epstein files

“We see no reason why these individuals’ names should still be protected, and we demand that you publicly release the entirety of the Epstein files no later than May 16, 2025. There must be absolutely no redactions other than those necessary to protect the personally identifiable information of the survivors,” says a letter sent last week from MAGA House members Anna Paulina Luna, Eli Crane, Tim Burchett, and Eric Burlison to Pam Bondi, demanding what seems to be the impossible.

It’s not clear if they’re going to impeach her when she doesn’t comply, but it’d be smart for some Democrat to maybe introduce articles specifically on this matter just to throw gas on the fire.

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Condemned serial killer prays to Orange Allah in last words

The last words of Glenn Edward Rogers, aka “the Casanova Killer,” before he was put to death via lethal injection in a Florida prison Thursday were “President Trump, keep making America great. I’m ready to go,” USA Today reports on the bizarre final invocation of the psychopath who murdered five women in five different states but claimed upwards of 70. He also claimed to have killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman but, you know, that kind of throws the other claims into doubt.

“What the hell?” said execution witness Amy Roberson of her reaction to Rogers’ final words just before watching the murderer of her husband Randy Roberson’s mother. “I was like, ‘Where did that even come from?'” agreed Randy, whose mom, Andy Lou Jiles Sutton was found stabbed to death in Louisiana in November 1995, apparently Rogers’ final victim before he was arrested days later.

So yeah, it would seem the “ironic” joke – if that was even the point – kind of fell flat with the crowd.

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Kash doesn’t want to be the guy to tell fanboys when nothing happens and James Comey doesn’t get prosecuted for “threat”

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Texas man brings car to burrito fight

“On May 9, 2025, deputies with Constable Mark Herman’s Office responded to the Dollar Tree located in the 100 block of East Louetta Road in reference to a road rage incident.”

“Upon arriving, the suspect involved was detained and identified as Arturo Villarreal. It was discovered that he had his one and 17 year old granddaughters in the vehicle with him. Further investigation revealed the complainant threw a burrito at the suspect’s vehicle after they exchanged words and followed the suspect through the parking lot. The suspect then turned his vehicle around and intentionally rammed his vehicle into the complainant’s vehicle, causing major damages. Arturo Villarreal was arrested and booked into the Harris County Jail, charged with Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon. His bond was set at $7,500.00 out of the 179th District Court” – says a Facebook post from Harris County, Texas District 4 Constable Mark Herman’s office.

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“We’re cooked… Speaker let this get out of control”

An anonymous House Republican left this afternoon’s big super-important caucus meeting ahead of Friday’s big super-important Budget Committee vote on the “Big Beautiful Bill” and texted Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman to tell him simply “We’re cooked. Speaker let this get out of control.”

Which kind of tracks with a Politico story that says Johnson can only afford to lose two Republican votes on the committee. Three assclowns – Ralph Norman, Josh Breechen, and Chip “Colonel Sanders” Roy – are already saying no, but as of this printing the committee vote is still on.

Once again, again: If anyone can fuck something like this up it would be House Republicans BUT still operate under the assumption they will get something done, even as impossible and messy as it seems and as incompetent and fractured as they are. There’s still Trump there to threaten to support MAGA primary challenges against them and find other ways to make their lives miserable.

Maybe the question is whether there are too many of them who won’t play along for the fat bastard to crush. He’s kind of busy accepting bribes, pretending to lead the nation, and posting stupid shit online so he might just stop caring and give up if he thinks it’s too much work to whip all of them.

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Florida de-fluoridates, de-chemtrailizes

Heels-wearing Florida Governor Ron DeSantis on Thursday signed a bill increasing tooth decay in a state where it’s already doing pretty well, banning “certain minerals” from being added to public drinking water – meaning fluoride – on the advice of his quack surgeon general, NBC News reports

“You’ve had this debate, and really Florida’s led on this, too, partially because our Surgeon General, Joseph Ladapo, has really led the charge by going to counties and saying forcing fluoride into your water is actually not good,” DeSantis told reporters. “Yes, use fluoride for your teeth, that’s fine. But forcing it in the water supply is basically forced medication on people. They don’t have a choice.”

DeSantis also signed that batshit stupid anti-chemtrails/weather control bill into law.

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UnitedHealth hasn’t bought enough $TRUMP coin

UnitedHeath Group hasn’t bought enough $TRUMP shitcoin, or maybe not any at all, is the only reasonable conclusion one can draw from a Wall Street Journal article about how the company is under federal criminal investigation for some sort of “Medicare Advantage” scam.

Or they haven’t offered the fat bastard a luxury 747 jumbo jet. That’s a reasonable conclusion too.

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Ed Martin under investigation for ???

Former Acting DC US Attorney-turned-some-made-up-Justice Department-job-that-Trump-gave-him-after-replacing-him-with-Judge-Box-O-Wine Ed Martin told staffers in a goodbye email sent Thursday that he’s under investigation by the Office of Disciplinary Counsel for something but didn’t say what it was, the Washington Post reports. Hopefully the son of a bitch gets disbarred.

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Jim Jordan wants to wrestle Pfizer for alleged election interference

Writing yet another one of his ridiculous document demand letters, spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan this time harasses Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla with some shit about them withholding news that their COVID vax tests were successful claiming that British pharma company GSK wrote the following: “November 2024, shortly after the election, [former Pfizer exec Dr Phil] Dormitzer approached a representative from the GSK human resources team to speak about a potential relocation abroad. As the HR representative recalls, in their meeting, Dr Dormitzer was visibly upset; he requested that he be relocated to Canada due to concerns that he could be investigated by the incoming Trump Administration over his role in developing Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine. According to the human resources representative, when asked what prompted his request, Dr Dormitzer made a comment to the effect of: ‘Let’s just say it wasn’t a coincidence, the timing of the vaccine.'”

Jim continues with “GSK further informed the Committee that Dr Dormitzer had told GSK employees that ‘in late 2020, the three most senior people in Pfizer R&D were involved in a decision to deliberately slow down clinical testing so that it would not be complete prior to the results of the presidential election that year.’6 GSK alleged that ‘Dr Dormitzer was clear that this was not a situation of delaying disclosure of completed results but was a situation of slowing down results before disclosure became necessary.’ This new information appears to suggest that Dr Dormitzer and other senior Pfizer executives conspired to withhold public health information to influence the 2020 presidential election,” before demanding a shit ton of documents and emails, etc.

Nice how he’s having it both ways, that the Biden Administration was violating the First Amendment by “cracking down on vaccine misinformation” but Pfizer supposedly waiting a few extra days in November 2020 to announce that the trials were successful was election interference.

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“Human remains found near Taylor Swift’s beachside mansion”

Linking to a story by Providence, Rhode Island NBC affiliate WJAR headlined “Human remains found in Westerly,” Fox News added some of their signature creamy, sugary, cholesterol-laden industrial-lard byproduct frosting to the recipe called for in the original article Thursday, titling it “Human remains found near Taylor Swift’s beachside Rhode Island mansion amid serial killer fears.”

“Taylor Swift? SERIAL KILLER? Oh fuck yeah, I’m reading this!” Google’s algorithm may or may not have said as soon as it crawled the headline. “Pffft, fuck that boring-ass WJAR article. LMAO the cops said ‘No foul play is suspected’ in the original article and then Fox News leaves that out, lol.”

“OMG there’s definitely some amateur ‘sleuth’ podcaster out there with like 35 listeners who just added a little pin to their map of New England as they ‘piece together all the clues’ in their hunt for the serial killer just because they saw this Fox News headline,” the algorithm added, probably.

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MAGAfrikaner “refugee” who tweeted “Jews are untrustworthy and dangerous” now claims he’s part-Jewish and thus not antisemitic

MAGA Afrikaner fake refugee Charl Kleinhaus, first identified by Twitter users including @incontroZA and @BiancavanWyk16 before he went big in his new home in a Wednesday Bulwark report as having tweeted shit like “Jews are untrustworthy and a dangerous group they are not Gods chosen like to believe they are” and a whole bunch of MAGA memes, now tells the New York Times he comes “from Jewish descendants, and I have huge respect for them” and thus isn’t antisemitic.

Oh and he was on meds for a kidney stone at the time so he wasn’t using his best judgment. The Times notes that “last month, before Mr Kleinhaus’s arrival in the United States, the Department of Homeland Security said it would begin screening foreigners’ social media for antisemitic content as potential ‘grounds for denying immigration benefit requests,'” compounding the fucking tornado of hypocrisy of the Afrikaner “refugee” program amid a halt of brown refugees inflows from elsewhere.

And yeah, this is why the Trump regime told the Afrikaners not to talk to the media as they left.

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Jaydee to attend Pope Leo XIV’s inaugural mass

“Vice President JD Vance will lead a US Delegation to Vatican City to attend the inaugural Mass of His Holiness Pope Leo XIV on Sunday, May 18, 2025. Vice President Vance and Second Lady Usha Vance will be joined by Secretary of State Marco Rubio and Mrs Jeanette Rubio.”

“Pope Leo XIV is the first American Pope. Vice President Vance is the first Catholic convert to serve as Vice President,” says a White House official statement on Vance leaving himself vulnerable to being called out and embarrassed by his holiness in front of other Catholics.

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Powell warns of “supply shocks”

Speaking at some conference in DC on Thursday, Fed chairman Jerome Powell told the crowd of mostly white men in expensive suits that “Higher real rates may also reflect the possibility that inflation could be more volatile going forward than in the inter-crisis period of the 2010s. We may be entering a period of more frequent, and potentially more persistent, supply shocks – a difficult challenge for the economy and for central banks,” CNBC reports on Powell getting himself even more fired than he already was for foolishly challenging the Orange Tyrant’s narrative.

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Pizzagate asshole laments Trump’s failure to end shoplifting

We were to understand that shoplifting was a “Biden’s America” thing and that once Trump returned to power that stores would remove those locked plexiglass cases leaving you free to pick out your own toothpaste or deodorant again and that self-checkouts wouldn’t be closed anymore. What’s the point in electing a “Law and Order” president if people are still stealing shit?

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Legal expert weighs in on big Supreme Court case

“Big case today in the United States Supreme Court. Birthright Citizenship was not meant for people taking vacations to become permanent Citizens of the United States of America, and bringing their families with them, all the time laughing at the ‘SUCKERS’ that we are! The United States is the only Country in the World that does this, for what reason, nobody knows – But the drug cartels love it!”

“We are, for the sake of being politically correct, a STUPID Country but, in actuality, this is the exact opposite of being politically correct, and it is yet another point that leads to the dysfunction of America. Birthright Citizenship is about the babies of slaves. As conclusive proof, the Civil War ended in 1865, the Bill went to Congress less than a year later, in 1866, and was passed shortly after that. It had nothing to do with Illegal Immigration for people wanting to SCAM our Country, from all parts of the World, which they have done for many years. It had to do with Civil War results, and the babies of slaves who our politicians felt, correctly, needed protection. Please explain this to the Supreme Court of the United States. Again, remember, the Civil War ended in 1865, and the Bill goes to Congress in 1866 – We didn’t have people pouring into our Country from all over South America, and the rest of the World. It wasn’t even a subject. What we had were the BABIES OF SLAVES. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Good luck with this very important case,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday ahead of Supreme Court arguments on his bullshit Birthright Citizenship order, bringing the “drug cartels” into it for some fucking reason.

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Walmart CFO says price hikes already happening

Walmart CFO John Rainey tells Bloomberg that convicted felon President Trump’s declaration of trade war with China is already sending prices higher for their customers, irrespective of the fat bastard’s partial capitulation. “If you’ve not already seen it, it will happen in May and then it will become more pronounced,” said Rainey ahead of the company’s quarterly earnings release dropped on Thursday, adding “It’s a challenging environment to operate in retail right now, with prices going up like this. There really hasn’t been a historical precedent or prices going up this high, this fast. The magnitude of the increases though are so large that retailers can’t absorb these by themselves.”

Now’s a great time to dig up that seminal “MAGA Land” comment from November when Rainey warned this was going to happen: “Walmart is just upset that they can’t stock cheap products that don’t last very long and we have no idea of how they would be rolled out. Perhaps, just perhaps we all would think about unnecessary purchases if low-priced things were more expensive. I believe he will start with Autos and Electronics. Toys, other stuff later. But a question, exactly how many toys does a child need? Answer = None! Needs are different from Wants.” Evergreen, that one.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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