We toured the DC Jail today and held a press conference outside the jail after our tour. This man assaulted everyone there by blowing a whistle as loud in as he could in other’s ears and tried multiple times to assault me and other members.

My staff and others like this very… pic.twitter.com/dSQM2xUr74

— Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 (@RepMTG) March 24, 2023

The financial beat mostly sucks because it’s covered by jerkoffs who attach outsized importance to often dry and inscrutable topics. Yes, things like bank runs, inflation, and layoffs are important and have political implications. The rest of it is a tedious circlejerk and the reason why we have assholes like Elon Musk, Sam Bankman-Fried, Elizabeth Holmes, Mark Zuckerberg, and others acting like they’re living gods. The fawning coverage creates these self-sustaining cults of personality around such insufferable dicks. Then there’s stocks. Fuck stocks. Maybe if the financial media wouldn’t fill space with minute changes in the price of this or that stock then shareholders wouldn’t be always up companies’ asses to cut costs and give us clusterfucks like the East Palestine train derailment, the Southwest Airlines shitshow from a few months ago, this huge wave of tech layoffs and let’s just end this rant here and get to the actual point of this article as promised in the headline.

Because sometimes there’s a financial story we’re delighted to report, like this one about corrupt money laundering house Deutsche Bank taking a serious beating in its stock price via the AP. Shares fell 8.5% on Friday because of the rising cost of insurance for all the scams they pull. We’re eagerly looking forward to reporting more pain and suffering for them on Monday.

A 40-year-old Minnesota man pulled out a knife during a family Bible study at his sister’s home Tuesday night and repeatedly stabbed his wife, killing her, NBC News reports.  The other members of the group were able to restrain Robert Castillo until police arrived. He’s been charged with second-degree murder in the death of his wife, Corinna Woodhull.

Castillo’s sister told police Castillo was sitting on a couch next to Woodhull during the session.  At one point, he leaned over, kissed her on the cheek and whispered something in her ear, to which Woodhull shook her head indicating “no.”  Castillo then pulled out a hunting knife and started stabbing Woodhull, who was pronounced dead after being taken to a local hospital.

Cops are investigating a powder-filled envelope found in the mailroom Friday at the Manhattan courthouse where the grand jury investigating fat former President Trump’s hush money payment to Stormy Daniels has been meeting ABC News radio correspondent Aaron Katersky reports.

“President Trump is holding his first campaign rally in Waco in the Super Tuesday state of Texas because it is centrally located and close to all four of Texas’ biggest metropolitan areas – Dallas/Ft Worth, Houston, Austin, and San Antonio – while providing the necessary infrastructure to hold a rally of this magnitude. This is the ideal location to have as many supporters from across the state and in neighboring states attend this historic rally,” said Trump spokesweasel Steven Cheung to Time when asked to comment on why the Orange Koresh is holding his first 2024 campaign rally in the city during the 30th anniversary of the deadly siege at the nearby Branch Davidian compound.

Trump cult members saw it differently, with Laura Loomer calling it “Very symbolic!” and another rando quoted as saying it was “a meaningful shot across the brow [sic] of the Deep State.”

George Santos will formally admit guilt in a Brazilian court for a 2008 incident in which he defrauded a store clerk of $1,300 over clothes and shoes, according to a plea deal submitted by Santos’s lawyers and accepted by prosecutors, CNN reports.  Submitted in January–days after Santos was sworn in to Congress–the plea deal from Santos’s attorney–stated that Santos was “re-socialized” and gainfully employed, apparently referring to his seat in Congress.  Such agreements typically happen in Brazilian courts when a potential sentence is less than four years imprisonment.

The fact that this agreement was submitted to the Brazilian court after Santos’s election to Congress, and Speaker pro tem Kevin McCarthy took no action to sanction a convicted criminal for his actions, demonstrates a complete lack of ethics on behalf of House GOP leadership seeking to secure McCarthy’s time in the Speaker’s chair.

DC Circuit Judge Beryl Howell last week ordered disgraced former Trump White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, Trump social media dipshit Dan Scavino, former National Security Advisor Bob O’Brien, Nazi creep Stephen Miller, former Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe, failed MAGA dating app entrepreneur Johnny McEntee, and some asshole aide named Nick Luna to testify to the federal grand jury investigating the failed coup attempt in the aftermath of their Orange Allah’s humiliating defeat to Joe Biden in the 2020 election, ABC News reports.

At least some of these assclowns have already testified to the grand jury but had refused to answer a number of questions on executive privilege grounds. That’s no longer a problem as Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith – just like he did with Trump lawyer Evan Corcoron on the Mar-a-Lago documents case with attorney-client privilege – argued successfully to get Howell to void the Trump White House chodes’ executive privilege claims and order them to cough it up too.

This guy’s a fucking machine, and is generous with the leaks too. So far he’s everything the fanboys said John Durham was supposed to be and then some. Just look at the dead-eyed pallor over Evan Corcoran as he just now stepped out after his circa three hours of testimony, courtesy of CBS’s Rob Legare. You’d think Corcoran had just glimpsed a few pages of the Necronomicon or something.

Weird how a guy who pushes stories about “vaccine injury” still manages to suffer from ventricular tachycardia without the “clot shot” in his system. It’s almost as if these things affect “purebloods” too and did for the entirety of human history before there ever was a COVID vaccine.

In very much related news, Ars Technica reports a bill moving through the Missouri state House to ban employers from mandating any vaccines for workers specifically requirements for “any treatment or procedure intended or designed to edit or alter human deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) or the human genome,” and “any mechanical or electronic device.” Well maybe not that closely related so much as a cheeky juxtaposition of reality hitting the fantasy land of Truth Social’s Q fanbase with the fantasies of Truth Social’s Q fanbase hitting what’s supposed to be a reality-based legislature.

A Delaware federal judge on Friday removed Dem Congressman Adam Schiff as a defendant in legally blind MAGA laptop repair shop owner John Paul Mac Issac’s moronic defamation lawsuit. The best part is that it was a default as Isaac and his lawyers simply failed to respond to Schiff’s motion to dismiss (but also laid out other reasons). CNN and Hunter Biden remain as co-defendants – and so does Mac Isaac, as Hunter countersued the scumbag for invasion of privacy last week.

Newly elected QAnon freak Michigan Republican Party chairwoman Kristina Karamo tells mLive.com her biggest concern these days is the “the encroachment of the World Economic Forum.”

Yeah, that’s what she said in an interview. It’s not recruiting candidates or raising money for campaigns, it’s the World Economic Forum. This is what Michigan Republican voters get for raising this woman’s profile and nominating her for Secretary of State and then electing her chair of their state party. This and not apologizing for using an image of a box full of wedding rings taken from dead Holocaust victims as an argument for gun ownership. Enjoy your party, guys.

In India on Friday, main opposition leader Rahul Gandhi was expelled from parliament after being recently convicted of defamation over a 2019 comment in which he called dictator Narendra Modi one of a group of “thieves,” another sign of democracy eroding in a country already torn by economic and religious strife. The expulsion came before Gandhi was given a chance to appeal his two year prison sentence on the conviction. “They are destroying the constitution, killing it,” said Gandhi ally Srinivas BV, leader of the Indian National Congress Party’s youth wing. “The court gave Mr Gandhi 30 days to appeal against the order, and hardly 24 hours have passed since.”

Meanwhile in Israel, Attorney General Gali Baharav-Miara on Friday warned far right dictator Benjamin Netanyahu that his comments in a Thursday night speech – in which “Bibi” basically told Israelis protesting his planned coup of the country’s judicial system to go fuck themselves – was “illegal and tainted by a conflict of interest,” as Netanyahu is currently facing trial on corruption charges. Separately, the Israeli parliament on Friday passed a bill that states that only the prime minister himself or the cabinet, with a two-thirds majority, can declare the leader unfit for office, further protecting “Bibi” from removal by the judiciary. So things are pretty fucked there.

In the United States, Modi and Netanyahu’s ally Donald Trump threatened “death and destruction” on Friday if he’s indicted in Manhattan on a charge he illegally concealed a 2016 hush money payoff to a pornstar he had 45 seconds of sex with. This was actually the least bad of potential criminal charges against the twice-impeached former president as he also faces prosecution at the state level in Georgia and at the federal level for his post-2020 election coup attempt, plus another federal investigation over his theft of classified documents following his defeat. He’s plainly not having as much fun as his murderous Islamophobic buddies in Israel and India. All he can do at this point is plan his revenge on the justice system – particularly Alvin Bragg – if he returns to power.

Trump lawyer Evan Corcoran was spotted heading into the grand jury room at a federal courthouse in DC on Friday morning, Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports on what’s said to be a pretty damning development in Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s investigation of Donald’s refusal to comply with a subpoena for the stolen classified documents he kept at Mar-a-Lago.

Considering the Tuesday statement in which a Trump spokesworm screamed “Shame on Fake News ABC for broadcasting ILLEGALLY LEAKED false allegations from a Never Trump, now former chief judge, against the Trump legal team. The real story here, that Fake News ABC SHOULD be reporting on, is that prosecutors only attack lawyers when they have no case whatsoever,” following their reporting on Judge Beryl Howell’s finding that Jack Smith’s team had made a “prima facie showing that the former president had committed criminal violations” in her ruling ordering Corcoran to testify under a crime-fraud exception to what’s normally privileged under attorney-client secrecy, this could indeed be an extraordinarily bad day for the Orange God Emperor.

In prison tweets, Avenatti warns unseen evidence may benefit Trump in Bragg case | Just The News https://t.co/n2dMb0ZFtM

— John Solomon (@jsolomonReports) March 23, 2023

In related news, Stephen Miller’s “America First Legal” Nazi advocacy group on Wednesday filed a a lawsuit “on behalf of investigative journalist John Solomon against the National Archives and Records Administration (NARA) and the US Department of Justice (DOJ) for illegally concealing declassified Presidential records of the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s (FBI) ‘Crossfire Hurricane’ investigation – ie, the sham Russian-collusion witch-hunt against former President Trump.”

The complaint itself is a riot, including Solomon’s email exchanges with National Archives general counsel Gary Stern in the days after the FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago. In one August 17, 2022 email Stern writes “it would be really helpful if you could help to clear up the confusion and mis-statements that President Trump has made about the Obama Presidential records that NARA is preserving at our archival facility near Chicago. As you may know if you’ve ever done research at our Presidential Libraries across the country, NARA always assumes and retains complete control of the Presidential records at the end of each administration, which is what we did when former President Obama left office. Could you please explain to President Trump that NARA, not Obama, moved the unclassified records to Chicago (and that we kept the classified records in the DC area), where we continue to maintain and provide access to them,” referring to Trump’s “Obama did it too” meltdown.

“Earlier today, a US contractor was killed and five US service members and one additional US contractor were wounded after a one-way unmanned aerial vehicle struck a maintenance facility on a Coalition base near Hasakah in northeast Syria at approximately 1:38 pm local time. The intelligence community assess the UAV to be of Iranian origin,” says a Pentagon statement.

“‘At the direction of President Biden, I authorized US Central Command forces to conduct precision airstrikes tonight in eastern Syria against facilities used by groups affiliated with Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps (IRGC),’ said Secretary of Defense Lloyd J Austin III. ‘The airstrikes were conducted in response to today’s attack as well as a series of recent attacks against Coalition forces in Syria by groups affiliated with the IRGC.’ These precision strikes are intended to protect and defend US personnel. The United States took proportionate and deliberate action intended to limit the risk of escalation and minimize casualties. ‘As President Biden has made clear, we will take all necessary measures to defend our people and will always respond at a time and place of our choosing,’ said Secretary Austin. ‘No group will strike our troops with impunity.'”

The Elysee Palace on Friday announced the planned Sunday through Wednesday state visit of King Charles of England had been postponed indefinitely after the trade unions called for another day of protests on Monday, underscoring the shitshow of civil unrest gripping the country, Reuters reports.

Millions of migrants from Central and South America and their generations of offspring have established massive colonies in Florida, bringing disease and pestilence.  The Trumpian language is merited this time, though, because we’re talking about mosquitos this time, specifically a species called Culex lactator.

The species was first identified in Miami-Dade County in the late 1990s, but nests of the mosquitos were recently identified in two other counties, creating an established population that will be difficult to exterminate.  Culex lactator is infamous among virologists for spreading diseases like the West Nile and St. Louis encephalitis viruses.

“Climate change may improve the chances of tropical mosquito species becoming established once they make it to Florida if the state becomes warmer,” said Lawrence Reeves, an assistant professor at University of Florida (surprisingly still operating in the GOP battle on science) and mosquito biologist at the UF/IFAS research center. “Increasing storm frequency and intensity could also blow in more mosquitoes and other species from the Caribbean, Central America and elsewhere.

After reports of his pudding fingering, Ron DeSantis is now facing another challenge with his perinatal presidential campaign after his top events coordinator–working on “book tour” events–quit, the Daily Beast reports.  The team manning spots on DeSantis’s book tour, which non-coincidentally took him to hotspots for donors, were frontrunners to take similar spots on the Florida Man’s anticipated presidential campaign.

The Three-Fingered Ron is rumored to be an awkward sonovabitch, acting awkwardly with voters, awkwardly with students serving as a backdrop for a speech, awkward with people attending a photo op for his wife.  Generally, Ron’s awkward.  And that’s becoming a concern for Party insiders, who are starting to question DeSantis’s long-term viability as a candidate.

The tour’s “advance” group, Liberty Events Specialists, run by former Trump ally John Hiller, told the “dark money” group funding the book tour, “And to the Republic” (ATTR)–a name you’ll want to file away when all the GOP dirty tricks in the primary start–they were severing the contract for the tour promoting “The Courage to be Free,” which won’t really be read by anyone except journalists, but will amazingly sell 500,000 copies and land on the New York Times best-seller list for a couple of weeks.

After a US military contractor was killed and six others wounded when a “one-way” drone determined to be of Iranian origin attacked a coalition facility in northeast Syria, the US conducted a counterstrike on a Syrian group affiliated with Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard, the Pentagon said in an announcement.

“At the direction of President Biden, I authorized U.S. Central Command forces to conduct precision airstrikes tonight in eastern Syria against facilities used by groups affiliated with Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps (IRGC),” said Secretary of Defense Lloyd J. Austin III. “The airstrikes were conducted in response to today’s attack as well as a series of recent attacks against Coalition forces in Syria by groups affiliated with the IRGC.”

Five of the wounded were US service members; the sixth was a contractor.  Two of the wounded service members and the contractors had to be evacuated to facility in Iraq for treatment.