Miserable asshole Florida Gov Ron DeSantis has canceled an appearance at a $25,000 a plate fundraising dinner for similarly insufferable prick Republican New York gov candidate Congressman Lee Zeldin over an unspecified “unforeseen tragedy,” the New York Post reports.

“An unforeseen tragedy forced Governor DeSantis to reschedule his trip to New York. While we’re rescheduling with Governor DeSantis for a later date, tonight’s fundraiser will proceed and is expected to raise almost a million dollars,” said a DeSantis spokesworm while omitting any details about the “tragedy” preventing the Napoleonic autocrat from showing up for the future loser Zeldin’s event in President Theodore Roosevelt’s hometown of Oyster Bay on Long Island.

“Recent independent Russian media reports have claimed that due to the problems Russia is facing in its war against Ukraine, Russian Defence Minister Sergei Shoigu is now being side-lined within the Russian leadership, with operational commanders briefing President Putin directly on the course of the war. Russian officers and soldiers with first-hand experience of the war probably routinely ridicule Shoigu for his ineffectual and out-of-touch leadership as Russian progress has stalled. Shoigu has likely long struggled to overcome his reputation as lacking substantive military experience, as he spent most of his career in the construction sector and the Ministry of Emergency Situations,” says an intel update from the British Ministry of Defence.

Stealing an idea from India, the government of California will install a canopy of solar panels over a section of canal that brings fresh water to agricultural lands and population areas, a project that will both create power and save water, CBS News reports.

Called “Project Nexus,” the $20 million will cover 8,500 square feet over three separate portions of the Turlock Irrigation District canals in central California.  It’s scheduled to be completed in 2023.  This is a pilot program for a potentially much larger project; a study by the University of California, Merced calculated that covering the state’s 4,000 miles of canals would save 63 billion gallons of water while generating 13 gigawatts of power each year, enough to power about three million homes.  The project would also prevent plant life from growing in and clogging waterways.

India started installing solar panels on sections of canal in 2012 with one megawatt project and has continued to develop similar solar projects.

Illinois Republican Congressman Adam Kinzinger said the House Select Committee investigating the January 6th Republican-led domestic terrorist attack on Congress is preparing information tracking the money that was used to finance the rallies and travel for attendees, NBC News reports.

Part of the probe, which may be the subject of an upcoming televised hearing or simply written into the final report, will look at the fundraising efforts connected to the various factions working to overturn the results of the 2020 election.  Donald Trump himself is one of the top fundraisers using the prospect of negating Joe Biden’s victory to get tens of millions of dollars in donations for himself and his PAC.  One of the questions the committee will examine is if Trump duped people into donating a non-existent legal fund, but then used the money for political or personal reasons.

“The fact that a vast majority of this money was raised under ‘Stop the Steal,’ with no intention of doing anything to stop the so called stop the steal,” Kinzinger said, in reference to fundraising related to Trump’s rally at the Ellipse during which he encouraged people to overrun the Capitol. “It was all about raising money and people were abused that way.”

The mayor of Jackson, Mississippi warned the city’s residents to leave the area as soon as possible as heavy rain continue to hit the region, pushing the Pearl River to crest at some point over the next two days, CNN reports.

Jackson Mayor Chokwe Antar Lumumba said during a CNN interview, “Unfortunately because we have seen these events as recently as 2020, we have a reference point, and we know the damage that can occur.  If we risk the life of one individual, that’s one individual too many.  Our residents have been inundated with persistent rain over the last few days.”

The Pearl River enters “major flood” stage at 26 feet.  With more rain in the forecast through Tuesday, the river is expected to peak at 36 feet sometime Monday morning, but the volume of rain, which is really wet from the standpoint of water, will inundate the city.  Lumumba said that as many as 150 homes will be flooded by Sunday night, with various areas of the city likely to be impacted over the following 48 hours.

“Since the [2016] election, Fox viewers had become even more accustomed to flattery and less willing to hear news that challenged their expectations. Me serving up green beans to viewers who had been spoon-fed ice cream sundaes for years came as a terrible shock to their systems”

– Fired former Fox News Decision Desk editor Chris Stirewalt writing in Politico Magazine about why the infamous Election Night 2020 Arizona call for Biden so badly enraged the fanboys and led to his firing, weeks after the call was proven ultimately correct and legally certified as such.

Stirewalt seems in better spirits than he did in the more immediate aftermath of his cruel and senseless defenestration from Fox News, probably owing to his two gigs writing for the Dispatch and as chief politics editor at the NewsNation network which, while not exactly a household name at this point, is definitely a hell of a bump from middle management at Fox News. Good on him.

A hellhole city full of Libs with no respect for law and order was wracked with violence and anarchy Saturday, leaving at least 32 other Libs dead, the New York Times reports. The clash between two opposing groups of Libs vying for control of Tripoli, Libya was not otherwise particularly noteworthy and the only reason we reported it was to capitalize on the opportunity to write yet another deeply misleading but still technically kind of factually accurate headline and lede.

Because Libya’s been kind of a lawless hellhole since the 2011 uprising that saw longtime dictator Muammar el-Qaddafi canceled via bayonet suppository when a radical mob caught up to him as he was trying to hide in a muddy culvert. We definitely would’ve had more to work with it the fighting had happened in Benghazi, but there’s always next time in a country full of violent Libs.

Otter Globe and Intelligencer: “It seems there are many individuals who seem to think that some day, evidence of Donald Trump’s crimes will reach a critical tipping point that will result in a tremendous loss of support both for Trump, and the GOP. This expectation is not realistic. Trumpism has clearly taken on aspects of a cult, and just like any cult, we can not expect a moment of rapid collapse. For decades, psychologists and historians have argued that individuals become susceptible to fascist ideologies as a result of frustration in their daily lives.”

A Houston man who was told he was going to be evicted set fire to a building full of rental units, shooting people who tried to escape the flames early Sunday morning, killing three before a police officer shot and killed him, the Houston Chronicle reports.  It’s the second time someone facing eviction went on a killing spree this week.

The unnamed shooter, who appeared to be in his 40s, set fire to the structure, set up like a motel, that had been split into multiple apartments.  He then waited out front until the residents tried to flee and shot them.  Two reportedly died at the scene and a third victim died later at a hospital.  Two other people were wounded, but one of them did not require medical treatment.

Fire fighters were the first to respond at the scene but could not help the victims or try to extinguish the flames because the shooter was repeatedly discharging rounds.  Only after the police came, located the shooter at a parking lot across the street and neutralized him could rescue operations get underway.

The winner of the $1.3 billion Mega Millions lotto jackpot winner has yet to come forward and actually claim the prize after nearly a month since it was sold at an Illinois gas station, Fox Business News reports, leaving us to conclude that the most likely reason is that the person is dead.

Yeah, plenty of big jackpot winners take their time and meet with lawyers, accountants, and what not before claiming their prize, but a month seems awfully long to be hanging on to a very delicate and small piece of paper that is the only bearer instrument for what’ll likely be nearly a half billion dollars after the lump sum payment gets trimmed by taxes. Then there’s that, of the states that require lotto winners to be named publicly, Illinois isn’t one of them, so there’s little excuse there.

It would also seem extremely unlikely that the winner, if they’re still alive, is unaware that they won. Wouldn’t the owners of the store, who stand to make at least $500,000 on the prize when it’s claimed, be sending a private investigator to find the buyer using surveillance camera footage matching the timestamp of the sale? It’s a gas station, they probably drove there. Or at least give that footage to the Illinois Lottery Commission so they can check in on the person? The state has an interest here too since they get the tax revenue from the prize when claimed. If not then the jackpot gets split between all the states that participate in Mega Millions, which is socialism.

That’s actually probably the most aggravating part here, why the fuck the two other two interested parties to this sale aren’t using what they either or both almost certainly have in hand have to just make sure the winner knows they won. Or is even still alive for that matter.

To the winner: You better be fucking dead if you’re going to let us down like this. We were rooting for you to build yourself a mansion with a 300 ft waterslide and join a country club to offend WASP-y assholes with Roman numerals after their names but less than half your net worth. You better not have left that goddamned ticket in the back pocket of your Levi’s while you were doing your laundry and ruined your chance at Caddyshack-level real life comedic glory.

Republican Miami-Dade county, Florida commission member Joe Martinez will turn himself in for arrest on an unspecified corruption charge on Tuesday after being under state investigation for at least five years, local watchdog blog Political Cortadillo reports. The “watchdog” is illustrated by a pic of a barking chihuahua in a marque of self-awareness we can’t help but be charmed by.

Anyway Political Cortadillo’s report alludes to a “direct payment” made in exchange for Martinez’s vote on a zoning issue, yet another stain on the already pretty fucking grimy reputation of the right wing Latino political culture in the Miami metro region. If it’s not the anti-semitism, the flirtations with the scions of literal Nazis and other South American fascists, the outright fucking cheating in elections with Proud Boys “observing” the vote, the son of a Republican Congressman slapping a local Republican politician, the insanely blatant propaganda schemes on local Spanish talk radio, and the anti-semitism, then it’s the good old fashioned corruption like this shit.

Interesting that for all the fanboys’ constant wailing about public corruption and poor governance in largely or predominantly Black Democratic-run cities such as Baltimore, Detroit, Philadelphia, St Louis, and others, they seem pretty much fine with the Latino MAGA shitshow of the Miami region. Maybe they just don’t really give a shit and it isn’t about the common good of the people in those cities so much as a desire for Republicans to hold power no matter what.

The CBS News Battleground Tracker, which has a cool name because it sounds like something from the Call of Duty or Battlefield video games, has updated its 2022 Midterms House forecast from a 230 seat win for the bad guys down to 226 seats (218 are needed for a majority), which is pretty fucking low for a party that was supposed to pwn the libtards while slamming Mountain Dew® Game Fuel® Tropical Strike flavor and gaining prestige XP for its inflation-CRT perk combo.

The change comes with a new CBS News/YouGov survey that also found a majority agreeing the FBI’s completion of the legendary difficulty PvE raid on the Orange Demon Lord’s palace – the one where you can score those ultra exotic weapon crafting blueprints if your team’s tanks are buffed enough for the final battle – was not a cheese, and a was done to protect national security.

Missouri Senator Roy Blunt, the only Republican member of Congress booked on a mainstream network Sunday show this week (besides Adam Kinzinger, who doesn’t really count), let himself be cornered by ABC’s George Stephanopolis into admitting the Orange God Emperor should have given the top secret documents back when asked to do so by the National Archives. Of course it took a lot of bitching about the timing, that he wasn’t informed, Hillary and Comey, for Blunt to get there. The he complained that it comes less than 100 days before the Midterms (which shouldn’t matter because Trump isn’t a candidate), when they should be talking about the economy and Biden and blah blah blah too fucking bad bro. Blunt and the rest of the Senate GOP had more than enough opportunity to destroy Trump years ago. Mike Pence might be on his fifth year in office now if they just had the balls to remove the Orange Warlord back when he started his rampage.

The National Archives and Records Administration, a boring government agency most people didn’t even know existed, is now feeling the wrath of the MAGA cult after simply asking for disgraced former President Trump to give them the shit he stole that belongs in their storage, according to an agency-wide email obtained by the Washington Post. “NARA has received messages from the public accusing us of corruption and conspiring against the former President,” wrote acting archivist Debra Steidel Wall, who did not sign up for this kind of bullshit.

A Brigham Young University fan who repeatedly chanted the n-word at a Black women’s volleyball player from Duke has been banned from all sports venues at BYU, KSL NBC-5 in Salt Lake City reports.

Although the offender was in the student section of the Smith Fieldhouse, university officials say the man was not a BYU student.  At one point during the match, at least one university police officer was stationed behind the Duke bench, but there did not appear to be a disturbance in the stands.  The fieldhouse was packed with more than 5,500 fans, the largest crowd to ever watch a women’s volleyball came at the venue.

The slur targeted Duke’s Rachel Richardson, a senior outside hitter from Ellicott City, Maryland.  The fan would say the slur to her every time she went to serve the ball.  At one point, the man “told her to watch her back going to the team bus,” her godmother posted on Twitter.

The Florida judge hearing the motion to appoint a special master to review the government documents Donald Trump illegally held at Mar-a-Lago, his Florida flophouse and supper club, has indicated that she is leaning toward granting Trump’s request, the Washington Post reports.

U.S. District Judge Aileen Cannon, appointed to the South District federal court by Trump as a lame duck less than a week after Joe Biden was declared the winner of the 2020 election, said that she had “preliminary intent” to appoint a special master ahead of hearing the arguments made by both sides on Thursday.

Trump has made various claims that the documents recovered by the FBI during a search August 8th are covered by attorney-client privilege, executive privilege or the right to privacy.  The special master would review all documents that are not classified to determine if attorney-client privilege applies, because the other two options aren’t really things Trump can claim.