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Dems demand Bobby Brainworms unfuck 9/11 victim health fund

Senate Democrats on Wednesday sent a letter to HHS Secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr’s shredder demanding that he divert his attention from imaginary environmental health hazards caused by 5G and other shit and take some time to look into the real ones, NBC News reports.

“This delay in recognizing new health conditions tied to exposures received at Ground Zero, at Shanksville, and at the Pentagon harms the ability of the first responders who heroically responded to 9/11,” wrote Senators Andy Kim, Cory Booker, Chuck Schumer, Kirsten Gillibrand, Tim Kaine, and Richard Blumenthal. It’s not clear why they didn’t at least pretend to ask Rudy Giuliani for help on the matter. That drunken dipshit could actually be sort of useful in this specific situation.

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NASA says possible signs of microbes detected on Martian rock

NASA officials on Wednesday announced that extensive analysis of data collected from examinations of Martian rocks by the Perseverance rover last year have revealed the strongest evidence yet that the Red Planet was once teeming with tiny microscopic germs, the AP reports.

It’s not conclusive yet because the samples need to be examined in a lab here on Earth, which necessitates sending another probe there to retrieve the samples and who the fuck knows when that’ll happen plus Ketamine Brain’s supposed to be sending 50,000 people to die there so they might as well bring lab equipment with them to run the tests before they die and blah blah blah…

Then, assuming that there’s a definitive conclusion that these are indeed fossilized Martian E Coli, there’s a whole other mess of trying to establish a clean wall of separate abiogeneses on the two planets. The whole reason that this is and will not be actually THAT big of a deal is that it’s been almost three decades that the idea of microbial life on Mars has been internalized and accepted in the popular imagination because of that one rock found in Antarctica that definitely originated on Mars also bore possible signs of fossilized microbes. That acceptance pretty much immediately opens the door to the panspermia theory and questions about whether the Martian microbes might’ve actually originated on Earth or vice versa that life actually began on Mars and then made its way to Earth where it evolved into what we know today or whether both planets were pollinated with primordial microbes from some other source elsewhere in the solar system – or even beyond.

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Purged FBI brass sue K$H and Bondi

Former top FBI officials Brian Driscoll, Steve Jensen, and Spencer Evans, purged a few months ago for thoughtcrimes like investigating MAGA insurrectionists, on Wednesday filed a federal civil complaint against the Bureau, its dipshit current director Kashyap “K$H” Patel, and scumbag Attorney General Pam Bondi for wrongful termination, Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports.

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“The headwinds that matter the most to an election are how citizens are feeling about things, not so much the official numbers”

The headline is a very slight edit/truncation of what Republican North Dakota Senator Kevin Cramer told Semafor in a Tuesday article on the GOP’s worries about the economy going into 2026. “The headwinds that matter the most to an election are how American citizens are feeling about things, not so much the official numbers as people’s situation,” said Cramer, adding “I just talked to a group of farmers who are feeling pretty tough right now because they’re not selling their products.”

Tempting as it’d be to riff on how Cramer told on himself with the “American citizens” part as though the declining number of international tourists, legal immigrants, illegal ones, and so on aren’t also getting screwed, as well as him skipping said farmers getting cut off from global markets and the intentional destruction of USAID eliminating a major buyer isn’t a major reason for them having a tough time, that’d be too much of a tangent from the, um, synergy here between Cramer’s sentiment and that of a prominent former Republican voter. It’s like their psychic energy had some sort of quantum confluence or whatever ethereal mystical shit our guy Jake would ascribe it to.

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Aussie government begins vaxxing koala bears for chlamydia

“A historic vaccine to strengthen protection of koalas against chlamydia has been developed by researchers from the University of the Sunshine Coast’s Centre for Bioinnovation, with funding from the Albanese Government. The single-dose vaccine will combat the threat of chlamydia which can cause painful urinary tract infections, infertility, blindness and death in koala populations.”

“Researchers at the University of the Sunshine Coast have spent more than 10 years developing the single-dose vaccine to protect koalas from the disease. Trials were conducted on hundreds of wild koalas, koalas in care, and over multiple generations. Development of the vaccine is supported by $749,000 in funding from the Albanese Government’s $76 million Saving Koalas Fund. The vaccine has now been registered by the Australian Pesticides and Veterinary Medicines Authority,” says Australia’s Ministry for the Environment and Water in a statement announcing the new initiative.

Lots to work with here given the silliness of the premise of koalas suffering from a sailor STD and the very obvious contrast with current US public health policy that may or may not start warning to avoid travel to Australia because koalas can cause autism. However the main takeaway should be that the man leading said US public health policy is probably pretty bummed that he can’t ever travel there to try grilling and eating a roadkilled koala for fear of it might’ve been vaxxed.

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Nordic cultist MAGA Neo-Nazi pleads guilty in WMD plot

“Skyler Philippi, 24, of Columbia, Tennessee, pleaded guilty today to attempting to use a weapon of mass destruction and attempting to destroy an energy facility. According to court documents, in June 2024, Philippi communicated to a confidential human source (CHS) that he wanted to commit a mass shooting at a YMCA facility located in or around Columbia, Tennessee. In July 2024, Philippi told another CHS about the impact of attacking large interstate substations and said that attacking several substations would “shock the system,” causing other substations to malfunction. Philippi researched previous attacks on electric substations and concluded that attacking with firearms would not be sufficient. Philippi, therefore, planned to use a drone with explosives attached to it and to fly the drone into the substation. Philippi said that his plan was to fly a drone with explosives attached to it into the electric substation, that he preferred to build a drone himself to avoid law enforcement detection, and that he wanted to attach TATP (Triacetone Triperoxide, a high-energy explosive material) or C-4 explosive material to the drone,” says a Justice Department press release.

Continued: “On Nov 2, 2024, Philippi met the undercover employees at a hotel and participated in a Nordic ritual, which included reciting a Nordic prayer and discussing the Norse god Odin. Philippi told the UCEs that ‘this is where the New Age begins’ and that it was ‘time to do something big’ that would be remembered ‘in the annals of history.’ Philippi and the UCEs drove to the operation site.”

“The UCEs moved to their assigned positions as lookouts for Philippi. Law-enforcement agents arrested Philippi. When he was taken into custody, Philippi was at the rear of the vehicle, with the drone powered up, and the explosive device was armed and located next to the drone. Philippi was prepared to attach the explosives to the drone when he was arrested.”

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Texas MAGA Congressman not sure Trump didn’t sign letter

Hard to really figure out exactly what the hell Texas MAGA Congressman Pete Sessions is saying here but it seems like he wants to investigate everyone in the now-infamous Epstein birthday book but convicted felon President Trump while also acknowledging in the most ass-backward way that he doesn’t actually believe the fat bastard’s claim that the letter he wrote was somehow fabricated.

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Fat Hitler keeps going about future deportee’s murder

“The ANIMAL who so violently killed the beautiful young lady from Ukraine, who came to America searching for peace and safety, should be given a ‘Quick’ (there is no doubt!) Trial, and only awarded THE DEATH PENALTY. There can be no other option!!! PRESIDENT DONALD J TRUMP” posted the Orange God Emperor on Wednesday, 19 days after the murder of Ukrainian refugee Iryna Zarutska by criminally insane scumbag Decarlos Brown, something that only became politically useful once the video of the murder was made public and quickly got traction on the MAGA internet this week.

Again, had she lived, it would have been EXTREMELY unlikely that Zarutska would have still been legally permitted to live and work in the US given the fat bastard’s coming revocation of TPS.

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Lib protestors chase ICE and CBP out of Rochester neighborhood

ICE and CBP agents were forced to flee from a raid on a roofing job site in the Park Avenue neighborhood of Rochester, New York on Tuesday and left with only one detainee after more than 100 locals descended on the scene and slashed the tires of at least one SUV, WXXI reports.

The Border Patrol were detailed as backup to ICE, who arrested a reportedly legally permitted roofer named Chino on the street or front lawn of the home and then laid an idle siege to the several other men still on the roof. “They already admitted they are here illegally, and I can make a warrantless arrest… We’re waiting for them to come down,” an ICE agent told an immigrant advocate during the four-plus hour long standoff. The crowd continued to grow and began screaming “shame” and “Gestapo,” forcing the eventual capitulation and the escape in an SUV running on flat tires.

Roofing contractor Clayton Baker said Chino has been in the US for about 25 years and had legal documentation to work. “They took my best worker that’s been working with me for 5 years, and just basically, ‘See you later,’ you know? He’s a family guy, and he’s got a baby on the way. He’s never even had a speeding ticket that I know of. He goes to church every Sunday, and he pays his taxes but you want to come get him off of a hard-working job. It’s bullshit, and it’s inhumane and it’s sad.”

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Luna thinks Secret Service tipped off lib protestors, that it’s the Secret Service’s job to protect him from lib protestors yelling

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Brave anonymous House Republicans shit talk Fannie Man

Speaking to Politico, three House Republicans bravely anonymously ripped into Federal Housing Finance Agency chief Bill “Fannie Man” Pulte and cheered on Treasury Suckretary Scott Bessent’s threat to beat the shit out of him, with one calling Pulte “just a little too big for his britches. I’ve got great respect for Bessent for taking him on.” Another called Pulte a “nut” while a third House GOP member said he “would have done the same,” as in almost kick the shit out of Pulte.

That “almost” being said, Pulte is reportedly 5’7 to Bessent’s 6’2 or 6’3, a reach advantage on the body of a very likely well-toned wealthy gay man who wasn’t afraid to shove Elon Musk in the White House. So yeah, Bessent probably would’ve won pretty quickly and easily.

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Man jumps off cruise ship to escape $16,000 gambling debt

Puerto Rico man Jey Xander Omar Gonzalez Diaz was in a pickle when the Royal Caribbean vessel Rhapsody of the Seas was returning to port in San Juan on Sunday after a seven day turn to Barbados: per NotiCentro, Diaz owed the cruise line $16,710.24 that he had pissed away in the ship’s casino and faced being confronted with the bill when he was to disembark the regular way.

His solution? Disembark the not-regular way by jumping overboard and retrieved by someone on a jet ski. It’s not clear whether he had called friends to pick him up or if they were just Good Samaritans. Problem was that CBP were already patrolling in the area and pretty much immediately stopped Diaz for questioning – and found that he was carrying $14,600 in cash that he’d been hoping to avoid declaring at the port – plus multiple phones and IDs with different names.

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Kamala Harris augurs new “Joe Biden was really old” news cycle

“Many people want to spin up a narrative of some big conspiracy at the White House to hide Joe Biden’s infirmity. Here is the truth as I lived it. Joe Biden was a smart guy with long experience and deep conviction, able to discharge the duties of president. On his worst day, he was more deeply knowledgeable, more capable of exercising judgment, and far more compassionate than Donald Trump on his best. But at 81, Joe got tired. That’s when his age showed in physical and verbal stumbles. I don’t think it’s any surprise that the debate debacle happened right after two back-to-back trips to Europe and a flight to the West Coast for a Hollywood fundraiser. I don’t believe it was incapacity. If I believed that, I would have said so. As loyal as I am to President Biden, I am more loyal to my country,” writes former Vice President Kamala Harris in an excerpt of her upcoming campaign memoir “107 Days,” printed by the Atlantic on Wednesday and ohhhhhhh man.

That’s kind of just the tip of the iceberg of the recrimination in the excerpt, which is going to DOMINATE THE CONVERSATION on Politico Playbook and Axios for at least a week or two.

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Victim “disgusted” with Orange Pharaoh’s bullshit on Epstein

Epstein victim Haley Robson on Tuesday told CNN’s Erin Burnett she was “disgusted” and “tired” of convicted felon President Trump – who she voted for – calling her story a “hoax” and reiterated her demand for full transparency from his regime on who else partied with Jeff back in their heyday.

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Dem James Walkinshaw wins VA-11 special election

Democrat James Walkinshaw on Tuesday defeated some Republican scrub to win the Virginia 11th District special election to succeed the late Gerry Connolly, per Political HQ. Walkinshaw looks like a bookish geek and while there’s nothing wrong with that in a D+30 district it would be cool to get like a surly fireman or Hooters waitress with a neck tattoo to mix things up a little bit.

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Russian drones cross into Polish airspace

At least six Russian drones crossed into Poland late Tuesday/early Wednesday local time, Sky News reports on an intrusion with an unknown purpose but obviously a serious provocation by Moscow against NATO. Various sources are reporting that Polish military personnel have already shot down two of the UAVs whose presence forced the shutdown of traffic at a major airport.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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