While K$H’s krew in Utah were bungling the investigation into Charlie Kirk’s assassination in Utah on Wednesday another squad were incompetently endangering people’s lives in a completely different intermountain west state as 14 employees at an animal shelter were hospitalized after inhaling fumes from a meth incineration job botched by local FBI agents, KRTV reports.

The Yellowstone Valley Animal Shelter in Billings is an independent non-profit leasing space in city-owned facilities that include a sadly necessary crematorium for dealing with the remains of departed pets. But when the shelter isn’t using the crematorium public officials use it for other purposes, namely the disposal of illegal drugs seized in raids and arrests. The lengthy article details staff having voiced concerns prior to Wednesday’s incident, that they noticed a plastic smell when local cops burned off drugs and they’d been weighing plans to address it, but it was nothing too urgent.

Certainly none of them needed to recover in a goddamned hyperbaric chamber until the new, America First-ified FBI came and neglected to follow standard operating procedure for safely using the incinerator when they were torching a large quantity of crystal meth seized from some hillbillies’ operation, spewing acrid black smoke into the city-owned building. Reportedly several of the agents required treatment at a local hospital too but KRTV couldn’t get a straight answer on that.

“The FBI has not released information about the incident,” the CBS affiliate notes in the article.

Not wanting to chance having to deal with maniacal Florida MAGA federal Judge Aileen Cannon again, Newsmax on Friday went judge shopping in Wisconsin instead, re-filing their cable provider collusion lawsuit against their larger competitor in the right wing TV propaganda space.

Newsmax on Thursday voluntarily withdrew the case from Cannon’s south Florida federal courtroom after she had dismissed it on who the hell knows what grounds she made up or, less likely, were actual real grounds. She had offered them a chance to refile and they did… in Wisconsin.

In related news about an unrelated case, Cannon lost her patience with would-be Trump assassin Ryan Routh, representing himself, after about 10 minutes of a rambling opening statement on Thursday. “You don’t have unlimited license to go forward and make a mockery of the dignity of this courtroom,” Cannon told Routh with a straight face as she sentenced irony to death posthumously.

This evil psycho stood up and cheered when Charlie Kirk was murdered in cold blood https://t.co/5VKE6KHL4W

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) September 12, 2025

Sources tell the New York Post that the suspect in custody in MAGA activist Charlie Kirk’s assassination has been identified as a 22 year-old local man named Tyler Robinson.

Numerous tweets corroborating a man of Robinson’s same build, age, and sneakers as the person seen in the surveillances images distributed by law enforcement line up with a Facebook profile for a Matthew Robinson living in Washington, Utah (which is actually 270 miles away from Orem, so the Post effed that “local” detail up), which matches a voter registration listing Tyler as an unaffiliated voter who lives with his two registered Republican parents. Proooobably not a “trantifa terrorist,” lol.

Aaaaand Patriot Takes is reporting Tyler wore a Trump Halloween costume in 2017.

In an astonishing twist few saw coming, convicted felon President Trump was not just making shit up on Friday morning when he told Fox and Friends that law enforcement in Utah have a suspect in custody in the assassination of MAGA activist Charlie Kirk, per Fox News’s Jacqui Heinrich.

Convicted felon President Trump on Friday claimed with a “high degree of certainty” during his Fox and Friends bit that the assassin who shot MAGA activist Charlie Kirk in Utah on Wednesday is in law enforcement custody, saying “I just heard about it five minutes before I walked in… they have the person that they wanted. So you have breaking news, don’t you eh? You always have breaking news, Ainsley. Sean’s gonna be very disappointed that we’re not doing it on his show.”

Power player Vlad Putin has pressed the pause button on his diplomacy game controller that he left idling while continuing to pew-pew Ukrainian targets anyway, Bloomberg reports, noting that this is less than a month after the big Alaska “summit” that convicted felon President Trump’s regime claimed would lead to real peace talks. Calculating how many more than 24 hours it has been…

“The overall human rights situation in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) has not improved over the past decade and, in many instances, has degraded, bringing even more suffering to the population, a report published by the UN Human Rights Office on Friday has found.”

“Today, the death penalty is more widely allowed by law and implemented in practice. Enjoyment of freedom of expression and access to information have significantly regressed, with the implementation of severe new punishments, including the death penalty, for a range of acts including the sharing of foreign media such as TV dramas. The surveillance of the population has become even more pervasive, aided by advances in technology,” says the UN Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights in a Friday press release about a new report on fat Kim’s kingdom.

Had all these plans for a “Trump was secretly behind 9/11 attacks” satire and even went so far as to create the intentionally amateurish header image to color inside the lines of usage law because man did the fat slob look like he had a transient ischemic attack or something this morning.

Then all of his actual evil and the gruesome death of one of his top minions got in the way of what would have been a few hundred words “connecting the dots” on how Trump wanted the tallest building in Lower Manhattan so he used his Saudi connections to pay Al-Qaeda to send the hijackers and destroy the World Trade Center, the obvious joke being that it’s got more plausibility than 90 percent of the MAGA conspiracy bullshit out there. Maybe wouldn’t have been one of the all-time classics of National Zero satirical efforts measured by cleverness but it would’ve struck all the right chords. Especially how it would’ve fucking been essentially canonical to the mythos of conservative media if Trump had ran and won as a Dem instead of a Republican. Good enough for a few laughs.

Well at least it’s still September 11th for the next 13 minutes, thus this lament is timely.

“I respectfully request that the House of Representatives form a select committee on ‘The money, influence, and power behind the radical left’s assault on America and the rule of law.’ In the wake of numerous attacks on our way of life, the destruction of the rule of law, and the murder of innocent Americans, prominent and unknown alike, we must take every step to follow the money and uncover the force behind the NGOs, donors, media, public officials, and all entities driving this coordinated attack. The patterns are undeniable: we are witnessing a sustained breakdown of law and order, fueled not by chance, but by anti-American ideology. Of course, we witnessed the 2024 assassination attempt on President Trump as well as the 2017 shooting of Republican lawmakers at baseball practice, but it goes well beyond politicians and to the people themselves.”

“We have seen targets placed on the Family Research Council and Charlie Kirk by the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) only to witness shootings toward each, including the tragic assassination of Charlie just this week, after being placed on the SPLC’s notorious “Hate Map” three months ago. We have seen dangerous networks like Antifa organize, fund, and deploy sophisticated terror campaigns attacking law enforcement and destroying American cities. We have seen George Soros, the Wren Collective, and other radical organizations funding and putting in place District Attorneys” and blah blah blah writes Congressman Chip “Colonel Sanders” Roy in a press release.

Jesus Christ dude just say “Jews.” Everyone knows that’s what you mean so cut to the chase.

Brazil’s Supreme Court on Thursday sentenced convicted felon President Jair Bolsonaro to 27 years in the Big Hotel for his failed post-2022 election coup attempt, Globo News reports.

Just received word that my company is being subpoenaed by the ATF. No details yet. https://t.co/ProSs4KrBa

— Steven Crowder (@scrowder) September 11, 2025

God Stephen Crowder is such a tool but it does not appear he’s actually in any trouble so much as someone at the ATF is trying to figure out who the hell purposely leaked false information to him to try to feed the narrative that Crowder and the rest of them are just fucking desperate to see realized… After all it was what Kirk was talking about the very second he was fatally shot.

“Investigators found ammunition engraved with expressions of transgender and antifascist ideology inside the rifle that authorities believe was used in the fatal shooting of Charlie Kirk, according to an internal law-enforcement bulletin and a person familiar with the investigation,” the Wall Street Journal reported Thursday morning in the first version of their update on the uh, “evidence.”

“An early bulletin circulated widely among law enforcement officials said investigators found ammunition engraved with expressions of transgender and antifascist ideology inside the rifle that authorities believe was used in the fatal shooting of Charlie Kirk. But some officials later Thursday cautioned against reaching conclusions based on the internal report,” the article was later revised to say, emphasis added on the part where they kind of admitted it was probably bullshit.

West Brownsville, Pennsylvania Pastor Wesley Silva tells NBC News the local Walmart suddenly stopped being cool with him bringing his 5 ft long, 32 lbs emotional support alligator Jinseioshi inside with him during shopping trips despite years of welcoming the beast inside.

“We have been going to that Walmart for about 3 1/2 years and normally the reaction is, ‘That’s pretty cool’ or ‘That is awesome that you have a pet alligator, man!'” Silva said. A Walmart corporate spokesperson seemed to indicate that welcome was more just a case of that particular store not being aware of the retailer’s national alligator policy. “The safety of our customers and associates is our highest priority. We welcome service animals in our stores, but it is unacceptable to expose members of the public to potential danger,” the company said in statement.

There’s another Earth out there in the multiverse where the headline’s in all caps and the nouns have been changed – as well as the year – and the story ran some time in late May. An Earth where Charlie Kirk is railing against President Kamala Harris’s choice of pantsuit for the September 11th memorial ceremony, where French, Polish, and British troops are driving truck after truck after truck full of ammo and lethal drones to support the Ukrainian offensive to capture Sebastopol, where Hunter Biden’s podcast interview of Don Jr was two weeks ago and Mediaite is still posting stupid articles about it, where National Zero’s Soros Bucks memecoin faces a major SEC investigation for fraud and Spartan keeps complaining that Abbe Lowell is too goddamned expensive…

Oh wait the same headline above would’ve ran too because disgraced Jair Bolsonaro was convicted by a panel vote of the Brazilian Supreme Court Thursday of his failed post-2022 election coup attempt following his embarrassing defeat to now-President Luiz Lula, the AP reports.

Stupid New York City Mayor Eric Adams needed more media attention on Thursday so he told business leaders he was considering dropping out of his doomed reelection bid, WNBC devotes attention to. Sources in the room for the attention grab said the attention whore explained he would continue to watch polls, which aren’t getting any better for him, and adding that races are not determined until the last four weeks. Responding to WNBC’s attention, Adams campaign officials probably took a long sip of their exquisite Turkish coffee and said the mayor would commission his own poll to determine his next move before they resumed browsing vacation packages to the stunning Aegean sea resort town of Alanya using someone else’s credit card number.

The sources told WNBC that Adams had told the business leaders that he badmouthed rival former New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo but then said “I love the city more than I dislike Andrew.”

🚨BREAKING: Following Charlie Kirk’s assassination, Rep. Anna Paulina Luna announces legislation to designate Antifa as a terrorist organization and impose capital punishment for its crimes:

"I have legislation that would currently ban Antifa or categories Antifa as a terrorist… pic.twitter.com/4MGesDkueg

— Benny Johnson (@bennyjohnson) September 11, 2025

“Capitol Police are responding to an incident at the Democratic National Committee (DNC) Headquarters. Staff are asked to remain clear of the police activity. More updates are forthcoming as the situation evolves,” says a notice posted by the “Senate Operations Center” to Dem members on Thursday. TONE DOWN YOUR RHETORIC LIBS OR WE WILL FUCKING END YOU.

A DNC spokesperson followed up in a statement saying “This afternoon, there was a bomb threat to DNC HQ that was determined to not be credible by the US Capitol Police. Out of an abundance of caution, Capitol Police is conducting an interior sweep of the building. As DNC Chair Ken Martin has said, political violence in every form has no place in our country. We are grateful to the US Capitol Police and DNC building security for responding quickly and professionally.” NEXT TIME IT’LL BE A REAL BOMB, LIBS. YOU’LL GET THE HORRIFYING DEATH YOU DESERVE FOR CELEBRATING PATRIOT CHARLIE KIRK’S MARTYRDOM. COUNT ON IT YOU TRANSGENDER FREAK TERRORISTS.

What’s the point of living in a quasi-Putinist oligarchic plutocracy without the consolidation of media unquestioningly loyal to the state? The Wall Street Journal reports the “quasi” part is gettin’ canceled like wokeness and ParamountSkydance is preparing a massive bid to buy up WarnerDiscovery so the Ellison kid can run both CBS News and CNN into the ground.

Two Cornell undergrads are not actually in any trouble given their hunting permits but are still being looked at funny by classmates after they shot a 175 lbs black bear and then proceeded to skin and butcher its carcass in the communal kitchen of a dorm building on campus, the Cornell Daily Sun reports on a troubling sign of Robert F Kennedy Jr-ization at a woke elitist Ivy League university.