Giving former parking lot lawyer-turned-Acting US Attorney for New Jersey Alina Habba some tips on how to lawyer, US Magistrate Andre M Espinosa on Monday warned Habba not to jeopardize her office’s case against Newark Mayor Ras Baraka for trespassing at an ICE gulag in the city by tweeting shit like claiming Baraka had “willingly chosen to disregard the law” just hours before the hearing, Politico New Jersey Playbook reports. Espinosa said to the extent anyone had made such comments, he would “caution them to heed carefully to the rules of professional conduct” and “boundaries of propriety for public comment related to an ongoing investigation and/or prosecution.”

Former Trump White House Political Director-turned Georgia Congressman Brian Jack took a tough question from a high schooler outside the Capitol on Monday, with the teenager asking why the president is “so orange.” Knowing a thing or two about politics, Jack handled it deftly, responding that it was her “perspective,” as if such a call about the spray-tan’s color is subjective. An unidentified woman recording the audience with the Congressman then remarks incredulously that a teenager would ask such a question before the brief clip, obtained by @patriottakes, ends.

A $30,000 FEMA National Flood Insurance Program check meant to pay for a registered Republican voter’s Tampa Bay-area Florida trailer that was destroyed by Hurricane Helene back in September has bounced twice since it finally arrived in March, WFLA reports on what sure sounds like more of the usual DOGE bullshit coming for anti-waste, fraud, and abuse voters who cast a ballot for it.

Unaffiliated voter Robert Paul, 57, and Republican wife Yvonne, 54, reached out to the TV station’s investigative-watchdog-advocate-something reporter Shannon Behnken, nom de guerre “Better Call Behnken,” last month to nag the NFIP. Behnken was told that the agency had been in the middle of changing banks when the check bounced but the Pauls should try cashing it again right away.

“When we resubmitted it, it again came back as no good, so now the bank has told us they will not resubmit that. They’re going to need a new check. How am I literally out of the tens of thousands of people that filed claims probably, I’m assuming, as far as the damage went. How am I the only person that this happened to?” said Robert, understandably frustrated after in all likelihood having bought into propaganda about how the Biden Administration was deliberately neglecting him and his fellow Floridians for political purposes and voting accordingly, possibly even thinking a certified check for $500,000 in a priority overnight envelope would’ve landed in his mailbox on January 21st.

“Paul said he was told Tuesday afternoon that a new check is on its way and should arrive later this week,” WFLA writes. It’s not clear if “Better Call Behnken” will be following up with him on that.

After 31 days of bombing Houthi positions in Yemen with no real progress to show for it except $1 billion in weaponry burned, two $67 million F/A-18 Super Hornets now at the bottom of the Red Sea because they fell off their aircraft carrier, several more nearly getting shot down by anti-aircraft fire, seven Reaper drones worth $30 million each actually getting shot down, and American vessels still coming under attack from missiles launched from land, convicted felon President Trump decided he’s had enough and declared victory over the Iranian-backed terrorist militia last week, the New York Times reports, using the word “offramp” to describe the result of weakling envoy Steve Witkoff’s engagements with the Houthis as intermediated by officials in neighboring Oman.

“We hit them very hard and they had a great ability to withstand punishment,” Trump said after his victory declaration over the bellicose Shiite group. “You could say there was a lot of bravery… They gave us their word that they wouldn’t be shooting at ships anymore, and we honor that.”

The Houthis fired a missile at Israel on Friday, four days after “mission accomplished.” 👊🇺🇸🔥

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul on three separate fronts on Monday very calmly made Jesse Watters uncormfortable by reminding him that consumers are going to end up paying whatever the hell the tariffs still are on Chinese goods, that price controls for drugs are “Venezuelan,” and that the Constitution specifically bars taking gifts like a luxury 747 from the fucking Qatari Royal Family.

“Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem today announced the termination of Temporary Protected Status for Afghanistan. The TPS designation for the country expires on May 20, 2025, and the termination will be effective on July 12, 2025. At least 60 days before a TPS designation expires, the Secretary, after consultation with appropriate US government agencies, is required to review the conditions in a country designated for TPS to determine whether the conditions supporting the designation continue to be met, and if so, how long to extend the designation.”

“After consultation with interagency partners, Secretary Noem determined that conditions in Afghanistan no longer meet the statutory requirements. The Secretary’s decision was based on a US Citizenship and Immigration Services review of the country conditions and in consultation with the Department of State. The Secretary determined that, overall, there are notable improvements in the security and economic situation such that requiring the return of Afghan nationals to Afghanistan does not pose a threat to their personal safety due to ongoing-armed conflict or extraordinary and temporary conditions. She further determined that permitting Afghan nationals to remain temporarily in the United States is contrary to the national interest of the United States,” says Homeland Security in a statement issued on the same day “refugees” from South Africa landed at Dulles.

Piece of shit Republican Wisconsin Senator Ron “RonAnon” Johnson on Monday told Politico that because the House GOP’s “megabill” doesn’t go far enough on cuts, he’s a no vote. “What we’re doing is, we’re looking at all the programs going, ‘We can’t touch that, touch that, can’t touch that,'” said Johnson, who’s now the second Republican after really short guy Rand Paul to rule out supporting the “big beautiful bill.” And this is before Lisa Murkowski and Concern Lady see it.

We visited a diverse entertainment hub in the heart of Riyadh and you won't believe how many days it take to build the entire thing #SpecialReport #FoxNews pic.twitter.com/oNsTyJD7ca

— Bret Baier (@BretBaier) May 12, 2025

Jesus freaking Christ. What the fuck are they trying to do here? They really think Americans are going to want to fly to goddamned Riyadh to mug for Instagram pics like it’s fucking Paris or Venice or Thailand? Are they going to mention you can’t even buy a beer there? Fox News has done some pretty ridiculous payola in the past but at least you could see some quantum of appeal to their audience. It’s extremely hard to see this advertorial being seen as a net positive with viewers.

“US Senator Mike Lee (R-UT) introduced the Interstate Obscenity Definition Act today to clarify the legal definition of ‘obscenity’ for all states, making the transmission of obscene content across state lines more easily prosecuted. US Representative Mary Miller (R-IL) is the bill’s co-lead in the House of Representatives. ‘Obscenity isn’t protected by the First Amendment, but hazy and unenforceable legal definitions have allowed extreme pornography to saturate American society and reach countless children,’ said Senator Mike Lee. ‘Our bill updates the legal definition of obscenity for the internet age so this content can be taken down and its peddlers prosecuted.'”

“The Interstate Obscenity Definition Act (IODA) clarifies the definition of obscenity across all states and provides updated descriptions suited to modern content. The new definition removes dependence on ever-changing and elusive public opinion, replacing ambiguity with practical standards to make obscenity identifiable. This change will prevent obscene material such as pornography from evading prosecution by relying on the legal confusion of differing standards between states. Under IODA, law enforcement will be empowered to identify and prevent obscenity from being transmitted across state lines. Obscenity is already unprotected speech under the First Amendment, but its current definition makes it difficult to assess and prosecute. The current legal definition of obscenity was taken from a Supreme Court case argued in 1973. Its standards are subjective and vague, making it difficult to apply with certainty to any given material. Using a pre-internet standard for modern times presents serious challenges – particularly when states use differing definitions for ‘obscenity’ – and allows criminals to evade prosecution.”

Former Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte, currently being held pending trial for crimes against humanity in an International Criminal Court jail cell in The Hague, Netherlands, has been elected once again to his prior office, the mayorship of Davao, the vast archipelago country’s third largest city, the BBC reports citing early returns showing Rod with a prohibitive lead – in absentia.

Since Duterte won’t be around to get sworn in back to office, the day-to-day of running the sprawling city of 1.77 million – which is the de facto capital of the country’s southern third – will fall to the Vice-Mayor-elect: Duterte’s son Sebastian. Another son was reelected to the Philippines Senate. Daughter Sara is still the country’s vice president, for now. She’s been in some trouble lately.

White House economic wiener Kevin Hassett explained to CNBC on Monday that his boss’s belligerence toward Canada was exacerbated by Justin Trudeau refusing to surrender unconditionally to him and willingly allow his entire nation to be subjugated by the United States.

The Bengal Awami League, formerly the ruling party in Bangladesh until longtime dictator Sheikh Hasina was forced to abdicate and flee the country amid massive unrest last year, cried out in extreme butthurt over their ban from political activities pending a special tribunal against the party and its leadership over the deaths of protestors, the Associated Press reports.

Whining over the ban, which extends to their web and social media presence, the Awamis sobbed a refrain familiar to Americans who lived through the tearful tantrum of Republicans during the Biden years with their hollow cries that the interim government led by Mohamed Yunus is “stoking division” and trampling on “democratic norms” by handcuffing a party that did exactly that when they were in charge. “People no more feel safe under Yunus,” and accusing his administration of having “fueled ongoing pogrom against dissenters and strangled inclusivity, all undemocratic steps under pretext of making trial of July-August violence and reform scheme.” Might as well have said “witch hunt.”

The opposition BNP is agitating for elections to be held this December. It’s not clear if Sheikh Hasina will run from exile in India or if she will win if she does. Guess you shouldn’t count her out.

The first of hopefully not that many planeloads of fake white trash “refugees” from South Africa landed at Dulles International Airport on Monday afternoon, Time Magazine reports.

Speaking to Politico on Monday before watching her Orange Allah, convicted felon President Trump, defend his nakedly corrupt deal to accept from the Qatar royal family a luxury 747 to use as Air Force One and then keep permanently as part of his “presidential library,” white nationalist sociopath Laura Loomer told the mainstream media news website she was “hoping that it’s not true. If the initial reports are factual, I think it’s concerning. Qatar is not our friend.” Asked whether she would talk to the fat fuck about it, Loomer said “Look, I don’t tell the president what to do,” which is a blatant fucking lie because she got Mike Waltz, Surgeon General nominee whatever her name is, and a bunch of other people in the White House fired after directly telling Trump to do it.

“My posts are pretty viral in their own nature, so I think that message will probably get to him. I know that I’m not the only person who is a diehard Trump supporter who is concerned about whether or not this report is true. I want to be clear in saying that I am eager to see what the president and his team at the White House are going to say about this,” Loomer continued, plainly apprehensive.

Shortly after that Trump told reporters “I think it’s a great gesture from Qatar. I appreciate it very much. I would never be one to turn down that kind of an offer… I mean, I could be a stupid person, say, ‘No, we don’t want a free, very expensive airplane,” adding “I thought it was a great gesture” and that since the US gives foreign aid all the time he can accept “aid” from wealthy Muslims.

“Look, I understand the reasoning about not wanting to burden the United States taxpayer with $400 million. But it’s going to complicate foreign policy about the designation of the Muslim Brotherhood as a terrorist organization, which was promised and undelivered in the first Trump administration. It’s kind of this elephant in the room as Trump goes to the Middle East,” Loomer said afterward. Pretty obviously not the response she wanted from her Holy Orange Messiah.

Products ordered directly from Chinese retailers Shein and Temu will still be subject to convicted felon President Trump’s tariff regime as the 90 day fake truce does not apply to shipments valued under $800, Axios reports on a fuck you to the Gen Z kids.

Peruvian President Dina Boluarte has achieved what can only be described as a historic level of national unity as can be found in public polling: A national Ipsos survey published Monday by paywalled Spanish-language outlet Peru21 put Boluarte’s approval rating at 2 percent. Not a typo, as her disapproval rating is at 94 percent. A typical margin of error means she could be at negative 2 percent approval, in theory. If only Boluarte had a Peruvian Fox News on her side.

And @realDonaldTrump loves Texas! I’m proud to vote with President Trump 99% of the time and fight for Texas with the President. pic.twitter.com/R42q9ldD1c

— Team Cornyn (@TeamCornyn) May 12, 2025

Tell us you’re freaking the fuck out without telling us you’re freaking the fuck out about that poll showing a colossal scumbag like Ken Paxton in the lead for a primary taking place a year from now.

Seriously what the hell else are we supposed to think with this? Lol.

“Stay safe while enjoying Rock Creek Park! Swimming and wading are not allowed due to high bacteria levels. Stay out of the water to protect streambanks, plants and animals and keep you and your family (including pets!) safe from illness. Rock Creek has high levels of bacteria and other infectious pathogens that make swimming, wading, and other contact with the water a hazard to human (and pet) health. Please protect yourself and your pooches by staying on trails and out of the creek. All District waterways are subject to a swim ban – this means wading, too!” says the National Park Service’s page on DC’s Rock Creek Park, not specifically mentioning the source of the bacteria.

It’s raw sewage leaking out of the city’s system, according to the Washingtonian, who included that detail under of Robert F Kennedy Jr’s tweet showing the top US public health official swimming in the waters. Maybe ivermectin works for cholera. Or maybe not and we’ll need a new HHS secretary.

In what the Hollywood Reporter calls a “surprise move,” NBC Sports on Monday announced the addition of legendary gambler Michael Jordan to their roster of on-air talent, presumably to help viewers make informed decisions on which NBA teams to place their prop bets on, likely in segments sponsored by DraftKings, BetMGM, or other major legalized sports gambling concerns.

“I am so excited to see the NBA back on NBC,” said Jordan in a statement he may or may not have issued between rounds at an eight-figure buy-in poker tournament in the Cayman Islands. “The NBA on NBC was a meaningful part of my career, and I’m excited about being a special contributor to the project. I’m looking forward to seeing you all when the NBA on NBC launches this October.”

“And I’m even more excited for the lucrative contract which will fund my own personal gambling pursuits,” Jordan did not add, though the implications of deal with NBC was obvious.