“In less than a week after he was expelled from the House for his myriad of scams and general scumbaggery, Republican now-former Long Island Congressman George Santos has earned a shit ton of money cranking out Cameo video greetings at now $200 to $300 each, Semafor reports. The wording of their story is slightly dicey but it appears he’s already just in the last few days earned more than the $174,000 annual salary he would’ve made had he survived a full year in Congress, according to screenshots Santos sent to Semafor that were verified by Cameo’s CEO,” wrote National Zero on December 6, 2023, just five days after Santos’s expulsion from the House.

The explainer of what Cameo is was probably in an earlier article so in brief it’s a service that allows, for example, users to spend $1,500 to buy a circa 1 minute personal video message recorded by that Shark Tank douchebag Kevin O’Leary, or $699 for one by Jean Claude Van Damme, or $450 for one by Chuck Norris, and so on… Oh shit, “🔥 Only 9 videos left at this price,” says Norris’s page.

“The videos take less than a minute to crank out and if Santos did a few thousand that’s a pretty realistic sum. The demand is obviously there too, as Georgie boy definitely seemed a little fatigued when Senator John Fetterman used Santos to troll scumbag colleague ‘Bobby from Jersey,'” the article continued and let’s skip ahead to noting they’re “a novelty that people are into right now because Santos just got expelled that will fade and then probably spike again when he goes on trial in the spring.” Yeah he just pleaded guilty, surrendered in July 2025, and did three months before other felon Trump commuted his seven and a half year sentence because fuck you, America.

For context, this is the leader of one of the key mainstream Muslim groups that supported Mamdani. pic.twitter.com/zcIs4tVyly

— Congressman Randy Fine (@RepFine) February 15, 2026

“Nicole Parker, formerly of the FBI, is doing a great job of explaining, on FoxNews, the Nancy Guthrie investigation. Others also, working so hard, with such expertise and knowledge. Hopefully there will be a positive result!” posted the President of the United States at 9:31 AM on Monday, a statement issued to reassure Americans he’s tirelessly pushing himself to the limits of human capacity around the clock to resolve a crisis that has thus far vexed his government’s greatest minds and…

Well it’s one thing for Donald to be sitting on his fat ass watching Fox News instead of literally anything that might reduce the cost of living for Americans. That’s been priced in with him, as is his praise of one of the self-promoting FBI washouts who quit in 2022 and got right to work as one of Jim Jordan’s fake “whistleblowers” because she didn’t want to arrest the Capitol insurrectionists.

It’s when you put those together with the utter sloth and passivity of “Hopefully there will be a positive result!” on a news cycle that – with all the caveats of being a horrible crime that merits some of the media bandwidth it has received – on balance affects fewer Americans than the stories under headlines like “When does McDonald’s Shamrock Shake come out? See return date,” at USA Today or “Costco May Have Just Quietly Changed Its Returns Policy: Reports” at Newsweek for example.

Like if he’s going to post about it instead of something actually kind of important or relevant why can’t he at the very least post something, anything that carries some imprimatur of initiative and command like “I’m ordering the NSA and CIA to begin examining satellite images from the night of Nancy Guthrie’s abduction to determine if there’s any data on what vehicles might have been in the neighborhood” or whatever. Why not just try to seem decisive and resolute instead of old and lazy?

France’s Justice Minister Gerald Darmanin on Sunday accused far left extremist politicians’ rhetoric of having amped up the Antifa libs who savagely beat a 23 year-old far right extremist in the city of Lyon on Thursday under circumstances the AFP reports that local prosecutors haven’t fully revealed.

What is known is that far left France Unbowed (LFI) Euro Parliament MEP Rima Hassan was making an appearance and the victim, identified only as “Quentin” was there to provide security for right wingers protesting Hassan’s presence at the Sciences Po University in the city. According to an attorney for Quentin’s family, the man was quickly surrounded and thrashed by the “organized and trained individuals, vastly superior in number and armed, some with their faces masked.”

Quentin, an associate of the right wing “Nemesis Collective,” succumbed to his wounds on Saturday, leading Darmanin to decry “speeches, particularly from France Unbowed and the ultra-left, which unfortunately lead to unbridled violence on social networks and then in the physical world.”

“Words can kill,” Darmanin, seen as the among the most conservative members of President Emmanuel Macron’s centrist cabinet continued living Pam Bondi’s wet dream of an actually violent episode of Antifa violence against a right winger instead of having to blame the victims.

As of 8:53 AM EST Monday morning users of Twitter (or “X” if you’re a douchebag) were logging in to find the platform roughly as functional as owner Elon Musk’s orbitofrontal cortex in that the pages loaded as well as the region of the South African-born tech tycoon’s brain that governs social behavior, impulse control, and the ability to anticipate future consequences of actions.

Really the only difference is that one is reparable and the other is most certainly beyond saving.

Autopsy results shared with the Miami Herald show that Nicaraguan anesthesiologist Dr Helen Massiell Garay Sanchez had a blood alcohol level of 0.11 percent as well as an ocular fluid ethanol level of 0.156 percent before she became trapped in the freezer of a Dollar Tree store in the city’s Little Havana neighborhood on December 13, 2025 and was not discovered until the next day, with officials saying her intoxication “might have been a factor” in her succumbing to hypothermia.

Yeah that’s a lede alright. The “might have been a factor” part is the Herald’s wording, not the coroner’s. What also sticks out is a passing mention of the store’s manager Yanelkis Gonzalez being named as a defendant in a $50 million negligence lawsuit alongside the major discount retailer – the complaint alleging specifically that Gozalaez had refused to review security footage when a customer told her Garay Sanchez was missing. Besides that there isn’t any space devoted to how the fuck a woman gets trapped in a freezer with a glass door and isn’t found until a day later long after she had already frozen to death. God knows how many customers and employees walked by, not to mention actually opened the freezer to grab a 1.3 oz cup of Haagen Dazs or whatever.

Ultimately yes it is Garay Sanchez’s fault that she was drunk – though at 0.11 BAC not excessively over the legal limit to drive of 0.08 – and there’s almost certainly a lot more to the story of why a 32 year-old pediatric anesthesiologist with a husband and two kids is that hammered that she would fall into a goddamned Dollar Tree freezer and unable to simply wobble up and extricate herself.

At the same time, what the Florida, man… How do you let this woman suffer such a gruesome, pointless death and not even know she was in the fucking dollar store freezer for an entire day?

“Pioneer Illinois Shipwreck Hunter and Scuba Diver Paul Ehorn is pleased to announce the discovery of one of Lake Michigan’s most sought-after missing ships. The passenger steamer Lac La Belle had been missing in the depths of Lake Michigan since a stormy night in October of 1872. Ehorn located her upright, intact hull almost 150 years to the day after her loss. The Lac La Belle was one of the most popular passenger steamers on Lake Michigan,” says a press release posted to ShipwreckWorld.com on the massive development in the world of long-lost steamship hunting.

The Lac La Belle’s loss itself was not actually deadly. Technically all 53 passengers and crew on board survived its sinking but eight died when one of the lifeboats capsized. That low death toll, amount of time passed, and the not-particularly-dramatic circumstances around the sinking are probably why the Lac La Belle’s obscure even to those familiar with wrecks like the 1975 loss of the freighter Edmund Fitzgerald and the 1902 sinking of the John B Cowle. You know, ship dorks.

The headquarters for the Republican Party of Eau Claire County in Wisconsin was vandalized with red spray paint overnight on Friday, and police are investigating. https://t.co/b8RelWdKlw

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) February 16, 2026

In what former Daily Beast reporter-turned-independent Substacker Roger Sollenberger writes is a “landmark revelation” that undermines the “White House’s protestations that Trump hasn’t been accused of wrongdoing,” Sollenberger says he’s connected the dots and found that an unidentified victim of now-deceased sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein was interviewed by the FBI in 2019, that documents in the Epstein files indicate she was deemed to be credible, and – most damningly – that her biographical details line up with that of the recipient of a 2021 settlement with Epstein’s estate.

“[REDACTED] stated Epstein introduced her to Trump who subsequently forced her head down to his exposed penis which she subsequently bit,” says the document on the encounter. “In response, Trump punched” the victim, who was “approximately 13-15 years old when this occurred” in the early-mid 1980s “in the head and kicked her out” of a room at a home somewhere in New Jersey.

The corroboration comes from public reporting on the 2021 case against the Epstein estate that the accuser, “Jane Doe 4,” as South Carolina native who was living in Vancouver, Washington as an adult when she called the FBI’s Epstein tip line in 2019. “The victimization occurred in the 1980’s when the caller was approximately 13 to 15 years old and resided in the [REDACTED] Island area of South Carolina,” the agents wrote in the July 2019 interview memo following Epstein’s second federal indictment but weeks before he was unalived in his cell before he could be brought to trial.

It gets even more damning: On the same slideshow where Jane Doe 4’s allegation was mentioned in an internal FBI slideshow presentation created last summer and included in the files, there’s mention of another woman who had claimed she was 14 when Epstein brought her to Mar-a-Lago in 1994 and said “This is a good one, right?” while showing her off to Trump – who agreed. This woman was a key prosecution witness in the government’s case against Ghislaine Maxwell, per Sollenberger.

Sayyyyy, Maurene Comey, in the unlikely event you’re reading this do you have any insight on that?

“Next time Puerto Rican leftists call for independence, we should just let them have it. We’d wind up saving money on the deal, too, considering that nearly half of Puerto Rico is on welfare, which is one of two reasons why Puerto Rico votes to retain its status as a territory, the other reason being American citizenship” – Top comment on the Friday New York Post article headlined “Bad Bunny and his Super Bowl halftime show just had a brush with the FCC: sources,” following up on fat fuck MAGA Congressman Randy Fine’s widely-ridiculed demand for the regulator to drop the hammer on the ultra-popular artist and NBC for broadcasting his allegedly profane lyrics to 140 million+ viewers.

The “exclusive” reporting by the Murdoch-owned Manhattan rag is so pained in its burial of what the lede would be from any real news outlet: The FCC immediately determined there’s no case and has “shelved any additional scrutiny barring further evidence,” because the Spanish vulgarities were edited out. End of story, leaving Fine and pals stuck working on their next performative outrage. In retrospect the past tense of “just had a brush” in the headline might’ve been a clue that the MAGA FCC had nothing to go on here but goddamn how hard they state media works to bury their failures.

Worth asking if the Caucasian-American commenter was aware of this disappointment and his demand that Puerto Rico be cut loose was his proposed recourse to the affront that was Bad Bunny’s halftime show. It had a certain escalatory MAGA logic to it: FCC won’t punish Bad Bunny, therefore every US citizen born on the territorial island must be denaturalized. That’s “fair” to them.

Well… That’s, um… Most people tuned in these days already know that Republican Kentucky Congressman Tom Massie and convicted felon President Trump do not get along, at all, and Massie’s gone full FTW. It’s already priced in and yet it’s still jarring to hear the arch-conservative taunt the Orange Tyrant with “This is the Epstein Administration.” That’s definitely an escalation.

The headline was almost “British llama herd takes the law into their own hooves,” but at some point in the production process it occurred that such a title would run into the serious danger of being at best inconsistent with this site’s previous excoriations of UPI reporter Ben Hooper’s soul-crushingly awful puns like the infamous “traffic yam” caused by an overturned truckload of sweet potatoes.

So let’s just play it straight: The Derbyshire Times reported earlier this month that an unnamed suspect fleeing from the scene of a theft of several packets of tobacco – Jesus Christ, lol – choose his route poorly. The man jumped a fence into a farm field and very quickly found himself surrounded by no fewer than eight llamas, ungulates whose territorial nature drives them to behave aggressively toward unexpected intrusions by unfamiliar people or animals, especially at night. The llamas’ loud bleating alerted the owners, Heidi Price and her partner Graham Oliver who, along with their dog, marched the man back to the property line where cops were waiting to arrest him.

A recent training seminar for Social Security Administration employees handling phone calls included an animated video segment starring an SSA character named “Fiona” who advises despondent callers that suicide is an option if they’re really that hopeless, Government Executive reports.

“It’s important for Fiona to keep the caller engaged and to remind her that suicide is only one option,” the animated trainer told employees in the video, a copy of which was obtained by Government Executive, “and that there is no urgency to make any decisions.”

Hmm. Seems like this should be a bigger deal than just randomly served to Google News from an obscure federal employee trade publication that few if any outside have ever heard of.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline in the United States is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 1-800-273-8255 or 988. Please call or text if you need to talk to someone.

This movie’s ehhhhhh… Anything with both Dwayne Johnson and Paul Giamatti in it should be good but it’s just kinda janky and there’s a lot you can skip. Good special effects.

Who knows what prompted the White House to post this notice directed at “Panicans” on Monday…

Scratch that. Who knows what specifically what prompted them to publish “While the Fake News and Radical Left collude to distract, depress, and divide, they’re simply lying to mask the undeniable truth: America is safer, stronger, richer, and more secure than at any point in decades. Don’t take the bait [long list of either gross exaggerations or outright lies] New victories pour in daily as President Trump delivers on his promises and rebuilds the foundation for long-term success in the greatest nation on Earth. The momentum is unstoppable. Don’t be a Panican, America is winning again — and more victories are coming,” which, well… There’s only so many times you can say “Imagine if Biden…”

You do however really have to marvel at this propaganda about the “winning” stock market, immigration enforcement, and so on. This isn’t like Team Orange saying “DON’T SELL UR STOCKS, BUY TEH DIP” or “THE VIRUS WILL BE GONE BY EASTER, JUST SIT TIGHT” or whatever other shit they would tell the American people as a whole. It is, simply via the use of the really, really stupid Trump-coined portmanteau “Panican,” the White House almost literally saying “Cease panicking immediately, Republicans.” Commanding Republican voters to cheer up about the party’s political situation using a taxpayer-owned website with talking points composed by public servants is nothing if not on-brand for this regime that does not and never will give a fuck about ethics.

So if that part and the message itself are clear enough then there’s still the question of precisely what got this Panican administration so eager to project onto their party and its voters.

In the middle of the below 486-word Truth Social tantrum over supreme chode rash Bill Maher, convicted felon President Trump on Saturday claimed his other rambling, demented bullshit about how “The first thing China will do is terminate ALL Ice Hockey being played in Canada, and permanently eliminate The Stanley Cup,” from last week was “jokingly stated” and that during a visit to the White House Maher “went on and on about the Hockey statement, like ‘What kind of a person would say such a foolish thing as this,’ as though I were being serious when I said it.”

Which would have to mean Trump wasn’t serious about shutting down the Gordie Howe bridge…

Here’s the whole thing and holy shit this fat fuck is so deeply, deeply emotionally insecure…

This is fucking sick: KSL reports that David Nephi Johnson, chairman of the Wasatch County, Utah Republican Party was arrested this week for, per a police affidavit, grabbing his daughter “by the back of her neck and took her into the bathroom while the sink was filling with water. She disclosed that (Johnson) dunked her head under, brought it out, splashed water in her face, then dunked the victim’s head under again. The victim disclosed she couldn’t breathe for about 20 to 30 seconds.”

Why? She had to clean her room before going out to see her friends but it wasn’t “spotless to (her father’s) expectations” so he shoved her head in the sink after she got home on January 21st. It wasn’t the first time as cops wrote the girl “disclosed multiple incidents involving her” siblings, such as her younger brother who Johnson dragged by the neck “into the bathroom and forced his head under the water. The victim stated that David removed her brother from the water, splashed water on his face and nose, knocked him down and repeated the act multiple times,” for some unspecified familial transgression. Johnson, 54, faces a single count of felony aggravated child abuse.

In a statement the Wasatch GOP’s leadership said they take the allegations seriously, had suspended Johnson, and that Vice Chair Patty Sprunt will be indefinitely helming the ship. They could’ve ended it there but no, Sprunt or whoever’s in charge of communications had to add this:

“The Republican Party stands for the protection of the vulnerable and the upholding of the law. Thus far, the public has not seen any evidence in this case. We encourage the community to refrain from judgment until the facts and evidence have been presented.” They literally had to add it. Even the tiniest risk that a desolate Mormon hinterland’s GOP electorate might see such a headline and begin to question the moral authority of those who badmouth independent thinking is too much. Plus it’s fun when those Godless, smartypants libs get scream “ALMOST EVERY WORD OF THAT WAS FALSE!!!” and “YOUR EVIDENTIARY STANDARD IS INSANE AND YOU OUSTED HIM ANYWAY!” etc.

National school portrait vendor Lifetouch this week found themselves arguing that, even if Jeffrey Epstein pal Leon Black-founded private equity firm Apollo bought their parent company Shutterfly for $2.7 billion in September 2019 after Epstein was found suicided in jail cell, there’s no reason for parents to suspect that their kids’ school pictures will somehow be acquired by a sex trafficking ring.

Seriously. “Lifetouch is not named in the Epstein files. The documents contain no allegations that Lifetouch itself was involved in, or that student photos were used in, any illicit activities,” Lifetouch Group CEO Ken Murphy wrote in a statement posted on the company website Wednesday.

Nevertheless, the AP reports that a number of schools and districts across the US this week announced picture day was canceled, specifically because of parents telling administrators they weren’t comfortable with Lifetouch. How many have canceled isn’t firm but it’s at least three and probably closer to 10. “We decided our students and families would be best served by keeping all of our pictures in-house for the rest of this year, and we are looking at all of our options for the 2026-2027 school year,” said Malakoff, Texas district spokesperson Katherine Smith in a statement.

“No Lifetouch executives have ever had any relationship or contact with Epstein and we have never shared student images with any third party, including Apollo,” said Lifetouch in another statement Friday, adding that their corrupt “Epstein class” overlords “and its funds also have no role in Lifetouch’s daily operations and have no access to student images.” Not a great sign when you need to say basically the same exact thing again a few days later like people are suddenly going to listen.

NEW: A man was detained during a traffic stop late Friday night as law enforcement carried out a major operation about two miles from Nancy Guthrie's home.

Sources tell Fox News Digital that the man is being questioned in connection with the warrant that was served nearby. pic.twitter.com/NwtHQgrifI

— Fox True Crime (@FoxTrueCrime) February 14, 2026