An 83 year-old Perry Township, Ohio man is facing charges of felonious assault, failure to comply with order or signal of an officer, resisting arrest and obstructing official business and the misdemeanors of failure to comply with order or signal of an officer, criminal trespass, driving under suspension and operating a vehicle at a small speed and impeding traffic after a Wednesday incident in which he mowed a neighbor’s lawn without permission and fled at a low rate of speed on his ride-on until responding officers caught up with him, the Canton Repository reports.

It’s not the first time the unidentified codger was caught trespassing on another neighbor’s property to mow the grass as last August after cops had specifically warned him not to do so. That incident ended less acrimoniously as the suspect was fined $50 and sentenced to 30 days in jail – which it’s not clear whether it was suspended – after pleading guilty to misdemeanor trespass.

The Federal Reserve Bank’s core consumption expenditures price index was expected to increase 0.1 percent in May and 2.6 percent from a year ago, per the Dow Jones consensus, CNBC reports.

NASA engineers on Thursday said they’re continuing to evaluate whether the Boeing Starliner spacecraft can bring its crew of two astronauts, Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams, back home from the International Space Station after two weeks and counting of delays, Reuters reports.

At issue is the propulsion system which, since it was designed by Boeing, probably requires a congressional and/or federal law enforcement investigation to determine whether any documents were shredded or engineers committed suicide while planning to blow the whistle on its flaws.

Muskingum County, Ohio Sheriff Matt Lutz is again reminding citizens that two years ago the state actually had to pass a bill making it illegal to consume alcohol and light off fireworks because so many people were blowing themselves up while shitfaced, the Zanesville Times Recorder reports.

“People get careless, and they start mixing things with alcohol,” said Lutz, adding that his office spends too much time on the Fourth of July responding to drunkenly botched use of celebratory explosives. “You have to know what you’re doing. A lot of it comes down to common sense.”

Lutz said the most common issues his deputies respond to during the Fourth of July are hand injuries from patriots holding them and they go off too soon, property damage from people firing projectiles too close to homes, debris from aerial fireworks landing in nearby pools and causing damage, or injuries from people aiming and shooting fireworks at each other. The 2022 Ohio fireworks law makes lighting them off while intoxicated a first-degree misdemeanor. Among other provisions, the law prohibits launching fireworks at another person and discharging them indoors.

Top 5 moments during Trump-Biden debate showdown: 'I didn't have sex with a porn star' https://t.co/rduA8VRgNX

— Fox News (@FoxNews) June 28, 2024

Proof that Randy Newmann was right, stubby Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced he canceled all state grants supporting the arts because of “sexual” content at Fringe Festival in Orlando and Tampa, the Tampa Bay Times reports.

Originally held in Edinburgh, Scotland and then spread around the world, Fringe Festivals are programs where writers and performers produce new and experimental theatre.  Such award-winning works as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead and Stomp debuted at Edinburgh.  The festivals in Orlando and Tampa schedule a wide range of shows, from kid-friendly and -focused programs to adult-themed dramas and comedies, like the theatre world in general.

“You have your tax dollars being given in grants to things like the Fringe Festival, which is like a sexual festival where they’re doing all this stuff,” DeSantis said during a media event on Thursday where he could not identify the “stuff” he objected to or specific shows he saw.

Welp.  That was not a great performance by the incumbent, was it?  Suffering from a cold, President Joe Biden came out without the benefit of the legendary Hi-Octane Five-Hour Energy Juice he had before the State of the Union.  And his opponent, convicted felon and one-time office holder Donald Trump, had the juice but didn’t have the facts.

Mumbly Biden will have long-time critics and new-found skeptics of the President’s competence taking up camera time discussing ways Biden can step aside graciously before the convention and have the delegates fight among themselves in floor campaigns among new candidates.

Others can, will and should point to the lack of substance to most of Trump’s responses.  Just like Infrastructure Week and Melania’s visa status, we’re still waiting for Trump’s positions on Israel and Social Security cuts.  Where Trump’s responses deflected, Biden’s–what you could make out of them–were policy-rich.

Well we’ve seen enough. Joe Biden’s performance in that debate was horrible and many prominent Democrats are in an absolute panic over it. Van Jones was straight up about to cry on CNN. No doubt at least 12 libs died of heart attacks on their couches while watching because it was so stressful even though let’s be honest Trump fucking sucked too. Still it’s clear that the Dems saying they need to replace Biden as the party’s 2024 nominee are correct, hard as it is to admit.

So here’s who we think should replace Joe Biden at the 2024 DNC: Joe Biden on drugs.

That’s right. Kick Joe Biden to the curb and get a real candidate who has all the policy smarts, charisma, and political IQ of regular Joe Biden and add a shit ton of neurochemical enhancements to make him into Joe Biden on drugs. It’s a win-win for all the people worried about his energy level and mental acuity on display at the CNN debate because those issues will be masked by a cocktail of high-grade amphetamines, selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors, modafinils, and measured doses of cocaine. Joe Biden on drugs will be clearer, more comprehensible, and most importantly possess a sharper wit and fiercer temper than the non-drugged Joe Biden we saw at the debate.

It’s such a simple shuffle for the presidential ticket and it’s shocking that so many political “professionals” on the left aren’t immediately advocating for it. Are they fucking high or something?

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after this important scorching hot take that will no doubt cause an immediate “game changing” stir across the whole American political media universe.

Well this is it. Unless you’ve been living blissfully under a rock for the past 43 days you know what’s about to happen: Joe Biden vs Donald Trump at CNN in Atlanta. Empty arena deathmatch. Hostile territory and terms of engagement for the Incredible Orange Blob. Moderators who are not cupcakes. Tens of millions watching across multiple networks. A chance for those walled off from the utter insanity and incoherence of the fat fuck to be exposed freshly to just how badly he’s gotten. A chance for Biden to demonstrate the mental strength and agility too many unfairly doubt.

Pete Arredondo, the former Uvalde school district chief of police who was roundly criticized for his department’s lack of effective response to the ongoing school shooting at Robb Elementary School in May 2022, KSAT ABC-12 in San Antonio reports.

Fired months after the massacre of 19 students and two teachers, Arredondo was indicted on ten charges of child endangerment; he was reportedly in custody at the county jail he once oversaw.  Former UCISD officer Adrian Gonzales was also indicted on one count.

Teachers in Oklahoma schools teaching grades 5 through high school must incorporate lessons on the Bible into their instruction, the state’s Secretary of Education decreed on Thursday, putting up another challenge to the separation of church and state, the Associated Press reports.

“The Bible is an indispensable historical and cultural touchstone,” Republican State Superintendent Ryan Walters said in a statement. “Without basic knowledge of it, Oklahoma students are unable to properly contextualize the foundation of our nation which is why Oklahoma educational standards provide for its instruction.”

Trumpocrats For Trump! The guy on the left is me. The guy on the right is Trump. pic.twitter.com/RHj4N0zQXT

— Rod Blagojevich (@realBlagojevich) June 27, 2024

Former First Lady Melania Trump is missing, per CNN’s Kaitlan Collins, who reports that the third wife of former President Trump is not in Atlanta with her husband for Thursday night’s debate, her whereabouts a complete mystery to the general public normally expecting candidate’s spouses to show up and support them during important moments. It’s not clear if Mrs Trump is in any danger or copulating with a 28 year-old Secret Service agent or shopping at a Versace store in New Jersey or something else. Current First Lady Dr Jill Biden is in Atlanta with her husband, President Joe Biden.

“Google is still at it. On Tuesday, just two days before the widely anticipated presidential debate between President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump, the tech giant buried Trump’s campaign website in its search results. But Biden’s appears at the very top for voters looking for information about him. ‘Google is blatantly interfering in the 2024 election,’ said MRC President Brent Bozell,” writes some asshole at the Media Research Center, quoting the founder and father of Capitol insurrectionist L Brent Bozell IV, currently serving a 45 month bid in federal prison for shoving cops and entering the Senate chamber during the melee on January 6th, 2021.

The Wisconsin Elections Commission on Thursday for the second time rejected a petition to recall GOP state Assembly Speaker Robin Vos over his refusal to take up “decertifying” the state’s 2020 electoral college votes among other sins against MAGA, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports.

The whole situation’s a mess because there’s a large, looming unanswered question over whether the state legislative district the far right petitioners had collected the signatures is still valid for the effort following the state Supreme Court’s decision to crush the Republican gerrymandering regime.

If it’s the old district then they got 16 signatures more than the minimum requirement. If it’s the new district – the one in which Vos will have to run for reelection in November – then they fell short by thousands, meaning that if the WEC had greenlit the petition it would’ve taken months to resolve in the courts. It’s not clear why the Mike Lindell-backed effort didn’t try to cover their bases and get enough overlap from both districts. Or not clearer because they failed the first time.

Trump campaign Reichsminister of Propaganda and failed Congressional candidate Karoline Leavitt on Thursday was pretty freaking pissed that Biden surrogate Dick Harpootlian mocked her Orange Fuhrer on Fox News right before her segment, one that in a stitched clip featured anchor Martha McCallum asking her to address how they’re handling the fact that Trump really can’t interrupt Biden in a way that the audience watching at home can hear (seriously CNN appears to have done this right), with Leavitt admitting Donald agreed to “these ridiculous rules” to act like an adult.

Fun fact: Dick Harpootlian, a South Carolina state Senator, was defense counsel for Alex Murdaugh in that really fucked-up murder trial. Must be one of those weird old school Democrats.

Spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan’s House Judiciary Committee on Thursday voted to hold Joe Biden’s ghostwriter Mark Zwonitzer in contempt for who the hell knows it’s something to do with the stupid classified documents investigation, John Solomon’s shitty website reports.

A condemned child murderer in Oklahoma on Wednesday demonstrated terrible taste in pizza by ordering two double cheese, double pepperoni Little Caesar’s pies to go with two cups of vanilla ice cream and a bottle of Vernor’s ginger ale, possibly to a make a float, the Oklahoman reports.

It’s possible that Richard Rojem, a native of Michigan who’s been imprisoned since 1984, might’ve forgotten that there were better options out there than the chain based in his home state, even in Oklahoma. Hell, a Domino’s deep dish is a pretty solid pick, gun to your head, if you had to choose a fast food pizza place. Pizza Hut isn’t that bad either. Much better than Little Caesar’s.

Maybe they were the only ones in the area who could deliver. Otherwise he might’ve been stuck with frozen pizza. Which would’ve been funny because then the warden could’ve asked him “What do you want on your Tombstone?” and then be like “Oh wait, you were already on death row when they had those commercials in the early 90s so you probably didn’t get the reference. Lolz”

Rojem was pronounced dead at 10:16 am CDT on Thursday. At least he didn’t order Papa John’s.

Take it from the people who know Donald Trump best—he is unfit to be president. pic.twitter.com/yXx1Cj7vVe

— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) June 27, 2024

A New Hampshire man who was on trial for threats texted in response to blasts from fat former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and fascist tech bro Vivek Ramaswamy’s campaigns died has been found dead while a jury was deciding his verdict at the end of a federal trial, the AP reports.

Tyler Anderson, 30, had been charged in December on three counts of sending a threat using interstate commerce after he told one or both of the failed Republican presidential candidates’ campaigns shit like he would shoot everyone in the head at the events, candidate included, and desecrate their corpses. It’s not clear if Anderson was a liberal or a Republican. Probably the latter if his number was on a list of those known to the state party and obviously he didn’t threaten Trump so it’s possible this was directed at the Orange Allah’s “rivals” on that basis.

We do know however Anderson suffered from mental health problems as the court had ordered him to take his psychiatric meds at arraignment. So it’s not too hard to guess how he might’ve died.