What a motherducking miracle! WDPE reports the Horry County, South Carolina Fire Rescue saved 13 adorable baby ducklings who were trapped in a storm drain at 106 Sayebrook Pkwy near Socastee area on Thursday night. Surely some libertarian is going to complain the response cost taxpayers somewhere in the mid-three digits minimum, but duck those ducking quackoffs!

An amendment to the FISA surveillance bill – requiring federal law enforcement to obtain a warrant before wiretapping transnational criminals on the off-chance they’d be communicating with American citizens – pushed by white nationalist Congressman Andy Biggs and Progressive Caucus Chair Pramila Jayapal failed Friday on a tied 212 to 212 vote with both parties split.

And if we’re missing some crucial details to that please forgive us because the whole thing’s complicated as fuck. All we understand of FISA is that the MAGA assholes hate it because that’s how the 2016 Trump Campaign’s collusion with Russia was exposed. We’re not sure if that’s a reason to be affirmatively for it either, but we’re going to lean towards no since the lefties horseshoed into agreement with the Freedom Caucasian types on it like this is Fahrenheit 9/11 and all the traitors and fifth columnists are imaginary. Russian, ChiCom, etc scumbags seeking to undermine American democracy should not be given the benefit of due process under any circumstances.

UPDATE 4/12/2024 12:53 PM EDT: The main FISA renewal through 2026 passed by a decent margin, at least 268 to 143 as of this writing, and the House chamber then quickly emptied out.

“I am so proud of Truth Social, because I believe it represents the Make America Great Again Movement, and it shows the Spirit and Love of our Country. If people who believe in putting America First and want to Make America Great Again, support TRUTH, we will be your Voice like never before, and a Real Voice is what our Country needs, because we are in decline,” and we have to stop Trump’s stupid post there because he and his fellow $DJT shareholders really are in decline, lol.

“…and must bring America to Greatness. Think of this as a Movement, the Greatest Movement in the History of our Country. We are going to Save our Country, and Make America Great Again, GREATER THAN EVER BEFORE!” the fat bastard continued. We’ll keep an eye out to see if investors heed his call to “support TRUTH” so Donald can cash out dump all of his shares in six months.

In related news, white nationalist asshole Marjorie Taylor Greene on Wednesday said only “This is a waste of time. I think you can read my reports and see what I own,” when asked by NBC why her most recent financial disclosure no longer lists any DWAC/DJT stock. The only legally valid explanations for that is if she sold it off within the last 45 days or if her now ex-husband ended up taking the shares in their divorce. If it’s the former she’s going to have to disclose a loss of up to $32,500 (or more at the current price) given the range of value of the shares she’s had since 2021.

Barry County, Michigan Sheriff Dar Leaf, a very, uh, colorful character who recently was subpoenaed by a grand jury over his refusal to share with prosecutors the details of the “investigation” he’s been working on for more than three years to “prove” the 2020 election was stolen from fat former Trump, is apparently very keen to share at least some of those details with diminutive COVID conspiracy theorist Senator Rand Paul and spandex-wearing grapple freak Congressman Jim Jordan, as it appears that Leaf believes he’s connected the dots between the virus and the “steal.”

“The Barry County Sheriff’s Office has an ongoing investigation related to the November 3, 2020, election. My Office is in possession of evidence that I am asking Congress to investigate and obtain sworn testimony. On March 3, 2020, the CDC reported 60 cases of COVID-19 across America, and by March 11, 2020, the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a pandemic. Also on March 3, 2020, Dominion employee, Nick Ikonomakis, requested Lingming Cen, Dominion employee who was educated and trained at the Wuhan University of Science & Technology, be removed from the ‘Jira cloud login.’ Lingming Cen specializes in software development and programming. On May 12, 2020, Goren Obradovic, Dominion employee and ‘inventor’ of Dominion patents filed in the US, requested that Lingming Cen receive ‘elevated permissions’ and be given ‘access to server resources,'” wrote leaf in a letter dated Wednesday and addressed to Paul and Jordan. Yes, this is real.

Continued: “From March of 2020, through the conclusion of the November 3, 2020, election, Matt Horace and Candance Miller, Mayo Clinic employees, arranged meetings from their official Mayo Clinic accounts with Kay Stimson, a Dominion employee. Matt Horace was previously employed by Dominion between 2018 and 2019 when Dominion curiously predicted a ‘turbulent election cycle in the United States.’ Additionally, I am attaching evidence relating to delay in responding to the United States government, specifically the [Election Assistance Commission], when asked about its use of globally sourced parts, and machines in use that were not certified, and Kay Stimson’s position that the EAC was ‘overstepping their bounds’ when asking for malfunction reports.”

“I look forward to assisting your investigation,” Leaf concluded. We can’t decide which would be funnier, if Paul and Jordan took him seriously and called a joint hearing or if they ignored him because this guy’s too fucking crazy for even demented assclowns like them to deal with.

In an obvious attempt at payback for being unceremoniously fired in the summer of 2022, failed Wisconsin MAGA 2020 election “review” czar and former state Supreme Court Justice Mike Gableman is on-board with the now once-failed and now-restarted effort to recall Republican state Assembly Speaker Robin Vos, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports. Gableman, who somehow still has a law license after being found in contempt of court and sued over and over and over again for refusing to publicly share the records of his failed attempt to overturn Trump’s defeat in 2020, which cost Badger State taxpayers millions of dollars, represented Recall Vos at a Thursday night hearing of the Wisconsin Elections Commission in which they officially voted to reject the first recall petition.

True to his brand, Gableman alleged a massive Deep State conspiracy to undermine the recall effort against Vos, alleging the organizers had “in fact, had a two hour meeting with the FBI because they, and based on what I’ve heard and read, I believe that recall 1.0 was intentionally sabotaged, it was infiltrated by outsiders from New York and Florida. I can’t say whether it was done at the behest of Robin Vos or on his behalf.” Again we’re not sure why this guy hasn’t been disbarred yet.

Gableman previously endorsed a 2022 primary challenge against Vos by fellow Trump fanboy Adam Steen, who, alongside die-hard “Stop the Steal” state Representative Janel Brandtjen and Trump’s Save America Joint Fundraising Committee, was recently recommended for felony charges by the Wisconsin Ethics Commission over a $40,000 contribution from Mike Lindell (who has also lent his star power to the Recall Vos effort) illegally laundered by Steen’s campaign. Vos survived the primary challenge by just under 300 votes (but 2.6 percent) and fired Gableman the very next day.

Sources tell Bloomberg that US and Israeli military officials are on super extra high alert for a massive Iranian drone and/or missile attack on the Jewish State that could come as early as within the next 48 hours, either through a proxy or even from Iran itself, which would be “unprecedented.”

“The US is preparing defenses and has moved additional military assets to the region, while intensifying diplomatic efforts to rein in hostilities,” Bloomberg writes in the article. But whether or not it even actually happens it’s safe to expect that right wing and allied anti-anti-Trump ballsuckers are preparing their offenses and moving additional propaganda assets to push a “Biden is weak, therefore he invited this” script. Never mind that publicizing the intel and making it clear that the US and Israel are ready to respond is actually almost as strong as deterrent as preemptively bombing the sons of bitches, the comfortably unfalsifiable “This never would have happened if Trump was still president” talking points and circular logic are no doubt being freshly recycled as we write this.

We’d say they might even dust off an old Michael Moore rant and switch out a few nouns, “Bush” to “Biden,” “Iraq” to “Iran,” so on and so forth, but that would probably be too much effort for the unprincipled cunts in the MAGA propaganda industrial complex to put together. “Trump strong and tough but wouldn’t risk war, Biden weak and wimpy but also a violent warmonger” is good enough.

“The US Secret Service, the New York City Police Department, and the New York State Unified Court System are working together to ensure the highest level of safety and security for the upcoming legal proceedings in New York City involving Former President Donald Trump. ‘The US Secret Service is prepared to effectively carry out our protective mission here in New York. While operational security precludes us from going into specifics, the US Secret Service will not seek any special accommodations outside of what would be required to ensure the continued safety of the former president. We have the utmost trust and confidence in our law enforcement partners, including the NYPD and New York State Unified Court System, and appreciate their continued dedication and professionalism'” says US Secret Service New York Field Office Chief Special Agent Patrick J Freaney in a joint statement issued with NYPD and state court system brass.

They could saved some time by just using the old “IT’S HAPPENING” Ron Paul GIF, because that’s the bottom line here: That barring another, much larger earthquake or a massive domestic terrorist assault on the city or some stupid bullshit intervention by a pro-MAGA state or federal appellate court, the fat fuck is about to face a criminal trial jury for real on Monday, 9:30 AM EDT sharp.

Trump defense lawyer Evan Corcoran, who himself probably came pretty close to getting indicted for helping to obstruct justice in the Mar-a-Lago classified docs case, has departed Team Orange for what we can just call “creative differences,” if we want to be a pain in the ass, CNN reports.

Corcoran recused himself from the documents case last year but had remained on the team since there was obviously no shortage of other work, but what prompted him to finally quit is not clear as he did not comment to CNN. Large-headed Trump spokesman Steven Cheung angrily denied it in a statement, saying “Mr Corcoran remains on the legal team and is continuing to help fighting the Biden Trial witch-hunts,” and that “any assertion otherwise is fake news peddled by uninformed sources and untruthful reporting that seeks to leak disinformation and misinformation.”

Researchers who’ve been conducting focus groups of Trump 2016-Biden 2020 voters tell Axios that participants are not buying the shit the orange slob has been saying about abortion policy – and that there’s serious opening for Biden to recoup whatever erosion he’s suffered from Robert Kennedy Jr.

“Among pro-choice swing voters who would vote for RFK Jr, some seemed to second-guess their support when confronted with the argument that a vote for Kennedy is effectively a vote for Trump and his abortion policies,” said Rich Thau, president of research group Engagious, who said six out of the 11 participants of a recent Pennsylvania panel were looking to support Crazy Bobby.

Kennedy himself has been very squirrelly on abortion. “If he doesn’t agree with what I agree with abortion, then I’m going to switch,” said one of the Keystone Staters, who probably doesn’t know that Kennedy favors a 15-week ban. Only one of the four Dems, for Republicans, and three independents agreed with Trump’s “leave it up to the states” line. The rest agreed it’s fucking stupid.

“You’re going to lose all doctors and they’re going to go where they could treat their patients, it doesn’t make sense to have it in every single state be different,” said one woman. “It’s going to cost us more money, cause us more stress. It’s just not convenient in the end,” said another.

Eye injuries after solar eclipse surge following phenomenon https://t.co/08J9gj1cL0

— Fox News (@FoxNews) April 12, 2024

Next week the House will tee up the “Hands Off Our Home Appliances Act,” the “Liberty in Laundry Act,” the “Clothes Dryer Reliability Act,” the “Refrigerator Freedom Act,” the “Affordable Air Conditioning Act,” and the “Stop Unaffordable Dishwasher Standards Act,” all from Republicans clearly terrified of state overreach in energy and water efficiency standards, Punchbowl reports.

“It’s April, and Republicans are on messaging bills,” Punchbowl writes, making it clear this is a bridge too far for even them despite their usual willingness to propagate other stupid bullshit from Hill Republicans. What’s also particularly on-brand about this how the GOP members opposed to efficiency in household appliances and fixtures are plainly opposed to efficiency in the legislative process, as all six of these different bills could almost certainly easily combined into one given the obvious overlap… and that the Dem-majority Senate will ignore them to focus on actual governing.

Batshit crazy Arizona Republican Senate candidate Kari Lake has been calling GOP state lawmakers lobbying them to repeal the 1864 abortion ban that the state Supreme Court upheld on Tuesday, obviously terrified for what it could mean for her chances of winning, CNN’s Alayna Treene reports.

“Lake has called state legislators and offered her help and support for what they need to overturn the territorial law so it reverts back to the 15-week Ducey law,” a source told Treene.

A golden retriever named Trigger with an English organization that trains guide dogs for the blind has retired at the ripe old age of nine.  Dubbed the Dogfather, Trigger was more than your average guide dog; he was a highly prolific guide dog.  In his short nine years, Trigger has sired more than 320 puppies over 39 litters through the Banbury Guide Dog’s breeding program, the BBC reports.

Trigger’s “gentle nature” and “confidence” were passed on to his progeny, leading him to a life of canine sex trafficking that took him–or at least, his sperm–as far as France and the Netherlands, where affiliated guide dog associations were formed.   Among the three groups, hundreds of Trigger’s puppies have been trained and placed with blind and partially-sighted people.

Russian missiles and drones overwhelmed dwindling Ukrainian air defenses and destroyed the Trypilska Thermal Power Plant, a fossil fuel-burning plant that was the largest power generator in the Kyiv, Cherkasy and Zhytomyr regions, CNN reports.  Russia reportedly fired 82 missiles and drones in the attack around Kyiv, with Ukrainian air defenses shooting down 18 missiles and 39 drones.

The power plant was knocked out by missiles destroying the two massive turbines that generate electricity.  The plant’s destruction hasn’t led to widespread power outages in the region, but it puts more stress on an already strained system.

“A black day in the history of Centrenergo,” the company said in a statement noting that all three of its power-generating stations were now either destroyed or occupied by Russia. “The scale of the destruction is terrible. Money can’t estimate it. This is the biggest challenge for us in the history of the company.”

Leonard Leo, the co-chair of the Federalist Society and one of the few people allowed to have portraits painted with Justice Clarence Thomas, said he will refuse to comply with a subpoena for testimony issued by the Senate Judiciary Committee, the Washington Post reports, saying the investigation into potentially unethical gifts to Supreme Court Justices to keep them on the Court to enshrine conservative political philosophy is “politically motivated.”  The stand prompted Judiciary Committee chairman Dick Durbin to pursue potential action to force Leo’s testimony after hearing Leo’s comment.

In a statement to the Post, the defiant Leo said, “I am not capitulating to [Durbin’s] lawless support of Senator Sheldon Whitehouse and the left’s dark money effort to silence and cancel political opposition.”  Leo reportedly connected wealthy conservative funders like Harlon Crow and Robin Arkley II to conservative jurists–like Clarence Thomas who had expressed frustration that serving on the bench wasn’t more lucrative just before meeting Crow.

Sometimes, the ads just write themselves.  …’cept in this case, whoever puts the words in Fox host Sean Hannity’s teleprompter did the job for Democrats.  Hannity starts, “They blame Trump for…” and then scrolls through about twenty reasons why no one should vote for Donald Trump ever again for any public office.

“They blame Trump fo–this is pretty amusing–for the border crisis, for Covid deaths, for mass shootings, the Arizona abortion law, […]”. The Arizona abortion law, Sean?  Let’s look at that.  You mean, the one the GOP appointees to the Arizona Supreme Court resurrected after the Trump-appointed and other GOP-backed US Supreme Court justices overturned Roe?  You know, something Trump himself has bragged he did?  We wonder why “they” blame Trump for things Trump did.

The self-proclaimed Republican Governor of Arizona and the actual GOP Senate nominee Kari Lake is reportedly panicked that the recent state Supreme Court decision to revert to an 1864 abortion ban will sink her effort to leave Phoenix, and she’s pushing Republicans in the state legislature to make an effort to undo the damage, NBC News reports.

Most recently, Lake has opposed the complete ban on abortions despite having enthusiastically endorsed readopting the 1864 law in the past.  Now seeing that what energizes the GOP base to vote in the primaries to get the nomination is not what real voters want from the government, Lake must do a full 180-degree pivot from her previous “My personal belief is that all life matters. All life counts, and all life is precious” statement.  Apparently, Kari Lake now thinks that the only thing more precious than fetal life is Kari Lake’s political life.

This is real. This is actually what Republicans are preparing to spend next week on in the House. Really: https://t.co/8VyLSolMZO https://t.co/7yJxwYdFAO

— Rep. Don Beyer (@RepDonBeyer) April 11, 2024

As Virginia Democrat Don Beyer confirms, the GOP-led House Rules Committee scheduled a meeting for Monday, April 15th to bring the six appliance-related bill to the floor for a vote, because Republicans have their fingers on the pulse of the nation.  We’re a little surprised that given Monday is also when Donald Trump’s Manhattan election interference criminal trial opens, the GOP didn’t include a “Donald Trump Right to Single Flush Toilets” bill, too.

Energy production from renewable sources on public lands surpassed 25 gigawatts of clean energy–enough to power 20 time-traveling DeLoreans–the goal the Biden Administration set to reach by the end of his first term, Reuters reports.  Biden’s plan includes drastically reducing fees for wind and solar energy projects on federal acreage.

In total, the Interior Department has permitted projects that would create 29 gigawatts of electricity, enough to power more than one million homes, an increase of 25% since 2021.  The Administration announced that permits for projects that would produce another 32 gigawatts are being processed.

Tyler Boebert, the 19-year-old son of Colorado’s own conjugal carpetbagging Congresswoman Lauren Boebert, appeared before a judge in Garfield County courtroom on Thursday saying he is having difficulty retaining counsel because he can’t afford their rates, Westword News reports.  He had no family with him.

Boebert the Younger faces fourteen counts, including felony identity theft that carries a two- to six-year prison sentence, for a series of car break-ins and robberies in Rifle he and a number of underage accomplices allegedly committed, including that of a woman with a brain tumor from whom they stole the last $75 “left to her name,” police said.

“We are working to hire an attorney, but it’s just been kind of hard with the prices,” Boebert told the judge. “Worst case scenario, if we can’t get something figured out with the lawyer then we’re going to apply for a public defender or whatever works best for me.”