From an FBI agent’s affidavit on the the arrest warrant for Michigan Capitol rioter Paul Caloia, who is a sick fuck: “On January 12, 2021, the FBI’s National Threat Operations Center received a tip from an individual (‘Witness 1’) regarding an internet pornography personality using the name ‘God Hypnotic.’ Witness 1 stated in the report to the FBI that God Hypnotic was ‘bragging’ on Skype about his participation in the January 6, 2021 riots and that God Hypnotic had described being inside the Capitol building during that Skype chat. I interviewed Witness 1, who stated that he/she first interacted with ‘God Hypnotic’ through email, and that the Skype meeting in question was an invitation-only chat hosted by God Hypnotic. Witness 1 further stated that as God Hypnotic was bragging about his involvement in the January 6 riots, another individual in the chat asked God Hypnotic why he went to the Capitol. At that point, Witness 1 said God Hypnotic backtracked and said that he went to the Capitol for reporting purposes. Witness 1 said that God Hypnotic’s comment about the events on Jan 6 was a ‘one-liner’ unprovoked by any other participants in the meeting.”

“At the time of these interviews, Witness 1 had not been in contact with ‘God Hypnotic’ since January 12, 2021. Separately, the FBI received a tip from a confidential source containing public photographs of Twitter user @CashHypnotic. The source believed that the user of the @CashHypnotic Twitter account resembled an individual who was present in the Capitol based upon publicly available footage of an individual labeled ‘Insider 805’ by the group the online group, Sedition Hunters. The source provided images to the FBI, as well as CALOIA’s Twitter handle. I have reviewed @CashHypnotic’s Twitter account, which includes several self-provided images.”

That last part is where we feel bad. A National Zero reporter very briefly look at it too and it was gross. Not like need therapy gross, but gross enough. Caloia is not a particularly good looking dude and his abusive language toward the “cashfags” who pay him to pee and jack off on camera is just as disturbing as his “content.” Just the kind of citizen MAGAmerica accepts openly and willingly.

My dear friend James Comer has had a tough year filled with failed hearing after failed hearing. But in the spirit of Hanukkah, I wanted to offer him some words of encouragement from a Jew-ish former colleague of ours. pic.twitter.com/AblVjAz8ag

— Jared Moskowitz (@JaredEMoskowitz) December 12, 2023

Gotta catch em all, right? A 35 year-old Westerville, Ohio man who walked out of a Meijer store with $679.59 worth of Pokemon cards didn’t have enough HP or high enough defense stats to overcome the ferocious moves by a local cop who beat him senseless for attempting to resist arrest during a confrontation in the parking lot, WCMH reports. The cop chose excessive force, Pikachu!

Per a police report, Fields was yanked out of a vehicle by a responding officer who had pursued him out of the store. One of the cops ordered Fields “several times… to place his hands behind his back, turn onto his stomach, and to stop resisting,” but Fields “continued actively resisting our attempts to secure his hands by pulling his arms under his body and trying to roll over.”

The cops then tased the fucker and hauled him to the station, charging him with felony assault. The article’s pretty long and goes into police brutality and all that stuff that kind of takes away from all our stale Pokemon jokes that we keep using every time there’s some stupid crime involving them.

Taking the witness stand Tuesday in her and her mom Ruby Freeman’s defamation trial against alcoholic shitbrain Rudy Giuliani, former Georgia election worker Shae Moss testified that she was looking for other work in the months after the election and, per ABC News, had an interview at a Chik-fil-A that went well – until the end when the manager said he had googled her name.

“I was dressed up. I had my notebook with my resume. I was excited, I was ready,” Moss said, adding that the interview “went great, I had made up my mind that, oh well, I’ll have to start at the bottom… I can work my way up here.” But then the manager showed her some MAGA website’s article with the word “traitor” pasted over her face. “Tell me about this. Is this you? Is this true?”

“The more he was talking, the more I just tuned it out. I was so shocked, I was so embarrassed… I just had to leave. I just left,” Moss said on what was already a bad day for Rudy.

Yeah this is real. Trump posted “Due to the great Excitement and Success of my previous TRUMP DIGITAL TRADING CARDS, we’re doing it again – The MugShot Edition, available RIGHT NOW. Plus, buy 47 cards and get a piece of the suit I wore for the ‘Mugshot Photo,’ and also get an invite to a Gala Dinner with me at Mar-a-Lago! Don’t wait, they’ll go FAST (I believe!). I’m happy if you’re happy. Have fun. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!” on Truth Social. And the site for his bullshit NFTs says “Limited Physical Trading Card w/Piece of President Trump’s Suit from the MugShot. Only 2,024 available with different rarities. Some are Autographed. Shipped Free to US Addresses,” if you spend $4,653.00 on these “digital trading cards.” Not sure what else to add.

Middleburg, Florida registered Republican Douglas Moore is facing six counts of aggravated assault with a firearm, reckless discharge of a firearm, and using a firearm while under the influence of alcohol after he “became agitated” Saturday by a Christmas parade and shot off a few rounds in the direction some of the participants who had gathered on a nearby property, Fox 35 reports.

No one was injured in the incident, with the possible exception of Moore, who was taken to the ground by a Clay County sheriff’s deputy who responded. The arrest affidavit mentions that Moore had slurred speech and bloodshot, watery eyes when he was confronted by the deputies.

Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith on Tuesday hit the Supreme Court over the head with a “Hey assholes, this was decided almost 50 years ago in US v Nixon, the only difference here in US v Trump is that this is a criminal matter. Everything else is the same, so just bang the gavel and get this over with,” in his petition to the court to keep his trial on schedule. The opener:

The second day of alcoholic shitbrain Rudy Giuliani’s trial to determine the award to defamed Georgia mother-daughter election worker duo Ruby Freeman and Shae Moss got off to a rough start for the disgraced former New York City mayor on Tuesday as DC Circuit Judge Beryl Howell asked defense lawyer Joe Sibley what the fuck his client was thinking when he claimed “everything I said about” the two plaintiffs “is true. Of course I don’t regret it. I told the truth. They were engaged in changing votes” from the steps of the courthouse on Monday, Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports.

“I’m not sure how it’s reconcilable,” Sibley admitted to Howell when she asked why he told the jury that Freeman and Moss were “good people” but his asshole client said they’re criminals. “This has taken a bit of a toll on him. He’s almost 80 years old. I think he was sitting here all day at trial at his age,” Sibley told Howell, who wondered aloud if Captain 9/11 was going to be able to follow court orders when he has to take the stand and testify… as if there’s any chance he won’t owe tens of millions of dollars after the jury makes their determination on the award to the platiffs.

Senate conspiracy bot RonAnon.exe suffered an STDOUT ERROR at line 477 of its controller code on Tuesday as a query parameter “What do you make of Jack Smith doing this?” from Bartiromo.hag returned an invalid exception response of “Biden crime family” values from a different database.

Bureau of Labor Statistics: “The Consumer Price Index for All Urban Consumers (CPI-U) increased 0.1 percent in November on a seasonally adjusted basis, after being unchanged in October, the US Bureau of Labor Statistics reported today. Over the last 12 months, the all items index increased 3.1 percent before seasonal adjustment. The index for shelter continued to rise in November, offsetting a decline in the gasoline index. The energy index fell 2.3 percent over the month as a 6.0-percent decline in the gasoline index more than offset increases in other energy component indexes.”

“The food index increased 0.2 percent in November, after rising 0.3 percent in October. The index for food at home increased 0.1 percent over the month and the index for food away from home rose 0.4 percent. The index for all items less food and energy rose 0.3 percent in November, after rising 0.2 percent in October. Indexes which increased in November include rent, owners’ equivalent rent, medical care, and motor vehicle insurance. The indexes for apparel, household furnishings and operations, communication, and recreation were among those that decreased over the month.”

WOW! WMUR in New Hampshire reports Republican Governor Chris Sununu will endorse Nikki Haley at some event in the Granite State later on Tuesday! That’s like seriously going to shake up the 2024 GOP presidential primary to a certain extent, right? Like it could really solidify and build from her double-digit support for a strong second in the state’s primary! Sucks for Asa Hutchinson!

Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith on Monday filed a motion informing the court of three tech expert witnesses he intends to call in disgraced former President Trump’s upcoming federal trial on conspiracy charges stemming from his failed post-2020 election coup attempt.

Each of the witnesses will testify on topics of cell phone location data and what not with the first and second concerning the movements of Trump’s fans from the Ellipse to the Capitol on January 6th, 2021 following the demented speech in which he incited them to attack Congress.

The third one however is a bit more interesting however, as Smith writes they have “knowledge, skill, experience, training, and education beyond the ordinary lay person regarding the analysis of cellular phone data, including the use of Twitter and other applications on cell phones. The Government expects that Expert 3 will testify that he/she: (1) extracted and processed data from the White House cell phones used by the defendant and one other individual (Individual 1), (2) reviewed and analyzed data on the defendant’s phone and on Individual 1’s phone, including analyzing images found on the phones and websites visited, (3) determined the usage of these phones throughout the post-election period, including on and around January 6, 2021, and (4) specifically identified the periods of time during which the defendant’s phone was unlocked and the Twitter application was open on January 6,” which is, uh, pretty fucking big if true that they got a phone that Trump used.

Ukraine’s state news on Monday released images purportedly showing the fresh corpse of a pro-Russian former MP who was gunned down in a Moscow park last week, the Telegraph reports.

Illia Kyva, a former opposition MP who last year was convicted in absentia of high treason and and sentenced to 14 years, had often filmed anti-Kyiv propaganda videos in the park. “This is a signal to all traitors and war criminals who have flipped to the enemy side,” a source in Ukraine’s SBU intelligence service told the Telegraph. “Remember: Russia will not protect you. As Vasyl Maliuk, head of the SBU, said earlier, death is the only prospect that awaits the enemies of Ukraine.”

Kyva, a regular guest on the Russian version of Fox News, was reportedly often seen with a security detail, but one way or another the Ukrainians caught him alone and ended his influencer career.

Regular Congressional GOP mouthpiece Punchbowl News experienced a brief liminal moment of journalistic independence on Tuesday, mixing the headline “Republicans pump brakes on impeachment inevitability” into its morning newsletter roundup for reasons unclear.

“The general consensus on Capitol Hill is that once Republicans vote to open an impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden this week, it’s extremely likely the House will end up voting to impeach the president. The reasoning: It’s hard to imagine in this partisan era that House Republicans open such a probe and then conclude that Biden did nothing wrong. House GOP lawmakers, for their part, largely pushed back on that rationale Monday, saying it wasn’t accurate to assume Biden’s impeachment is inevitable,” they wrote, throwing in some quotes from House Republicans reluctant to take it to the next step… as of this point in time.

“I can defend an inquiry. I can’t defend impeachment right now,” says “moderate” Don Bacon. “If we don’t have the receipts, that should constrain what the House does [on impeachment],” says South Dakotan Dusty Johnson. “I’m sure there’s some people that would just as soon skip this part, but I don’t know that that’s a foregone conclusion,” said other “moderate” Dan Newhouse.

Florida man arrested for allegedly refusing to pay for 'Waffle House' tattoo https://t.co/1ZGMn0L7i7

— Fox News (@FoxNews) December 12, 2023

Apparently unfamiliar with the purpose of punitive damages, Rudy Giuliani’s lawyer told a federal jury in Washington, DC that making the former New York mayor pay millions to two Fulton County election workers he’s been found liable of defaming would amount to a “death penalty,” the Daily Beast reports.

Joseph Sibley, Giuliani’s attorney, told the jury the $15- to $48 million award sought by Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss is excessive. “If you award them what they are asking for, it will be the end of Mr. Giuliani,” he claimed.  Regardless of the money awarded to the Georgia mother and daughter, it will be part of a long list of civil damages, penalties, and criminal fines Giuliani can expect.  Giuliani is rumored to already be significantly in debt and recently had to put his prized Manhattan apartment on the market.  (The apartment is still on the market at $6.1 million, a reduction of its $6.5 million initial asking price in August.)

For months after the FBI seized government documents stored at Purgatory’s waiting room in Florida, CNN reports that Donald Trump and other members of his staff reached out to a former Mar-a-Lago employee who later became a key witness in Jack Smith’s investigation into Trump’s handling of classified documents, CNN reports.

One of the Mar-a-Lago employees who helped move the boxes of documents, the unnamed man quit his job at the club to pursue a new opportunity three months after the August 2022 FBI search.  Trump and the man’s former boss, Mar-a-Lago property manager and Trump co-defendant Carlos De Oliveira, repeatedly contacted the man in the following months, offering him invitations to events and complimentary tickets to golf tournaments.

In early 2023, the man correctly determined he needed legal representation, and despite De Oliveira urging him to seek Trump’s financial help and access to Trump’s legal team, the man opted for an independent lawyer, and ultimately cooperated with the Special Counsel’s office.  The same realization happened to another former Mar-a-Lago employee, Yuscil Taveras, the site’s IT manager, who became a cooperating witness after ditching Trump-paid counsel.

Far right Virginia Congressman Bob Good was elected to serve as the next chairman of the House Freedom Caucasians, CNN’s Melanie Zanona reports citing two sources. Good, a former Liberty University wrestler whose successful primary challenge against incumbent Republican Denver Riggleman in 2020 centered on Riggleman having officiated a wedding ceremony for two male staffers, is controversial even within the white nationalist heart of darkness caucus in the House GOP, as prior to the leadership contest on Monday Freedom Caucasians board member Warren Davidson resigned over from his post in protest of their endorsement of Good.

Giving Democrats another policy platform for 2024, the Republican Texas Supreme Court overruled a lower court and denied Kate Cox the legal authority to get an abortion even though the two-time mother’s fetus developed a fatal diagnosis that ensures death in vitro or shortly after birth, per the New York Times.

Made up entirely of Republican appointees, the Texas Supreme Court decision encapsulates the GOP attitude that women have no right to control their bodies.  The decision would have meant that Cox–whose lawyers said she fled the state to obtain the needed medical care–would have had to have a cesarian section, a procedure that increases the likelihood of complication given the patient’s medical history.

Having had its last three attempts to tie Joe Biden to corrupt money transfers dissolve faster than the Wicked Witch in a steam room, the House GOP leadership intends to bring to the floor on Wednesday a vote to formalize the impeachment investigation into the President, Reuters reports.

It’s going to be an interesting bill introduction, given the GOP claims against Biden started with a claim that the family took an illegal $10 million payment from Ukraine and has now devolved into tracking three car payments Hunter paid his father.  But when your conference is run by Marjorie Taylor Greene and you have no pertinent policies on which to base a 2024 campaign, a “Seinfeld”-esque investigation into nothing is what you produce.