After Trump advisor and rumored-to-soon-to-be-unemployed Fox hostess Laura Ingraham featured the cover of a children’s book about transgenderism, American Majority CEO and man who’s about to (not inadvertently) endorse an obvious violation of the First Amendment Ned Ryun voices his support for strict government oversight and approval of all products carried by retailers:

Maybe he just wanted to put him out of his obvious misery:  A 64-year-old Louisville, Kentucky man shot his roommate for committing the unforgivable sin of eating the last Hot Pocket, NBC News reports.

According to the police report, Clifton Williams got into a fight with his unnamed roommate over the frozen sandwich of unspecified flavor, during which Williams pelted the roommate “with tiles.”  As the roommate retreated to outside, Williams retrieved his gun and shot his roommate in the ass.  The bullet wasn’t fatal.  The Hot Pocket?  We’ll see.

Without a shred of self-awareness, she said:  “They’re living on Planet Crazy, and I- I don’t frankly want to be on that same planet with them because they’ve lost their minds. You know, they’ll say anything. It shows you how desperate they are. They’re just completely desperate right now.”  Ladies and gentlemen, Htrae Governor Kari Lake, crazier than my sophomore-year girlfriend.

An analysis by the Washington Post of more than one thousand requests to ban books from school systems, collected from more than 100 of the 153 school districts that received such requests, found that just eleven people were responsible for more than 60% of the requests.

One man submitted 92 separate requests for books to be removed.  A Florida woman whose grandchild attends a school in her local district accounts for 24 demands for censorship, targeting books such as Vladimir Nabokov’s “Lolita,” Khaled Hosseini’s “The Kite Runner,” and Toni Morrison’s “The Bluest Eye.”  In total, the 11 people account for 6% of the people requesting reviews, but they account for nearly two-thirds of all requests.

“Dear Attorney General Garland: We represent Donald J Trump, the 45th President of the United States, in the investigation currently being conducted by the Special Counsel’s Office. Unlike President Biden, his son Hunter, and the Biden family, President Trump is being treated unfairly. No President of the United States has ever, in the history of our country, been baselessly investigated in such an outrageous and unlawful fashion. We request a meeting at your earliest convenience to discuss the ongoing injustice that is being perpetrated by your Special Counsel and his prosecutors”

– Seriously the text of a letter to Attorney General Merrick Garland signed by Trump lawyers Jim Trusty and John Rowley, cc’d to “Representatives of Congress.” Even more ridiculous is that the fat fuck just posted the letter on Truth Social for all of his fans to see his desperation.

Jesse Watters is more than a little upset over the news that Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith is getting ready to drop the hammer on his Orange Allah over the Mar-a-Lago docs shitshow. In the brief clip above, Watters cries over Trump getting impeached for trying to strong-arm Ukraine into announcing an investigation of Joe and Hunter Biden over that Burisma shit in 2019.

It takes a little distance to really appreciate how fucking stupid that was. If the line was supposed to be “Anyone who does business in Ukraine must be very corrupt because it’s a very corrupt country” then why the fuck would voters trust the word of the Ukrainian government? Remember this was before Americans got to know (and for the most part admire) Volodymyr Zelensky. Trump and his minions thought Zelensky merely announcing a non-existent investigation into the Bidens would’ve torpedoed Joe’s candidacy. We don’t know how it would’ve turned out if Trump had gotten away with it, but does anyone seriously think it would have worked out so much better for him if he had simply lied and said the Bidens were under federal criminal investigation here at home in the United States? Even if the FBI and Justice Department publicly contradicted Trump there’s almost no chance Democrats would’ve impeached him simply for lying about something like that.

Anyway Jesse Watters is a whiny bitch, which makes him so perfect for Fox News and Trump fans.

Disney villain Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’s Wednesday campaign launch will be held at the Four Seasons hotel in the Brickell neighborhood of Miami. It’s not at all subtle trolling of his rival but we’ll give DeSantis credit IF he doesn’t go out of his way to mention it. Or if he addresses a question about it with something like “Yeah this is a bit nicer than the one next to the sex toy store and crematorium.” We’ll respect that game if Ron handles this in a non-smarmy way. He probably won’t.

Per Texas Tribune reports, Republican Speaker of the State House Dade Phelan was not his usual self as the day progressed on the May 19th session.  Phelan’s slurring and irregular behavior have led many, including still-indicted Republican Attorney General Ken Paxton, to believe Phelan was under the influence of something.  Paxton on Tuesday called for Phelan to resign and called for the House Investigative Committee to look into the incident.  “After much consideration, it is with profound disappointment that I call on Speaker Dade Phelan to resign at the end of this legislation session,” Paxton tweeted. “His conduct has negatively impacted the legislative process and constitutes a failure to live up to his duty to the public.”  [Note:  The first version of this story included a video from the Texas Tribune showing Phelan during the session.  For some reason, it’s been pulled from YouTube.  It’s been replaced by a report from a local Texas station.]

This afternoon’s National Zero fuckup titled “Kari Lake launches 2024 Senate campaign” was not the result of bad information or anything, just simple human error. Spartan was careless and clicked “Publish” instead of “Save Draft” on the article written in anticipation of failed MAGA psychopath Arizona gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake’s “big announcement” being for a Senate bid.

Instead Lake’s announcement on Tuesday was that she would appeal her loss to the US Supreme Court and also to launch some stupid “ballot chasing operation,” whatever the fuck that means. Sounds dumb and pointless. When asked during her press conference if she was going to announce a Senate campaign, Lake responded “Not today,” thus ending this saga of our dumb mistake for now.

Just found out that one of fake President Crooked Joe Biden’s advisers told Axios that he will never join Truth Social! This is undemocratic and ELECTION INTERFERENCE if he won’t go on the top social media network in America to face Patriotic users’ questions about his corrupt and failed administration. Inflation has never been higher, we’re facing an INVASION of our open borders, and JOE BIDEN wants to “RIGG” and steele another election by staying off of TRUTH.

Never in our history has a major presidential candidate illegally and unconstitutionally boycotted a social network that is so successful. Also, just found out that Liddle Ron DeSanctis doesn’t have a Truth Social account either! How many other so-called “candidates” are interfering in the election by not Registering for such a wonderful, beautiful, tremendous app? Treason?

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage now that we’ve exposed the ongoing interference in the 2024 presidential election. We hope our MAGA readers enjoyed this report.

Arizona, a.ka. “Arid Florida” just found out the bill for supporting power-hungry conservative autocrats, and shockingly, it’s not from the endless lawsuits brought by sore loser Kari Lake.  Maricopa County released a report showing that taxpayers there will have to shell out more than $270 million in settlements by 2024 for various lawsuits brought against former sheriff Joe Arpaio, Fox 10 in Phoenix reports.  And that’s just from cases involving Arpaio’s use of unconstitutional racial profiling targeting undocumented immigrants.

For comparison’s sake, the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office’s entire annual budget for 2021 was around $430 million, including the money needed to operate the county’s prisons.  County officials were reviewing a proposed budget that included $38 million for settlement fees in the coming year when they were told that the total cost of all settlements on record would be closer to $273 million by the summer of 2024, when the next budget was due.

Arpaio lost the 2016 election for Sheriff after dominating elections for nearly a quarter century.  During his term in office, taxpayers incurred significant legal costs for various violations of civil rights in running the county’s detention facilities.  In 2013, a judge ruled Arpaio violated the civil rights of Latinos with a policy to stop cars that had multiple–there’s no way else to say it–“Mexican-looking” people in it under the assumption they were all undocumented.  Investigators also found that Arpaio’s Internal Affairs Department was essentially Arpaio’s personal rubber stamp, dismissing complaints without proper investigation.  Arpaio’s successor, Democrat Paul Penzone, is still trying to process more than 1,600 complaints that remain from Arpaio’s tenure.

In a Tuesday video hearing New York Judge Juan Merchan warned fat former President Trump to keep his mouth shut about the evidence in his upcoming trial on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records, the start date of which was set for late March 2024, the AP reports.

This is so fucking stupid, lol. NBC News reports heels-wearing Governor Ron DeSantis will announce his presidential campaign in some sort of live-streamed Twitter event with demented edgelord billionaire Elon Musk on Wednesday night. Total victory for free speech.

BREAKING NEWS: Target holds 'emergency' meeting over LGBTQ merchandise in some stores to avoid ‘Bud Light situation’https://t.co/urVNrWEB0R

— Fox News (@FoxNews) May 23, 2023

“We represent Harlan Crow in relation to your letters of May 8, 2023 (the ‘Letters’). Today, we also are responding on behalf of CH Asset Company, Carey Commercial, and Topridge Holdings. We recognize the important role the Senate Judiciary Committee has in considering legislation related to our federal court system, and we appreciate the opportunity to engage with the Committee.”

“After careful consideration, we do not believe the Committee has the authority to investigate Mr Crow’s personal friendship with Justice Clarence Thomas. Most importantly, Congress does not have the constitutional power to impose ethics rules and standards on the Supreme Court. Doing so would exceed Congress’s Article I authority and violate basic separation of powers principles. That precludes the Committee from pursuing an investigation in support of such legislation.”

“Separately, the Committee has not identified a valid legislative purpose for its investigation and is not authorized to conduct an ethics investigation of a Supreme Court Justice. The Committee’s stated purpose of crafting new ethics guidelines for the Supreme Court is inconsistent with its actions and the circumstances in which this investigation was launched, all of which suggest that the Committee is targeting Justice Thomas for special and unwarranted opprobrium. Moreover, any information the Committee might legitimately need to draft legislation on this subject is readily available from other sources, the use of which would not trigger the same separation of powers concerns created by the Committee’s requests to Mr Crow,” says a letter from some Texas lawyer chodes telling Dems to fuck off on investigating Crow’s ownership of Justice Clarence Thomas.

The whole “a valid legislative purpose” part was a particularly nice touch, like the legislative body responsible for appointing the judiciary has no mandate for overseeing their conduct.

Sources tell the Wall Street Journal that Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith is all but finished obtaining evidence and testimony in his investigation into disgraced former President Trump’s theft of classified documents from the White House following his defeat to Joe Biden in the 2020 election and that the twice-impeached senior citizen’s sycophants and ballsuckers are “bracing” for Smith to unleash hell on their master right as he attempts to regain power.

“The Journal couldn’t determine whether Smith has decided whether to charge Trump, or if he has presented a recommendation on the matter to Attorney General Merrick Garland, who would ultimately make a final decision on any such charges,” the WSJ’s report says, which on its own really makes this sound like an any day now type thing. They also report that Trump’s allies are already brainstorming ways about how to fundraise off of an indictment, because no shit what else would they be doing since they know the fat fuck is guilty so why not sucker the rubes for a few bucks.

Recently defenestrated white nationalist propaganda host Tucker Carlson plans an all-out war of damaging leaks against former employer Fox News if they don’t release him from his non-compete clause and let him go to Newsmax or some other bullshit TV channel, the Daily Beast reports.

Fox were fine with Tucker doing his show on Twitter, but he also wants to go back on television, thus the threats conveyed in ongoing talks. “The hope is that Fox comes to their senses and realizes they can’t stop Tucker from speaking and doing his thing and if not that’s unfortunate and there would be some pain inflicted,” a person apparently close to the frozen food heir told the Beast.

In a “fundraising auction” during the House GOP meeting on Tuesday morning, white nationalist Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene bid $100,000 for a chapstick used by cowardly titular Speaker Kevin McCarthy, Politico’s Olivia Beavers reports on a productive use of the majority caucus’s time while they’re supposed to be “negotiating” with the White House on the debt ceiling.

🚨 WHOA 2024 BUZZ ALERT! 🚨 BIG SCOOP coming in hot from Axios! Virginia Gov Glenn Youngkin, who suburban moms LOVE is reportedly “reconsidering” his decision not to run in 2024!

“Youngkin, 56 – who beat former Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe (D) for the Old Dominion governor’s mansion in 2021 – is a leading potential future face of the Republican Party. He’s Christian and conservative – but not as Trumpy as many of the GOP’s current stars,” write Axios political scoopsters Juliegrace Brufke and Mike Allen, who know Youngkin’s star power, having experienced it up close during his star powerful run in 2021. This guy’s got so much buzz around him.

“What we’re hearing: Some powerful GOP donors, who won’t support Trump but are beginning to be concerned about DeSantis, are encouraging Youngkin to jump into the 2024 field,” they continue and god fucking damn it just say you love him, want to wear his vests all day, and shut the hell up, Axios.